Posted in Donald Trump, satire/humor

President Trump To Michelle Obama : ‘I Will Never Forgive Obama For Destroying Our Military’

President Trump’s incoherent ‘I’ll never forgive Obama’ rant.

In response to Michelle Obama’s new book , in which she said she would never forgive Trump for his role in birtherism , president Trump told reporters on the White House lawn before leaving for a trip to Paris , that he would never forgive Obama for decimating the military , and for other horrible things he had supposedly done.

“Michelle Obama said what? I haven’t really seen or heard anything about that. I guess she wrote a book or something , maybe a memoire , who knows , something she was paid a lot of money to do , I guess , in which she wrote something controversial?

“You want controversial? Here’s controversial for you. I will never forgive Obama for depleting our military , for destroying our military.”

CNN White House reporter , Abby Phillip : “The United States military has the largest spending budget compared to every other nation combined. It’s ridiculous to suggest that president Obama destroyed it.”

“Not really. It was completely depleted under Obama. It was completely destroyed. It wasn’t funded the way it should have been. It was so old and tired , it was so out of date , it was so worn out , everything was so old and falling apart it was almost as if Obama had dropped a bomb on it , it was so dishevelled. The equipment , the military equipment like the tanks , the planes , the ships , and the military vehicles , almost none of them worked anymore. They were literally falling apart from disuse , they were sitting out in fields gathering dust and rust from years of neglect , because Obama wasn’t spending any more money. The tanks and planes and the military vehicles that did work , Obama often abused for his own personal use , like taking his kids to school and parties , and taking Michelle to beauty salons at tax payers expense , instead of what they were really supposed to be used for , like blowing people up. It was disgraceful.

“But what he did to our men and women in uniform , to our soldiers and military leaders , was even more disgraceful. Their uniforms were also gathering dust , and they were moth-eaten , because Obama was too cheap to spend money on new uniforms. They often had to go into battle with their uniforms falling to shreds , and some even had to go naked because Obama was too cheap to spend a few bucks on uniforms for his own military. And if anyone dared complain , he would say to them , your fired. It was no coincidence that we had a record number of military leaders fired under Obama , because he fired them for complaining about having to wear moth eaten uniforms , having to fight naked , and Obama using military vehicles for his own personal taxi service.

“Even their equipment was falling apart. Their guns were often antiquated – is that the right word I’m looking for , who knows? – they looked like guns from the eighteen hundreds or something. And they often had no bullets. Often they would jam , or back fire into the faces of our brave men and women. And even though they had weapons , half the time they were ordered not to engage the enemy , because Obama told them that ISIS and Al Qaeda were already contained , and not a threat , so he had them all running in the other direction , away from the terrorists , away from ISIS , and Al Quaeda , because he was terrible at foreign policy , he had no idea what he was doing. Under Obama ISIS was allowed to terrorize the middle east , because , and let’s be truthful here , him and crooked Hillary were the founders of ISIS , and it made America very unsafe for you and me.

“But the most disgraceful thing of all , the one thing that bothered our troops the most , is the fact that they were not allowed to say Merry Christmas for eight years. It was disgraceful. Not only were they not allowed to say Merry Christmas , they couldn’t celebrate it because Obama hated Christmas like he hated everything else , including his own military.

” But I came in and fixed everything. I spent tremendous amounts of money on new military vehicles like tanks and planes and ships. I’m not a cheap skate like Obama. They’re no longer rotting in fields gathering dust and rust , they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing , blowing people up , and he’s not using them to take Michelle and the kids to Disneyland. He wants to , but I told him , no way , get outta here Obama , and I told him he wasn’t using them for his personal taxi service , and I think I hurt his feelings.

“And I spent a tremendous amounts of money on new uniforms. Our troops no longer have to wear uniforms that are falling apart or moth-eaten , or engage the enemy naked. I also spent tremendous amounts of money on new weapons and bullets. They no longer have to use weapons that don’t work , or blow up in their faces , they don’t have to run away like cowards , and nobody’s complaining because I’m making everything great again , and they’re so happy to be able to say Merry Christmas again.”

