Posted in Conservative Correctness, Political Correctness

Politically Correct Terms Conservatives Love … Part 2

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 Conservatives are helpless victims , forever bullied by liberals and progressives who want to shut down their free speech … or so they want you to believe. The truth is , Conservatives oppose political correctness because they want to treat anyone they don’t like as badly as they can without consequence. In other words , they would rather be assholes.

The following are ten more politically correct terms used by Conservatives to portray themselves as victims while smearing their opponents.

  1. Obama/liberal/progressive/government hating radical = “Patriot.” Recently Conservatives all over America demonstrated what fragile pussies hypocrites they really are when a football player by the name of Colin Kaepernick made the choice not to stand during the National Anthem , because he wanted to call attention to the fact that racism and police brutality against minorities is still a very real problem. Why he was refusing to stand , was completely ignored. Instead attention was focused on the  absurd notion that he hates America , and was being disrespectful to military personnel. The irony or hypocrisy in this situation is that Conservatives see no problem with  slandering liberals , Democrats , or the current president as un-American , and accusing them of treasonous or subversive behavior. The president is the commander-in-chief. When anyone disrespects him , they’re disrespecting all military personnel , including those who fought for their freedom to be assholes. But because it’s Obama , that rule doesn’t apply with Conservatives.
    There was a time when the word patriot meant something. It meant addressing grievances in a peaceful manner , through marching in the streets , writing those who are supposed to represent us. But today , in the age of Obama , Conservatives have twisted it’s meaning. It’s no longer about protesting peacefully. It’s about hating and slandering the current president and Democrats as being sympathetic to communism , to terrorists ; treating armed insurgents as true patriots , and those who do protest peacefully , as un-American. 
  2.  “Terrorist” = Person of color , whether they are Islamic radicals , or members of Black Lives Matter who protest peacefully. Recently Tomi Lahren of The Blaze Network embarrassed herself when she tweeted a comparison of Black Lives matter to the KKK. Apparently they’ve been roaming the country lynching white people because they want to overthrow white dominance. Systemic racism has nothing to do with it , nor does the fact that there just might be a real problem with racism in law enforcement. Black people  want to riot because it’s just how they are. Again , the irony here is that people like Lahren and those who listen to her , refuse to believe that Christians can be radicalized by their religion. But there have been plenty of cases where Conservative Christians have committed acts of terror in the name of not only God but anti-government rhetoric.
  3. “Cop hater” = Anyone who criticizes a police officer’s criminal behavior ( as if they can do no wrong ) , such as the shootings or murders of black individuals ,  like Michael Brown , Freddie Gray , and Eric Garner , or daring to suggest that cops should wear body cameras.  Ironically , Obama was accused of hating cops after the Dallas police shootings for making sane , rational statements condemning the killings. In the Conservative bubble where fiction is often regarded as fact , Obama hates law enforcement because … something. 
  4. “Lone Wolf” = a term Conservatives and the media use to describe anti-government , or white supremacist shooters.  Last year Dylan Roof walked into a black church in Charleston , SC , and murdered nine people. Roof . a known racist , confessed that he did it because he hoped it would start a race war. But the main stream Conservative media attempted to make it appear as if race had nothing to do with it. The message : when a shooter is a radical Muslim , all Muslims are accountable and are terrorists by default. But  a white Conservative shooter who has been radicalized by anti-government or anti-black hatred ,  that person is not considered a terrorist but a “lone wolf” with mental issues.
  5. “Traitor” =  A favorite word Conservatives love to throw at liberals , especially those who support the current president. Obama himself has been accused of treason for his executive orders ( which Conservatives have absurdly described as lawless behavior , comparing him to a dictator ; they didn’t seem to mind Bush’s lawless behavior ) ; same-sex marriage ; Benghazi ( a non scandal ) ; the Iran Deal ( which Conservatives have falsely claimed would allow Iran to develop a nuclear weapon ) ; aiding ISIS ( also absurd since the U.S. is currently at war with them ) ; executive action on amnesty for illegal immigrants ( which was blocked by Republicans and the Supreme Court ) ; weakening the military ( another absurd claim ) ; legal abortion ; the non Ebola crises ; Fast And Furious ( another non scandal ) ; the imaginary war on Christianity ( it doesn’t matter that he’s a Christian , he still hates them  ) ; the imaginary war on Christmas ; gun control ( even though he hasn’t grabbed a single gun ) ;  and perhaps the most absurd claim of all , his hatred of America.  You name it , the Republican Party and their rabid supporters have had a hard on for impeachment for eight years.  Are any of these impeachable offenses? Well , they are to those who hate Obama with a passion  and are unable to distinguish fantasy from reality.
  6. Race- baiter” = Anyone black or white ( preferably black ) who attempts to talk about racial discrimination against minorities. This was evident during the Ferguson and Baltimore riots and protests as the Conservative and much of mainstream media bent over backward to defend police brutality and blame the black community for the bad behavior of certain cops , and accusing Obama , Jesse Jackson , Al Sharpton , and the so-called liberal media of inciting  racial tension as a means of attempting to start a race war. Anger over the killings of Michael Brown , Freddie Gray , Eric Garner , and the failure of the justice system to convict the officers involved in their deaths , and charge them at least with involuntary manslaughter , apparently didn’t play a role in these situations. Black people are just animals and look for any excuse to riot. 
  7. “Bigot” = Another  word Conservatives love to use to accuse liberals or anyone who opposes anti-gay bigotry. It’s also used to besmirch and demean the reputation of non believers. Some Christians view all atheists as bigots , and believe they want to suppress their religious freedom. But most atheists are not bigoted because they do not seek to stifle , ban , or outlaw religious freedom. Many Conservative Christians however do wish and have supported the efforts of Republican politicians to discriminate against gay citizens under the guise of “religious freedom”, and are by definition ,  bigots. 
  8. “Militant atheists” = See bigot.
  9. “Militant homosexual” = A gay activist who advocates for the advancement and ethical treatment of other gay individuals. 
  10. “Racist” = A black person , liberal , or anyone who complains about the unethical treatment of minorities. Because anti-black racism no longer exists in the age of Obama. See also race-baiter.    
Posted in Barack Obama

