Posted in Alex Jones, Ann-Marie Murrell, Morgan Brittany, satire, Victoria Jackson

To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids!

Alex Jones’s ‘how did I get stuck with these kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes?’ face.

From the Alex Jones radio show June 9 , 2017 – 

“Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. I bring you the truth , and nothing but the truth , the truth that the main stream communist liberal news media won’t bring you because it’s controlled by George Soros , the biggest communist liberal in the world.

“I have three kooks on today’s show. One’s been here once or twice before. She’s even more of a  kook than the other two. She’s also crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. She’s written several wacked out books about Barack Obama , including Obama And His Evil Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood , and Obama And His Evil Twin Julio The Mole Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care. Like I said , she’s a real kook , crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake.  

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Smart , intelligent Conservative women , Victoria , Ann-Marie , and Morgan trying to convince Alex Jones that Obama still wants to eat their kids.

“My other two guests are Ann-Marie Murrell , and Morgan Brittany. I’m not sure if they’ve been here before or not , but they’ve also written some wacked out books about Obama , because besides being known as kooks , they’re also crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes. Those books include , The Truth About B. O. And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , and I Was Attacked By B.O. Zombies That Tried To Eat My Brain , the latter which the three of them wrote together. And in case you’re wondering , ladies and gentlemen , those are not the titles of books about zombies with Body odor. Their latest book is  , To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids! has got to be the kookiest one yet. But I’m sure their next book will be even more kooky.    

“Welcome to the show , ladies.”

Ann-Marie : “Thanks for inviting us , Alex.”

Morgan : “I’m pretty sure we haven’t been here before.”

Alex : “Whatever.”

Victoria : “Did you invite us here just to make fun us , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me. Let’s talk about the new book. Why would -“

Victoria : “Did you read it?”

Alex : “Why would I want to do that?”

Victoria : “Oh , I don’t know , maybe to know what it’s about.”

Alex : “I don’t have to read it to know it’s a piece of  – I mean something only a kook would write – in this case , three kooks – and something only a kook – or in this case , plural , kooks , your fans – would be interested in reading. The title itself tells me it’s got to be the kookiest book ever written. Why would -“

Victoria : “Gee , thanks for the great review , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re welcome. Now why would -“

Victoria : So , you still don’t believe his mole is the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Of course not , it’s insane.”

Morgan : “You don’t believe Obama zombies tried to eat our brains?”

Alex : “How can they eat something that isn’t there to begin with?”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he still wants to kill my granny with Obama Care?”

Alex : “Obama Care doesn’t exist anymore!”

Victoria : “You don’t believe Julio helped him steal the elections , and that I cried and I cried when it happened?”

Ann-Marie : “Yeah , and all kinds of other stuff!”

Morgan : Yeah , like Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead?”

Alex : “ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead may have been involved , but to claim Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck were involved , only a genuinely crazy person would believe that.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he’s still taking too many vacations?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Morgan : “Or that he’s still playing too much golf?”

Alex : “Why should I care about his vacations or golfing , he’s -“

Ann-Marie : “And you don’t believe he still wants to steal everyone’s guns?”

Victoria : “Or that he shredded a copy of the constitution and used the shavings as a salad topping?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Victoria : “You don’t believe he went to Mars to train for his tyrannical dictatorship of America , or that he’s a cross dressing lizard queen from planet Zork?”

Morgan : “And tried to infect us all with Ebola?”

Alex : “Alright , hold on. Just hold on! What does any of this have to do with the book?”

Victoria : “It has everything to do with it , Alex. If you don’t believe any of these facts , then you don’t believe he still wants to eat your kids.”

Ann-Marie : “And all kinds of other stuff!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Alternative facts, Kelly Ann Conway, satire/humor

Fox Planning To Debut New Show , Alternative Facts With Kellyanne Conway

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Kellyanne Conway to host new show on Fox , Alternative Facts.