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Posted in Stupid Conservative memes, Turning Point USA

Stupid Conservative Memes # 72 TPUSA Edition

Ten things that trigger diaper wearing conservatives …

  1. Gun Control. The conservatives at TPUSA are so extreme in their ideology , they believe there are no liberal gun owners. To them , all liberals are the same : they just want to abolish the second amendment along with individual gun ownership. Straw manning liberals as a whole  is their biggest proponent.
  2. Barack Obama. Trump loving conservatives hate the fact that a black man was ever president of the United States. He did almost everything they loved under George Bush : he increased drone activity in seven different places around the world. He kept Gitmo open. He increased domestic spying tenfold. He deported a record number of illegal immigrants. But nothing was good enough for them : he was weak on foreign policy , he hated America , he was soft on Muslim terrorists , and he allowed illegal immigrants to cross the southern borders unchecked. Of course , he did none of that.
  3. Criticizing Donald Trump. Progressives didn’t give a damn who criticized Obama. When Obama did something wrong , he deserved criticism , and he did dome pretty fucked up shit ( see above ). But the Obama haters never criticized him over any of the unconstitutional things he actually did. Instead , they chose to attack him for made up , ridiculous reasons , like his birth certificate ,  health care ( Obama care ) , abortion , racial division , the deaths of police officers , and terrorist attacks.
    Now that Trump is president , he’s the God-King who can do no wrong. Progressives are not blaming and criticizing him over made up nonsense. They’re criticizing him over his shitty policies , his tax cuts for the mega wealthy , pulling out of the Paris climate agreement , attacking Obama care , destroying the Iran nuclear deal , his attacks on the press , and the first amendment. But to his worst supporters who don’t care what he does , he’s the greatest president ever , even though he’s done nothing to earn that title. According to them , he’s a great success : the economy is booming ( it is , but only for the wealthy ) the middle class are getting their big tax breaks , and ISIS has been defeated! When progressives point out that none of these things are true , Trump lovers like Tomi Lahren get triggered and go on the defensive.
  4. Free Speech For Progressives. One of the biggest straw men from the right is that liberals and progressives hate the constitution. But it’s really conservatives  who hate the constitution. Conservatives have no respect for it.  Free speech : when it comes to free speech , conservatives like Tomi Lahren claim to be free speech absolutists , and make a huge stink about conservatives speakers who are protested on college campuses , and yet they behave in the same way they complain that liberals do. Through groups like TPUSA , and Campus Reform , they intimidate college instructors who don’t tow the conservative point of view , and target them for harrassment. They also have their voices on hate radio , the media and in the senate ( like that whiny little bitch , Chuck Grassley ) bitching and moaning about progressives protesting , ‘encouraging mob rule’. They want ‘civility’ when they’re in control , and want liberals and progressives to just shut up , and take it. So , spare me the bullshit that liberals want to suppress free speech. 
  5. Not Standing For The Anthem. Another straw man is that liberals hate the flag , because they hate America and are unpatriotic. Liberals are unpatriotic because they hate free speech , hate the second amendment , and won’t stand up for the national anthem. But conservatives love the flag and free speech ( even as they screamed at Colin Kaepernick to get the f**k out of America and burned his jersey , and engage in the same juvenile behavior as some liberals do on college campuses ) , and they love the second amendment. You can’t be a patriotic American unless you absolutely worship the second Amendment and the NRA.
  6. Criticizing Capitalism. Conservatives mistakenly believe we have a capitalist system. We have crony capitalism that benefits the wealthy and corporations , not the middle class.
  7. Mainstream Media. Conservatives who rail against mainstream media will never admit that Fox News is just as mainstream as the media they whine about , and it’s even more biased. Fox News is the media arm of the Republican party. MSNBC is the media arm of the Democratic party. It’s laughable when conservatives claim that CNN is liberal media , when all they do is bend over backward to placate Republicans , and more often than not , represent both sides of an argument in a political debate.
  8. Mocking Thoughts And Prayers. Conservatives , like those at TPUSA , are apparently too stupid to know that liberals can also be Christians , and that liberal Christians also pray. The difference between conservative Christians and liberal Christians , is that liberal Christians tend to be more tolerant and open minded , and don’t believe thoughts and prayers are an appropriate response to gun violence , as opposed to actual laws.
  9. Progressive Patriotism. Conservatives are easily triggered by black civil rights and other progressive groups exercising their right to participate in the Democratic process of dissent. They also believe it is standing for the national anthem , and defending a Republican president from criticism , both of which in their minds , are unpatriotic. When it’s a Democratic president , no criticism is too harsh.
  10. Victim Hood. Conservatives often claim liberals whine about everything  , but conservatives have cornered the market on victim hood. From college campuses to mainstream media , conservatives are perpetual victims who just can’t catch a break.
Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

