President Trump Signs Executive Order To Arm The Unborn

Trump ordering secret service to remove Jim Acosta from press conference

 

President Trump has signed an executive order to arm the unborn!

In a press conference in the Rose Garden, the president told news reporters, “I have just signed an executive order that authorizes anyone involved in the decision to provide an abortion, to refuse according to their religious or personal beliefs that an abortion is wrong. It also gives arms and weapons manufacturers, Smith And Wesson, Lockheed, Winchester, and others, full authority to assist in the making of specialized weaponry for the purpose of arming the unborn.

“The presidential executive order grants Doctors, nurses, patient and family advisors, full authority to refuse in assisting or taking part in the act of providing an abortion based on religious or personal beliefs that life is sacred. It also grants the unborn full protective status as human beings, as it is outlined in the fourteenth amendment. And as protected citizens, they have the right to arm themselves and shoot the Democrats when they come to pull them from their mother’s wombs.

“Like many Americans, I believe that life begins at reception. Even before you have that first cigarette, there’s another person in the room and you better be careful not to talk about aborting little Timmy, or Sally, because you might hurt their feelings. We need to start treating the unborn like everyone else. That means they should have the right to defend themselves in the event that their precious little lives are threatened baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them for breakfast, instead of having a pop tart or a bowl of Fruity Pebbles or something, and what better way to do that than giving them Uzis and AK-47s? If they had Uzis and AK-47s, the baby hungry Democrats would not be able to eat them, and sell their baby body parts, because, let’s be honest here, what do you do when someone is invading your home, your private property?”

“You shoot them!” Someone shouted from the crowd, eliciting nervous laughter.

“That’s right, ” the president said. “You shoot them. And then you ask them why they broke into your house. If it’s a Mexican, chances are he’s an illegal immigrant, and most likely he would be there to rob you, rape you, kill you, and then steal your job. Chances are it’s all four. If it’s a homosexual, chances are he’s there to convert you, and if you refuse because you’re a conservative, he’ll probably call you a homophobe just because you don’t like gay marriage and want to get rid of it. If it’s a gun grabbing liberal, chances are he’s there to steal your guns like Obama did. If it’s a trans gender, chances are he’s there to use you’re bathroom , and if you tell him – or her, or whatever – no, he’ll call you a transphobe, or whatever made up word they’ve labeled people who don’t believe transsexuals are a thing, and then, for good measure, he’ll probably rob you and then use your bathroom.

“We have the right to protect our property and ourselves with a gun if we choose. When someone invades our privacy, when someone breaks into our home, we have the right to shoot them. It’s in the Bible, and it’s in the constitution. Well, I believe the unborn should have those same rights, because the womb is their home until they’re born, so they have a right to defend it from crazy Democrats who would rather eat babies for breakfast than have a bowl of Wheaties or something. These are deplorable people, the Democrats. They’ve been eating Coco Puffs their entire lives and now they want to eat babies. They were cuckoo for regular Coco Puffs. Now they’re cuckoo for Baby Flavored Coco Puffs.”

CNN correspondent Jim Acosta was the first to raise his hand. President Trump pointed at him reluctantly.

“Don’t get crazy on me, Jim, or I’ll have you tossed out on your can.”

There was scatter nervous laughter.

“Yes, sir. First of all, I’m at a complete loss for words. I believe I speak for most of us here when I say that. Everything you said makes absolutely no sense.”

“How so?”

“Well, it’s impossible to arm the unborn with weapons, ” Acosta said. “This sounds like something someone smoking a questionable substance would say. Or a crackpot who’s been listening to too much Alex Jones. Are you a crackpot, Mr. President?”

“No, I assure you I’m not a crackpot, nor have I been listening to Alex Jones.”

“But you’ve appeared on his show several times prior to becoming president, sir.”

“No, I haven’t. That’s fake news. Get him out of here. You’re fake news. CNN is fake news.”

Two secret service men escorted Acosta out the garden as the president continued:

“It is possible to arm the unborn, and we will arm them with specialized miniature guns just in case they need to protect themselves from baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them instead of having a bowl of Fruit Loops, or Coco Puffs, which they should be eating, instead of babies. We will provide them with Uzis, hand guns, AR-15s, machine guns, bullet proof vests, hand grenades, sub machine guns, rocket launchers, and yes, even nuclear weapons, and then baby hungry Democrats will think twice about having a bowl of Baby Coco Puffs for breakfast.”

