Posted in satire/humor, Tucker Carlson

A Mob Of Leftists Call For The Lynching Of Tucker Carlson

https://townhall.com/columnists/pauljacob/2018/09/23/the-left-strings-up-tucker-carlson-n2521635

photo_1540147977536.jpg
Carlson posing for his douche award photo.

Tucker Carlson is a Fox News commentator , sexist , race baiter , and a douche. He’s a co-founder and the editor in chief of the tabloid style news site , The Daily Caller.

In 2006 he appeared as a dancer on Dancing With The Stars , despite not really being a star , and in 2015 he appeared on Info Wars proving to everyone just how ridiculous he is by claiming that the Democratic party wants to execute gun owners.

From 2000 to 2005 he was at CNN where he hosted the Spin Room , which was quickly cancelled. In 2001 he was co-host of Cross Fire. He also hosted Tucker Carlson Unfiltered on PBS.

From 2005 to 2008 he was at MSNBC , where he hosted The Situation With Tucker Carlson , which was cancelled after three years.

In 2009 Carlson was hired as a Fox news contributor , made frequent appearances as a guest host on Greg Gutfeld’s unfunny satire show , Red Eye With GG , and occasionally sat in for Hannity. In 2016 he became the host of Tucker Carlson Tonight , which was a mid-season replacement for On The Record.

Recently , Carlson received criticism for a segment he did about changing racial demographics in the United States. Liberals perceived it as racist , but many conservatives came out in Carlson’s defense , complaining that Carlson had been falsely accused ( see above Townhall article ) of racism , that it was nothing more than libtard media political correctness , because libtards are the real racists. All they do is play the race card because of identity politics by supporting minority groups like Black Lives Matter , gays , transgenders , and keeping African-Americans on the Democratic plantation with bribes of food stamps and welfare so they will vote Democrat ( because helping people in time of need is somehow racist ) , as opposed to Republican voter suppression , which affects not only African , but white Americans ( which is somehow , not racist ) , and an obsession with preventing brown people from crossing the border for fear they will infiltrate America and steal everyone’s jobs , leading to the evils of multiculturalism and diversity.

On a recent episode of Carlson Tonight , Carlson told his viewers that leftist mobs were coming to lynch him.

“First it was mobs of angry , intolerant leftists , led by Colin Kaepernick , kneeling in disrespect to our troops and the American flag. Then it was the NRA’s Dana Loesch who was attacked by an intolerant mob of leftists at this years CNN town hall on gun violence , in which she barely escaped with her life. Then again , it was supreme court nominee Brett Kavanaugh who was viciously attacked by leftist mobs of gays , cross dressers , and transgenders , because they didn’t want him on the court , over the questionable testimony of Christine Blasey Ford.

“Now , yours truly is under attack from the same angry , and intolerant leftist crowd of gays , cross dressers , and transgenders. Why , you ask? Good question. I can’t think of a single reason why leftists would want me dead. It’s just in their nature. Leftists are naturally violent. All they know is violence.

“Recently , I did a segment on this show about changing racial demographics that most Americans oppose , and as a result , liberal heads exploded because they couldn’t handle the truth of what I was saying. But they also exploded in anger. After that segment aired , a mob of angry leftists showed up outside these very studios looking to lynch me. They were carrying pitch forks , nooses , tiki torches , and signs that read , Hang The Honky , He Hates Black People , Carlson Is A Sexist Pig , Let’s Roast Him – which , I assume , is what the pitch forks were for – He’s A White Nationalist , Let’s Roast Him For That Too , and Tuck The Cuck , which is absurd , since I am anything but a race traitor , nor am I espousing liberal values. Perhaps they were just making fun of me , who knows.

“Anyway , as I left this building to head home that night , I had to be escorted by security to my car. The leftist mob was waiting to harass and heckle me. They indeed had nooses , pitch forks , and tiki torches too. They chanted roast the pig , roast the Cuck , let’s have bacon and Tuck. I was afraid for my life. I knew if I didn’t get out of there , they were indeed going to roast me like a pig , eat me , and celebrate my death in an orgy of leftist mob frenzy.”

