Posted in Alex Jones, Ann-Marie Murrell, Morgan Brittany, satire, Victoria Jackson

To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids!

Alex Jones’s ‘how did I get stuck with these kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes?’ face.

From the Alex Jones radio show June 9 , 2017 – 

“Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. I bring you the truth , and nothing but the truth , the truth that the main stream communist liberal news media won’t bring you because it’s controlled by George Soros , the biggest communist liberal in the world.

“I have three kooks on today’s show. One’s been here once or twice before. She’s even more of a  kook than the other two. She’s also crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. She’s written several wacked out books about Barack Obama , including Obama And His Evil Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood , and Obama And His Evil Twin Julio The Mole Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care. Like I said , she’s a real kook , crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake.  

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Smart , intelligent Conservative women , Victoria , Ann-Marie , and Morgan trying to convince Alex Jones that Obama still wants to eat their kids.

“My other two guests are Ann-Marie Murrell , and Morgan Brittany. I’m not sure if they’ve been here before or not , but they’ve also written some wacked out books about Obama , because besides being known as kooks , they’re also crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes. Those books include , The Truth About B. O. And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , and I Was Attacked By B.O. Zombies That Tried To Eat My Brain , the latter which the three of them wrote together. And in case you’re wondering , ladies and gentlemen , those are not the titles of books about zombies with Body odor. Their latest book is  , To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids! has got to be the kookiest one yet. But I’m sure their next book will be even more kooky.    

“Welcome to the show , ladies.”

Ann-Marie : “Thanks for inviting us , Alex.”

Morgan : “I’m pretty sure we haven’t been here before.”

Alex : “Whatever.”

Victoria : “Did you invite us here just to make fun us , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me. Let’s talk about the new book. Why would -“

Victoria : “Did you read it?”

Alex : “Why would I want to do that?”

Victoria : “Oh , I don’t know , maybe to know what it’s about.”

Alex : “I don’t have to read it to know it’s a piece of  – I mean something only a kook would write – in this case , three kooks – and something only a kook – or in this case , plural , kooks , your fans – would be interested in reading. The title itself tells me it’s got to be the kookiest book ever written. Why would -“

Victoria : “Gee , thanks for the great review , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re welcome. Now why would -“

Victoria : So , you still don’t believe his mole is the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Of course not , it’s insane.”

Morgan : “You don’t believe Obama zombies tried to eat our brains?”

Alex : “How can they eat something that isn’t there to begin with?”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he still wants to kill my granny with Obama Care?”

Alex : “Obama Care doesn’t exist anymore!”

Victoria : “You don’t believe Julio helped him steal the elections , and that I cried and I cried when it happened?”

Ann-Marie : “Yeah , and all kinds of other stuff!”

Morgan : Yeah , like Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead?”

Alex : “ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead may have been involved , but to claim Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck were involved , only a genuinely crazy person would believe that.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he’s still taking too many vacations?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Morgan : “Or that he’s still playing too much golf?”

Alex : “Why should I care about his vacations or golfing , he’s -“

Ann-Marie : “And you don’t believe he still wants to steal everyone’s guns?”

Victoria : “Or that he shredded a copy of the constitution and used the shavings as a salad topping?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Victoria : “You don’t believe he went to Mars to train for his tyrannical dictatorship of America , or that he’s a cross dressing lizard queen from planet Zork?”

Morgan : “And tried to infect us all with Ebola?”

Alex : “Alright , hold on. Just hold on! What does any of this have to do with the book?”

Victoria : “It has everything to do with it , Alex. If you don’t believe any of these facts , then you don’t believe he still wants to eat your kids.”

Ann-Marie : “And all kinds of other stuff!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Alex Jones, Katie Pavlich, satire/humor, Victoria Jackson

Bike Gate : Barack Obama’s Sixth Bloodiest Scandal : How Obama Smuggled Drugs To Mexican Drug Cartels In American Bicycles , Because He Hates Bicycles Like He Hates Guns And Wants To Outlaw Them Like He Wants To Outlaw Guns

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The King of kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes.