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#aborton, #alex-jones, #cnn, #democrats, #donald-trump, #executive-orders, #fake-news, #guns, #jim-acosta, #rose-garden

Stupid Conservative Memes #83 Dana Loesch Edition

 

Speaking of which political party or movement that only cares about the constitution when it suites their purposes, it would be the Republican party and its conservative base, especially the radical, gun nut extremists like Dana Loesch who believe that the second amendment guarantees the American citizen the almighty God given right to own an arsenal of weapons ( it doesn’t ), let alone a single gun.

And how are liberals censoring conservative media outlets? Liberals have no interest in censoring conservatives. Conservative news sources like Fox News, Breitbart, The Blaze, The Daily Wire, and conservatives like Loesch, and some of the biggest names in conservativism like Glenn Beck, Ben Shapiro, Dennis Prager, Steven Crowder – and anyone else claiming they’ve been censored from social media just because they’re conservative – are thriving on social media, like Facebook, and YouTube. The only so-called conservative outlets that I’m aware of that had been banned from certain social media platforms, were lunatics like Alex Jones, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Laura Loomer ( some of which have been reinstated ). And what does this have to do with big government liberal schemes? Absolutely nothing. It’s not a first amendment issue. Social media like Facebook and YouTube are private enterprises that have every right to ban content creators who violate policy guide lines involving hate speech. So, conservatives who claim they’ve been targeted solely for their conservative views, are just being disingenuous. Claiming censorship is a tool to work the sympathies of the gullible who buy their propaganda ( which includes all forms of bigotry ) as truth.

On the other hand, those who would not hesitate to censor their critics, are right wingers. For example, conservatives like Dana Loesch with her totally asinine NRA videos attacking liberals who protest the president’s behavior, and her attacks against journalists she deems to be liberal, whom she has called to be curb stomped because they dare criticize a Republican president. She constantly bemoans the legitimate media as lying, dishonest liberal hacks, while totally and conveniently overlooking the media she should be focusing her scorn and criticism on. But since she’s a member of that media, no amount of criticism will be forth coming, therefore exposing herself as a shameless, and hypocritical partisan hack. 

It’s clear that Dana considers herself and her colleagues in right-wing media as troublesome truth-tellers to a supposed liberal media elite. Which is too hilarious to even consider. Loesch is a disingenuous hack who wouldn’t know what actual truth is if it rose up and bit her in the a**.

#alex-jones, #dana-loesch, #social-media, #stupid-conservative-memes

To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids!

Alex Jones’s ‘how did I get stuck with these kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes?’ face.

From the Alex Jones radio show June 9 , 2017 – 

“Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. I bring you the truth , and nothing but the truth , the truth that the main stream communist liberal news media won’t bring you because it’s controlled by George Soros , the biggest communist liberal in the world.

“I have three kooks on today’s show. One’s been here once or twice before. She’s even more of a  kook than the other two. She’s also crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. She’s written several wacked out books about Barack Obama , including Obama And His Evil Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood , and Obama And His Evil Twin Julio The Mole Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care. Like I said , she’s a real kook , crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake.  

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Smart , intelligent Conservative women , Victoria , Ann-Marie , and Morgan trying to convince Alex Jones that Obama still wants to eat their kids.

“My other two guests are Ann-Marie Murrell , and Morgan Brittany. I’m not sure if they’ve been here before or not , but they’ve also written some wacked out books about Obama , because besides being known as kooks , they’re also crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes. Those books include , The Truth About B. O. And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , and I Was Attacked By B.O. Zombies That Tried To Eat My Brain , the latter which the three of them wrote together. And in case you’re wondering , ladies and gentlemen , those are not the titles of books about zombies with Body odor. Their latest book is  , To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids! has got to be the kookiest one yet. But I’m sure their next book will be even more kooky.    

“Welcome to the show , ladies.”

Ann-Marie : “Thanks for inviting us , Alex.”

Morgan : “I’m pretty sure we haven’t been here before.”

Alex : “Whatever.”

Victoria : “Did you invite us here just to make fun us , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me. Let’s talk about the new book. Why would -“

Victoria : “Did you read it?”

Alex : “Why would I want to do that?”

Victoria : “Oh , I don’t know , maybe to know what it’s about.”