“Tucker is full of s**t ,” an anonymous source who witnessed the ‘mob’ , told the Journal. “The only mob waiting for him were four little old ladies who told him he should be ashamed of himself for being a douche and a putz. And , get this , one of them happened to be a former baby sitter of his , who grabbed him by the ear and said she was telling his mommy what a bad boy he had been.

“Tucker was so triggered by the confrontation that he started crying and begged her not to tell his mommy.”

Advertisements
Posted in Gina Loudon, satire/humor

Trump Advisory Board Member , ‘Dr. Gina’ , Suffers Bizarre Melt Down During Live Broadcast Of Hannity

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5b90b2a5e4b0162f4729cda2/amp

Dr. Gina’s bizarre melt down on Hannity. “Leave Trump alone , mean liberals!”

Dr. Gina Loudon is a Fox News quack psychologist, who has falsely claimed to have a degree in psychology. She’s written some of the lamest articles ( example here ) for some of the lamest so-called news sites , which include¬†Politichicks , Rightwing News , World Nut Daily , and Breitbart.

Anyone with some common sense , and a bit of decency would be self-conscious of the fact that their name and reputation are associated with one of the sleaziest websites on the internet. But Dr. Gina remains blissfully unaware of that fact. Either that , or she just doesn’t care. To this day , she continues to publish in the aforementioned , including the dumbest of the dumbest , the discredited birther , conspiracy website World Nut Daily , where she continues to outdo her craziness with each new article.

She’s also written a new book – Mad Politics : How To Keep Your Sanity In A World Gone Crazy – which is ironic , since one could easily make the argument based on many of the articles she’s written , that she is severely lacking not only in the intellect department , but the sanity department.

This is a supposed psychologist who once berated the former president in a World Nut Daily article for golfing , executive orders , and vacationing , as signs of psychopathy. But she has remained silent on the current president’s executive orders , and his vacation and golf habits , whom she has laughably praised as a great leader , simply due to the fact that she is a close friend of his.

She never bothered to meet the last president , to get to know him as a human being , however flawed , instead choosing to spread lies and conspiracy theories about him. She was the supposed expert who knew what made Obama tick , and now Trump , but she’s nothing but a partisan hack , playing for a team. Team Trump.

On an episode of Hannity last week , while discussing her latest book Mad Politics , Dr. Gina went into a bizarre melt down , and according to witnesses blamed liberals , Democrats , Obama , and the deep state.

“I’ve always liked Dr. Gina ,” an anonymous witness told the Journal , “even though I think she’s as crazy as a bed bug , and disagree with her on almost everything. Even crazy people can be nice. But despite her questionable state of mind , she’s always seemed to have a level head and has always managed to keep her cool , even when upset. So , when her little outburst occurred , it shocked the hell out of me.”

” ‘Liberals are such whiny little crybabies ,’ ” Dr. Gina said. ‘Say one positive thing about president Trump , like he’s improved the economy all by himself because he’s such a great president , or he’s the sanest president – compared to Obama – and they crumble like the cupcakes they are.”

Sean said ,” ‘That’s right. They literally crumble. And then they literally explode. Kapow! Kaboom.’ He made exploding noises , spittle flying from his mouth.

” ‘That’s right , Sean. They make fun of conservatives and claim we’re the ones who wear diapers because we don’t get our way. But nothing could be further from the truth. Liberals are the diaper wearing crybabies. A perfect example of this was when I tweeted that president Trump is the sanest man to occupy the White House , and that he was an honest and truthful man who even Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck endorsed for president , I was viciously attacked , so I attacked back in the only language liberals clearly understand , by tweeting , the country’s greater than it’s ever been. Trump is MAGA! Obama sucks. But Trump is mean! Waaaaahhhhhh! I included some crybaby ūüė≠ūüė≠ūüė≠ emojis to show what whiny babies they are , followed by , can we just move on now? But liberals aren’t the least bit interested in moving on , Sean. Now that Trump is president and is making America great again , they just want to kick and scream and throw temper tantrums because they would rather America not be great again , which really pisses me off , Sean. They want to pretend that it was already great , just so they can have an excuse to attack him.’

Hannity said , ” ‘I agree , Dr. Gina , but wasn’t it Obama who was endorsed by Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck , and if I’m not mistaken , most of the Disney crew?’