 Washington –  A new show will soon debut on Fox. It’s called Alternative Facts With Kellyanne Conway. The fair and balanced Fox News loves the new president , Donald Trump , and they love Kellyanne Conway just as much. The new show will air Friday mornings across the Fox Network , just after Fox And Friends , starting early next month.

According to producers of the new show , topics for discussion will include the size of president Trump’s inaugural attendance – which sources have claimed numbered in the hundreds of thousands – how former president Obama tapped Trump Tower phones , some sources even claiming that the Obama dogs were the real culprits , the supposed Bowling Green Massacre , and president Trump’s Muslim ban that really wasn’t a ban.

Alex Jones , King of kooks , crackpots  , wackos , and fruitcakes.

 Fans have praised  the new show as innovative , and ground breaking. “It’s a refreshing change to the liberal media bias ,” said conspiracy theorist , Alex Jones. “It’s about time someone as intelligent as Kellyanne Conway is willing to tell the truth that the liberal media under Obama wasn’t  willing to touch with a fine tooth comb , because they were his lap dogs , just like Sonny and Bo are his lap dogs. Like the tapping of the Trump Tower phones during the election. It was the Obama dogs that were the real criminals. And the Bowling Green Massacre , which really did happen , involving ACORN , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead , just as they were involved in stealing the last two elections for Obama. I can’t wait to be on her show and tell her all about it!”

Conservative wind bag , Mark Levin.

“Now that we have Donald Trump  , a real president in the White House!” Conservative screecher Mark Levin said earlier this week. “The alternative facts – the real facts – will come out! Obama and his whole family will finally be jailed for treason! We couldn’t get him on his birth certificate , we couldn’t get him on executive orders , and we couldn’t get him on Benghazi! But I am confident that we will get him on espionage! America will be outraged and shocked to learn that Obama trained his dogs Sonny and Bo Obama – who are most likely communists themselves , that’s right , I said it! Prove me wrong! – to tap president Trump’s phones! I can’t wait to be on the show!”

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The Motor City Madman reacting to the news of Kellyanne Conway getting her own show on Fox.

  No one was more excited than Ted Nugent. “When I found out Trump was the next president of the United States , I  actually crapped my pants , I was so excited ,” Ted Nugent told Gun Shots And Cum Shots magazine. His critics have charged that he did the same to avoid the Vietnam war , which Nugent claimed was nothing but liberal lies to make him look weak and spineless , something which can ‘be expected from liberals ,” he said. “When I found out Kellyanne Conway was getting her own show at Fox , my favorite channel , I crapped my pants again. I also shot my load and all eight hundred of my guns at the same time. I can’t wait to be on the show and do it again!”

Posted in Liberal Logic 101, Stupid Conservative memes

Stupid Conservative Memes #59 Liberal Logic 101 Edition

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What massive voter fraud? This meme provides no link to back up it’s outrageous claim. It just repeats a cherished Republican talking point to appeal to it’s shallow minded readers.

Fifty-two percent of Republicans were convinced that ACORN  stole the 2008 election for Barack Obama. After the 2012 election , it was forty-nine percent. They believed that ACORN wasn’t the only entity that helped Obama steal the elections. Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the walking dead , illegal immigrants , and the homeless of America – thousands upon thousands , all of whom Obama had  somehow managed to bus in to polling places all over America – also had a hand in it ( see How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It , and How Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , The Homeless , Illegal Immigrants , And The Walking Dead Helped Obama The Weasel Weasel His Way Into The White House ). This is how delusional Conservatives have become in the last eight years who believe this nonsense. Nothing is too extreme ; nothing is too insane. They really are willing to believe that Disney characters and ACORN – which didn’t even exist in 2012! – helped Obama steal the elections.

For a party that supposedly benefits from voter fraud time after time , they sure as hell didn’t benefit during the last election. Trump and some of his supporters claimed that it was most likely rigged , even though he became the president. Conservatives have been complaining about voter fraud for years when they lose an election , with no evidence. What they won’t tell you is what voter restriction laws are really all about.  That’s the real fraud.   