Alex : “I don’t have to read it to know it’s a piece of  – I mean something only a kook would write – in this case , three kooks – and something only a kook – or in this case , plural , kooks , your fans – would be interested in reading. The title itself tells me it’s got to be the kookiest book ever written. Why would -“

Victoria : “Gee , thanks for the great review , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re welcome. Now why would -“

Victoria : So , you still don’t believe his mole is the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Of course not , it’s insane.”

Morgan : “You don’t believe Obama zombies tried to eat our brains?”

Alex : “How can they eat something that isn’t there to begin with?”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he still wants to kill my granny with Obama Care?”

Alex : “Obama Care doesn’t exist anymore!”

Victoria : “You don’t believe Julio helped him steal the elections , and that I cried and I cried when it happened?”

Ann-Marie : “Yeah , and all kinds of other stuff!”

Morgan : Yeah , like Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead?”

Alex : “ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead may have been involved , but to claim Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck were involved , only a genuinely crazy person would believe that.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he’s still taking too many vacations?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Morgan : “Or that he’s still playing too much golf?”

Alex : “Why should I care about his vacations or golfing , he’s -“

Ann-Marie : “And you don’t believe he still wants to steal everyone’s guns?”

Victoria : “Or that he shredded a copy of the constitution and used the shavings as a salad topping?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Victoria : “You don’t believe he went to Mars to train for his tyrannical dictatorship of America , or that he’s a cross dressing lizard queen from planet Zork?”

Morgan : “And tried to infect us all with Ebola?”

Alex : “Alright , hold on. Just hold on! What does any of this have to do with the book?”

Victoria : “It has everything to do with it , Alex. If you don’t believe any of these facts , then you don’t believe he still wants to eat your kids.”

Ann-Marie : “And all kinds of other stuff!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#acorn, #alex-jones, #ann-marie-murrell, #donald-duck, #george-soros, #humor, #mickey-mouse, #morgan-brittany, #obama, #satire, #victoria-jackson

Fox Planning To Debut New Show , Alternative Facts With Kellyanne Conway

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Kellyanne Conway to host new show on Fox , Alternative Facts.

 Washington –  A new show will soon debut on Fox. It’s called Alternative Facts With Kellyanne Conway. The fair and balanced Fox News loves the new president , Donald Trump , and they love Kellyanne Conway just as much. The new show will air Friday mornings across the Fox Network , just after Fox And Friends , starting early next month.

According to producers of the new show , topics for discussion will include the size of president Trump’s inaugural attendance – which sources have claimed numbered in the hundreds of thousands – how former president Obama tapped Trump Tower phones , some sources even claiming that the Obama dogs were the real culprits , the supposed Bowling Green Massacre , and president Trump’s Muslim ban that really wasn’t a ban.

Alex Jones , King of kooks , crackpots  , wackos , and fruitcakes.

 Fans have praised  the new show as innovative , and ground breaking. “It’s a refreshing change to the liberal media bias ,” said conspiracy theorist , Alex Jones. “It’s about time someone as intelligent as Kellyanne Conway is willing to tell the truth that the liberal media under Obama wasn’t  willing to touch with a fine tooth comb , because they were his lap dogs , just like Sonny and Bo are his lap dogs. Like the tapping of the Trump Tower phones during the election. It was the Obama dogs that were the real criminals. And the Bowling Green Massacre , which really did happen , involving ACORN , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead , just as they were involved in stealing the last two elections for Obama. I can’t wait to be on her show and tell her all about it!”

Conservative wind bag , Mark Levin.

“Now that we have Donald Trump  , a real president in the White House!” Conservative screecher Mark Levin said earlier this week. “The alternative facts – the real facts – will come out! Obama and his whole family will finally be jailed for treason! We couldn’t get him on his birth certificate , we couldn’t get him on executive orders , and we couldn’t get him on Benghazi! But I am confident that we will get him on espionage! America will be outraged and shocked to learn that Obama trained his dogs Sonny and Bo Obama – who are most likely communists themselves , that’s right , I said it! Prove me wrong! – to tap president Trump’s phones! I can’t wait to be on the show!”

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The Motor City Madman reacting to the news of Kellyanne Conway getting her own show on Fox.

