Posted in satire/humor, Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent Admits To Soiling Himself To Avoid The Draft

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Ted Nugent , aka , SpongeTed Squishy Pants

For years , conservative hero , and musician , Ted Nugent , who once described himself as a black guitar player from Detroit , has been depicted by many of his critics as a living parody due to an interview he once gave to High Times magazine, in which he recounted how he was able to avoid a physical for the draft. In that interview , he described in great detail , how he had gone for weeks without bathing and using the bathroom prior to his physical exam.

Nugent has previously claimed that he made up the story with High Times , just to screw with them. But in a recent interview with The Detroit Free Press , he admitted that the story was basically true , just not the way he described it to the Times.

“Sure , I pooped my pants ,” he said. “Everybody poops their pants sometime in their life. Just so happens I pooped mine before my physical exam , and I’ve pooped them a few times since. But it wasn’t because I was a coward like the dishonest , Ted hating liberal punks tell it. Far from it. I was a hard working , sh*t kicking , mother f**king , black guitar slayer from Detroit.

“You see , I had it good. I was becoming a living legend , like Jimi Hendricks , only whiter , and there was no f**king way I was giving up my guitar to go off to a foreign land to squat and sh*t in fox holes. I mean , just the thought of giving up my sweet , precious guitar , scared the sh*t out of me. And I mean that , literally. Every time I thought I would never play my guitar again , which was every day , I would go in my pants. Piss , poop , the whole sh*t. Sometimes I would go three or four times a day , and I was so depressed that I was munching down on nothing but junk food , cookies , chips , sausage , pizza , hot dogs. You name , if it had no nutritional value , I wolfed it down , and the more depressed I became , and the more I pooped. I could feel it oozing down my legs , and building up in my shorts and drawers. My pants were yellow from all the piss , and got so crusted up from all the poop , that I could barely walk in them. And my hair was all matted with piss and poop. I was a walking , talking , six foot three , hunk of human cesspool. I carried a God awful cloud of stink around me , like the Peanuts character , Pig Pen. Probably looked like him , too.

“So , I go in for my physical , and the rubes in uniform couldn’t believe how bad a human being could smell. I had a cloud of flies buzzing around my pants , and this huge sh*t eating grin on my face. With my scraggly beard , and poop matted hair , I must have looked like a walking corpse , and smelled like one , too. They were laughing and making fun of me , and I wanted to cry , but all I could do was laugh along with them. I knew I had the rubes beat.

“Then one of the rubes tells me to take off my pants and pee in a cup , and when I did , a couple of hunks of poop fall on the floor , and the rube almost gags on the smell , and I’m still grinning my sh*t eating grin , and he goes , ‘ Oh my God! What’s wrong with you , boy?! Put those pants back on and get the f**k out of here!’

“So I did. I went home , cleaned myself up , ate a good meal , and a few days later I got a 4 F in the mail , explaining that I was unfit for service due to excessive uncleanliness. And that’s the real story I told the Times how I really soiled my pants.”

Posted in satire/humor, Ted Nugent, Uncategorized

Sponge Ted Squishy Pants Insults Parkland Teen Activists As Soulless And Brainless

SpongeTed Squishy Pants , AKA Ted Nugent.

From the Washington PostConservative rocker Ted Nugent , known affectionately as The Motor City Madman by his fans , and Uncle Ted by the scores of underage girls he had inappropriate affairs with , recently criticized Parkland teen gun control activists as soulless and mushy brained in a recent interview on the Joe Paggs Show on Newsmax TV.

“I hate to say it , but these teens are soulless , mushy brained commie pinkos whose only goal in life is to blame responsible gun owners for mass murder and take their guns away. Hitler wanted gun control too , and he got it by confiscating all guns in Germany so the Jews couldn’t fight back.”

Parkland Florida high school shooting survivor , Sarah Chadwick , responded via Twitter by calling Nugent a mushy pants draft dodger who deliberately soiled himself to avoid the Vietnam war , with the hashtag Sponge Ted Squishy Pants.

According to Ted Nugent student activists who witnessed their friends getting shot , are mushy brained and soulless. But Ted , tough talking , gun-toting , great American Patriot , once soiled himself to avoid the draft.

#Sponge Ted Squishy Pants. 💩💩💩

Nugent wasn’t too thrilled with Chadwick’s response , so he took to his Facebook page with the following rant :

“For all the morally inept and mushy brained liberals who have spread fake news about me supposedly soiling myself to avoid the draft , nothing could be further from the truth. What happened was , I had a bad combination of elk meat and refried beans and had the craps for a week.”

