Posted in Alex Jones, Victoria Jackson/satire

Alex Jones Interviews Victoria Jackson : Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood And Then Eat Them Because They’re Not Only Cannibals , But Communists , And Everyone Knows Communists Eat Babies , Puppies And Everything Else

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Alex Jones and Victoria Jackson. Who’s crazier?

From the Alex Jones radio show , 10.11.2016 – “Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas and around the world. We have a real kook on the show today. Her name’s Victoria Jackson. You may remember her from Saturday Night Live in the eighties and nineties. Some of you may remember her from her highly entertaining movies and television shows , whatever those may be. I can’t think of a single one that didn’t flop. She’s also written some really kooky books about Barack Obama.”

Victoria : “Jeez , Alex , thanks a lot. My books are no worse than yours.”

Alex : “Excuse me? There’s a big difference between my books and yours , Victoria. My books are well-researched and make sense. Your books are mostly insane , incoherent ramblings.”

Victoria : “Insane , incoherent ramblings? There’s nothing insane or incoherent about my books. Everything I’ve written about Obama is true , and everyone knows it.”

Alex : “True to other kooks.”

Victoria : “I’m not a kook , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re a crackpot.”

Victoria : “I’m not a crackpot.

Alex : “You’re a wacko.””

Victoria : “I’m not a wacko.”

Alex : “You’re a fruitcake.”

Victoria : “I’m not a fruitcake , either.”

Alex : “Listen. Anyone who writes a book about Obama’s mole and believes it’s the anti-Christ , is a kook , a crack pot , a wacko , and a fruitcake , and anyone who reads it and believes it , is also a kook , a crack pot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. So I would say all of your fans and readers are also kooks , crack pots , wackos , and fruitcakes.”

Victoria : “Are you saying your books are are more believable than mine?”

Alex : “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Victoria : ” So , your last book , Barack The Obamanable Snowman , is more credible than any of my books?”

Alex : “That’s right. All of my books are credible. Yours are the insane rantings of a crazy person , a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake.”

Victoria : “You’re calling me crazy?”

Alex : “You said it , not me.”

Victoria : “Whatever , Alex. So if the CIA really turned Obama into a yeti , why is it more believable than his mole being the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Because it’s a lot more believable and sane than a mole being the anti-Christ , for God sake! Moles are disgusting things with hair growing out of them. Only people can be the anti-Christ. If anyone is the anti-Christ , it’s Barack Obama himself.”

Victoria : “Well , they can if they’re not really moles , Alex. You see , Obama’s mole is really his  -“

Alex : ( Laughing ) “Yeah , yeah , I know , his evil conjoined twin  Julio , who has influenced him to be the most evil person in the world. I know Victoria , I read the book and it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Victoria : “Did you invite me here just to make fun of me , Alex?”

Alex : “I’m not making fun of you. I just think it’s funny that somebody would write a book about a mole being the anti-Christ.”

Victoria : “Well , it’s true.”

Alex : “Alright , Victoria , whatever you say. Let’s talk about your new book , Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood And Then Eat Them Because They’re Not Only Cannibals But Communists And Everyone Knows Communists Eat Babies , Puppies And Everything Else. You come up with some of the kookiest titles for your books , Victoria. Didn’t you write another book with a similar title not too long ago?”

Victoria : “Yeah , To Serve Obama.

Alex : “To serve Obama what?”

Victoria : “What?”

Alex : “Waffles?”

Victoria : “What?

Alex : “You tell me. Wheaties , the breakfast of champions?”

Victoria : “What are you talking about?”

Alex : “I believe we were talking about serving Obama.”

Victoria : “Uh , yeah. To Serve Obama.”

Alex : “Serve him what? Waffles? Wheaties?”

Victoria : “Come on , Alex , be serious.”