  No one was more excited than Ted Nugent. “When I found out Trump was the next president of the United States , I  actually crapped my pants , I was so excited ,” Ted Nugent told Gun Shots And Cum Shots magazine. His critics have charged that he did the same to avoid the Vietnam war , which Nugent claimed was nothing but liberal lies to make him look weak and spineless , something which can ‘be expected from liberals ,” he said. “When I found out Kellyanne Conway was getting her own show at Fox , my favorite channel , I crapped my pants again. I also shot my load and all eight hundred of my guns at the same time. I can’t wait to be on the show and do it again!”

#acorn, #alex-jones, #alternative-facts, #barack-obama, #benghazi, #bo-and-sunny-obama, #bowling-green-massacre, #fox-news, #kelly-ann-conway, #mark-levin, #satire, #ted-nugent, #trump

Tomi And The Snowflakes

 Since her departure from One America News , and joining The Blaze Network , Tomi Lahren has become a social media phenomenon. She is best known for her outrageous opinions that very seldom have any grounding in reality or fact. Some of these opinions are so outrageous , such as comparing the civil rights group Black Lives Matter to the modern-day KKK , they have managed to piss people off , and have earned her monikers like White Privilege Barbie , Nazi Barbie , and Aryan Snowflake. Some People have even took to twitter to troll her by purposefully mispronouncing her name.

Some of her other outrageously ridiculous statements include , former president Obama had a friendly to jihadis mentality , meaning he was weak on terrorism ( apparently completely oblivious to the fact that Obama’s foreign policy included droning seven different places around the world in the war on terror ) because he would not utter the phrase , ‘radical Islamic terrorism’ that Ms. Lahren and her fans were so desperate to hear , because saying so would apparently eliminate the jihadi threat to America.

During a recent visit to ABC’s The View , Tomi admitted that as a Conservative she is pro-choice , and called other Conservatives who called themselves pro-life , hypocrites. That was a mistake in the Conservative circle , which got the feisty commentator into hot water with her employer , Glenn Beck. He promptly suspended her , then fired her. Now , the two are suing each other , or have sued each other … whatever.

But supposedly there have been other reasons behind Tomi’s departure from The Blaze Network. According to an article in the Daily Caller , Tomi’s declaration of pro-choice and calling Conservatives hypocrites , was the “final straw in her relationship with The Blaze Network.”  Without naming any sources , the article claims she was rude to her co-workers , argued with several people over controversial views she had expressed , treated assistants like they were slaves , wanting them to always warm her butt pad for her , and cared more about creating controversy than being honest. Also , according to the article , she wasn’t especially fond of Dana Loesch , and went out of her way to avoid her.

Tomi appeared on a recent episode of the Alex Jones Show to set the record straight on the reasons behind her departure from the Blaze Network.

Alex : “Welcome to the show , ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. My guest on today’s show is Tammy Loren – “

Tomi : “Tomi. Tomi Lahren.”

Alex : “Whatever. Ms. Lowen has written several books. White people : The New Victims Of racism In The Age Of Obama , and Obama Wants To Eat Your Guns. Her latest is Tomi And The Snowflakes , which is scheduled for release sometime this Summer by Trump’s Not A Racist And He Loves America Unlike That Other President , Publishing , reveals the events behind her departure from The Blaze , which includes plenty of drama , cat fights , and verbal name calling. Just the kind of drama her fans have come to expect.

“Alright , I’ve read the book , Timmy – “

Tomi : “Tomi.”

Alex : “When my producer gave me a copy of the book , at first I thought it was about a new female rock group or something. Anyway ,  for those who are listening to the show and haven’t yet read it , why don’t you give a short summary of what it’s about.”

Tomi : “The book is about a group of special snowflakes at The Blaze who had a melt down when I called them hypocrites , among other things.”

Alex : “Lonnie – “

Tomi : “Tomi.”

Alex : “Whatever. In the book you discuss several particularly interesting incidents  in detail , such as an encounter with Dana Letch – I probably mispronounced it , I’m not very good with names – who you several times refer to as a bitch , a skank , and a ‘ho’ , and also an embarrassing encounter with Stu Burger , or Booger – ”

Tomi : “Burguiere.”

Alex : “What is that , a french name or something?”

Tomi : “I really don’t know.”

Alex : “It sounds like the french version of the word booger.”

Tomi : “It could be. I have no idea.”

Glenn and Stu ( Sue ). Still a happy couple.