” ‘How should I know , Sean? All I know is , liberals are so mean I just want to scream in frustration.’

“Which she did , startling not only me but everyone in the studio.

” ‘I’m sorry , Sean , I’m just so pissed off. Can’t they see he’s the greatest president who ever lived?’

“With each question her voice rose higher until she was nearly screaming.

‘Can’t they see what he’s done for the economy? Can’t they see how honest and loyal , and truthful he is? Can’t they see he never lies , like Obama , who lied all the time? Can’t they see they have Trump derangement syndrome because they can’t get under his skin? Can’t they see how sane he is because he knows how great he is? And can’t they see how sane I am too , because I know how great he is , and because I’m humble , know history , and stay informed!’

“Sean asked her if she was alright.

” ‘I’m alright , Sean.’ She plucked a tissue from the dispenser between her and Sean and proceeded to cry , dabbing at the corners of her eyes.

” ‘It’s so unfair , Sean ‘, she cried. ‘Why are liberals so mean to him? Conservatives weren’t mean to Obama. President Trump hasn’t done anything for them to treat him this way!’

“She put her head in her arms and started bawling. ‘Waaaaahaaahaaa! Waaaaahaaahaaa!’

Her shoulders heaved with each haha. Sean had this surprised , startled look on his face like he didn’t know what to do. We were all surprised , startled , and didn’t know what to do , except watch in fascination as she made a spectacle of herself.

“Her blubbering lasted perhaps almost thirty seconds , her shoulders continuing to heave with each haha. Then she looked up. Her makeup was smudged and runny with her tears. I blinked in shock at how ridiculous she looked. We all did. And before I knew it , she was on the floor , rolling around , blubbering and crying and kicking and pounding her fists like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

“The moment she hit the floor , Sean snapped out of his shock , making quick cutting motions. ‘Cut the cameras! Cut the cameras!’

“The cameras were cut. But the damage had already been done. This wasn’t going to look good for Sean Hannity , having one of his guests melt down on live television. It was the third incident here in less than a month. It would be interesting to see how he handled it.

“After the cameras had been cut , Sean helped Dr. Gina to her feet. She seemed to have been all cried out. Her makeup looked runnier and even more smudged , and her hair was all mussed up. She looked absolutely ridiculous. All she needed was a tall pointy hat , a broom stick and a black dress , and she would be ready to go trick or treating.

“She was also clearly embarrassed. ‘I don’t know what possessed me to behave that way ,’ she said.

” ‘It’s not your fault Dr. Gina ,’ Sean said. ‘I believe it was liberal , Obama , Democrat , deep state derangement syndrome.’

” ‘You know , Sean , I think you’re right ,’ she said , and they both laughed.”

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

How Barack Obama Ruined America And Was the Worst President Ever – Part 4

If you talk to liberals on a daily basis like I do , you will quickly realize how stupid they are. They believe the stupidest things : God isn’t real , global warming is real , the birth certificate is also real , Trump is not making America great again , and Barack Obama was the greatest president who ever lived.

This shows you how clueless liberals are. They live in their own universe. There is no hope for them.

If the following list doesn’t convince you how stupid liberals are , and that Barack Obama was the worst president who ever lived , then you’ve obviously been brainwashed by the lame stream liberal media , and there is also no hope for you.

Selfie Gate : There were many shocking scandals during Obama’s reign of tyranny , some of the worst being , having critics of his excessive vacations and golf outings , permanently silenced. But this scandal is probably his most heinous. When Obama took a selfie with the Boston Red Sox first baseman David ‘Big Pappy’ Ortiz , it was proof that he hated white people and was planning on starting a race war. When that war will be carried out , God only knows. But God knows Big Pappy will be there to fight by his – Obama’s – side. Which was the purpose for the selfie , to recruit Pappy as his general in the war.

Skeet Gate : Here’s one scandal that had me genuinely confused when I heard about it. A 2013 photo of Obama shooting a shot-gun!? Could it be? Was it true? Was the forty-fourth president of the United States a real man who liked to shoot guns like a real American , or a sissy-boy , mom jeans wearing wimp who wilted like a pansy at the sight of a gun?

