Posted in Donald Trump, satire/humor

President Trump Signs Executive Order To Arm The Unborn

Trump ordering secret service to remove Jim Acosta from press conference

 

President Trump has signed an executive order to arm the unborn!

In a press conference in the Rose Garden, the president told news reporters, “I have just signed an executive order that authorizes anyone involved in the decision to provide an abortion, to refuse according to their religious or personal beliefs that an abortion is wrong. It also gives arms and weapons manufacturers, Smith And Wesson, Lockheed, Winchester, and others, full authority to assist in the making of specialized weaponry for the purpose of arming the unborn.

“The presidential executive order grants Doctors, nurses, patient and family advisors, full authority to refuse in assisting or taking part in the act of providing an abortion based on religious or personal beliefs that life is sacred. It also grants the unborn full protective status as human beings, as it is outlined in the fourteenth amendment. And as protected citizens, they have the right to arm themselves and shoot the Democrats when they come to pull them from their mother’s wombs.

“Like many Americans, I believe that life begins at reception. Even before you have that first cigarette, there’s another person in the room and you better be careful not to talk about aborting little Timmy, or Sally, because you might hurt their feelings. We need to start treating the unborn like everyone else. That means they should have the right to defend themselves in the event that their precious little lives are threatened baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them for breakfast, instead of having a pop tart or a bowl of Fruity Pebbles or something, and what better way to do that than giving them Uzis and AK-47s? If they had Uzis and AK-47s, the baby hungry Democrats would not be able to eat them, and sell their baby body parts, because, let’s be honest here, what do you do when someone is invading your home, your private property?”

“You shoot them!” Someone shouted from the crowd, eliciting nervous laughter.

“That’s right, ” the president said. “You shoot them. And then you ask them why they broke into your house. If it’s a Mexican, chances are he’s an illegal immigrant, and most likely he would be there to rob you, rape you, kill you, and then steal your job. Chances are it’s all four. If it’s a homosexual, chances are he’s there to convert you, and if you refuse because you’re a conservative, he’ll probably call you a homophobe just because you don’t like gay marriage and want to get rid of it. If it’s a gun grabbing liberal, chances are he’s there to steal your guns like Obama did. If it’s a trans gender, chances are he’s there to use you’re bathroom , and if you tell him – or her, or whatever – no, he’ll call you a transphobe, or whatever made up word they’ve labeled people who don’t believe transsexuals are a thing, and then, for good measure, he’ll probably rob you and then use your bathroom.

“We have the right to protect our property and ourselves with a gun if we choose. When someone invades our privacy, when someone breaks into our home, we have the right to shoot them. It’s in the Bible, and it’s in the constitution. Well, I believe the unborn should have those same rights, because the womb is their home until they’re born, so they have a right to defend it from crazy Democrats who would rather eat babies for breakfast than have a bowl of Wheaties or something. These are deplorable people, the Democrats. They’ve been eating Coco Puffs their entire lives and now they want to eat babies. They were cuckoo for regular Coco Puffs. Now they’re cuckoo for Baby Flavored Coco Puffs.”

CNN correspondent Jim Acosta was the first to raise his hand. President Trump pointed at him reluctantly.

“Don’t get crazy on me, Jim, or I’ll have you tossed out on your can.”

There was scatter nervous laughter.

“Yes, sir. First of all, I’m at a complete loss for words. I believe I speak for most of us here when I say that. Everything you said makes absolutely no sense.”

“How so?”

“Well, it’s impossible to arm the unborn with weapons, ” Acosta said. “This sounds like something someone smoking a questionable substance would say. Or a crackpot who’s been listening to too much Alex Jones. Are you a crackpot, Mr. President?”

“No, I assure you I’m not a crackpot, nor have I been listening to Alex Jones.”

“But you’ve appeared on his show several times prior to becoming president, sir.”

“No, I haven’t. That’s fake news. Get him out of here. You’re fake news. CNN is fake news.”