Alex : “I am being serious. I can believe he wants to eat everyone’s kids , because he’s a monster , a chalupacabrabama and a yeti like I wrote about in my last two books. Chalupacabrabamas and yetis are ferocious beasts with insatiable appetites for chalupas and human flesh. But why would he need Planned Parenthood to eat everyone’s kids? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Victoria : “I’ll tell you why he needs Planned Parenthood. Because they kill thousands of babies every year , and because his brother Julio is the anti-Christ , and Julio wants Obama to perform human sacrifices of aborted babies to him , and what better way than to do it than Planned Parenthood because of the thousands of baby parts they have stored in freezers , and then when they have eaten all of the body parts , and performed enough human sacrifices at Planned Parenthood clinics all over America and have eaten all of the aborted babies , they planned to eat the rest of Americas kids , because they’re communists , and you know communists eat babies , puppies , and everything else.”

Alex : “OK. So why hasn’t Obama -“

Victoria : “And Julio.”

Alex : “And Julio – eaten everyone’s kids already?”

Victoria : “What do you mean?”

Alex : “Well , you claimed Michelle Obama’s book , American Grown , was a cook book , and it’s been four years , and they haven’t eaten a single kid as far as I know.”

Victoria : “It doesn’t mean they won’t.”

Alex : “It doesn’t mean they will , either.”

Victoria : “They will. You’ll see , Alex. Before Obama leaves office him and Julio will devour everyone’s kids first with Planned Parenthood , and then eat the rest of Americas kids.”

Alex :”Admit it , Victoria. This book is just another piece of sensationalist garbage , written for the gullible who believe every insane theory about Barack Obama.”

Victoria : “No , it’s not. It’s -“

Alex : “Yes , it is. You’re a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake who belongs in a padded room wearing a straight jacket , and your readers and fans are kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes , and also belong in padded rooms wearing straight jackets.”

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Posted in Victoria Jackson/satire

Barack Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin , Julio The Mole ( Also Known As The Anti-Christ ) Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care!

Victoria Jackson is a former Saturday Night Live cast member  , author and talk show host. Throughout the eighties and nineties she costarred in some of the worst films and television shows ever made : Casual Sex , UHF , Campin’ Buddies , and Marriage Material. The only things she did that were of any significance were an early episode of the X-Files , and Saturday Night Live , which recently completed  its forty-first season.

These days she’s a Kool-Aid drinking , Tea Party Conservative wing nut wacko who makes a fool of herself every time she opens her mouth , by demonstrating that she knows absolutely nothing about politics , but believes she’s intelligent and that she actually makes sense. What’s even more disturbing is that some people take her seriously.

She dislikes Obama and liberals with a passion , and sincerely believes that both are responsible for all of Americas problems past and present. In her mind , and the minds of her fellow Tea Party wackos , Obama is a lawless and ruthless dictator because , according to them , health care is akin to what Hitler did in Germany , and because liberals are mindless Obama supporters , they’re just as bad. In other words , health care reform is evil , is socialized medicine ( it’s not ) , contains death panels ( it doesn’t ) and is therefore unconstitutional ( it’s not ) , and anyone who supports it is a socialist.

He also rules like a tyrant with his mighty pen , making up his own laws , takes far too many vacations , can always be found on a golf course , and shows more love and support to Americas enemies. To Conservatives , America under Obama is no different from Nazi Germany , or Syria , where Christians and Conservatives are beheaded , gunned down in the streets , and threatened with imprisonment and death for their beliefs.

She’s a prolific writer , publishing some of the most ridiculous books ever written about Barack Obama , including  God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It Again : I Was Attacked By Obama Zombies That Tried To Eat My Brain , and Bye Bye America Died , That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried. Her last book , Obama The Grinch Wants To Eat My Christmas Cookies And Donuts , Drink My Eggnog , And Steal My Christmas Presents , had her fans hoarding tons of cookies and donuts before Obama the evil dictator could ban them forever.

Her newest book , Barack Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin ,  Julio The Mole ( Also Known As The Anti-Christ ) Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care! is also a huge hit with her fans , and is available from Obamie Is A Commie Publishing House.

She appeared on a recent episode of The Glen Beck Show on The Blaze Network , with Glen and his co-hosts , Stu Burguiere and Pat Gray.

