Posted in satire/humor, save the snowflakes

Save The Snowflakes

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From Social injustice snowflakes on college campuses , to the diaper wearing snowflakes at Turning Point USA : Charlie Kirk , Candace Owens ; the NRA’s Dana Loesch , Dan Bongino , Wayne Lapierre ; Fox News’s Tammy Lawrence , Sean Hannity , Tucker Carlson , Laura Ingraham , Jeanine Pirro ; The Blaze’s , Glenn Beck , Stu ‘The Booger’ Burguiere , Pat Gray ; Prager University’s Dennis ‘the rape of a name is also rape’ Prager ; World Net Daily’s Dr. Gina ‘Trump Is The Sanest Person In The WH’ Loudon , Joseph Farah ; Townhall News , and Rightwing New’s JohnA White Woman Who Voted For Obama Is Like A Black Woman Voting For The KKKHawkins.

From washed up rockers and Hollywood actors , SpongeTed Squishy Pants Nugent ( who once soiled himself to avoid the draft ) , James Woods , Roseanne ‘Ambien Made Me Do It’ Barr , Tim Allen.

From social media , to right-wing media.

From the senate’s Chuckliberals want mob rule’ Grassley , Mitch McConnell , Lindsayfit throwingGraham ; to the White House , conservatives have become an endangered species. They are under attack from politically correct intolerant liberals , who want to silence conservative voices , enforce homosexuality , gun control , single payer health care , transgenderism , socialism , Big Macs , and decide what kind of person should be on the Supreme Court!

Conservatives no longer have a safe space of their own. From college campuses to the steps of Washington DC , they have all been taken over by mobs of socialist , pansy libtards who just can’t get over the fact that Trump won.

Please save the life of one of these delicate snowflakes today , before they become extinct. Make your donation to Save The Snowflakes. Because everyone deserves a safe space , even conservative snowflakes like the above mentioned.

This message paid for by Save The Snowflakes.

Posted in Colin Kaepernick, Kevin Sorbo, satire/humor

Mediocre Christian actor Kevin Sorbo returns Nikes Because They Hurt His Feelings| TheBlaze

https://www.theblaze.com/news/2018/09/11/christian-actor-kevin-sorbo-returns-nikes-they-hurt-my-feet-when-i-stand-for-the-national-anthem

Hercules returns his Nike’s because they hurt his feelings , but he’s no snowflake like those pansy liberals.

First they wore diapers on college campuses to protest safe spaces. Then they smashed their Keurig coffee machines to protest the company pulling it’s ads over Sean Hannity’s support of child molester Roy Moore.

This summer when Nike chose Colin Kaepernick as the face of their new ad campaign , Believe In Something , Even If It Means Sacrificing Everything , conservatives posted photos and videos of themselves on social media burning their Nike apparel to show how butt hurt they were that the popular sports outfit had the nerve to feature a mediocre , pansy , flag hating football player as their spokesman.

It seems to be a popular trend among conservatives these days. When someone disagrees with you , namely libtards , throw a tantrum by boycotting , which includes smashing , burning , and destroying anything that doesn’t support the conservative cause or agenda , and some conservatives are all too eager and happy to do just that , and then without a hint of irony , claim it is libtards who are snowflakes.

Conservative actor , Kevin Sorbo , who had previously starred in the mediocre television series , Hercules The Legendary Journeys , and the equally mediocre films , God’s Not Dead , and Let Their Be Light , recently got his feelings butt hurt by the new Nike ad. He got so butt hurt that he returned a pair of Nike’s because they hurt his sensitive feet when standing for the anthem.

In an interview with the Journal , Sorbo said , “I cried when I saw the ad. I literally cried. I couldn’t believe they were using this whiny , crybaby , flag hating little pansy as their new spokesman. I cried so hard and so long my eyes were almost puffed shut , and strings of disgusting snot were hanging from both nostrils. I felt so disgusted with myself. I felt like a two-year old throwing a fit , but I couldn’t help myself. My wife came into the bathroom , and saw me rolling around on the floor with my pants around my ankles. I had been sitting on the john reading the paper when I saw the ad.

‘ “What’s wrong with you?’ she said. There was disgust in her voice. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the smell or that I was on the floor with my pants down , or both. I told her that Nike had chosen that pansy , flag hating crybaby for their new ad campaign. She said , ‘Jesus Christ , Kevin , you sound like a snowflake. Get up and pull your pants up! What are you , a liberal?’

‘ “No , I’m a conservative , ‘ I said.