On closer inspection of the photo , I noticed he was indeed wearing mom jeans , and came to the conclusion that it was fake , a cheap photo shop to make Obama look a real man , not a mom jeans wearing , weak kneed sissy-boy who wilted like a pansy at the sight of a gun , like he really was.

Mars Gate : Obama traveled to the red planet in his youth ,via a DARPA program , where he learned to be a tyrannical America hating , mom jeans wearing dictator.

Baseball Gate : Another failed attempt to make Obama look like a man , instead of the mom jeans wearing , sissy-boy pansy he really was , and is.

Jogging Gate : This one confirmed what conservatives had always suspected , that Obama — and Biden – was always gay. Why else would two grown men run on the White House lawn? For exercise? No , most likely they were having an affair and they didn’t want Michelle – who is really a man – to find out. When they finished their jogging , or whatever they were really doing , they both put their mom jeans back on.

And those are five more ways Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever.

Posted in satire/humor, Ted Nugent, Uncategorized

Sponge Ted Squishy Pants Insults Parkland Teen Activists As Soulless And Brainless

aviary-photo_131410088198649308.png
SpongeTed Squishy Pants , AKA Ted Nugent.

From the Washington PostConservative rocker Ted Nugent , known affectionately as The Motor City Madman by his fans , and Uncle Ted by the scores of underage girls he had inappropriate affairs with , recently criticized Parkland teen gun control activists as soulless and mushy brained in a recent interview on the Joe Paggs Show on Newsmax TV.

“I hate to say it , but these teens are soulless , mushy brained commie pinkos whose only goal in life is to blame responsible gun owners for mass murder and take their guns away. Hitler wanted gun control too , and he got it by confiscating all guns in Germany so the Jews couldn’t fight back.”

Parkland Florida high school shooting survivor , Sarah Chadwick , responded via Twitter by calling Nugent a mushy pants draft dodger who deliberately soiled himself to avoid the Vietnam war , with the hashtag Sponge Ted Squishy Pants.

According to Ted Nugent student activists who witnessed their friends getting shot , are mushy brained and soulless. But Ted , tough talking , gun-toting , great American Patriot , once soiled himself to avoid the draft.

#Sponge Ted Squishy Pants. ūüí©ūüí©ūüí©

Nugent wasn’t too thrilled with Chadwick’s response , so he took to his Facebook page with the following rant :

“For all the morally inept and mushy brained liberals who have spread fake news about me supposedly soiling myself to avoid the draft , nothing could be further from the truth. What happened was , I had a bad combination of elk meat and refried beans and had the craps for a week.”

Yeah , right Ted.  Either way sounds believable.           

Posted in Alex Jones, Ann-Marie Murrell, Morgan Brittany, satire, Victoria Jackson

To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids!

Alex Jones’s ‘how did I get stuck with these kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes?’ face.

From the Alex Jones radio show June 9 , 2017 –¬†

“Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. I bring you the truth , and nothing but the truth , the truth that the main stream communist liberal news media won’t bring you because it’s controlled by George Soros , the biggest communist liberal in the world.

“I have three kooks on today’s show. One’s been here once or twice before. She’s even more of a ¬†kook than the other two. She’s also crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. She’s written several wacked out books about Barack Obama , including Obama¬†And His Evil Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood ,¬†and¬†Obama And His Evil Twin Julio The Mole Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care.¬†Like I said , she’s a real kook , crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. ¬†

Aviary Photo_131415136779287261
Smart , intelligent Conservative women , Victoria , Ann-Marie , and Morgan trying to convince Alex Jones that Obama still wants to eat their kids.

“My other two guests are Ann-Marie Murrell , and Morgan Brittany. I’m not sure if they’ve been here before or not , but they’ve also written some wacked out books about Obama , because besides being known as kooks , they’re also crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes. Those books include ,¬†The Truth About B. O. And All Kinds Of Other Stuff ,¬†and¬†I Was Attacked By B.O. Zombies That Tried To Eat My Brain ,¬†the latter which the three of them wrote together. And in case you’re wondering , ladies and gentlemen , those are not the titles of books about zombies with Body odor. Their latest book is ¬†,¬†To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids! ,¬†has got to be the kookiest one yet. But I’m sure their next book will be even more kooky. ¬† ¬†

“Welcome to the show , ladies.”