Crazy Obama Conspiracies and Controversies

 

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For eight years Republicans have created and promoted a ridiculous mythology of fake scandals and controversies surrounding Barack Obama. The majority of these controversies involve the most absurd nonsense that any sane person would consider laughable , but Republicans manage to muster up enough outrage to flip out over.

  • He’s a foreigner , born in Kenya , not qualified to be president. It made no difference that his mother Ann Dunham was an American citizen , as is required by the Constitution. Nor did his birth certificate ; it was still fake.
  • He’s a Muslim who attended a radical Madrasa , a school for Islamic terrorists where he learned to hate America.
  • He’s a socialistcommunistMarxist who ran around in his child hood planting explosives and killing people with Bill Ayers ; was radicalized by other avowed communists  Frank Marshall Davis ( who according to some was his real father ) , Saul Alinsky , and ACORN.
  • He stole the elections with the help of Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal immigrants , the walking dead , ACORN , and Saul Alinsky.
  • Has a friendly to Muslim jihadists mentality. The most radical Conservatives believe that Muslim no go zones and sharia law actually exist in the United States. They also believe he  favors Muslim terrorists even as he’s dropping bombs on them.
  • As Commander-In-Chief he hates his own military , and is cutting it to the bone , despite the fact that more money is put into military spending than all programs combined. Obama has somehow still managed to weaken it.
  • Hates Christians , and is persecuting them by censoring all public religious practice , and thought.
  • Hates Christmas , and has waged an all out war against it by denying Christians the right to say Merry Christmas.
  • He’s gay. Has had several gay lovers before running for president.
  • He’s racist. His criticism of the white cop who arrested Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates attempting to break into his own home , which prompted Glenn Beck to declare that Obama is a white culture hating racist , and which the Conservative media latched onto as proof that he was prejudiced against white people. See also his comments on the Trayvom Martin controversy as more apparent idiotic proof of his racism. His attendance in Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity Church Of Christ , also supposedly proved that he’s a radical racist Muslim who supports the Black Panthers and hates America.
  • Hates the second amendment and wants to disarm America so radical Islam can take over and make the U.S. an Islamic caliphate.
  • He’s apologized for Americas greatness , which is why during his campaign speeches he praised Americas greatness , superiority and exceptionalism , because he hates America. Ted Cruz and other idiots Republicans have claimed that Obama has spent his entire eight years as president apologizing  for Americas transgressions , even though PolitiFact has rated those claims as false.
  • He’s like a Nazi dictator because Obama Care , same-sex marriage , abortion and executive action are apparently no different than what Hitler did.
  • Is weak on foreign policy , because he prematurely pulled the troops out of Iraq , despite the fact that there was a Status Of Forces agreement signed by George Bush , that all American forces must vacate by the end of 2011 ; he also refuses to say the magic words “Radical Islamic terrorism.”
  • Benghazi. He gave a stand down order that allowed four Americans to die , which is further evidence that he’s a Muslim terrorist sympathizer. A number of Congressional reports have contradicted the conspiracies.
  • Fast And Furious. He deliberately gave guns to Mexican drug cartels ,  as a means to disarm every law-abiding gun owner to implement gun confiscation and martial law , which is also further proof that he hates America. A DOJ report contradicted the conspiracies.
  • Teleported to Mars in his youth as a participant in some vague experiment known as project Pegasus. See Barack Obama Goes To Mars.
  • Is in league with The Muslim Brotherhood and has allowed them to infiltrate the White House and every facet of society in America , because he’s a Muslim.