“When she said that , I realized I was acting like your typical liberal , a whiny sensitive crybaby who gets easily offended at anything and everything. She was telling me to be a man and do something constructive instead of acting like a liberal snowflake , which is so unbecoming for a conservative. So , I pulled my pants up , wiped my nose , took my pair of Nike’s back for a refund , and told them that they hurt my feet whenever I stand for the anthem ( it was really because of that pansy flag hater ). Then I got on Facebook and told my followers all about it ( minus the bathroom part ) and said that Colin Kaepernick failed at sports , and sucked as a football player. That’s how a conservative responds.”

Posted in satire/humor, Tomi Lahren

Tomi And The Snowflakes

 Since her departure from One America News , and joining The Blaze Network , Tomi Lahren has become a social media phenomenon. She is best known for her outrageous opinions that very seldom have any grounding in reality or fact. Some of these opinions are so outrageous , such as comparing the civil rights group Black Lives Matter to the modern-day KKK , they have managed to piss people off , and have earned her monikers like White Privilege Barbie , Nazi Barbie , and Aryan Snowflake. Some People have even took to twitter to troll her by purposefully mispronouncing her name.

Some of her other outrageously ridiculous statements include , former president Obama had a friendly to jihadis mentality , meaning he was weak on terrorism ( apparently completely oblivious to the fact that Obama’s foreign policy included droning seven different places around the world in the war on terror ) because he would not utter the phrase , ‘radical Islamic terrorism’ that Ms. Lahren and her fans were so desperate to hear , because saying so would apparently eliminate the jihadi threat to America.

During a recent visit to ABC’s The View , Tomi admitted that as a Conservative she is pro-choice , and called other Conservatives who called themselves pro-life , hypocrites. That was a mistake in the Conservative circle , which got the feisty commentator into hot water with her employer , Glenn Beck. He promptly suspended her , then fired her. Now , the two are suing each other , or have sued each other … whatever.

But supposedly there have been other reasons behind Tomi’s departure from The Blaze Network. According to an article in the Daily Caller , Tomi’s declaration of pro-choice and calling Conservatives hypocrites , was the “final straw in her relationship with The Blaze Network.”  Without naming any sources , the article claims she was rude to her co-workers , argued with several people over controversial views she had expressed , treated assistants like they were slaves , wanting them to always warm her butt pad for her , and cared more about creating controversy than being honest. Also , according to the article , she wasn’t especially fond of Dana Loesch , and went out of her way to avoid her.

Tomi appeared on a recent episode of the Alex Jones Show to set the record straight on the reasons behind her departure from the Blaze Network.

Alex : “Welcome to the show , ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. My guest on today’s show is Tammy Loren – “

Tomi : “Tomi. Tomi Lahren.”

Alex : “Whatever. Ms. Lowen has written several books. White people : The New Victims Of racism In The Age Of Obama , and Obama Wants To Eat Your Guns. Her latest is Tomi And The Snowflakes , which is scheduled for release sometime this Summer by Trump’s Not A Racist And He Loves America Unlike That Other President , Publishing , reveals the events behind her departure from The Blaze , which includes plenty of drama , cat fights , and verbal name calling. Just the kind of drama her fans have come to expect.

“Alright , I’ve read the book , Timmy – “

Tomi : “Tomi.”

Alex : “When my producer gave me a copy of the book , at first I thought it was about a new female rock group or something. Anyway ,  for those who are listening to the show and haven’t yet read it , why don’t you give a short summary of what it’s about.”

Tomi : “The book is about a group of special snowflakes at The Blaze who had a melt down when I called them hypocrites , among other things.”

Alex : “Lonnie – “

Tomi : “Tomi.”

Alex : “Whatever. In the book you discuss several particularly interesting incidents  in detail , such as an encounter with Dana Letch – I probably mispronounced it , I’m not very good with names – who you several times refer to as a bitch , a skank , and a ‘ho’ , and also an embarrassing encounter with Stu Burger , or Booger – ”

Tomi : “Burguiere.”

Alex : “What is that , a french name or something?”

Tomi : “I really don’t know.”

Alex : “It sounds like the french version of the word booger.”

Tomi : “It could be. I have no idea.”

Glenn and Stu ( Sue ). Still a happy couple.

Alex : “Doesn’t really matter. Still sounds like booger to me. Anyway , this guy Stu , or Sue , or whatever his , or her name is , had sex reassignment surgery a few years back , and has been pretending to be a girl , or a guy , or a transvestite , or whatever , ever since. Right? But what’s even more embarrassing is that – and most of Glenn Beck’s viewers don’t even know this , because they’re all so stupid , which is even more embarrassing , and what’s even more embarrassing is that he’s even more stupid than they are – Glenn , and this Stu , or Sue fella , or whatever , have been married for some time now. Yes , that’s right ladies and gentlemen , Glenn Beck actually divorced his second wife to marry a transvestite! I’m not making this stuff up. I wish I was , but I’m not. Who would have thought that Glenn Beck actually has a thing for gay transvestites? Some really bizarre stuff is going on over there at The Blaze. Isn’t that right , Connie?”