Two secret service men escorted Acosta out the garden as the president continued:

“It is possible to arm the unborn, and we will arm them with specialized miniature guns just in case they need to protect themselves from baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them instead of having a bowl of Fruit Loops, or Coco Puffs, which they should be eating, instead of babies. We will provide them with Uzis, hand guns, AR-15s, machine guns, bullet proof vests, hand grenades, sub machine guns, rocket launchers, and yes, even nuclear weapons, and then baby hungry Democrats will think twice about having a bowl of Baby Coco Puffs for breakfast.”

Posted in Donald Trump, satire/humor

President Trump : “The Obama’s Have A Border Wall. Why Can’t I?”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/12/31/trump-claims-theres-foot-wall-around-obamas-dc-home-neighbors-say-theres-not/

 

 

Since his 2016 campaign , president Trump has repeated the ridiculous narrative that the southern border is wide open for illegal immigrants to waltz through unchecked , that 99.9 % of them are rapists and murderers , that Democrats in general support open borders , rampant crime and drugs by illegal immigrants and gangs , and that we need a gargantuan wall that Mexico will somehow pay for.

Conservative pundits on Fox News have been all too eager to repeat this narrative , because they know their audiences are extremely gullible and will believe whatever they’re told. And during the mid-term elections they were told repeatedly that the migrant caravan was coming to steal their jobs , kill them , and eat their children.

Last Tuesday night , the president gave his address on the current state of immigration and border security , from the Oval office , which drew an estimated 35 to 40 million viewers.

After the address , the president tweeted his frustration with lack of border security , taking shots at the Democrats , but praising the Obama’s for building a wall around their property :

The Obama’s have a border wall. Why can’t I? I’ve seen it. It’s a great , big , huge , humongous , tremendous , beautiful wall , about fifty feet high , the size of Mount Everest. It’s so big even Rosie O’Donnell can’t climb it , and she’s huge! It’s totally necessary for their safety and privacy. I want one just like it in my backyard , and America needs one like it . And despite what the loser Democrats and the fake media says , everyone supports my wall , and they do work. Just ask the Obama’s. And Mexico will pay for it!

 