From the Alex Jones Radio Show , December 26 , 2016 – 

“Welcome to the show , ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas and around the world.  

“We have two guests on today’s show. One is supposed to be a well-respected journalist who is the editor-in-chief for Town Hall.com , and a regular contributor to the Fox News channel. She’s written articles for Red State , and World Net Daily , which is one of the most credible sites on the internet in my opinion.  She’s written such gems as Golf Gate , and Vacation Gate , exposing Obama’s fascination with playing too much golf and taking too many vacations. She’s also written the definitive book on the Fast And Furious scandal ,  Barack Obama’s Bloodiest Scandal And It’s Shameless Cover Up. Her name is Katie Pavlich.

“My other guest isn’t so well-respected. In fact , she’s a well-known kook , crackpot , wacko , and an all around fruitcake. She’s also written some books about Obama , some of them so insane you would have to be just as much of a kook , a crackpot , wacko , and an all around fruitcake as she is , to read them and take them seriously. And believe me , every one of her fans are kooks , crackpots , wackos , and all around fruitcakes , because they do read them and take them seriously. Her name is Victoria Jackson , and together they’ve written a new book which is scheduled to be published next year by Obama Hates America Publishers.

Victoria : “Jeez , thanks a lot , Alex. I really appreciate the introduction.”

Alex : “You’re welcome , Victoria. Katie , what I can’t understand is why you chose to do a book with Victoria Jackson , a well-known kook , crackpot , wacko , and an all around fruitcake. I mean , what were you thinking? Weren’t you worried that people would also think you were a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake?”

Katie : “Not really , Alex. She’s written some credible books exposing Barack Obama as the fraud that he is , so – “

Alex : “Name one.”

Katie : “Well , how about How Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , Acorn , and , uh , something , something , I forget the rest of it.”

Victoria : “The Homeless , Illegal Immigrants , And The Walking Dead Helped Obama The Weasel Weasel His Way Into The White House.”

Katie : “Yeah , that’s it.”

Alex : “I can believe that Acorn , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead might have been involved with getting Obama into the White house , but Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? Come on! That’s ridiculous. Was Goofy involved too? How about Pluto?”

Katie : “What?”

Alex : “You don’t seriously believe that Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck had a hand in it , do you?”

Katie : “Well , Alex , there were reports that many of the ballots contained what appeared to be the signatures of assorted Disney characters. I’m not saying that Mickey and Donald actually signed any ballots. Most likely they were wearing costumes , and some people mistook them for the real thing.” 

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Victoria Jackson , the Queen of kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes.

Victoria : “Not according to the people I talked to. I talked to five different people , and they all swore they saw Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck not only handing out Acorn ballots , but signing ballots themselves.”  

Alex : “Wow! Five different people?”

Victoria : “Yeah. You think I’m going to write a book without doing some research? Who do you think you’re talking to?”

Alex : “I don’t think I’m talking to a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and an all around fruitcake. I know I’m talking to a kook , a crackpot , a wacko , and an all around fruitcake , who writes about anything that comes into her empty , crazy head.”

Victoria : “Did you invite me back to make fun of me again , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me.”

Katie : “Alex , can we talk about the book , please?”

Alex : “Alright. Let’s drop the crazy talk and get to some serious business here , the communist Obama selling drugs to Mexican drug cartels. Katie , how do you know Obama has smuggled Mexican drug cartels drugs in bicycles?”

Katie : “Well , we know for a fact that Obama hates America , so it also makes sense that he hates everything else in America , including bicycles.”

Alex : “What does that have to do with smuggling drugs? And why would he hate bicycles? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Katie : “Hold on , I’m getting to it. First he gave them weapons in Fast And Furious , because he hates American gun owners and wants to take all their guns away , and now he’s giving them drugs because he hates bike owners and wants to take their bikes away from them.”