  • Bringing tens of millions of Muslims across the borders , who are really radical Islamist terrorists.
  • Is a lizard king , or queen , from the fourth dimension , or whatever. See David Icke’s Children Of The Matrix  , and Gork From Zork : The Truth About Barack Obama  , Cross Dressing Lizard Queen From Planet Zork.
  • Can brainwash the masses , by reading people’s minds , but is so inept that he needs a teleprompter.
  • His real father was either Frank Marshall Davis , or Malcom X. claimed Pamela Geller of Judicial Watch. Just one more piece of evidence that he’s a radical America hating communist.
  • Latte Salute Gate. Conservative media was outraged over a photo of Obama saluting marines with a coffee cup in his hand. More evidence of his disrespect for men and women in uniform and his obvious hatred of them , and the military. Bill Maher on an episode of Politically Incorrect , suggested that those offended should marry their teddy bears.
  • Feet Gate. More conservative media outrage because he had the audacity to put his foot on that most sacred relic , the Oval office desk. According to Andrea King of World Nut Daily , he was sending Islamic jihadists a secret message , because , apparently as everyone knows , jihadists consider the soles of the feet as the ultimate sign of disrespect. Hence , Obama was showing his Muslim homies how much he hates America. Glen Beck was so outraged that he suggested the president resign in disgrace. The folks at Twitchy , the racist social media site run by racist Michelle Malkin also got into the bitch fest , as did their equally racist followers on twitter.
  • Burger/Mustard Gate. Fox pundits and viewers were offended that president Obama dare put Dijon mustard on a hamburger instead of regular mustard , like a real American obviously would.  Laura Ingraham hinted that Obama wasn’t a real man because he chose not to add ketchup to his burger. Mark Steyn claimed he was trying to enlighten everyone with his order because he’s an elitist pretending to be a regular Joe. He was deeply offended that the president was crashing in as the Grey Poupon spokes person because it’s always been foreigners who had that role for years.
  • Had Breitbart murdered. Breitbart died of natural causes , but for wing nuts that wasn’t good enough of an explanation for his untimely death. Apparently Obama had him murdered because he had some damning evidence that turned out not to be so damning after all.
  • Scalia Gate. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia passed away February 15 from natural causes at a Texas ranch while on a hunting trip. Apparently a pillow was discovered to be partially covering his head. This of course , was enough evidence to convince  wing nuts to speculate that Obama had him killed. Christian lunatic , Rick Wiles claimed Obama had him killed as a sacrifice to Satan. Ted Nugent tweeted that conspiracy site Investment Watch blog knew the true motive behind his death. Alex Jones was convinced he was killed to further Obama’s anti-gun , pro socialist agenda. Lunatic radio host , Michael Savage suggested that there be a Warren Commission-style investigation into Scalia’s death.
  • Vacation Gate. For years Conservatives have been obsessed and even outraged that Obama would have the audacity to be on vacation when the world is falling apart. They’ve even been outraged that he would even take a vacation. They had no problem when George Bush took one , like that time when New Orleans’ residents drowned during hurricane Katrina. See also , Obama Is A Psychopath Because He Takes Vacations And Plays Golf.
  • Golf Gate. Playing golf is another pet peeve that Obama haters have against the current president. It’s not like the former president ever played a round of golf. The consensus is that he would rather be playing a few rounds than doing his job , meaning he’s just lazy and doesn’t know how to do his job , and hasn’t got a clue as to what’s going on in the world. According to Katie Pavlich , and Gina Loudon , Obama will gladly kill anyone to play golf with liberal elites like Jack Nicklaus and Stephen King , and that he had Scalia killed in hopes of putting  a liberal judge on the Supreme Court. See Golf Gate : Barack Obama’s Third Bloodiest Scandal.