Posted in Stupid Conservative memes, Turning Point USA

Stupid Conservative Memes # 72 TPUSA Edition

Ten things that trigger diaper wearing conservatives …

  1. Gun Control. The conservatives at TPUSA are so extreme in their ideology , they believe there are no liberal gun owners. To them , all liberals are the same : they just want to abolish the second amendment along with individual gun ownership. Straw manning liberals as a whole  is their biggest proponent.
  2. Barack Obama. Trump loving conservatives hate the fact that a black man was ever president of the United States. He did almost everything they loved under George Bush : he increased drone activity in seven different places around the world. He kept Gitmo open. He increased domestic spying tenfold. He deported a record number of illegal immigrants. But nothing was good enough for them : he was weak on foreign policy , he hated America , he was soft on Muslim terrorists , and he allowed illegal immigrants to cross the southern borders unchecked. Of course , he did none of that.
  3. Criticizing Donald Trump. Progressives didn’t give a damn who criticized Obama. When Obama did something wrong , he deserved criticism , and he did dome pretty fucked up shit ( see above ). But the Obama haters never criticized him over any of the unconstitutional things he actually did. Instead , they chose to attack him for made up , ridiculous reasons , like his birth certificate ,  health care ( Obama care ) , abortion , racial division , the deaths of police officers , and terrorist attacks.
    Now that Trump is president , he’s the God-King who can do no wrong. Progressives are not blaming and criticizing him over made up nonsense. They’re criticizing him over his shitty policies , his tax cuts for the mega wealthy , pulling out of the Paris climate agreement , attacking Obama care , destroying the Iran nuclear deal , his attacks on the press , and the first amendment. But to his worst supporters who don’t care what he does , he’s the greatest president ever , even though he’s done nothing to earn that title. According to them , he’s a great success : the economy is booming ( it is , but only for the wealthy ) the middle class are getting their big tax breaks , and ISIS has been defeated! When progressives point out that none of these things are true , Trump lovers like Tomi Lahren get triggered and go on the defensive.
  4. Free Speech For Progressives. One of the biggest straw men from the right is that liberals and progressives hate the constitution. But it’s really conservatives  who hate the constitution. Conservatives have no respect for it.  Free speech : when it comes to free speech , conservatives like Tomi Lahren claim to be free speech absolutists , and make a huge stink about conservatives speakers who are protested on college campuses , and yet they behave in the same way they complain that liberals do. Through groups like TPUSA , and Campus Reform , they intimidate college instructors who don’t tow the conservative point of view , and target them for harrassment. They also have their voices on hate radio , the media and in the senate ( like that whiny little bitch , Chuck Grassley ) bitching and moaning about progressives protesting , ‘encouraging mob rule’. They want ‘civility’ when they’re in control , and want liberals and progressives to just shut up , and take it. So , spare me the bullshit that liberals want to suppress free speech. 
  5. Not Standing For The Anthem. Another straw man is that liberals hate the flag , because they hate America and are unpatriotic. Liberals are unpatriotic because they hate free speech , hate the second amendment , and won’t stand up for the national anthem. But conservatives love the flag and free speech ( even as they screamed at Colin Kaepernick to get the f**k out of America and burned his jersey , and engage in the same juvenile behavior as some liberals do on college campuses ) , and they love the second amendment. You can’t be a patriotic American unless you absolutely worship the second Amendment and the NRA.
  6. Criticizing Capitalism. Conservatives mistakenly believe we have a capitalist system. We have crony capitalism that benefits the wealthy and corporations , not the middle class.
  7. Mainstream Media. Conservatives who rail against mainstream media will never admit that Fox News is just as mainstream as the media they whine about , and it’s even more biased. Fox News is the media arm of the Republican party. MSNBC is the media arm of the Democratic party. It’s laughable when conservatives claim that CNN is liberal media , when all they do is bend over backward to placate Republicans , and more often than not , represent both sides of an argument in a political debate.
  8. Mocking Thoughts And Prayers. Conservatives , like those at TPUSA , are apparently too stupid to know that liberals can also be Christians , and that liberal Christians also pray. The difference between conservative Christians and liberal Christians , is that liberal Christians tend to be more tolerant and open minded , and don’t believe thoughts and prayers are an appropriate response to gun violence , as opposed to actual laws.
  9. Progressive Patriotism. Conservatives are easily triggered by black civil rights and other progressive groups exercising their right to participate in the Democratic process of dissent. They also believe it is standing for the national anthem , and defending a Republican president from criticism , both of which in their minds , are unpatriotic. When it’s a Democratic president , no criticism is too harsh.
  10. Victim Hood. Conservatives often claim liberals whine about everything  , but conservatives have cornered the market on victim hood. From college campuses to mainstream media , conservatives are perpetual victims who just can’t catch a break.
Posted in president Trump, satire/humor

Democrats Propose Legislation To Build A Wall Around President Trump

An artists rendition  of Trump Tower 2

Democrats in the senate have come up with an idea they’ve been considering since before president Trump took office. To troll the president by proposing legislation to build a wall around him , and have his supporters and Republicans pay for it.

Throughout his 2016 campaign , president Trump said he would build a wall along the southern border and have Mexico pay for it. But as of 2018 nothing has come of it and many of his supporters have given up hope of seeing it come to fruition.

“We’ve been wanting to do this since 2016 , since president Trump started babbling about his ridiculous wall ,” senator Elizabeth Warren told CNN’s Erin Burnett. “It actually makes more sense than a border wall , which is too idiotic to even consider and would cost taxpayers billions. But this would be a hell of a lot more economically feasible , and would literally cost only a few hundred.”

“I have to admit that it sounds interesting in theory ,” Burnett said. “But it could never be done. President Trump would never allow anyone to build a wall around him.”

The following day , a small crowd of less than one hundred gathered outside the White House , chanting , ‘Build…the… wall! Build…the…wall! Some carried signs that read , Build The Wall … Around Trump , Mexico Will Pay For It. Other signs read , Build A Wall Around Trump Supporters! Mexico Will Pay For That Too!

Watching the CNN interview with senator Warren , and the protest on Fox , his favorite news channel , president Trump tweeted :

Saw the ridiculous interview with senator Pocahontas on CNN with Erin Burnett talking about building a wall around me and forcing my supporters to pay for it. Totally fake news!!