Glen : “Thanks for joining us here on The Glen Beck Show , Victoria. I don’t believe we’ve ever had you on before , at least not recently.”

Victoria : “I’m not sure either , Glen. But thanks for having me.”

Glen : “Alright , let’s talk about your new book. I read it and I think it’s fantastic! Stu , Pat , did you guys read it?”

Stu : “Yeah , I read it. I liked it too. I thought it was better than the last one. I found this one more credible.”

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Pat , Stu and Victoria arguing over who is more powerful , Obama  , his evil mole twin , or Santa Claus.

Pat : ( Frowning ) “What do you mean? Are you saying you don’t believe in Santa Claus?”

Stu : “No , of course I do. I just don’t see how Obama can travel the world in one night and steal everyone’s Christmas goodies and presents. He’s not Santa Claus for God sake!”

Pat : “First of all , that’s not what the book was about. And second , it is possible when you look at it from the point of view that he’s the most evil and most powerful man who ever lived. Think about it.”

Victoria : “The second most powerful. Julio is the anti-Christ. That makes him the most powerful.”

Stu : “But Julio’s a mole. Are you saying he’s more powerful than Santa Claus?”

Pat : ( Rolling his eyes ) “No one is more powerful than Santa Claus! Duh!”

Stu : “But you just said -“

Pat : “Never mind what I said.”

Glen : “Alright , back to the book. It’s titled Barack Obama And His Evil Conjoined Twin , Julio The Mole ( Also Known As The Anti-Christ ) Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care.  It makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. They do want to kill everyone’s grandmother. It says so in the document. If an elderly person , or a terminally ill person , has an incurable disease or something – whatever – the government , Obama and his Nazi brown shirt doctors , can step in and say , this person is going to die anyway , so why not euthanize them?”

Stu : Yeah , it’s insane. Absolutely insane.”

Pat : “And thousands of people have died already because of Obama Care. 

Victoria : “Yeah , they’re murdering old people all over America , and killing young people simply because they can’t afford it. They’re supposed to be penalizing them for not getting Obama Care , but instead they’re killing everyone who doesn’t have it.”

Pat : “And of course , the American people don’t know this because the communist progressive liberal media isn’t reporting it.”

Victoria : “Yeah , they’re too busy sucking up to Obama and the Democrats. And that’s why I wrote the book , because I knew they weren’t going to tell the truth.”

 Glen : “The only one who was willing to tell the truth about this was Sarah Palin. She told us where the real death panels are. They’re in Obama Care , not private health care like the progressives claimed there was. They’re in Obama Care. Sarah Palin knows about these things. She knew what she was talking about. She has a kid – his name is what , Trick -?”

Pat : “Track.”

Glen : “Is he the one with Downs Syndrome?”

Pat : “That’s Trig or Trigonometry , or something , who the hell knows?”

Glen : “Anyway , she is terrified that Obama – “

Victoria : “And Julio.”

Glen : “And Julio – is going to drag him off and have him euthanized before he’s twelve! And I can’t say that I blame her. I also have a special needs child. I fear the same thing will happen to her before she’s thirty. This is madness! This is insanity! It’s like Auschwitz all over again. When are the American people going to rise up and say enough!? When will they rise up and say we will not allow Obama – “

Victoria : “And Julio.”

Glen : “And Julio – to euthanize our mothers and fathers and grand parents because they have gotten too old , and we will not allow you to kill our young people and destroy their futures because they cannot afford your health insurance!”

Victoria : “And I won’t allow Obama and his evil twin brother , Julio , to kill my granny with Obama Care!”     

Posted in Victoria Jackson/satire

Excerpts From Victoria Jackson’s Book ‘Bye Bye , America Died , That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried , Part 5

Continued from chapter one : 

Night Of The Twerking Dead

When I woke up , a dog was licking my face , and a paramedic and a cop were squatting next to me. The dog was a small , scroungy looking mutt with a couple of bald patches in its fur. It smelled like pee. I pushed it away as I tried to get up.