According to many Conservatives who hate Obama , most of these actions prove that he hates America. But all they really prove is overt  racism toward  a black man with a Muslim name who had the audacity to run for president of the United States , and win … twice.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire

One Hundred Ways To Spot A Communist Liberal – Part 6

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1) They don’t believe black people are thugs.

2) They don’t believe in reverse racism.

3) They don’t believe Obama is a white culture hating racist.

4) They don’t believe Obama is destroying America from within.

5) They don’t believe Obama is a communist.

6) They don’t believe Obama is running drugs and guns to Muslim terrorists , and Mexican drug cartels.

7) They don’t believe in war.

8) They don’t believe the Muslim Brotherhood are in the White House.

9) They don’t believe communists are trying to take over the world.

10) They don’t believe George Bush kept America safe.

If any of your friends subscribe to any of the above , then they are definitely Godless communist liberals , and should seek immediate mental therapy.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire

One Hundred Ways To Spot A Communist Liberal – Part 3

 

Ten more ways to spot a communist liberal.

 

1) They don’t hate teachers and workers unions.

2) They don’t believe Fox News is fair and balanced.

3) They don’t believe the earth is less than eight thousand years old.

4) They believe that corporations are bigger welfare queens than illegal immigrants.

5) They support same-sex marriage.

6) They don’t believe that Barack Obama is gay.

7) They don’t hate illegal immigrants.

8) They don’t believe that Barack Obama is a Muslim.

9) They believe that Jesus Christ was a communist liberal.

10) They believe that Conservatives and Republicans are racists.

If your friends exhibit any of the above behavior , it is a sure sign that they are Godless communist liberals and should seek immediate mental help.

Posted in satire

Obama Made Me Do It : How My Dog And I Became Obama Bots

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Former McCain supporter reveals how she and her dog became Obama bots.

Loony liberals love to complain that conservatives blame everything on Obama , but that simply is not the case. Everything bad that happens in America is indeed Barack Obama’s fault , and I’ll tell you why. Obama is a known communist , a Muslim , believes in global warming , Darwin’s theory of evolution , does not believe in God , and is a gay sympathizer. Anyone who is a communist , a Muslim , believes in global warming , Darwin’s theory of evolution , does not believe in God , or is gay , or a gay sympathizer , is evil , and cursed by God. It’s a simple fact.

The following story is a perfect example of how evil this tyrannical dictator is. From shredding the constitution , to his blatant support of the Nazi like LGBT movement , this man – I can’t even bring myself to think of him as a man – has sunk to a new low.

Speaking at a tea party meeting last month , Lamie Buttz revealed how she and her dog became Obama bots.

“I’ve been a conservative my entire life ,” she said to a room full of Tea Party patriots. Many of them carried signs that said , Go back to Kenya , Obummer , we don’t want you here! Others read , We don’t want a Muslim witch doctor in the white house! Go practice your voodoo magic  in Kenya!

“My parents raised me to be a conservative ,” she continued. “From the time I was three they taught me that Conservatives were good people , and that liberals and communists were evil , and that the Illuminati – the secret society of evil , wealthy families and bankers – were plotting to over throw the United States government , and install a New World Order , and that they were preparing for the coming of the Anti – Christ. Both my parents were members of the John Birch Society , an organization dedicated to ridding America of the communist scourge. I attended meetings with them , where I learned how the communists were infiltrating our society at every level. Public schools , private schools , churches , teachers and workers unions , the media , and state and local government. I even went door to door  with them , and by myself when I got older , warning my neighbors and everyone I knew , that the communists wanted to take everything we love  away from us. Most of them thought I was crazy ; I can’t really say I blamed them. I often repeated what my parents instructed me to say , even though I really didn’t understand much of it , and I have to admit , at the time , it didn’t really make a whole lot of sense.