How Barack Obama Ruined America And Was the Worst President Ever – Part 4

If you talk to liberals on a daily basis like I do , you will quickly realize how stupid they are. They believe the stupidest things : God isn’t real , global warming is real , the birth certificate is also real , Trump is not making America great again , and Barack Obama was the greatest president who ever lived.

This shows you how clueless liberals are. They live in their own universe. There is no hope for them.

If the following list doesn’t convince you how stupid liberals are , and that Barack Obama was the worst president who ever lived , then you’ve obviously been brainwashed by the lame stream liberal media , and there is also no hope for you.

Selfie Gate : There were many shocking scandals during Obama’s reign of tyranny , some of the worst being , having critics of his excessive vacations and golf outings , permanently silenced. But this scandal is probably his most heinous. When Obama took a selfie with the Boston Red Sox first baseman David ‘Big Pappy’ Ortiz , it was proof that he hated white people and was planning on starting a race war. When that war will be carried out , God only knows. But God knows Big Pappy will be there to fight by his – Obama’s – side. Which was the purpose for the selfie , to recruit Pappy as his general in the war.

Skeet Gate : Here’s one scandal that had me genuinely confused when I heard about it. A 2013 photo of Obama shooting a shot-gun!? Could it be? Was it true? Was the forty-fourth president of the United States a real man who liked to shoot guns like a real American , or a sissy-boy , mom jeans wearing wimp who wilted like a pansy at the sight of a gun?

On closer inspection of the photo , I noticed he was indeed wearing mom jeans , and came to the conclusion that it was fake , a cheap photo shop to make Obama look a real man , not a mom jeans wearing , weak kneed sissy-boy who wilted like a pansy at the sight of a gun , like he really was.

Mars Gate : Obama traveled to the red planet in his youth ,via a DARPA program , where he learned to be a tyrannical America hating , mom jeans wearing dictator.

Baseball Gate : Another failed attempt to make Obama look like a man , instead of the mom jeans wearing , sissy-boy pansy he really was , and is.

Jogging Gate : This one confirmed what conservatives had always suspected , that Obama — and Biden – was always gay. Why else would two grown men run on the White House lawn? For exercise? No , most likely they were having an affair and they didn’t want Michelle – who is really a man – to find out. When they finished their jogging , or whatever they were really doing , they both put their mom jeans back on.

And those are five more ways Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever.

Posted in Dana Loesch, satire/humor

NRA Spokesperson Dana Loesch , On Hannity : Gun Confiscation Will Cause Mass Spoonings

DL2
“When the left succeeds in banning guns , then they’ll come for our spoons.”

Dana Loesch is a conservative radio and media commentator , and NRA spokesperson. According to her Wikipedia page , she is the current special assistant to the executive vice president for public relations for the NRA , a position she has held since 2017.

She is listed at number 888 in the Encyclopedia Of American Loons.

Before becoming an NRA spokesperson , she hosted the daily show , Dana , at Glenn Beck’s The Blaze , from 2014 to late 2017.