Tomi : “Tomi. It’s Tomi , Alex.”

Alex : “Isn’t that what I said?”

Tomi : “No , you’ve gotten my name wrong four times now.”

Alex : “I’m sorry , Suzi. I’m not trying to be rude or anything. It’s just that I’m not very good with names. They all sound the same to me.”

Tomi : “You can’t tell the difference between Tomi and Timmy?”

Alex : “Tomi , Timmy , what’s in a name? They all sound the same.”

Tomi : “Not to me.”

Alex : “Whatever you say , Ronny. Anyway , like I said , some weird stuff is happening at The Blaze , am I right?”

Tomi : ( Rolls eyes ) “Right.”

Alex : “According to the book , Dana Leech was always crapping up a wind storm  when she was around you , because you knew she hated you , and she knew you hated her too?”

Dana Loesch , angry harpy.

Tomi : “That’s right. I couldn’t stand her for several reasons. For one ,  she was always bragging about her so-called native American heritage , which is like 00.00 percent or something – native heritage , my ass – which I always thought was BS , and I told her so once , which set her off. I called her chief Shitting Bull , and she went ballistic. Her eyes bugged out and she said if I ever called her that again , she would sit on me and use my face for a toilet. Another reason I couldn’t stand her was because she always acted like a big shot. She would wear dark glasses and a fur coat every day before she filmed her show , because she was jealous that my show got higher ratings than hers , and she couldn’t stand it , and by wearing a fur coat and glasses , I knew she was trying to mock me. But what infuriated her the most was the fact that I had a butt pad and she didn’t. She was always jealous of the fact that I had a butt pad because my show was more popular than hers. The reason she didn’t have a butt pad is because no one liked her as much as they liked me , which is the reason I got a butt pad and she didn’t. And my butt is perkier and cuter than hers , and needs a butt pad to warm it up. Dana has the butt of a sixty year old woman , and no butt pad would keep that saggy ass of hers from sagging. I mean , look at it. Mine. Not her’s.”

She stood up and jiggled it like a teenager participating in a bikini contest. “Isn’t that the cutest , perkiest butt you ever did see?”

Alex getting excited watching Tomi shake her cute , perky butt.

Alex : ( Blushing ) “Uh … yeah , Ms. Lahren. Very nice Terry , I mean Timmy , I mean Tomi ! Please sit down. My producer’s getting excited.”

Tomi : “That BS about me being jealous of her , was nothing but BS. I was the one that got more attention because my butt is perkier and cuter than hers , and she couldn’t stand it. Dana always had to be the center of attention , because she’s a whiny-attention-seeking crybaby snowflake.”

Alex : “Also according to the book , you told her she looked like a horse , and that you spread a rumor that she was really a guy in drag , like that Stu , or Sue fella?”

Tomi : “That’s right , Alex. When I told her she had a face like a horse , her eyes bugged out , and she screamed , ‘What did you call me , you skank?’ I said , ‘You look like Mr. Ed’s wife!’ She screamed like a harpy again , grabbed a handful of my hair , threw me on the ground , and farted several times in my face. I mean , God , it was disgusting. I wanted to vomit. It stank like a skunk had invaded the studio. She really knew how to stink up the place. I felt like I was going to die from the stench , but at last Glenn came and pulled her off me. This was during a break in a taping of my show Final Thoughts , back in December. But the time I said she looked like a transvestite , that was even worse. Not only did she fart in my face again , she literally crapped her pants. And this time I did almost die from the stench. In fact , I actually barfed. But this time nobody had to pull her off me , because she was so embarrassed , she ran off holding onto the seat of her pants. She never bothered me again after that , I think because she was afraid I would tell someone , anyone. When the book is published , she’ll probably try to sue me , but I don’t care. I hope she gets laughed out of court. But she did tell  Stu that I said he looked like a gay frog , which I never did , and he also farted in my face. But I did say that she – Dana – looked like Sue when he – I mean she – was pretending to be Stu. And he farted in my face again. She also told Glenn that I once came on to Stu , and they both farted in my face. 

“And that was how I really got fired from The Blaze. It had absolutely nothing  to do with my coming out as pro-choice , or calling Conservatives hypocrites. It had everything to do with the fact my butt is cuter and perkier , and more popular than all of their sagging , old fart assess put together.”