Alex : “Doesn’t really matter. Still sounds like booger to me. Anyway , this guy Stu , or Sue , or whatever his , or her name is , had sex reassignment surgery a few years back , and has been pretending to be a girl , or a guy , or a transvestite , or whatever , ever since. Right? But what’s even more embarrassing is that – and most of Glenn Beck’s viewers don’t even know this , because they’re all so stupid , which is even more embarrassing , and what’s even more embarrassing is that he’s even more stupid than they are – Glenn , and this Stu , or Sue fella , or whatever , have been married for some time now. Yes , that’s right ladies and gentlemen , Glenn Beck actually divorced his second wife to marry a transvestite! I’m not making this stuff up. I wish I was , but I’m not. Who would have thought that Glenn Beck actually has a thing for gay transvestites? Some really bizarre stuff is going on over there at The Blaze. Isn’t that right , Connie?”

Tomi : “Tomi. It’s Tomi , Alex.”

Alex : “Isn’t that what I said?”

Tomi : “No , you’ve gotten my name wrong four times now.”

Alex : “I’m sorry , Suzi. I’m not trying to be rude or anything. It’s just that I’m not very good with names. They all sound the same to me.”

Tomi : “You can’t tell the difference between Tomi and Timmy?”

Alex : “Tomi , Timmy , what’s in a name? They all sound the same.”

Tomi : “Not to me.”

Alex : “Whatever you say , Ronny. Anyway , like I said , some weird stuff is happening at The Blaze , am I right?”

Tomi : ( Rolls eyes ) “Right.”

Alex : “According to the book , Dana Leech was always crapping up a wind storm  when she was around you , because you knew she hated you , and she knew you hated her too?”

Dana Loesch , angry harpy.

Tomi : “That’s right. I couldn’t stand her for several reasons. For one ,  she was always bragging about her so-called native American heritage , which is like 00.00 percent or something – native heritage , my ass – which I always thought was BS , and I told her so once , which set her off. I called her chief Shitting Bull , and she went ballistic. Her eyes bugged out and she said if I ever called her that again , she would sit on me and use my face for a toilet. Another reason I couldn’t stand her was because she always acted like a big shot. She would wear dark glasses and a fur coat every day before she filmed her show , because she was jealous that my show got higher ratings than hers , and she couldn’t stand it , and by wearing a fur coat and glasses , I knew she was trying to mock me. But what infuriated her the most was the fact that I had a butt pad and she didn’t. She was always jealous of the fact that I had a butt pad because my show was more popular than hers. The reason she didn’t have a butt pad is because no one liked her as much as they liked me , which is the reason I got a butt pad and she didn’t. And my butt is perkier and cuter than hers , and needs a butt pad to warm it up. Dana has the butt of a sixty year old woman , and no butt pad would keep that saggy ass of hers from sagging. I mean , look at it. Mine. Not her’s.”

She stood up and jiggled it like a teenager participating in a bikini contest. “Isn’t that the cutest , perkiest butt you ever did see?”

Alex getting excited watching Tomi shake her cute , perky butt.

Alex : ( Blushing ) “Uh … yeah , Ms. Lahren. Very nice Terry , I mean Timmy , I mean Tomi ! Please sit down. My producer’s getting excited.”

Tomi : “That BS about me being jealous of her , was nothing but BS. I was the one that got more attention because my butt is perkier and cuter than hers , and she couldn’t stand it. Dana always had to be the center of attention , because she’s a whiny-attention-seeking crybaby snowflake.”

Alex : “Also according to the book , you told her she looked like a horse , and that you spread a rumor that she was really a guy in drag , like that Stu , or Sue fella?”

Tomi : “That’s right , Alex. When I told her she had a face like a horse , her eyes bugged out , and she screamed , ‘What did you call me , you skank?’ I said , ‘You look like Mr. Ed’s wife!’ She screamed like a harpy again , grabbed a handful of my hair , threw me on the ground , and farted several times in my face. I mean , God , it was disgusting. I wanted to vomit. It stank like a skunk had invaded the studio. She really knew how to stink up the place. I felt like I was going to die from the stench , but at last Glenn came and pulled her off me. This was during a break in a taping of my show Final Thoughts , back in December. But the time I said she looked like a transvestite , that was even worse. Not only did she fart in my face again , she literally crapped her pants. And this time I did almost die from the stench. In fact , I actually barfed. But this time nobody had to pull her off me , because she was so embarrassed , she ran off holding onto the seat of her pants. She never bothered me again after that , I think because she was afraid I would tell someone , anyone. When the book is published , she’ll probably try to sue me , but I don’t care. I hope she gets laughed out of court. But she did tell  Stu that I said he looked like a gay frog , which I never did , and he also farted in my face. But I did say that she – Dana – looked like Sue when he – I mean she – was pretending to be Stu. And he farted in my face again. She also told Glenn that I once came on to Stu , and they both farted in my face. 