    “At the time , I really didn’t understand who the Anti – Christ was. All I really knew was what my parents told me , and what I read in the bible. That he was evil , the son of the devil , and that he would come in the End Times , and enslave all of mankind. But when Obama became president , it all became clear. I began to understand who this man was. He was the Anti – Christ foretold in the Book of Revelations!”

She paused as someone shouted ,  ‘Obammie the commie! Send him back to Kenya!’ There were shouts of ‘Amen!’ , and applause.

She continued : “There was no doubt in my mind who or what he really was. During his first term , he began acting like a tyrant , just like the bible predicted he would. He began persecuting Christians , by not allowing them to pray in public places , and not letting our kids pray in school. He aligned himself with the LGBT movement , who are closely associated with the Nazi and Communist Parties Of America , and he began running drugs and weapons to Muslim terrorists , and the drug cartels in Mexico. But , I digress. You , my fellow patriots , and gun loving Americans , have invited me here to tell you my story of how Obama turned me into a zombie for the leftist , communist cause. And that’s what I’m going to do.

“It was during his first term. There were already reports that he was involved in illegal activities , from shredding the Constitution – I’ve heard reports that he delighted in shredding copies of it in the Oval office – to his excessive amounts of executive orders. The liberal  communist press has been covering up for him like they always do , but we knew he was guilty of practically everything under the sun. From endorsing the militant Nazi LGBT movement , to allowing his Muslim buddies to teach their Godless religion to our kids in public and private schools!

She paused and the crowd booed loudly , amid shouts of , ‘Commie liberal , go back to Kenya! and ‘Keep your Muslim witch doctor hands off our kids , and out of our schools!

“I was watching one of my favorite shows , Real Housewives Of Something Or Other , and really getting into it , and hoping and praying to the good lord to see a cat fight between Kim and Kyle Richards , because I really couldn’t stand the two bitches. But before he could make it happen , it was interrupted by Obummer’s speech on Libya and Daffy Qadhafi. I cursed and threw my beer against the wall , spooking my dog , Roger Rabbit – I called him that because he looked more like a rabbit than a dog , with his big floppy ears  –  who quickly lapped it up. I wanted to change the channel. I even went so far as to pick up the remote , but it felt like something was stopping me. It felt like something was compelling me from changing the channel. My eyes were glued to the set ; I couldn’t look away. It was like I was hypnotized. The camera cut to a close up of Obummer’s face. The mole beside his nose looked larger than usual ; it was creeping me out. In the back of my mind , I could hear a voice saying over and over , it’s just a mole.  Finally , I shook my head and looked away. Roger had just finished lapping up the spilled beer and was now staring at the TV with a blank , dazed stare.

“Roger , what’s the matter , boy?” I said. He never looked at me , just stared at the TV with that dazed expression. I thought maybe he was getting a buzz on from the beer. But then I realized it must be the TV , because when I turned back to the screen , they were still showing a close up of Obummer’s face – and his eyes were glowing! And in my mind I heard a voice that said , ‘You will not look away! You will do what I say! I am your lord and god , your one and only master!’

The crowd gasped , mesmerized by every word.

“At first I thought the mole , that creepy mole , was speaking to me , and I shuddered. But no , it was Obama himself! He was hypnotizing me to do his bidding!”

The crowd gasped again.

“I was becoming what I feared most , ever since he became president , a mindless Obama bot!”

The crowd gasped a third time.

“That mindless hoard of Obama drones that can’t think for themselves , but do everything that Obummer tells them to do. In a moment , I couldn’t remember what happened next. I was told by friends that for two years Roger and I were walking , talking ghouls for Obama , just like those flesh eating zombies in that TV show –  except for the flesh eating part. Eventually , some of my friends became so concerned for our sanity that they staged an intervention , and succeeded in exorcizing the Obama demon from our souls , and  we were once again , decent , God fearing , patriotic gun loving Americans , fighting Obama and his scourge of walking , talking , drooling communist zombies. And that’s how we became Obama bots , but thank God he delivered us from that evil!”