 Alex : “I still don’t get it. He’s giving them drugs because he hates bike owners?”

Victoria : “Yeah. He stole thousands of bicycles and hid drugs inside of them , smuggled them to Mexican drug cartels , because he wanted to justify taking everyone’s bicycles away just like he still wants to take everyone’s guns away.”

Alex : “That doesn’t explain why he hates bike owners.”

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Katie Pavlich , the Queen of cranks , and conspiracy theories.

Katie : “He hates bike owners because a White House staffer named Jake Brewer supposedly died in a bike riding accident during a cancer charity ride last year.”

Victoria : “Yeah. Obama probably had him killed because he’s a communist.”

Alex : “So , Obama stole thousands of bicycles , hid drugs inside of them , and then shipped them off to Mexican cartels because his friend Jake Brewer died in a charity bike ride?”

Katie : “That’s right.”

Alex : “That still doesn’t explain why he hates bike owners.”

Katie : “He hates bike owners like he hates gun owners. He hates gun owners and wants to grab everyone’s guns because he thinks they’re evil. But guns don’t kill people ; people kill people. He feels the same about bicycles. Just because his friend died on one  – “

Victoria : “Supposedly.”

Katie : “Supposedly. Just because his friend died on a bicycle , he thinks they’re evil too , and all of them need to be confiscated like he thinks all guns need to be confiscated.”

Alex : “People think I’m crazy , think I’m nuts , but that is literally one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard. It literally makes no sense. I can believe Obama would smuggle drugs to Mexican cartels because he’s an evil elitist communist who wants to take over America and set up his evil communist , Nazi , Muslim , gay New World Order , but to suggest that he’s smuggling drugs in bicycles because he believes they are just as dangerous as guns , is insane. 

Victoria : “You’re right. Obama is insane , and we have to stop him before it’s too late , or there won’t be anymore guns or bicycles left!”

Alex : “Yeah , Obama is insane , but you two are even more insane for believing this nonsense.”

Victoria : “It’s not nonsense.”

Alex : “Yes , it is. You’re both a couple of kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes , who belong in a padded room with all of your readers who are also kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes.”

Posted in Victoria Jackson

Excerpts From Victoria Jackson’s Book : Bye! Bye! America Died , That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried … Part 6

Continued from chapter one : The Night Of The Twerking Dead

After barfing in the young paramedic’s face  , I wanted to crawl under a rock and just die. I didn’t mean to do it. The fact that I was feeling queasy from the cut on my head , and the disgust I felt at the twerkers , I just couldn’t help myself. It came without warning. 

The young man was more embarrassed than I was. I apologized , and he mumbled , “forget about it. It can happen to anybody.”

I called Paul from the hospital to come pick me up. He brought Aubrey and Scarlet with him. The cop who had taken my information about the accident , was leaving as they arrived.

“Mom , are you alright? ” Aubrey said. “You’re not in trouble , are you?”

“No , I’m fine. I just ran into the living dead , and almost killed a few zombies … literally. “

“Huh?”

“Obama supporters ,” I said.

Paul passed wind , a particularly loud wind. It was like an ocean breeze , carrying with it a fishy stench. I had no doubt that if we had been at the beach , this particular stench would have killed all the marine life for miles around.

“Jeez , dad! Do you have to do that here?”

“Yeah , Paul , cut it out! You’re stinking up the place!”

“Sorry. I just can’t help myself. Every time I hear Obama’s name I … can’t help myself.”

Several people in the waiting area looked at us in disgust. No doubt they had also heard it.

“I need to pick up my car ; it’s been towed away.”

“I’ll pick it up , mom ,” Scarlet said.

“Alright. But if you happen to see any Obama twerking zombies out there , try not to run them over ,” I said. “God knows I tried not to.”

“Sorry , mom , can’t make any promises.”     