“And that was how I really got fired from The Blaze. It had absolutely nothing  to do with my coming out as pro-choice , or calling Conservatives hypocrites. It had everything to do with the fact my butt is cuter and perkier , and more popular than all of their sagging , old fart assess put together.”

 

#alex-jones, #black-lives-matter, #butt-pad, #dana-loesch, #glenn-beck, #snowflakes, #stu-burguiere, #sue-burguiere, #the-blaze, #tomi-lahren

Bike Gate : Barack Obama’s Sixth Bloodiest Scandal : How Obama Smuggled Drugs To Mexican Drug Cartels In American Bicycles , Because He Hates Bicycles Like He Hates Guns And Wants To Outlaw Them Like He Wants To Outlaw Guns

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The King of kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes.

From the Alex Jones Radio Show , December 26 , 2016 – 

“Welcome to the show , ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas and around the world.  

“We have two guests on today’s show. One is supposed to be a well-respected journalist who is the editor-in-chief for Town Hall.com , and a regular contributor to the Fox News channel. She’s written articles for Red State , and World Net Daily , which is one of the most credible sites on the internet in my opinion.  She’s written such gems as Golf Gate , and Vacation Gate , exposing Obama’s fascination with playing too much golf and taking too many vacations. She’s also written the definitive book on the Fast And Furious scandal ,  Barack Obama’s Bloodiest Scandal And It’s Shameless Cover Up. Her name is Katie Pavlich.

“My other guest isn’t so well-respected. In fact , she’s a well-known kook , crackpot , wacko , and an all around fruitcake. She’s also written some books about Obama , some of them so insane you would have to be just as much of a kook , a crackpot , wacko , and an all around fruitcake as she is , to read them and take them seriously. And believe me , every one of her fans are kooks , crackpots , wackos , and all around fruitcakes , because they do read them and take them seriously. Her name is Victoria Jackson , and together they’ve written a new book which is scheduled to be published next year by Obama Hates America Publishers.

Victoria : “Jeez , thanks a lot , Alex. I really appreciate the introduction.”

Alex : “You’re welcome , Victoria. Katie , what I can’t understand is why you chose to do a book with Victoria Jackson , a well-known kook , crackpot , wacko , and an all around fruitcake. I mean , what were you thinking? Weren’t you worried that people would also think you were a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake?”

Katie : “Not really , Alex. She’s written some credible books exposing Barack Obama as the fraud that he is , so – “

Alex : “Name one.”

Katie : “Well , how about How Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , Acorn , and , uh , something , something , I forget the rest of it.”

Victoria : “The Homeless , Illegal Immigrants , And The Walking Dead Helped Obama The Weasel Weasel His Way Into The White House.”

Katie : “Yeah , that’s it.”

Alex : “I can believe that Acorn , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead might have been involved with getting Obama into the White house , but Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? Come on! That’s ridiculous. Was Goofy involved too? How about Pluto?”

Katie : “What?”

Alex : “You don’t seriously believe that Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck had a hand in it , do you?”

Katie : “Well , Alex , there were reports that many of the ballots contained what appeared to be the signatures of assorted Disney characters. I’m not saying that Mickey and Donald actually signed any ballots. Most likely they were wearing costumes , and some people mistook them for the real thing.” 

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Victoria Jackson , the Queen of kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes.

Victoria : “Not according to the people I talked to. I talked to five different people , and they all swore they saw Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck not only handing out Acorn ballots , but signing ballots themselves.”  

Alex : “Wow! Five different people?”

Victoria : “Yeah. You think I’m going to write a book without doing some research? Who do you think you’re talking to?”

Alex : “I don’t think I’m talking to a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and an all around fruitcake. I know I’m talking to a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and an all around fruitcake , who writes about anything that comes into her empty , crazy head.”

Victoria : “Did you invite me back to make fun of me again , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me.”