Also saw my supporters on Fox News outside the White House offering to build a great magnificent wall around me and my wonderful supporters to protect us , while Mexico pays for it. Totally real news!! The most trusted name in news. Thank you Mexico. Really looking forward to that wall! Already thought of a name for it : Trump Tower 2. Everyone’s invited to the grand opening!

Posted in Gina Loudon

Gina Loudon : A New Low For Democrats – Trying To Declare The President Mentally Incompetent

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/07/03/new-low-for-democrats-trying-to-declare-president-mentally-incompetent.html

Aviary Photo_131696663379060314
Trump shill , Gina Loudon

Here’s a story that breaks the hypocrisy meter. In a recent article in Fox Business News , Loudon wrote an article condemning Democrats that wanted to declare Trump mentally unfit to be president. The draft of a bill authored and sponsored by Maryland congressman Jamie Raskin , would create an investigative committee to determine if Trump is unfit to serve as president.  So far nothing has come of it , but this got under Loudon’s thin skin , so she took to Fox News to complain to her equally thin skinned readers how horrible and childish Democrats are because they don’t love everything daddy Trump does.

If anyone were to ask Gina Loudon the definition of hypocrisy , I doubt she would know what they were talking about. The inability of conservatives to see their own hypocrisy is often frustrating. Liberals can point it out to them , and all they will do is deny , deny , deny , and say that only liberals are hypocrites.

Gina Loudon supposedly has a Phd in psychology. She’s really a quack psychologist with a fake degree from a box of Cracker Jacks. She’s also a partisan hack and a fearless defender of the Republican party in all of it’s glorious corruption , while continuously attacking Democrats as if they are the only corrupt party ( not to say they don’t deserve it , they are corrupt ).

In addition to shilling for Trump , she has her own program called America Trends , which is so terrible it can only be found on public access on Youtoo , unarguably the shittiest channel on cable TV.

She appears frequently on Fox News to bitch and moan about how Trump’s critics are so mean to him , never admitting that she and her cronies in right wing media behaved the same way in regard to America’s first black president.

She’s a gun nut who believes gun control is a socialist plot to disarm gun owners , not an effort to lessen gun violence.

Shamelessly defended Roy Moore.

Once guest hosted for Americas most insane radio host , Micheal Savage Weener. What an apt name for a pussy who loves to insult progressives.

Believed Obama was a secret Muslim, and that all Muslims are terrorists.

Believed Obama hated Israel , even though he gave them Iron Dome.

Believed Obama was/is a racist for criticizing the police officer who arrested Harvard law proffessor , Henry  Gates. 

Believes Black Lives Matter is an anti-white terrorist group , even though they haven’t killed any white people , or bombed any buildings. 

Believes Obama care was government take over of health care – even though private health insurance companies were still intact – and that it would cause homo-erotic twerking.

She bought into the conspiracy that the Clinton’s have had all of their political opponents killed.

She’s written  many ridiculous articles for some of the sleaziest fake news sites on the internet , Town Hall , Fox News , Right Wing News , and World Nut Daily ( the sleaziest of them all ). Owned and operated by Joseph “Obama’s birth certificate is fake” Farah , WND is home to many of the internet’s most radical , paranoid , fear mongering , homophobic race baiters : Joseph Farah , Colin Flaherty ( author of White Girl Bleed A Lot ) , Chuck Norris , Franklin Graham , The Benham Brothers , Victoria Jackson , Morgan Brittany , Pat Boone , and Ted Nugent. According to Rational Wiki , their publishing standards are rock bottom. The website and it’s founder have been discredited over its obsession with the birther issue , but it’s still up and running , and the wing nuts are still happily publishing their crap. It was here in 2014 where Loudon wrote her anti-Obama rant complaining that he was mentally unfit and a dictator on the scale of Adolph Hitler because of executive orders , Benghazi , abortion , vacations , and golf.

Does Loudon not see the irony? If Obama was mentally unfit because abortion occurred under his presidency  , Benghazi , for playing golf , and taking vacations , and executive orders ( which are all ridiculous charges to begin with ) , how is Trump not mentally unfit? Abortions have also occurred under him , innocent Americans have been killed because of him , terrorist attacks have occurred under him , he has issued executive orders , and he has also vacationed and played golf. Shouldn’t she be questioning his mental stability?