The paramedic and the cop were young and kind of cute looking.

“Hey! Whose dog is this?”

“Now relax lady , and let me take a look at that cut on your forehead ,” the paramedic said. He smelled like Old Spice. Something my husband seldom smelled like. Paul usually smelled like  gas. 

“What cut? I’m fine.” I tried to get up , but immediately felt dizzy. The dog continued  licking my face. I pushed it away again. “Go away mangy mutt , you stink!”

“You’re not fine. You knocked your head against the steering wheel when you rammed into that car in front of you ,” the police officer said. The name on his tag said officer Jenkins. He had a Burt Reynolds type mustache ; he even slightly resembled Burt Reynolds. “You might have a concussion. Best to let the paramedics take you to the hospital to check you out. Is there anyone here who can take your dog home?”

Funny , but I didn’t recall slamming my head against the steering wheel.

“What makes you think it’s my dog? I wouldn’t be caught dead with an ugly mutt that smells like pee.” The mangy thing whined slightly as if it knew I had insulted it.

“Oh  … well , I thought … never mind.” He turned to the crowd of gawkers who were staring at me as if they were in a trance. Typical of Obama supporters. Drooling Zombies all of them. 

“Does anyone know who this dog belongs to?”  

No one answered. They continued to stare for several moments. I began to feel uneasy. All those zombie movies I had seen as a kid came flooding back to me. I was terrified they would start mumbling about wanting to eat brains or babies or something. But no such thing happened. I felt a little disappointed. These were Obama supporters after all.

Then the crowd parted and an old woman who looked just as mangy as the dog , stumbled forward , and with an almost toothless grin , called the dog to her. The mangy little mutt jumped into her arms , and as she turned back toward the crowd , she began twerking! God , it was obscene! But what was even more obscene , was the crowd twerked along with her , uncannily matching her every move , as if they were being directed by some unseen force. Obama , most likely. 

“Oh … my … God! Get me out of here , somebody , please!” I wanted to vomit , but all I could manage to do was gag. The paramedic helped me up and into the wagon.

As it pulled away , through the back windows , I could still see the crowd twerking. I felt sick again , but instead of gagging , this time I did vomit … right into the face of the young paramedic!

 

 

Posted in Victoria Jackson/satire

How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It

Tea Party conservatives have believed for years that Barack Obama is a phony and a fraud. They believe he won the elections with the help of his communist friends in Acorn , with Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless of America , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead – not the TV series. How else could he have become president? After all , he’s not really an American , according to birthers , many of whom still insist that he was really born in Kenya to communist parents , and personally mentored by Bill Ayers , Saul Alinsky , and Frank Marshall Davis , who were also communists.

Then there are  those who believe that he won the elections through a much more sinister method. To them , the elections were manipulated by the mole beside Obama’s nose  , otherwise known as Julio Obama , Barack’s evil twin brother , who , according to Victoria Jackson , is the Anti-Christ.

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Victoria Jackson. Insane Tea Party patriot. Frequent and favorite guest of the Fox News audience.

Victoria , an insane Tea Party patriot , and conservative blogger , has convinced many of her fellow party members and legions of fans that she is quite sane. She’s written several gems about Barack Obama , including , Barack’s Magic Pen , and To Serve Obama. She’s appeared several times on Fox to promote her ridiculous books. Her latest book , even more insane than her last one , How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It , is scheduled to be released by Obama Haters Tea Party Patriot Survival Club , early next year.

 She’s appeared numerous times on Fox’s The Kelly File , with Megan Kelly. Recently she  was invited back to talk about her latest gem. Apparently , her fans still can’t get enough of her , and are just as insane as she is.

Megan : “Victoria , welcome back.”

Victoria : “Thanks for having me back again , Megan. I really appreciate it.”

Megan : “Well , like I said last time you were here , don’t thank me. It wasn’t my idea to have you here. The only reason you’re here is because every time you make an appearance , the ratings sky-rocket. You have your fans to thank for that.”