Katie : “Alex , can we talk about the book , please?”

Alex : “Alright. Let’s drop the crazy talk and get to some serious business here , the communist Obama selling drugs to Mexican drug cartels. Katie , how do you know Obama has smuggled Mexican drug cartels drugs in bicycles?”

Katie : “Well , we know for a fact that Obama hates America , so it also makes sense that he hates everything else in America , including bicycles.”

Alex : “What does that have to do with smuggling drugs? And why would he hate bicycles? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Katie : “Hold on , I’m getting to it. First he gave them weapons in Fast And Furious , because he hates American gun owners and wants to take all their guns away , and now he’s giving them drugs because he hates bike owners and wants to take their bikes away from them.”

 Alex : “I still don’t get it. He’s giving them drugs because he hates bike owners?”

Victoria : “Yeah. He stole thousands of bicycles and hid drugs inside of them , smuggled them to Mexican drug cartels , because he wanted to justify taking everyone’s bicycles away just like he still wants to take everyone’s guns away.”

Alex : “That doesn’t explain why he hates bike owners.”

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Katie Pavlich , the Queen of cranks , and conspiracy theories.

Katie : “He hates bike owners because a White House staffer named Jake Brewer supposedly died in a bike riding accident during a cancer charity ride last year.”

Victoria : “Yeah. Obama probably had him killed because he’s a communist.”

Alex : “So , Obama stole thousands of bicycles , hid drugs inside of them , and then shipped them off to Mexican cartels because his friend Jake Brewer died in a charity bike ride?”

Katie : “That’s right.”

Alex : “That still doesn’t explain why he hates bike owners.”

Katie : “He hates bike owners like he hates gun owners. He hates gun owners and wants to grab everyone’s guns because he thinks they’re evil. But guns don’t kill people ; people kill people. He feels the same about bicycles. Just because his friend died on one  – “

Victoria : “Supposedly.”

Katie : “Supposedly. Just because his friend died on a bicycle , he thinks they’re evil too , and all of them need to be confiscated like he thinks all guns need to be confiscated.”

Alex : “People think I’m crazy , think I’m nuts , but that is literally one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard. It literally makes no sense. I can believe Obama would smuggle drugs to Mexican cartels because he’s an evil elitist communist who wants to take over America and set up his evil communist , Nazi , Muslim , gay New World Order , but to suggest that he’s smuggling drugs in bicycles because he believes they are just as dangerous as guns , is insane. 

Victoria : “You’re right. Obama is insane , and we have to stop him before it’s too late , or there won’t be anymore guns or bicycles left!”

Alex : “Yeah , Obama is insane , but you two are even more insane for believing this nonsense.”

Victoria : “It’s not nonsense.”

Alex : “Yes , it is. You’re both a couple of kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes , who belong in a padded room with all of your readers who are also kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes.”

#alex-jones, #bicycles, #katie-pavlich, #mexican-drug-cartels, #satire, #victoria-jackson

Alex Jones Interviews Victoria Jackson : Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood And Then Eat Them Because They’re Not Only Cannibals , But Communists , And Everyone Knows Communists Eat Babies , Puppies And Everything Else

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Alex Jones and Victoria Jackson. Who’s crazier?

From the Alex Jones radio show , 10.11.2016 – “Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas and around the world. We have a real kook on the show today. Her name’s Victoria Jackson. You may remember her from Saturday Night Live in the eighties and nineties. Some of you may remember her from her highly entertaining movies and television shows , whatever those may be. I can’t think of a single one that didn’t flop. She’s also written some really kooky books about Barack Obama.”

Victoria : “Jeez , Alex , thanks a lot. My books are no worse than yours.”

Alex : “Excuse me? There’s a big difference between my books and yours , Victoria. My books are well-researched and make sense. Your books are mostly insane , incoherent ramblings.”

Victoria : “Insane , incoherent ramblings? There’s nothing insane or incoherent about my books. Everything I’ve written about Obama is true , and everyone knows it.”

Alex : “True to other kooks.”

Victoria : “I’m not a kook , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re a crackpot.”

Victoria : “I’m not a crackpot.

Alex : “You’re a wacko.””

Victoria : “I’m not a wacko.”

Alex : “You’re a fruitcake.”

Victoria : “I’m not a fruitcake , either.”