Ann-Marie : “Thanks for inviting us , Alex.”

Morgan : “I’m pretty sure we haven’t been here before.”

Alex : “Whatever.”

Victoria : “Did you invite us here just to make fun us , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me. Let’s talk about the new book. Why would -“

Victoria : “Did you read it?”

Alex : “Why would I want to do that?”

Victoria : “Oh , I don’t know , maybe to know what it’s about.”

Alex : “I don’t have to read it to know it’s a piece of ¬†– I mean something only a kook would write – in this case , three kooks – and something only a kook – or in this case , plural ,¬†kooks , your fans – would be interested in reading. The title itself tells me it’s got to be the kookiest book ever written. Why would -“

Victoria : “Gee , thanks for the great review , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re welcome. Now why would -“

Victoria : So , you still don’t believe his mole is the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Of course not , it’s insane.”

Morgan : “You don’t believe Obama zombies tried to eat our brains?”

Alex : “How can they eat something that isn’t there to begin with?”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he still wants to kill my granny with Obama Care?”

Alex : “Obama Care doesn’t exist anymore!”

Victoria : “You don’t believe Julio helped him steal the elections , and that I cried and I cried when it happened?”

Ann-Marie : “Yeah , and all kinds of other stuff!”

Morgan : Yeah , like Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead?”

Alex : “ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead may have been involved , but to claim Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck were involved , only a genuinely crazy person would believe that.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he’s still taking too many vacations?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Morgan : “Or that he’s still playing too much golf?”

Alex : “Why should I care about his vacations or golfing , he’s -“

Ann-Marie : “And you don’t believe he still wants to steal everyone’s guns?”

Victoria : “Or that he shredded a copy of the constitution and used the shavings as a salad topping?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Victoria : “You don’t believe he went to Mars to train for his tyrannical dictatorship of America , or that he’s a cross dressing lizard queen from planet Zork?”

Morgan : “And tried to infect us all with Ebola?”

Alex : “Alright , hold on. Just hold on! What does any of this have to do with the book?”

Victoria : “It has everything to do with it , Alex. If you don’t believe any of these facts , then you don’t believe he still wants to eat your kids.”

Ann-Marie : “And all kinds of other stuff!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Alternative facts, Kelly Ann Conway, satire/humor

Fox Planning To Debut New Show , Alternative Facts With Kellyanne Conway

Aviary Photo_131410075116295130
Kellyanne Conway to host new show on Fox , Alternative Facts.

¬†Washington – ¬†A new show will soon debut on Fox. It’s called Alternative Facts With Kellyanne Conway. The fair and balanced Fox News loves the new president , Donald Trump , and they love Kellyanne Conway just as much. The new show will air Friday mornings across the Fox Network , just after Fox And Friends , starting early next month.

According to producers of the new show , topics for discussion will include the size of president Trump’s inaugural attendance – which sources have claimed numbered in the hundreds of thousands – how former president Obama tapped Trump Tower phones , some sources even claiming that the Obama dogs were the real culprits , the supposed Bowling Green Massacre , and president Trump’s Muslim ban that really wasn’t a ban.

Alex Jones , King of kooks , crackpots  , wackos , and fruitcakes.

¬†Fans have praised ¬†the new show as innovative , and ground breaking. “It’s a refreshing change to the liberal media bias ,” said conspiracy theorist , Alex Jones. “It’s about time someone as intelligent as Kellyanne Conway is willing to tell the truth that the liberal media under Obama wasn’t ¬†willing to touch with a fine tooth comb , because they were his lap dogs , just like Sonny and Bo are his lap dogs. Like the tapping of the Trump Tower phones during the election. It was the Obama dogs that were the real criminals. And the Bowling Green Massacre , which really did happen , involving ACORN , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead , just as they were involved in stealing the last two elections for Obama. I can’t wait to be on her show and tell her all about it!”

Conservative wind bag , Mark Levin.