 

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

What Liberals Believe ( Liberals Are Still Loons )

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Conservative sleuth , John Hawkins , sniffing out them evil , treasonous , America hating liberals.

 

Since the election of Donald Trump , liberals have gotten even crazier than they’ve ever been , and it’s all Barack Obama’s fault , because he was  jealous that Hillary Clinton lost , even though he rigged it with the help of ACORN , Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal aliens , and the walking dead , yes , the real walking dead , just as he rigged the last two elections with the same characters.

1) Liberals believe Trump will play more golf than Obama did. The truth is , all Obama did was play golf while the world went to hell.

2) Liberals believe Trump will sign more executive orders. The truth is , all Obama did was sign executive orders while the world went to hell. When he wasn’t signing executive orders , he was playing golf , and when he wasn’t playing golf , he was signing executive orders.

3) Liberals believe Trump is a racist because he wanted to build a wall to keep out those murderous , drug dealing illegal immigrants. But it’s really liberals who are racist because they want them to come here and collect welfare , food stamps , and do jobs “no American would want to do.”

4) Liberals believe Trump hates Muslims because his immigration ban will prevent them from coming here and murdering us in our sleep. 

5) Liberals believe ACORN doesn’t exist anymore. But the truth is , ACORN is still trying to rig the voting system for Democrats. They tried it in 2016 , and will most likely try it again in 2020.

6) Liberals don’t believe Obama spied on Trump. The truth is , Obama trained his dogs , Sonny and Bo to infiltrate Trump Towers to tap the phones. Those dogs are clever. They are also communists like Obama.

7) Liberals don’t believe Obama is on a permanent vacation. The truth is , ever since Obama entered the White House in 2009 , he has been on a permanent vacation. According to an unknown source , he was even planning to write a book called My Endless vacation In The White House.

8) Liberals are so delusional , they believe evolution and global warming are real. Even though there is no evidence for either , but refuse to believe in God even though there is a mountain of evidence. 

9) Liberals believe Obama is no longer playing golf. Even though he had banned all golf courses by executive order , for his personal use.

10) Liberals believe Conservatives hated Obama because he is black. Which proves they are the racists. Conservatives don’t like Obama because he was really born in Kenya. 

And there you have it , ten reasons why liberals are still loons.

Posted in satire/humor

The Financial Collapse , Acorn , Bill Ayers , And Everything Real And Imagined That Is Obama’s Fault

Long before Obama was elected president in November 2008 , the economy had already began its spiral into the toilet. The stock market had crashed , and Wall Street was essentially bankrupt.

On October 3 , George Bush signed into law The Troubled Assets Relief Program that would bail out financial institutions , such as Bank Of America , and Goldman Sachs. Years after the fact , the  conservative media ,  including conservative websites and AM radio  , are still placing  the blame for the crises at the feet of Barack Obama for his connection to Fannie Mae , which supposedly had given him thousands of dollars in campaign contributions ( he actually received donations from employees ). After all , who else’s fault could it have been? The banks? The lending institutions? The Bush administration? Certainly not. It was all Obama’s fault , even though he had nothing to do with it , and had not yet taken office until January 20 , 2009. But because  he was a democrat , he was somehow responsible for the whole mess.

Obama haters are always complaining that he is the worst president in American history , while completely and conveniently ignoring 9/11 , the economic recession of 2008 , the Iraq and Afghanistan wars – that took  the lives of thousands ( and with an estimated cost of four to six trillion ) – the numerous military barracks that were attacked by terrorists , Abu Graib , the Hurricane Katrina scandal  – which also took the lives of thousands ( which some conservatives have blamed on Obama ) – all which occurred during the Bush presidency.

