Posted in Colin Kaepernick, Kevin Sorbo, satire/humor

Mediocre Christian actor Kevin Sorbo returns Nikes Because They Hurt His Feelings| TheBlaze

https://www.theblaze.com/news/2018/09/11/christian-actor-kevin-sorbo-returns-nikes-they-hurt-my-feet-when-i-stand-for-the-national-anthem

Hercules returns his Nike’s because they hurt his feelings , but he’s no snowflake like those pansy liberals.

First they wore diapers on college campuses to protest safe spaces. Then they smashed their Keurig coffee machines to protest the company pulling it’s ads over Sean Hannity’s support of child molester Roy Moore.

This summer when Nike chose Colin Kaepernick as the face of their new ad campaign , Believe In Something , Even If It Means Sacrificing Everything , conservatives posted photos and videos of themselves on social media burning their Nike apparel to show how butt hurt they were that the popular sports outfit had the nerve to feature a mediocre , pansy , flag hating football player as their spokesman.

It seems to be a popular trend among conservatives these days. When someone disagrees with you , namely libtards , throw a tantrum by boycotting , which includes smashing , burning , and destroying anything that doesn’t support the conservative cause or agenda , and some conservatives are all too eager and happy to do just that , and then without a hint of irony , claim it is libtards who are snowflakes.

Conservative actor , Kevin Sorbo , who had previously starred in the mediocre television series , Hercules The Legendary Journeys , and the equally mediocre films , God’s Not Dead , and Let Their Be Light , recently got his feelings butt hurt by the new Nike ad. He got so butt hurt that he returned a pair of Nike’s because they hurt his sensitive feet when standing for the anthem.

In an interview with the Journal , Sorbo said , “I cried when I saw the ad. I literally cried. I couldn’t believe they were using this whiny , crybaby , flag hating little pansy as their new spokesman. I cried so hard and so long my eyes were almost puffed shut , and strings of disgusting snot were hanging from both nostrils. I felt so disgusted with myself. I felt like a two-year old throwing a fit , but I couldn’t help myself. My wife came into the bathroom , and saw me rolling around on the floor with my pants around my ankles. I had been sitting on the john reading the paper when I saw the ad.

‘ “What’s wrong with you?’ she said. There was disgust in her voice. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the smell or that I was on the floor with my pants down , or both. I told her that Nike had chosen that pansy , flag hating crybaby for their new ad campaign. She said , ‘Jesus Christ , Kevin , you sound like a snowflake. Get up and pull your pants up! What are you , a liberal?’

‘ “No , I’m a conservative , ‘ I said.

“When she said that , I realized I was acting like your typical liberal , a whiny sensitive crybaby who gets easily offended at anything and everything. She was telling me to be a man and do something constructive instead of acting like a liberal snowflake , which is so unbecoming for a conservative. So , I pulled my pants up , wiped my nose , took my pair of Nike’s back for a refund , and told them that they hurt my feet whenever I stand for the anthem ( it was really because of that pansy flag hater ). Then I got on Facebook and told my followers all about it ( minus the bathroom part ) and said that Colin Kaepernick failed at sports , and sucked as a football player. That’s how a conservative responds.”

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Posted in Libtard Bias, satire/humor

Tired of liberal bias on social media platforms? Donald Trump Jr. may have a solution | TheBlaze

https://www.theblaze.com/news/2018/08/30/tired-of-liberal-bias-on-social-media-platforms-donald-trump-jr-may-have-a-solution

Trumpbook. The only good bias is conservative bias. 👍

Are you tired of liberal bias in the lame stream liberal media?

Are you tired of the liberal media criticizing and attacking the president for no reason?

Are you tired of college campuses and their liberal bias?

Are you tired of minorities complaining all the time?

Are you tired of that pansy libtard Colin Kaepernick disrespecting the flag and the troops?

Are you tired of libtards protecting illegal immigrant criminals?

Are you tired of Democrats playing identity politics?