She’s previously written for Breibart’s Big Journalism , and was employed briefly at CNN , but was released for questionable behavior. Since 2008 she’s been the host of the Dana Radio Show , The Conservative Alternative.

She is known for making controversial statements , such as the time she said how cool it would be to drop her trousers to urinate on the bodies of dead Taliban soldiers. Other controversies include , attacking mainstream media journalists as ‘rat bastards of the earth’ , and ‘a boil on the backside of American politics’ , and should be ‘curbed stomped’ for dishonesty in reporting ( apparently , Dana , and her cronies over at Fox News , and NRA TV are lone beacons of truth , honesty , and accuracy in media ) ; claiming that spoons can be classified as assault weapons ; accusing liberals of marching in lock step with terrorists , after the 2016 Inland Empire shooting spree , labeling them the Godless Left for having the audacity to mock thoughts and prayers of cowardly politicians ; attacking the New York Times for its dishonesty and mediocrity ( again with no self-awareness of her own faults ) ; accusing mainstream media of loving mass shootings after the Marjory Stoneman Douglas school shooting , and claiming that hordes of angry leftists attempted to stone her at a CNN town hall meeting in which she barely escaped alive.

On a recent episode of Hannity , Dana doubled down on her analogy that a spoon can be used as an assault weapon. They were talking about gun control , and how the March For Our Loves activists were being used by the Left to advance their gun confiscation agenda.

“You know , Sean ,” she said , “this whole March For Our Lives nonsense smells of Obama and the Democrats. We know they hate guns and will stop at nothing to make sure that every single gun in America is confiscated.”

Sean Hannity : “What are you saying , Dana? Are you saying that the whole thing , that the shooting was a false flag , a staged event to take away guns?”

“No , Sean , that not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying that the March For Our Lives are probably being manipulated by Obama and the Dems. I wouldn’t doubt for a minute that this so-called movement was Obama’s idea. I don’t doubt that he put them up to it. He couldn’t confiscate guns when he was president , so he’s hoping that they’ll be the ones to make his dream come true.”

Sean Hannity : “Good point , Dana. But for a moment there , I thought you might straying into Alex Jones territory.”

Dana , smiling , said ,”Alex Jones is a crackpot , Sean. I’m not. But I’ll tell you something that’s not so crazy. People are killed by cars every year , but nobody talks about banning cars. People are killed by trains every year and nobody talks about banning trains. People are killed by dangerous drugs every year , including marijuana , and nobody talks about banning drugs , including marijuana. Video games kill people every year , and nobody talks about banning video games. The point I’m trying to make here , Sean , is that people are killed by a million things every year , and it’s stupid to want to ban everything.

“You know , Sean , a few years back when I suggested that a spoon could be used as an assault weapon , the mainstream media thought it was a joke. They thought I was a joke. But they’re the joke , because I was right. I’m a gun expert. And because I’m a gun expert , that makes me a spoon expert. So , believe me when I say a spoon really can be used as an weapon to murder people. They also thought it was a big deal when I said that they love mass shootings because it boosts their ratings.”

Hannity : “Yeah , liberal heads literally exploded. Kapow!”

“That’s right , Sean. But what I should have said was they love mass spoonings , because that’s what’s going to happen if the Parkland students , Democrats , and Obama get their way and ban the second amendment. We’re going to see an epidemic of mass spoonings the likes of which we’ve never seen , because there won’t be anymore guns , and when enough people have been killed by spoons , the left will demand background checks on spoon purchases , and then they will march to ban spoons and other kitchen utensils.”

Posted in Libtard Bias, satire/humor

Tired of liberal bias on social media platforms? Donald Trump Jr. may have a solution | TheBlaze

https://www.theblaze.com/news/2018/08/30/tired-of-liberal-bias-on-social-media-platforms-donald-trump-jr-may-have-a-solution

Trumpbook. The only good bias is conservative bias. 👍

Are you tired of liberal bias in the lame stream liberal media?

Are you tired of the liberal media criticizing and attacking the president for no reason?