“Now that we have Donald Trump ¬†, a real president in the White House!” Conservative screecher¬†Mark Levin said earlier this week. “The alternative facts – the real facts – will come out! Obama and his whole family will finally be jailed for treason! We couldn’t get him on his birth certificate , we couldn’t get him on executive orders , and we couldn’t get him on Benghazi! But I am confident that we will get him on espionage! America will be outraged and shocked to learn that Obama trained his dogs Sonny and Bo Obama – who are most likely communists themselves , that’s right , I said it! Prove me wrong! – to tap president Trump’s phones! I can’t wait to be on the show!”

Aviary Photo_131410088198649308
The Motor City Madman reacting to the news of Kellyanne Conway getting her own show on Fox.

¬† No one was more excited than Ted Nugent. “When I found out Trump was the next president of the United States , I ¬†actually crapped my pants , I was so excited ,” Ted Nugent told¬†Gun Shots And Cum Shots magazine. His critics have charged that he did the same to avoid the Vietnam war , which Nugent claimed was nothing but liberal lies to make him look weak and spineless , something which can ‘be expected from liberals ,” he said. “When I found out Kellyanne Conway was getting her own show at Fox , my favorite channel , I crapped my pants again. I also shot my load and all eight hundred of my guns at the same time. I can’t wait to be on the show and do it again!”

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

What Liberals Believe ( Liberals Are Still Loons )

Aviary Photo_131334701123727680
Conservative sleuth , John Hawkins , sniffing out them evil , treasonous , America hating liberals.

 

Since the election of Donald Trump , liberals have gotten even crazier than they’ve ever been , and it’s all Barack Obama’s fault , because he was ¬†jealous that Hillary Clinton lost , even though he rigged it with the help of ACORN , Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal aliens , and the walking dead , yes , the real walking dead , just as he rigged the last two elections with the same characters.

1) Liberals believe Trump will play more golf than Obama did. The truth is , all Obama did was play golf while the world went to hell.

2) Liberals believe Trump will sign more executive orders.¬†The truth is , all Obama did was sign executive orders while the world went to hell. When he wasn’t signing executive orders , he was playing golf , and when he wasn’t playing golf , he was signing executive orders.

3)¬†Liberals believe Trump is a racist because he wanted to build a wall to keep out those murderous , drug dealing illegal immigrants.¬†But it’s really liberals who are racist because they want them to come here and collect welfare , food stamps , and do jobs “no American would want to do.”

4) Liberals believe Trump hates Muslims because his immigration ban will prevent them from coming here and murdering us in our sleep. 

5)¬†Liberals believe ACORN doesn’t exist anymore.¬†But the truth is , ACORN is still trying to rig the voting system for Democrats. They tried it in 2016 , and will most likely try it again in 2020.

6) Liberals don’t believe Obama spied on Trump.¬†The truth is , Obama trained his dogs , Sonny and Bo to infiltrate Trump Towers to tap the phones. Those dogs are clever. They are also communists like Obama.

7)¬†Liberals don’t believe Obama is on a permanent vacation.¬†The truth is , ever since Obama entered the White House in 2009 , he has been on a permanent vacation. According to an unknown source , he was even planning to write a book called¬†My Endless vacation In The White House.

8) Liberals are so delusional , they believe evolution and global warming are real. Even though there is no evidence for either , but refuse to believe in God even though there is a mountain of evidence. 

9) Liberals believe Obama is no longer playing golf. Even though he had banned all golf courses by executive order , for his personal use.

10)¬†Liberals believe Conservatives hated Obama because he is black.¬†Which proves they are the racists. Conservatives don’t like Obama because he was really born in Kenya.¬†

And there you have it , ten reasons why liberals are still loons.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

More Reasons Not To Trust A Liberal ( Or Why I Still Hate Liberals ) , Part 2

aviary-photo_131293155154534512
John Hawkins , Rightwing News.

Even though Obama is no longer in the White House , I will continue making fun of liberals. So , here is my continuing list of Why I Still Hate Liberals …

1) They don’t believe Obama is persecuting Christians.¬†Ever since Obama became president , Christians and Conservatives have been under attack. They’ve been attacked ¬†in the streets all over America by liberal mobs angry at the fact that Conservatives and Christians are wishing them Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. Liberals are such wimps.