Are you tired of gay libtards wanting Christian bakers to make cakes for them?

Are you tired of Black Lives Matter calling for the death of cops and white people , with their chants of , ‘What do we want? Dead cops and white people!?’

Are you tired of libtards laughing at you when you try to own them , like the time you wore diapers at Kent State , or when you burned your Nike shoes to protest that pansy flag hater?

Are you tired of being censored by YouTube , Facebook and everything else just because you’re conservative?

Are you tired of that radical Muslim speaking all the time?

Are you tired of the libtard Parkland teens wanting to take your guns , and wish they would just shut the f**k up?

Are you tired of the libtard CNN , MSNBC and their fake news?

Are you tired of the libtard socialist Democrats trying to turn America into another Venezuela?

Are you tired of libtards calling you racist because you might have questioned that radical Marxist Muslims birth certificate?

Are you tired of libtards calling Trump racist because he might have questioned that radical Marxists Muslims birth certificate?

Are you tired of libtards always playing the victim?

Are you tired of libtards calling you a snowflake because you criticize libtards for being snowflakes?

Are you tired of that radical Marxist Muslim running the deep state?

Are you tired of libtards claiming there was never a war on Christmas?

Are you tired of libtards claiming there was never a war on religious freedom?

Are you tired of libtards claiming there was never a war on cops?

Are you tired of hearing Benghazi wasn’t really a scandal because of all of the investigations , and that Bush had thirteen Benghazi’s of his own?

Are you tired of hearing Fast And Furious was a fake scandal made up by paranoid right-wing media just so that radical Marxist Muslim could have an excuse to take everyone’s guns away?

Are you tired of hearing that radical Marxist Muslim didn’t sign more executive orders than Bush?

Are you tired of hearing that radical Marxist Muslim took less vacations than Bush?

Are you tired of hearing that radical Marxist Muslim really didn’t really golf that much?

If you answered yes to one , a few , or even all of these questions , Donald Trump Jr. has the perfect solution! It’s called Trumpbook. It’s the conservative version of Facebook , but without all of the lame libtard bias. On Trumpbook conservatives can post anything they want about libtards , Demonrats , Obummer , the Clinton’s , and Black Lives Matter , without being challenged , criticized or called racist , because no libtards are allowed! So, join Trumpbook today and start owning those libtards!

Posted in satire/humor, Ted Nugent, Uncategorized

Sponge Ted Squishy Pants Insults Parkland Teen Activists As Soulless And Brainless

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SpongeTed Squishy Pants , AKA Ted Nugent.

From the Washington PostConservative rocker Ted Nugent , known affectionately as The Motor City Madman by his fans , and Uncle Ted by the scores of underage girls he had inappropriate affairs with , recently criticized Parkland teen gun control activists as soulless and mushy brained in a recent interview on the Joe Paggs Show on Newsmax TV.

“I hate to say it , but these teens are soulless , mushy brained commie pinkos whose only goal in life is to blame responsible gun owners for mass murder and take their guns away. Hitler wanted gun control too , and he got it by confiscating all guns in Germany so the Jews couldn’t fight back.”

Parkland Florida high school shooting survivor , Sarah Chadwick , responded via Twitter by calling Nugent a mushy pants draft dodger who deliberately soiled himself to avoid the Vietnam war , with the hashtag Sponge Ted Squishy Pants.

According to Ted Nugent student activists who witnessed their friends getting shot , are mushy brained and soulless. But Ted , tough talking , gun-toting , great American Patriot , once soiled himself to avoid the draft.

#Sponge Ted Squishy Pants. 💩💩💩

Nugent wasn’t too thrilled with Chadwick’s response , so he took to his Facebook page with the following rant :

“For all the morally inept and mushy brained liberals who have spread fake news about me supposedly soiling myself to avoid the draft , nothing could be further from the truth. What happened was , I had a bad combination of elk meat and refried beans and had the craps for a week.”

Yeah , right Ted.  Either way sounds believable.