Alex : “Listen. Anyone who writes a book about Obama’s mole and believes it’s the anti-Christ , is a kook , a crack pot , a wacko , and a fruitcake , and anyone who reads it and believes it , is also a kook , a crack pot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. So I would say all of your fans and readers are also kooks , crack pots , wackos , and fruitcakes.”

Victoria : “Are you saying your books are are more believable than mine?”

Alex : “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Victoria : ” So , your last book , Barack The Obamanable Snowman , is more credible than any of my books?”

Alex : “That’s right. All of my books are credible. Yours are the insane rantings of a crazy person , a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake.”

Victoria : “You’re calling me crazy?”

Alex : “You said it , not me.”

Victoria : “Whatever , Alex. So if the CIA really turned Obama into a yeti , why is it more believable than his mole being the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Because it’s a lot more believable and sane than a mole being the anti-Christ , for God sake! Moles are disgusting things with hair growing out of them. Only people can be the anti-Christ. If anyone is the anti-Christ , it’s Barack Obama himself.”

Victoria : “Well , they can if they’re not really moles , Alex. You see , Obama’s mole is really his  -“

Alex : ( Laughing ) “Yeah , yeah , I know , his evil conjoined twin  Julio , who has influenced him to be the most evil person in the world. I know Victoria , I read the book and it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Victoria : “Did you invite me here just to make fun of me , Alex?”

Alex : “I’m not making fun of you. I just think it’s funny that somebody would write a book about a mole being the anti-Christ.”

Victoria : “Well , it’s true.”

Alex : “Alright , Victoria , whatever you say. Let’s talk about your new book , Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood And Then Eat Them Because They’re Not Only Cannibals But Communists And Everyone Knows Communists Eat Babies , Puppies And Everything Else. You come up with some of the kookiest titles for your books , Victoria. Didn’t you write another book with a similar title not too long ago?”

Victoria : “Yeah , To Serve Obama.

Alex : “To serve Obama what?”

Victoria : “What?”

Alex : “Waffles?”

Victoria : “What?

Alex : “You tell me. Wheaties , the breakfast of champions?”

Victoria : “What are you talking about?”

Alex : “I believe we were talking about serving Obama.”

Victoria : “Uh , yeah. To Serve Obama.”

Alex : “Serve him what? Waffles? Wheaties?”

Victoria : “Come on , Alex , be serious.”

Alex : “I am being serious. I can believe he wants to eat everyone’s kids , because he’s a monster , a chalupacabrabama and a yeti like I wrote about in my last two books. Chalupacabrabamas and yetis are ferocious beasts with insatiable appetites for chalupas and human flesh. But why would he need Planned Parenthood to eat everyone’s kids? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Victoria : “I’ll tell you why he needs Planned Parenthood. Because they kill thousands of babies every year , and because his brother Julio is the anti-Christ , and Julio wants Obama to perform human sacrifices of aborted babies to him , and what better way than to do it than Planned Parenthood because of the thousands of baby parts they have stored in freezers , and then when they have eaten all of the body parts , and performed enough human sacrifices at Planned Parenthood clinics all over America and have eaten all of the aborted babies , they planned to eat the rest of Americas kids , because they’re communists , and you know communists eat babies , puppies , and everything else.”

Alex : “OK. So why hasn’t Obama -“

Victoria : “And Julio.”

Alex : “And Julio – eaten everyone’s kids already?”

Victoria : “What do you mean?”

Alex : “Well , you claimed Michelle Obama’s book , American Grown , was a cook book , and it’s been four years , and they haven’t eaten a single kid as far as I know.”

Victoria : “It doesn’t mean they won’t.”

Alex : “It doesn’t mean they will , either.”

Victoria : “They will. You’ll see , Alex. Before Obama leaves office him and Julio will devour everyone’s kids first with Planned Parenthood , and then eat the rest of Americas kids.”

Alex :”Admit it , Victoria. This book is just another piece of sensationalist garbage , written for the gullible who believe every insane theory about Barack Obama.”

Victoria : “No , it’s not. It’s -“

Alex : “Yes , it is. You’re a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake who belongs in a padded room wearing a straight jacket , and your readers and fans are kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes , and also belong in padded rooms wearing straight jackets.”

#alex-jones, #babies, #cia, #communists, #crackpot, #fruitcake, #kook, #obama, #planned-parenthood, #puppies, #victoria-jackson, #wacko