To Obama hating conservatives – and even some liberals – who have a problem with connecting to reality , thousands of deaths pale in comparison to Benghazi – four deaths – and the Affordable Care Act – aka Obama Care – 0 deaths. Obviously , cognitive dissonance has no meaning to these people. To them , Benghazi , and Obama Care are the worst  scandals in American history. Worse than Watergate , worse than 9/11 , and worse than the subsequent wars that followed.  George Bush was a much better president because he kept Americans safe , despite the fact that he ignored the warnings that preceded the 9/11 attack , and did nothing. He was the cowboy president , who stood in the rubble at ground zero ,  shouting into a bullhorn that the terrorists would be hunted with a vengeance. Conservative hearts swelled with pride , and eyes misted with tears. He was John Wayne riding to the rescue. He could do no wrong , not even after he had invaded the wrong country , and needlessly sent thousands of Americans to their deaths.

When it comes to the economy , conservatives – at least those who have a deep hatred of Obama – completely ignore reality. They refuse to acknowledge that the economy is continuing to recover after the financial crisis of 2008. Obama haters often claim that the U.S. economy is worse off now than the last two years of the Bush presidency. To hear them tell it , Obama has completely trashed the economy with the help of his mysterious and sinister communist liberal progressive connections , because he was obviously mentored to destroy America , just as they believe that he was responsible for the financial collapse of 2008.

September 30 , 2008 , the McCain/Palin campaign released an ad attacking the democratic party of failing to pass the Federal Housing Enterprise Regulatory Reform Act that would regulate lenders like Fannie Mae , and Freddie Mac , while accusing Obama of being silent. In other words , the ad was implying that the financial mess was the direct fault of the democrats , Obama , the poor , Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Obviously , Greedy Wall Street businessmen shared no responsibility.

There is  a complete lack of critical thinking when it comes to conservatives , and especially among those who hate the current president. They live in their own universe where facts have little meaning , and their fantasies are reality. Their hatred for Obama is so intense that it’s become a habit of making up the most ridiculous nonsense , and blaming him for everything bad that happens in the world.

Here are a few examples of cognitive dissonance , and irony impairment among those who suffer from Obama Derangement Syndrome :