Are you tired of college campuses and their liberal bias?

Are you tired of minorities complaining all the time?

Are you tired of that pansy libtard Colin Kaepernick disrespecting the flag and the troops?

Are you tired of libtards protecting illegal immigrant criminals?

Are you tired of Democrats playing identity politics?

Are you tired of gay libtards wanting Christian bakers to make cakes for them?

Are you tired of Black Lives Matter calling for the death of cops and white people , with their chants of , ‘What do we want? Dead cops and white people!?’

Are you tired of libtards laughing at you when you try to own them , like the time you wore diapers at Kent State , or when you burned your Nike shoes to protest that pansy flag hater?

Are you tired of being censored by YouTube , Facebook and everything else just because you’re conservative?

Are you tired of that radical Muslim speaking all the time?

Are you tired of the libtard Parkland teens wanting to take your guns , and wish they would just shut the f**k up?

Are you tired of the libtard CNN , MSNBC and their fake news?

Are you tired of the libtard socialist Democrats trying to turn America into another Venezuela?

Are you tired of libtards calling you racist because you might have questioned that radical Marxist Muslims birth certificate?

Are you tired of libtards calling Trump racist because he might have questioned that radical Marxists Muslims birth certificate?

Are you tired of libtards always playing the victim?

Are you tired of libtards calling you a snowflake because you criticize libtards for being snowflakes?

Are you tired of that radical Marxist Muslim running the deep state?

Are you tired of libtards claiming there was never a war on Christmas?

Are you tired of libtards claiming there was never a war on religious freedom?

Are you tired of libtards claiming there was never a war on cops?

Are you tired of hearing Benghazi wasn’t really a scandal because of all of the investigations , and that Bush had thirteen Benghazi’s of his own?

Are you tired of hearing Fast And Furious was a fake scandal made up by paranoid right-wing media just so that radical Marxist Muslim could have an excuse to take everyone’s guns away?

Are you tired of hearing that radical Marxist Muslim didn’t sign more executive orders than Bush?

Are you tired of hearing that radical Marxist Muslim took less vacations than Bush?

Are you tired of hearing that radical Marxist Muslim really didn’t really golf that much?

If you answered yes to one , a few , or even all of these questions , Donald Trump Jr. has the perfect solution! It’s called Trumpbook. It’s the conservative version of Facebook , but without all of the lame libtard bias. On Trumpbook conservatives can post anything they want about libtards , Demonrats , Obummer , the Clinton’s , and Black Lives Matter , without being challenged , criticized or called racist , because no libtards are allowed! So, join Trumpbook today and start owning those libtards!

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

How Barack Obama Ruined America And Was The Worst President Ever – Part 2

Conservative sleuth John Hawkins.

Liberals will never admit that Barack Obama was the worst president America ever had , or that he ruined it. To them he was the second coming of Christ who could do no wrong. What they never realized was that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing , but conservatives were onto him from the start.

The following are five more ways Obama ruined America and demeaned the office of the presidency.

1) Birther Gate : He wouldn’t admit his birth certificate was fake. 

2) Phone/Pen Gate : He said I have a phone and a pen , and I’ll use them. And did he ever. No other president made more phone calls and signed more executive orders.

3) Golf Gate : No other president played more golf than Obama did. It was one of the worst things he could have done as president. It demonstrated his uncanny ability to hang out playing golf with celebrities like Tiger Woods , Jack Nicklaus , and Stephen King , while simultaneously destroying America , and murdering his critics who complained about his golfing. A remarkable feat that the liberal media never covered. 

4) Vacation Gate : No other president took more vacations than Obama did. Most of these vacations were taken at places like Martha’s Vineyards , where the Obama’s often threw extravagant sex orgies with other liberal elites (  they’re all perverts ) at tax payer expense. He also murdered anyone who complained about his vacations. 

5) Gun Gate : He took everyone’s guns away , and had anyone murdered who complained about him taking everyone’s guns away.

And there you have it again. Five more ways Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever.