“So now they’re against ICE! You know what ICE is? I’ll tell you what it is, in case all the liberal pukes out there who can’t wait to call in to tell me how smart they are. Well, they’re wrong! It doesn’t mean what they think it means. I’ll tell you what it means. It stands for Ice Cream Enthusiasts. That’s right, all you liberal morons! Spell it out: Ice… Cream… Enthusiasts. It’s all the people in America who love ice cream. That’s right, ice cream. The radical left aren’t satisfied with eliminating detention centers. Now they want to ban ice cream and those who enjoy it. Ice cream for God sake! Can you believe it? What’s wrong with these people, these radical socialists, these communist Democrats?! It’s the insanity of the radical left I tell you! That’s what it is. They’re insane. They hate everything that America stands for: freedom, apple pie, the flag, the national anthem, the right to trash that flag hating, Nike shoe wearing little pansy, Colin Kaepernick, and the liberal media. Will they ban all of those next? The answer is a big, fat yes! I knew this day was coming ladies and gentlemen.
“There are two things we can do with these radical leftist Democrats who want to ban ice cream. We can round them all up and ship them off to Cuba, where they’ll be very happy living in a socialist economy, or we can ship them off to Venezuela where they can riot in the streets till their hearts are content. Nobody is touching my ice cream, God damn it! Hear that all you liberal morons? Hear that, Colin Kaepernick? There’s another idiotic cause you can kneel for, depriving Americans of their ice cream, because apparently it’s now as racist as these detention centers. Venezuela! Venezuela! Venezuela! That’s right, I said it! Tell me I’m wrong!”
When told by his producer that the radical left was actually proposing eliminating ICE, Immigration And Customs Enforcement, Levin expressed relief and replied that he hadn’t eaten lunch yet, and that his mother had packed a pint of Chunky Monkey, his favorite.
Trump ordering secret service to remove Jim Acosta from press conference
President Trump has signed an executive order to arm the unborn!
In a press conference in the Rose Garden, the president told news reporters, “I have just signed an executive order that authorizes anyone involved in the decision to provide an abortion, to refuse according to their religious or personal beliefs that an abortion is wrong. It also gives arms and weapons manufacturers, Smith And Wesson, Lockheed, Winchester, and others, full authority to assist in the making of specialized weaponry for the purpose of arming the unborn.
“The presidential executive order grants Doctors, nurses, patient and family advisors, full authority to refuse in assisting or taking part in the act of providing an abortion based on religious or personal beliefs that life is sacred. It also grants the unborn full protective status as human beings, as it is outlined in the fourteenth amendment. And as protected citizens, they have the right to arm themselves and shoot the Democrats when they come to pull them from their mother’s wombs.
“Like many Americans, I believe that life begins at reception. Even before you have that first cigarette, there’s another person in the room and you better be careful not to talk about aborting little Timmy, or Sally, because you might hurt their feelings. We need to start treating the unborn like everyone else. That means they should have the right to defend themselves in the event that their precious little lives are threatened baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them for breakfast, instead of having a pop tart or a bowl of Fruity Pebbles or something, and what better way to do that than giving them Uzis and AK-47s? If they had Uzis and AK-47s, the baby hungry Democrats would not be able to eat them, and sell their baby body parts, because, let’s be honest here, what do you do when someone is invading your home, your private property?”
“You shoot them!” Someone shouted from the crowd, eliciting nervous laughter.
“That’s right, ” the president said. “You shoot them. And then you ask them why they broke into your house. If it’s a Mexican, chances are he’s an illegal immigrant, and most likely he would be there to rob you, rape you, kill you, and then steal your job. Chances are it’s all four. If it’s a homosexual, chances are he’s there to convert you, and if you refuse because you’re a conservative, he’ll probably call you a homophobe just because you don’t like gay marriage and want to get rid of it. If it’s a gun grabbing liberal, chances are he’s there to steal your guns like Obama did. If it’s a trans gender, chances are he’s there to use you’re bathroom , and if you tell him – or her, or whatever – no, he’ll call you a transphobe, or whatever made up word they’ve labeled people who don’t believe transsexuals are a thing, and then, for good measure, he’ll probably rob you and then use your bathroom.
“We have the right to protect our property and ourselves with a gun if we choose. When someone invades our privacy, when someone breaks into our home, we have the right to shoot them. It’s in the Bible, and it’s in the constitution. Well, I believe the unborn should have those same rights, because the womb is their home until they’re born, so they have a right to defend it from crazy Democrats who would rather eat babies for breakfast than have a bowl of Wheaties or something. These are deplorable people, the Democrats. They’ve been eating Coco Puffs their entire lives and now they want to eat babies. They were cuckoo for regular Coco Puffs. Now they’re cuckoo for Baby Flavored Coco Puffs.”
CNN correspondent Jim Acosta was the first to raise his hand. President Trump pointed at him reluctantly.
“Don’t get crazy on me, Jim, or I’ll have you tossed out on your can.”
There was scatter nervous laughter.
“Yes, sir. First of all, I’m at a complete loss for words. I believe I speak for most of us here when I say that. Everything you said makes absolutely no sense.”
“Well, it’s impossible to arm the unborn with weapons, ” Acosta said. “This sounds like something someone smoking a questionable substance would say. Or a crackpot who’s been listening to too much Alex Jones. Are you a crackpot, Mr. President?”
“No, I assure you I’m not a crackpot, nor have I been listening to Alex Jones.”
“But you’ve appeared on his show several times prior to becoming president, sir.”
“No, I haven’t. That’s fake news. Get him out of here. You’re fake news. CNN is fake news.”
Two secret service men escorted Acosta out the garden as the president continued:
“It is possible to arm the unborn, and we will arm them with specialized miniature guns just in case they need to protect themselves from baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them instead of having a bowl of Fruit Loops, or Coco Puffs, which they should be eating, instead of babies. We will provide them with Uzis, hand guns, AR-15s, machine guns, bullet proof vests, hand grenades, sub machine guns, rocket launchers, and yes, even nuclear weapons, and then baby hungry Democrats will think twice about having a bowl of Baby Coco Puffs for breakfast.”
Dana Loesch at CNN Town Hall, prior to getting beaten, body slammed, lynched, and burned at the stake by violent, gun grabbing leftists dressed as professional wrestlers.
When Dana Loesch found out that Anderson Cooper and CNN had received The prestigious Walter Cronkite award for excellence in journalism for its 2018 Town Hall on gun violence, she was so jealous that she recently appeared on Tucker Carlson Tonight to complain how shameful it was that she hadn’t received her own award for having her ass handed to her by the Parkland students.
“Seriously, people, is this a joke?” the conservative pundit and NRA spokesperson, tweeted in reaction to the news.
“Honestly, I can’t believe that CNN was awarded the Walter Cronkite for excellence in political journalism when everyone there was so mean to me,” she told Carlson. “I was literally booed, shamed, spit on, hissed at, tarred and feathered, stoned, beaten to a bloody pulp, shot, stabbed, water boarded, drawn and quartered, gassed, fried to a crisp, boiled alive, staked, beheaded, torn to shreds, hanged, lynched, crucified, and finally, burned at the stake. Then they took my ashes, put them in jar, and pi**ed all over them. Does that sound like advancing the conversation to you, Tucker?”
Carlson : “It sounds like outright murder to me. It seems like the whole event was staged, and they were ready to murder you from the moment you walked through the door, rather than let you speak. So typical of the violent left.”
“I mean, seriously,” Loesch continued, “not only that, but there was a mob of people there who were dressed like professional wrestlers, carrying signs that said, ‘Kill The B***h Queen, and ‘Blame All Law Abiding Gun Owners For Mass Shootings! Confiscate Their Guns And Kill Them, Too!’ All of them carried nooses, too.
“When they noticed me eyeing them nervously, they all rushed the stage at once, screaming, ‘Burn the witch!’ and ‘Hang The B***h!’ Several people tried to stop them, but we’re unable to prevent them from getting up on stage. There were just too many of them, and they were determined to kill me. First they took turns body slamming me like professional wrestlers do, using their elbows to inflict unbearable pain and damage on me, and then they teamed up and kept pouncing and pouncing, and slamming and slamming, until I was literally a pancake. After they finished, they posed for pictures with each other with my flattened corpse on display between them, like fisherman posing with their catch. Most of the audience, including the Parkland students, were laughing and encouraging them to kill me, while only a few were actually horrified at how I was being treated.
“When they were finished with me,” she continued, “they took turns punishing the few that tried to stop them from manhandling me. They did the same things to them that they did to me. One of them was senator Marco Rubio. Earlier he had been asked by one of the students if he would continue to accept donations from the NRA. You could tell how angry they were when he told them no. They wanted to kill him on the spot, and take his guns. But I believe they were biding their time, probably waiting to kill me first, and then senator Rubio, probably hoping to make a spectacle and an example of both of us, which evidently they managed to accomplish. They finished me off, and those who tried to defend me, and then they went after Rubio, doing the exact same things to him that they did to me. And as I was leaving the building, an insane leftist charged me from behind, screaming she was going to kill me, and stuff my corpse in the barrel of my AR-15, but thank God someone was able stop this one.”
Carlson : “Unbelievable! Exactly when did all of this happen, Dana? As far as I know, CNN didn’t televise anyone getting body slammed, or flattened like a pancake, much less getting stoned, shot, or stabbed.”
“Well, of course not, Tucker. CNN was not about to show what their sham of a town hall was really all about, which was putting on a WWE style event, and pretending that it was all about guns and how dangerous they are, while humiliating me and law abiding gun owners, and trying to make us look like fools, but succeeding only in making themselves look like fools. All of this happened after the cameras were turned off, Tucker, because they didn’t want anyone to see how violent and unhinged the leftist, gun hating mobs are. If they had left the cameras rolling, everyone would have sided with the NRA, and would realize just how awesome guns really are.”
Carlson : “I totally agree. To put on a display of violence just days after a massacre, is despicable, and totally typical of the violent left.”
“That’s right, Tucker. But what bothers me more than anything else is, I should have won that award, not CNN. I showed up to prove how awesome guns are, and I believe that’s exactly what I did.”
If you’re a liberal or a progressive who has a relative or a friend who is a MAGA hat wearing Chump , you’ve no doubt been frustrated when trying to have a conversation with them having anything to do with politics. It could be about his bigotry , or his s**tty economic policies , the conversation will often turn to blind support for a man who is more a cult figure than a president.
MAGA Chump :“You libtards keep saying Trump’s a racist. I don’t see it. Where’s the evidence?”
“He is a Birther.”
MAGA Chump : “How is that racist?!”
“You have to ask? If you can’t figure it out , well … “
MAGA Chump : “A typical libtard response. You libtards really have no clue , do you? Trump never said Oboingo was born in Kenya. He was just asking to see the Kenyan , Muslim , Marxist’s birth certificate , so we could be sure he was qualified to be president. Doesn’t make him a racist.”
“He showed his birth certificate. In fact , he showed the short and long forms.”
MAGA Chump : “They were fakes. Alex Jones proved they were fakes! You libturds love to call anyone who doesn’t agree with you , racist.”
“Whatever. There’s his Muslim ban.”
MAGA Chump : “Hardly racist , since Mooslims aren’t a race.He’s just trying to protect us from the Mooslim radicals who want to come here and kill us all , and then convert us all to Islam.”
“He called illegal immigrants criminals. Rapists and murderers.”
MAGA Chump : “More libtard lies! He said some were rapists and murderers. Not all.”
“He said he said he assumed some of them were good people.”
MAGA Chump : “Well , not all of them are good people. Most of them do want to come here to rape and kill us , and eat our kids , like Obama tried to do.”
“Obama tried to do?”
MAGA Chump : “According to Victoria Jackson , Oblamo tried to eat Americas kids. She wrote all about it in a book called , To Serve Obama. I always knew he was evil , but I never suspected he wanted to eat our kids. He is a Marxist , and that’s what Marxists do.”
“Isn’t that racist?”
MAGA Chump : “Of course it’s racist. He only wanted to eat white kids.”
“No , I mean calling illegal immigrants rapists and murderers.”
MAGA Chump :“It’s just common sense. If we don’t stop them from coming here , they’ll not only steal our jobs , but rape us and kill us , and eat our kids like Obama tried to do.”
“You said that already. What about Trump’s neglect of Puerto Rico after the hurricane?”
MAGA Chump : “Puerto Rico isn’t in the United States. How’s it racist?”
“It’s a part of US territory , so it is in the United States.”
MAGA Chump : “You pathetic libtards don’t know anything.”
“What about the judge , Gonzalo Curiel , during a law suit by people who claim to have been defrauded by Trump University? Trump said he would not be impartial because he was a Mexican.”
MAGA Chump : “He is a Mexican. How is that racist?”
“Actually , he’s Mexican American.”
MAGA Chump : “Mexican , American. What difference does it make? Still not racist.”
“How about the time he was sued for violating the Fair Housing Act , by refusing to rent to black applicants?”
MAGA Chump : “How do you know? Were you there?”
MAGA Chump : “No , I wasn’t.”
“It’s well documented.”
MAGA Chump : “Yeah , I’ll bet it is.”
“After the Unite The Right riot in Charlottesville , Virginia , he praised Neo Nazis as fine people , which David Duke and other Nazis nearly creamed themselves over.”
MAGA Chump : “He said there were fine people on both sides. But that was only half true. There are no fine people among Antifa and Black Lives Matter. They’re all terrorists and thugs , which he later acknowledged when he condemned both sides.”
“What about the Neo Nazis and the white nationalists who want to kill Jews and Muslims? They’re fine people? They’re clearly a much greater threat than Antifa. According to the last report by the ADL , 98% of the domestic murders in the US in 2018 , were committed by right wing terrorists. 78% by white identity extremists. Should we profile , and deport them?”
MAGA Chump : “What about Antifa? Why don’t we deport Antifa? They’re terrorists.”
“Not even close. They have engaged in some violence , but it’s laughable to call them terrorists , since they haven’t killed anyone.”
MAGA Chump : “You’re wrong! They have killed people! They’re the real terrorists. They were the ones who did the violence at the Unite The Right rally. They had clubs and guns , and they were beating up , and shooting people all over the place.”
“So , it was Antifa that ran over and killed a counter protester?”
MAGA Chump : “That’s right. The guy who ran over that girl , what’s her name , was an anti Trump protester. I read it in the Gateway Pundit.”
“Actually , it was James Fields , a Trump loving MAGA Chump , and a member of Van Guard America , a white supremacist group.”
MAGA Chump : “You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a leftist , deep state Obama supporter. I read it at American Thinker , one of the most reliable news sites on the internet , and one of Rush Limbaugh’s favorite , thoughtful blogs. They said the whole thing was set up orchestrated by Soros , Obummer and The Deep State , in Obummer’s war room in Washington , to make president Trump , and his supporters look like racists.”
“So , a racist apology website that routinely publishes conspiracy garbage , is a reliable source?”
MAGA Chump : “Everything’s racist to you libtards! Questioning the birth certificate of a Marxist , Kenyan Muslim is racist. Banning Muslim terrorists is racist. Telling the truth about Mexicans is racist. Criticizing a judge is racist. Not renting to certain people , is racist. Condemning Nazis , and Antifa , is racist. Is there anything you libtards don’t find racist?”
“Calling a cop stupid for arresting a black man on his own property. Telling the truth about Katrina. Attending an African American church. And saying , if I had a son , he would look like Trayvon Martin.”
For years , conservative hero , and musician , Ted Nugent , who once described himself as a black guitar player from Detroit , has been depicted by many of his critics as a living parody due to an interview he once gave to High Times magazine, in which he recounted how he was able to avoid a physical for the draft. In that interview , he described in great detail , how he had gone for weeks without bathing and using the bathroom prior to his physical exam.
Nugent has previously claimed that he made up the story with High Times , just to screw with them. But in a recent interview with The Dallas Free Press , he admitted that the story was basically true , just not the way he described it to the Times.
“Sure , I pooped my pants ,” he said. “Everybody poops their pants sometime in their life. Just so happens I pooped mine before my physical exam , and I’ve pooped them a few times since. But it wasn’t because I was a coward like the dishonest , Ted hating liberal punks tell it. Far from it. I was a hard working , sh*t kicking , mother f**king , black guitar slayer from Detroit.
“You see , I had it good. I was becoming a living legend , like Jimi Hendricks , only whiter , and there was no f**king way I was giving up my guitar to go off to a foreign land to squat and sh*t in fox holes. I mean , just the thought of giving up my sweet , precious guitar , scared the sh*t out of me. And I mean that , literally. Every time I thought I would never play my guitar again , which was every day , I would go in my pants. Piss , poop , the whole sh*t. Sometimes I would go three or four times a day , and I was so depressed that I was munching down on nothing but junk food , cookies , chips , sausage , pizza , hot dogs. You name , if it had no nutritional value , I wolfed it down , and the more depressed I became , and the more I pooped. I could feel it oozing down my legs , and building up in my shorts and drawers. My pants were yellow from all the piss , and got so crusted up from all the poop , that I could barely walk in them. And my hair was all matted with piss and poop. I was a walking , talking , six foot three , hunk of human cesspool. I carried a God awful cloud of stink around me , like the Peanuts character , Pig Pen. Probably looked like him , too.
“So , I go in for my physical , and the rubes in uniform couldn’t believe how bad a human being could smell. I had a cloud of flies buzzing around my pants , and this huge sh*t eating grin on my face. With my scraggly beard , and poop matted hair , I must have looked like a walking corpse , and smelled like one , too. They were laughing and making fun of me , and I wanted to cry , but all I could do was laugh along with them. I knew I had the rubes beat.
“Then one of the rubes tells me to take off my pants and pee in a cup , and when I did , a couple of hunks of poop fall on the floor , and the rube almost gags on the smell , and I’m still grinning my sh*t eating grin , and he goes , ‘ Oh my God! What’s wrong with you , boy?! Put those pants back on and get the f**k out of here!’
“So I did. I went home , cleaned myself up , ate a good meal , and a few days later I got a 4 F in the mail , explaining that I was unfit for service due to excessive uncleanliness. And that’s the real story I told the Times how I really soiled my pants.”
Meghan McCain joined The View in September 2017. She was a former Fox News contributor , and a co host of Outnumbered. She was also an MSNBC contributor , and in 2009 was a brief contributor for the online news source , The Daily Beast.
Since joining The View , she has had several embarrassing disagreements bordering on meltdowns with her co hosts , such as the time she defended the president for pulling out of the Iran Deal , in which she also accused certain co hosts of supporting terrorism.
Other disagreements bordering on meltdowns , include , insisting that the GOP is not racist ; that law abiding gun owners are unfairly demonized after mass shootings ( during a discussion on the Tree Of Life shooting ) , and telling guest Tara Setmayer , ‘Please stop saying that , please stop saying that ‘, when she called Trump’s base a cult for believing everything he says.
She has a reputation as an airhead among both liberals and some conservatives. Wing nut conservatives , such as Laura Ingraham , with whom she’s had an on again off again feud , view her as a fake Republican because she’s not extreme enough for their liking , as she supports same sex marriage , and birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Her books include , Dirty Sexy Politics , America , You Sexy Bitch : A Love Letter To America ( co written with Ian Black ) , Rush Limbaugh Can Kiss My Big Fat Ass , Katie Pavlich : An Airhead Wrapped In A Bimbo , Laura Ingraham : Hitler Reincarnated , and soon to be published , Don’t Call Me An Airhead : Katie Pavlich Is The Real Airhead.
On a recent episode of The View , Meghan and co host Sunny Hostin got into a disagreement over Trump’s border wall , when things quickly took an odd turn. It started out as a peaceful enough discussion , but then quickly derailed off into Crazy Town.
They started off the show talking about Trump’s obsession with The Wall , and whether it was racist or not to support it. Sunny wanted to know why Republicans don’t have the guts to call out his racism over his obsession with border security.
“But , Sunny ,” Abby Huntsman said , “according to the polls , forty two percent of the country support the president’s wall. Does that make them all racist?”
“It depends on how you look at it ,” Sunny answered. “It’s not necessarily racist or bigoted to want adequate border security. We have it now , and we had it when Obama was president. This ridiculous notion that he was soft on border security , that he was allowing illegal immigrants to waltz across the southern border unchecked and unvetted , I think that’s kind of a racist attitude in itself. We have a security system that’s not perfect , but it works , and it takes time to properly process these people. But , what is racist , is when you have a network like Fox News , including the president of the United States , that constantly fear mongers and spreads lies about them , that they’re criminals and terrorists. That is racist.”
Meghan stood up. ‘Oh … my … God ,” she said. “I can’t believe it. Are you calling me a racist?”
“Relax , Meghan , nobody is calling you a -” Whoopie tried to say , but Meghan cut her off.
“Am I a racist because I support strong border security?”
“Meghan , calm down.”
“Is everyone who supports Trump’s border wall , racist? I don’t think so! I believe I can speak for Abby also , when I say that this makes me very uncomfortable.”
“Meghan , please shut up ,” Whoopie said.
“I will not shut up. I am not a racist! I am John McCain’s daughter!” She said , clenching her teeth and stomping a foot.
Whoopie , who had been sitting next to Meghan , stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “Right now you’re acting like a God damn drama queen , so shut the f**k up.”
There was a smattering of nervous laughter from the audience.
“Please don’t touch me!”
“Oh … my … God , ‘ Joy muttered , shaking her head.
That was crazy enough , since Meghan has always had the reputation of being not just an egghead , but a bit of a drama queen. But what happened next , was even crazier. And it didn’t come from Meghan or any of the other hosts. It came from someone in the audience.
“I am not a drama queen ,” Meghan insisted.
“We know ,” Whoopie said. “You’re John McCain’s daughter. Now , please -“
“Cat fight!” someone yelled from the audience. Again , there was nervous laughter. Stunned , everyone turned toward the audience.
“What the f**k?” Meghan said. Shielding her eyes from the studio lights , she looked out into the audience. “Who said that?”
After a moment of awkward silence , in which it was clear the perp was not about reveal himself , she said , “It was not a cat fight. It was just a simple misunderstanding.”
“Take it off!”
“Listen , creep! This is not a strip club. We’re having an important political discussion here. If you want to see a cat fight , or a lap dance , go visit the strip club on the corner.”
Whether it had been a discussion was debatable. It had really been more of a Meghan Meltdown , an all too common occurrence at The View.
“Take it off!” the creep yelled again , and there was more nervous laughter from the audience.
“Alright , that’s it , a**hole!” Meghan yelled back. “No one is taking their clothes off for your perverted pleasure , you creep , especially me!”
“Take it off!”
Frustrated , Meghan turn toward her co hosts and said , “Is anyone going to do anything about this pervert?” But none of them were able to answer her at the moment. They were all too busy laughing hysterically.
Meghan was crushed. These were friends of hers , who had never laughed at her before , no matter how ridiculous she was behaving.
She couldn’t take the humiliation. Not only were they laughing at her. The View had millions of viewers. Many of them were probably laughing at her as well.
She burst out crying and ran back stage.
After Meghan ran crying back stage , security confronted the audience and quickly flushed out the heckler. He was the perfect example of someone who was destined to live out his early adulthood without getting laid : thick , greasy hair , an over abundance of acne , and a set of discolored buck teeth that any respectable rodent would envy. They chased him around the studio , while someone thought it might be amusing to play Yakety Sax over the studio system PA , the Benny Hill theme song , where the entire cast is chasing him around while the credits roll. The audience participated in the fun , providing the laugh track to the wackiness of the situation. The kid managed to avoid the guards for at least twenty minutes , repeatedly taunting them to catch him , but at last he began to tire , and they were able to get their hands on him and haul him out of the studio , all the while encouraging Meghan McCain to do a strip tease.
After the episode aired , Whoopie told news sources that they had not been laughing at Meghan so much as they had been laughing at the absurdity of the situation.
Since his 2016 campaign , president Trump has repeated the ridiculous narrative that the southern border is wide open for illegal immigrants to waltz through unchecked , that 99.9 % of them are rapists and murderers , that Democrats in general support open borders , rampant crime and drugs by illegal immigrants and gangs , and that we need a gargantuan wall that Mexico will somehow pay for.
Conservative pundits on Fox News have been all too eager to repeat this narrative , because they know their audiences are extremely gullible and will believe whatever they’re told. And during the mid-term elections they were told repeatedly that the migrant caravan was coming to steal their jobs , kill them , and eat their children.
Last Tuesday night , the president gave his address on the current state of immigration and border security , from the Oval office , which drew an estimated 35 to 40 million viewers.
After the address , the president tweeted his frustration with lack of border security , taking shots at the Democrats , but praising the Obama’s for building a wall around their property :