2) They believe Ted Nugent is a draft dodging pants pooper. Ted is a real American patriot , because he hunts  , and hates liberals , not because he dodged the draft by pooping his drawers.

3) They’re slobs.¬†When liberals eat , they can’t help but act like the slobs they are. It’s in their nature. It’s in their genes. Liberals are born to be slobs. They have no qualms about belching and farting around others , and at the dinner table. Liberals are such pigs.

4) If Jesus were black or Muslim , they would gladly believe in him.¬†When Megan Kelly claimed Jesus was white , liberals had a fit , proving how racist they are. They can’t stand the fact that Jesus is white and will always be white.

5) They don’t believe in Santa Claus. Again , liberals would believe in Kris Kringle if he were black , but he’s also white , and American , whether they believe it or not. It’s just a fact.

6) They have warts. Liberals are ugly , which is why only they have warts.

7) They love to eat children.¬†It’s a fact that liberals will eat anything , even kids. In fact , liberals will gladly eat their own kids if they had nothing else to eat.

8) They’re sex maniacs.¬†When liberals aren’t eating kids , babies , puppies , and everything else , they’re sex maniacs. They’re either masturbating relentlessly or humping each other like wild animals. liberals are so nasty.

9) They’re serial killers.¬†Everyone knows liberals are serial killers. Want proof? See #7.

10) They believe Wheaties really are the breakfast of champions. You read that right. Liberals really are that stupid.

And there you have it , more reasons why I still hate liberals and wouldn’t touch one even if they converted to Christianity , which is not very likely , since liberals hate Christians.

Posted in John Hawkins

More Reasons Not To Trust A Liberal ( Or Why I Hate Still Hate Liberals ) Part 1

Conservative sleuth , John Hawkins , sniffing out them evil , treasonous liberals.

There are so many reasons not to trust liberals. They’re morons , they’re idiots , they’re fascists ¬†, they’re communists , they hate America , and are destroying it without realizing it because they’re too dumb to realize how dumb they are. So , I’ve come up with another list of more reasons not to trust a liberal , and why I hate them. Here are the first ten.

1)¬†They don’t believe Obama is a Muslim¬†Manchurian candidate.¬†¬†It was clear from the start that Obama was a Muslim terrorist put into the White House by his pals in the Muslim brotherhood , who have themselves infiltrated the White House. ¬†

2)¬†They don’t believe Obama is a Marxist communist.¬†Both of his parents were communists. Frank Marshall Davis was also a communist , as is Bill Ayers. So , just by the fact that he was associated with communists makes him a communist , and most likely helped them plant explosives and kill people when he was a kid.

3) They refuse to believe he is worse than Hitler. Obama is more like Hitler than liberals will admit. The fact that he issued executive orders with his magic pen and more of them than any other president , definitely makes him a dictator.

4)¬†They don’t believe he’s a racist and a bigot.¬†Obama proved himself to be an anti-white racist when he sympathized with known cracker haters Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown. ¬†Trayvon Martin was a teenage thug who refused to comply with George Zimmerman , and Brown was a maniacal thug who beat up a white cop. Obama also criticized James Crowley for arresting his friend Henry Louis Gates.¬†

5)¬†They don’t believe Michelle Obama is really a transsexual.¬†Any fool can see that Michelle Obama has had a sex change operation. Her shoulders are athletic and muscular , and some people who are close to her have sworn that she has a prominent bulge in her pants.¬†

6)¬†They don’t believe Obama is gay.¬†Look at Michelle Obama. No more proof is necessary.¬†

7)¬†They don’t believe white people are the new victim of racism.¬†Ever since the Obama’s took over the White House , they have divided America , and have demonized white people.

8)¬†They don’t believe feminists are Nazis. All feminists are Nazis like¬†Obama and want to imprison all Conservatives in Fema camps , also like Obama does.

9)¬†They refuse to believe Obama’s birth certificate was faked.¬†Was his birth certificate a fake? We may never know since his records have been permanently sealed.

10)¬†They refuse to believe that it really was Obama’s fault that Track Palin abused his girlfriend.¬†Everything is Obama’s fault. There’s no disputing that fact.¬†

And those are the first ten reasons why I hate liberals and wouldn’t trust one to pick my nose for me even if I was a paralysed ¬†invalid.