  • He is solely responsible for the rise of ISIS. His failed policies are the  only reason ISIS exists. Because he pulled the troops out of Iraq , it’s his fault that ISIS is beheading people in the middle east. Never mind that George Bush with his invasion of Iraq , might have played a major role in destabilizing the region. It’s all Obama’s fault. Thanks , Obama!
  • The Affordable Care Act. Otherwise known as Obama Care. Since the moment it was signed into law , the GOP and the conservative media were hyping this as the worst failure of his presidency , with its made up death panels , and other nonsense , promoted by self-proclaimed experts such as Sarah Palin , Rush Limbaugh , and Glen Beck. To this day , the republicans in the GOP are still attempting to repeal it.
  • Acorn , Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , and other communist progressives helped him steal the elections. During the elections of 2008 and 2012 , Obama haters in the GOP and the conservative media were so convinced that he was involved in some massive  conspiracy to rig the results in his favor. All they were able to prove was that Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , and the walking dead helped him steal the elections. See Victoria Jackson’s book , How Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , Acorn , Illegal Immigrants , And The Walking Dead Helped Obama The Weasel Weasel His Way Into The White House.
  • He’s worse than Hitler. If you ask a typical Obama hater to name an example of how he is worse than Hitler , they will predictably mention Obama Care ( see Ben Carson’s statement for further details ). Other examples they will invariably cite are , Obama’s Youth Brigade – or Fema Corp – which obviously is a front for a communist youth army which he plans on unleashing , prior to disarming patriotic gun loving Americans of their weapons , prior to tossing them in Fema camps that have been redesigned as Wal – Mart superstores. He also rules like a lawless tyrant with his assault weapon , his magic pen on executive action. And my personal favorite , he has a nasty habit of “shredding” copies of the constitution in the Oval Office with his beloved shredding machine , because we all know he’s a communist , and hates America. See also , Obama Shreds Constitution , Uses Shavings As Salad Topping , and Proof That Obama Is Worse Than Hitler.
  • He’s the worst president ever. Self proclaimed political experts who had a pre conceived hatred of Obama even before he was elected , have been complaining that he has accomplished nothing good during his presidency. They’re either blind , stupid , or both. What they refer to as Obama Care , doesn’t matter to them. Apparently , thousands of Americans who now have health insurance , who did not have it before due to pre-existing conditions , is an unforgivable sin. The Iran anti-nuke deal is also a sin. In their minds , it’s the same as giving them nuclear weapons. Bush presided over the worst terrorist attack on American soil , the Iraq and Afghanistan wars , the embarrassments that were Abu Graib , hurricane Katrina , and the financial crisis of 2008. But Obama is a worse president because of Obama Care , and Benghazi , which they claim are  worse scandals than 9/11. Bush kept us safe. The irony is lost on them.
  • Bill Ayers was his communist mentor. For seven years , everyone from Sarah Palin , to Glen Beck , to the rest of the conservative media , have been screaming about Obama’s so-called connection to the late sixties former Weather Underground radical , who managed to bomb a few buildings without killing anyone. But , other than a few meetings in the past and a couple of projects they apparently worked on at the same time , nothing damaging has been discovered other than guilt by association. What are they hoping to find? That between the ages of eight and ten , he helped them bomb the capital and other buildings?
  • The liberal war on Christmas. Every year at this time the conservative media trots out their annual fictitious war on Christmas. Among the average liberal and Obama hating conservative who gets all their news from the likes of Fox News , The Blaze , and Rush Limbaugh , Obama and liberals are notorious for hating Christians and anything to do with Christmas. Last year Fox News aired a segment on how Obama had planned to steal Christmas from all the boys and girls of America , and then nuke Santa’s Village to cover it up. But it turned out to be a hoax ( see How Obama The Grinch Stole Christmas ). There was also some brouhaha over the inappropriateness of businesses saying Happy Holidays as opposed to Merry Christmas. This year , conservatives are predictably going bonkers over a red Starbucks cup.
  • Fema Corps is really Obama’s Communist Youth Brigade. Anyone who remembers the absurdity of this past summers Jade Helm hysteria  , find  this just as absurd , or even more so. But nothing can compare to the latest lunacy coming from Infowars. According to Alex Jones , Fema Corps is really an army of genetically engineered infant warriors trained in the martial arts ( see Mutant Ninja Babies , Barack Obama’s Secret Army Of Infant Warriors ).  Patriotic gun loving Americans – at least those who suffer from Obama Derangement Syndrome – are convinced that Obama is still intent on taking everyone’s guns away , and it will undoubtedly happen soon ( see Proof Obama Is Worse Than Hitler , and He’s worse than Hitler ).
  • He’s a chupacabrabama. He’s part chupacabra , and part Obama , with an unusual appetite for chalupas. At least his father was , according to Alex Jones ( see I Was A Chalupacabrabama For The CIA ).
  • He’s a white culture hating racist. According to Glen Beck. Anyone with a moderate amount of common sense , who saw Beck’s Anatomy Of A Racist some years back on his Blaze network , knows he doesn’t have a clue as to what a real racist is. He continuously over looks the fact that he himself is a racist, as are most of his viewing audience. To them , Jesse Jackson , Al Sharpton , and Barack Obama are the true racists for having the audacity to even mention the murders of  “known thugs” like Trayvon Martin , Mike Brown , and any unarmed black youth who has the fortune of getting shot by white law enforcement officers. Again , to Beck and his followers who accuse prominent black leaders of being racists ,  while ignoring their own racism , the irony of this completely eludes them.

 Glen Beck , Rush Limbaugh ,  Fox News , and their viewers , have been culpable in dividing America. The Trayvon Martin case , the Michael Brown case , and the riots in Ferguson , Missouri , are perfect examples of this division , and how the conservative media played a role in that division , and will continue to play a role in that division , until Americas first black president is no longer in the White House.