Posted in satire, Victoria Jackson

Obama The Grinch Wants To Eat My Christmas Cookies And Donuts , Drink My Eggnog And Steal My Christmas Presents

obama_grinch_bbq_apron As they do every year Fox News and Bill O’Reilly revives it’s silly war on Christmas theme. They never  get tired of complaining that the holiday is under attack from liberals , atheists , and Barack Obama , all of whom have waged an unholy war against it , preventing Christians and Conservatives from proclaiming Merry Christmas , stores from displaying Christmas displays , and even the White House , where not only the tree is banned , but anything associated with Christmas , including the baby Jesus , and Santa Claus.

Recently Fox News featured an article from The Arizona Conservative about the Obama administration banning donut sprinkles. Not realizing that it was satire , they ran with it as if it were an actual news story , as more evidence of Obama’s war on Christmas. Their viewers were outraged . Conservative bloggers on the internet were outraged , some even writing articles on the ban that never happened.

When Victoria Jackson heard about it , she was not only outraged ,  she became  hysterical , believing that Obama The Grinch was at last doing away with Christmas. She again went on a crying jag , just as she did  the day Obama had been re-elected. She was so hysterical she wrote a book complaining to her fans and readers that Christmas was now as dead as America was , thanks to Obama.

She’s written several books about Obama , having to do with his mole , his magic pen , wanting to eat everyone’s kids , and the day America was destroyed when he was re-elected in 2012. Her latest book ,  Obama The Grinch Wants To Eat My Christmas Cookies And Donuts , Drink My Eggnog , And Steal My Christmas Presents , is published by the I Hate Obummer Book Club , and is available only to her fans through Fox News , World Nut Daily , and her website.

She’s been featured numerous times on the Fox News network with Shawn Hannity , and Megan Kelly. Recently she appeared again on The Rachel Maddow Show with Rachel Maddow to talk about her newest book which will be available just before Christmas.

Rachel : “Victoria , you’ve written some of the most insane books about president Obama , and while this one isn’t quite as bizarre as some of the others , it is nevertheless , ridiculous.”

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Victoria Jackson explaining to Rachel Maddow that Obama wants to eat everyone’s Christmas cookies , donuts , drink their eggnog , and steal their Christmas presents before he leaves the White House.

Victoria : “What do you mean , insane? Did you read it?”

Rachel : “No , I did not.”

Victoria : “Why not?”

Rachel : “Because it doesn’t make sense.”

Victoria : “How would you know that without reading it?”

Rachel : “I don’t need to read something to know that it doesn’t make sense. The title says all I need to know.”

Victoria : “All of my books make sense.”

Rachel : “That’s a matter of opinion.”

Victoria : “So , you think Obama’s mole – Julio – can’t be the Anti-Christ?”

Rachel : “Of course not. It’s just a mole , for God sake.”

Victoria : “And you don’t believe Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead helped Obama steal the elections?”

Rachel : “No , I don’t.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he wants to eat America’s kids?”

Rachel : “Certainly not.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe America died when he was re-elected?”

Rachel : Nope. America is still here , obviously.”

Victoria : “That’s a matter of opinion, Rachel.. And you don’t believe he’s a psychopath because he takes too many vacations , and plays too much golf?”

Rachel : “No.”

Victoria : “And you don’t believe he wants to eat your Christmas cookies and donuts , drink your eggnog , and steal your Christmas presents?”

Rachel : “No , I don’t believe it. It’s silly.”

Victoria : “I don’t think it’s silly. I think it’s really scary. And I’m not the only one who thinks it’s scary. A lot of kids think it’s scary too. That’s why I wrote the book.”

Rachel : “He not only wants to steal your Christmas cookies , donuts and eggnog , but all of the cookies , donuts , eggnog , and presents of America’s kids?”

Victoria : “That’s right.”

Rachel : “And how do you know that’s what he wants?”

Victoria : “They told me.”

Rachel : “Whose they?”

Victoria : “America’s kids. That’s who.”

Rachel : “America’s kids told you that Obama wants to eat their Christmas cookies and donuts , drink their eggnog , and steal their Christmas presents?”