Yeah , right Ted.  Either way sounds believable.           

Posted in Barack Obama, Liberal Logic 101, Ted Nugent

Stupid Conservative Memes #10 Liberal Logic 101 Edition


Once again Liberal Logic 101 fails to see the irony and the hypocrisy in this ridiculous meme.

Back in 2010 , Obama-hating teabaggers had a fit when a fifth grade school teacher from Texas by the name of Thomas Ritter wrote the president to complain about Obama Care. In the letter Ritter accused the president of making fun of teabaggers. Allegedly Obama used the term also when writing him back , and when the Conservative media got a hold of the story , they cried foul. They claimed it was a derogatory term , and demanded that he apologize immediately.

Liberal Logic 101 : Ted Nugent … called Obama a sub-human mongrel , then apologized. Media still outraged.

Nugent later said , “I apologize , though not necessarily to the president.”

Liberal Logic 101 : Barack Obama … called Ted Nugent , me , and all Tea Party members ‘teabaggers , and has yet to apologize. Media still has head lodged firmly up ass. 

Yeah , Obama should apologize because being called a teabagger is much worse than a sub-human mongrel , and a POS.

Liberal Logic 101 , Ted Nugent , and any Tea Party Conservative who believes Obama should apologize for using the term ‘teabagger’ , have their heads lodged firmly up their asses. 




Posted in Ted Nugent

Stupid Conservative Memes #7 … Ted Nugent Edition


I can’t think of a worse choice for president of the United States than Donald Trump … unless it’s Ted Nugent. Like Trump he’s a narcissist with a massive ego , who believes himself to be an American champion of freedom and liberty as he bad mouths liberals and anyone who disagrees with his twisted view of America. 

He’s also said some disgusting things about not just liberals , but minorities , and the current president , and once said that ‘nowhere could he see racism , except that coming from the White House.’

If this waste of a human being ever became president , race relations would truly be set back fifty years.

Posted in satire, Ted Nugent

American Veterans Declare Ted Nugent Their Enemy


Americas veterans declare Uncle Ted the enemy.

AP-  Today a spokesperson for a coalition of American veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars made the announcement that they know the real reason why veterans are committing suicide.

Recently , Nugent made the claim that president Obama was responsible for suicides of Americas veterans. That claim raised the ire of veterans all over America , prompting the group American Veterans Against Ted Poopy Pants Nugent to condemn the Motor City Madman’s mouth diarrhea.

In an interview with MSNBC , the group’s spokesman Moe Flem said , “Ted represents the ultimate bad boy , the ultimate patriotic American who speaks his mind and takes no prisoners. But in  reality it’s all just a facade. He’s nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing. In other words , a coward playing the role of a fake patriot. He’s a bully , talks tough , has a foul mouth , but he’s just a pussy , a pansy , a chicken hawk. He surrounds himself with guns , shoots defenseless animals , threatens to shoot immigrants , black people , the president , liberals , and has accused those who hate him , of hating America.

“Ted thinks he knows Americas veterans , ” Flem continued. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Someone who’s never served a day of his life in uniform , thinks he knows how they feel! He thinks he knows why they commit suicide! Because they know the enemy is Barack Obama , he said. No veteran would ever tell him that , and he knows it. The real reason they commit suicide is because Ted is full of crap , literally full of crap. Ted is the real enemy. They commit suicide because they know he’s nothing more than a loud mouthed , gun-toting , un-American , draft dodging , pants pooping , treasonous coward.”

Posted in Ted Nugent

Ted’s World


   Aviary Photo_131128341725895249  Once upon a time , Ted Nugent must have been a  decent human being. In his younger days , he was also a half way decent musician. He was a member of the Amboy Dukes in the mid sixties to the mid seventies. They recorded four albums , Amboy Dukes , Journey To The Center Of The Mind ,  Migration , and Rusty Day. Going solo in ’75 , he signed with Epic Records , and soon after recorded such decent hits as Cat Scratch Fever , Stranglehold , and Free For All. He has released approximately thirty-four records and sold a total of thirty million world wide.

In 1989 he became a member of Damn Yankees with Jack Blades of Night Ranger , and Tommy Shaw of Styx , releasing a self-titled debut , which contained the moderate hit , High Enough.

These days Ted is a hateful , angry little man.  He spends a great deal of his time insulting liberals , women , minorities , the president , and anyone who disagrees with his twisted vision of America.