Victoria : “How nice.”

Megan : “The last time you were here , you said president Obama won the elections through voter fraud , with his communist friends in Acorn , and also with Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead -“

Victoria : “Not the TV show.”

Megan : “Not the TV show. But , the last time you were on Hannity , you said that the mole beside the president’s nose – “

Victoria : “Julio.”

Megan : Julio. Is the Anti-Christ.”

Victoria : “Yes , that’s right.”

Megan : “I can’t believe I’m about to ask this. Was he also involved in the plot to rig the elections?”

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Megan still can’t believe how crazy Victoria Jackson is , and how anyone can possibly find her credible , as she shamelessly hawks her latest idiotic and insane book – How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It – on The Kelly File.

Victoria : “Of course , he was. It was all his idea. You see , Obama isn’t smart enough to think of it on his own , even though liberals and progressives – who are really communists – claim he was a constitutional scholar. He really wasn’t. He really doesn’t know anything about it , which is why he’s always shredding it , because he’s incompetent. To prove just how incompetent he is  , do you know that he recently shredded the constitution in a salad and fed it to his family , and communist friends , the Democrats? Yeah , he really did! Anyway , it was Julio Obama’s idea to rig the elections.”

Megan : “And how do you know all of this?”

Victoria : “Didn’t you read the book?”

Megan : “No , I haven’t. I still haven’t finished the last one.”

Victoria : “Why not?”

Megan : “Well … to be honest ,  it’s kind of  idiotic , and insane.”

Victoria : “No , it’s not , it’s the truth. You would know that if you bothered to read it.”

Megan : “I promise to read it , after I finish with the last one. Now tell me , how do  you know all of this?”

Victoria : “Oh , alright. But you better read both of them , or I swear this is the last time you’ll see me here.”

Megan : “I doubt that.”

Victoria : “God told me.”

Megan : “God told you?”

Victoria : “Yes , God told me.”

Megan : “God told you that Obama rigged the elections? God told you that the president’s mole is the Anti-Christ?”

Victoria : “No , Megan , haven’t you been paying attention?! Jeez! God told me that Obama rigged the elections , but he didn’t tell me that Julio Obama is the Anti-Christ. You really need to get out more! Someone I met at a FBI meeting told me that Julio is Obama’s … wait … Obama’s mole is … the Anti-Christ. Yeah , that’s it.”

Megan : “Alright. So , let me see if I can get this straight. God told you that the president rigged the elections , but someone  else told you that Julio Obama – his mole – is the Anti-Christ?”

Victoria : “That’s right.”

Megan : “So , you met this stranger who told you that Obama’s mole is the Anti-Christ , and that its name is Julio , and you believed it? How do you know they weren’t  making it up just to get a reaction out of you? I mean , you’ve promoted some crazy ideas before. Maybe they were just putting you on.”

Victoria : “What crazy ideas? Everything I’ve said about Obama is the truth. And his moles name really is Julio! God told me that , too!”

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Megan laughing hysterically at hearing how Victoria learned that God told her Obama’s mole was named Julio.

Megan ( laughing ) : ‘Oh , my God! Oh , Lord! Oh , Jesus Christ , God almighty! Jesus , Mary , and Joseph! ( she laughs so hard that she nearly falls out of her seat ) OK , Well , I’m confused again. More than I was the last time you were here. You said God told you that Obama rigged the elections , but before that , you said he wasn’t smart enough  , that it was all Julio’s idea. Did God tell you that , too , or did you figure that out on your own?” ( she bursts out laughing again , and this time she does fall out of her seat ).

Megan : “Julio made him do it! Oh , God! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” ( another fit of laughter ).

Victoria : “It’s not funny , Megan! There’s no reason to be so mean!”

Megan : “I’m not being mean , I’m just – ” ( she bursts out laughing again ).

Victoria : “I warned you , Megan. This is my last appearance on your show.”

Megan : “Oh , I seriously doubt that , Victoria.”

Victoria : “Oh yeah? Watch me.”