Victoria : “Yeah. I received hundreds of letters from kids all over America who are terrified that Obama is going to ban Christmas and steal their Christmas goodies and eggnog , and  their presents. I even included some of the letters in the book.”

Rachel : “You can’t be serious. It sounds made up.”

Victoria : “Well , it’s not.”

Rachel : “And where would they get such a ridiculous notion?”

Victoria : “From watching Fox News.”

Rachel : “Kids who watch Fox News wrote you letters saying they were afraid president Obama wants to ban Christmas and steal their goodies?”

Victoria : “Yeah.”

Rachel : “Alright. So , why would he want to do that when he can just buy his own?”

Victoria : “Because he’s not satisfied with his own cookies and donuts and eggnog. He wants everyone else’s cookies and donuts and eggnog. He’s a glutton and wants to stuff himself with everyone else’s goodies , because he knows he can’t eat America’s kids and get away with it , so this is how he’s going to make up for it. Everyone knows he hates Christmas , and doesn’t want anyone to celebrate the holidays , not even his own family. Christmas trees have been banned at the White House , and so are Christmas cards , decorations , and everything else to do with Christmas. Even Santa’s not allowed in the White House. Every year he dresses up like the Grinch and forces his own kids to watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas , both the cartoon and the Jim Carrey movie , on TV – which is his favorite movie , because he hates Christmas – and then he pretends to give them gifts , and then snatches them away as he laughs like Jim Carrey in the movie. It’s amazing how much he sounds like him. For the past seven years he’s been practicing for his role as the real life Grinch. Only next year , it will be for real. Before he leaves the White House , he plans on visiting every house in the world , after Santa has left his presents and goodies for all the good little girls and boys. And that will be the end of Christmas that Christians have always known would happen because of Obama The Grinch.”

Rachel : “You’re either making it  up , or this time you really are on drugs. It sounds ridiculous.”

Victoria : “It may sound ridiculous , but Obama’s a Grinch and wants to ban Christmas , eat  everyone’s Christmas cookies and donuts , drink their eggnog , and steal their Christmas presents. And that’s a fact.”

 

Posted in Victoria Jackson

Excerpts From Victoria Jackson’s Book ‘Bye Bye America Died , That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried’ … Part 3

Continued from chapter 1 :

Night Of The Twerking Dead

“We may be weird , but Obama’s president another four years , and I can’t stop crying!!!!”

“And I can’t stop tooting.”

Paul released a particularly loud and long one , the loudest and longest I had ever hear him do.

“Oh my God!” Aubrey said , ran to her room and slammed the door.

“Don’t take that tone of voice with me , missy!” I said.

“Help , I can’t get up.”

“Can’t you see I’m busy crying?!” I wailed. “What are you , a child?”

I had better things to do than help my whiny husband off the floor. I had people to call and people to complain to.

I called my mom first. “Mom , Obama’s president another four years and I can’t stop crying!!”

“What’s that dear?”

“I said Obama’s -“

“Speak up dear , I can’t hear you.”

“Turn the volume on your hearing aid up , ma!!”

“It’s all the way up dear! What is it?”

“I said Obama’s president another four years and I can’t stop crying!”

“And I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

“Shut up , Paul! I’m not helping you up. You’re a grown man , not an eighty year old woman!”

“What dear?!” My mom screamed over the phone.

“What’s all that noise I hear in the background , ma?!”

“Just a few people.”

“Are you having a party , ma?!”

“Yeah , Obama’s president another four years and we can’t stop celebrating!”

She blew one of those air horn thingies , nearly deafening me.

“Jesus Christ , ma! What the hell was that?!”

“What’s that , dear?”

I screamed , threw my phone on the floor and stomped on it.

Aubrey came running out of her room again. “Now what’s the matter?”

“Your grandmother is celebrating Obama’s reelection and I’m so damn mad!”

“Oh my God , it’s the end of the world.”

“I can’t get up!”

“I said , shut up , Paul!!”