Ted lives in a special world inside his head , a world inhabited by angry voices  that tell him liberals are anti-American , and the president is a communist raised , communist educated , communist nurtured , sub-human mongrel. Facts are impervious to Ted ; hate is all he understands. Hatred of liberals , hatred of the president , hatred of gays , women , and minorities. Hatred of others unlike himself seems to be a passion of his , and Ted will seize on the chance to hate on anyone who doesn’t share his sacred belief in the second amendment.

Ted’s Craziest Hits 

Like any Conservative who lives in Ted’s world , he suffers from Obama and Liberal Derangement.  He’s said some crazy shit that any sane person would find disturbing. But many of Ted’s fans and fellow Conservatives are just as insane as he is , and nothing he says is too outrageous or controversial.

  • Trayvon Martin got what he deserved. In a article that was laden with irony , Nugent accused Obama of causing a surge in black racism for refusing to admit that Martin was responsible for his fate. According to Ted , who has nary a racist bone in his body , Martin was the real racist for referring to Zimmerman as a “creepy ass cracker.”
    Since Obama’s first election , racists like uncle Ted have frequently played the victim card of “black racism against whites”, which is laughable.
  • Ted is Rosa Parks with a Gibson. In his October 30 , 2013 column in World Nut Daily , he compared himself to civil rights activist , Rosa Parks , which is also laughable. He later called gun rights owners the next Rosa Parks’ , who will take their seat at the front of the bus , which is even more laughable.
  • Claimed he participated in raids with federal authorities. Ted Nugent was once a cop , or so he claimed. He said he conducted raids in Lake County , Michigan , with federal agents , including the FBI , ATF , DEA , U.S. Marshals , and the Texas Rangers. The thing is Politifact investigated  and could find no evidence of these claims.
  • Obama hates America because gun reform is tyrannical. Patriotic gun nuts resist any form of gun control , believing that it violates their second amendment rights , which is ridiculous , which proves most of them are too dangerous to own guns.
  •  Obama is a sub-human mongrel. In a 2014 interview with he called the president less than human , which according to Ted was totally not racist. He later claimed it was street fighter terminology. Yeah , right Ted.
  • Referred to the president as a POS. During a 2007 concert , he insulted Obama by telling him to suck on the barrel of his machine gun. He also insulted Hillary Clinton and Barbara Boxer as worthless whores and bitches.
  • If you hate me , you hate America. In a ridiculous interview with Joe Pags , Ted claimed that those who hate him , hate America , while spewing his own hatred of Hillary Clinton , and Bernie Sanders , completely oblivious to the glaring irony. Self-described patriots like Ted , and others like him ,  love to brag about their love of America and the Constitution , even as they whine and complain about how Obama , liberals , and gays are subverting their religious liberty , as they themselves are working  to deny others their rights. The hypocrisy is mind blowing.
  • Compares liberals to rabid dogs that should be shot. During an interview with wacko Alex Jones on his show Info Wars , Nugent succinctly used the analogy of the film Old Yeller when dealing with liberals. Like the dog that became rabid , he suggested that the only way to deal with them was to shoot them between the eyes. But of course , Ted wasn’t really talking about shooting those who don’t share his politics … except he was.
  • Promised he would either be dead or in jail. During the NRA’s 2012 annual meeting in April , 2012 , he said he would either be dead or in jail by April of 2013 if Obama was re-elected. Apparently he was expecting to be assasinated or thrown into prison for his patriotic opposition to the Chicago-ACORN gangster , America hating , communist loving Barack Obama.
    When April 2013 came and went , Ted was neither dead nor in jail. He failed to keep his promise , much to the disappointment of liberals and progressives.
  •  Ted the birther. In another World Nut Daily article , again dripping with irony ,  Nugent ranted against the “phony” – which he used redundantly – president for his phony health care scam , his involvement with phony Reverend Wright , his phony Attorney General who refused to indict his Black Panther buddies for voter intimidation fraud , his phony charges against George Zimmerman , his phony Nobel Peace prize , allowing his phony Secretary Of State to get off with out charges , his phony scandals ( IRS , Obama Care , Benghazi ).
    Let’s be honest here , Ted is in no way whatsoever , a racist. He’s just a concerned patriot , like Joe Arpaio , and thousands of other patriots , that know for a fact that Obama’s birth certificate was just as phony as he is.

What happened to Ted that turned him into the hateful person he is today? Was he dropped on his head as a child once too often , causing irreparable brain damage? Did his father beat him? Was he in too many fist fights as a boy? Or did the election of Barack Obama send him over the edge? 

We may never know. But it’s clear that he’s either insane , or his brain has been damaged somewhere along the way.