Conversation With A Typical MAGA Chump

MAGA Chumps  , the most persecuted people in America.

 

If you’re a liberal or a progressive who has a relative or a friend who is MAGA hat wearing Chump , you’ve no doubt been frustrated when trying to have a conversation with them having anything to do with politics. It could be about his bigotry , or his s**tty economic policies , the conversation will often turn to blind support for a man who is more a cult figure than a president.

 

MAGA Chump :“You libtards keep saying Trump’s a racist. I don’t see it. Where’s the evidence?”

“He is a Birther.”

MAGA Chump : “How is that racist?!”

You have to ask? If you can’t figure it out , well … “

MAGA Chump : “A typical libtard response. You libtards really have no clue , do you? Trump never said Oboingo was born in Kenya. He was just asking to see the Kenyan , Muslim , Marxist’s birth certificate , so we could be sure he was qualified to be president. Doesn’t make him a racist.”

“He showed his birth certificate. In fact , he showed the short and long forms.”

MAGA Chump : “They were fakes. Alex Jones proved they were fakes! You libturds love to call anyone who doesn’t agree with you , racist.”

“Whatever. There’s his Muslim ban.”

MAGA Chump : “Hardly racist , since Mooslims aren’t a race. He’s just trying to protect us from the Mooslim radicals who want to come here and kill us all  , and then convert us all to Islam.”

“He called illegal immigrants criminals. Rapists and murderers.”

MAGA Chump : “More libtard lies! He said some were rapists and murderers. Not all.”

He said he said he assumed some of them were good people.”

MAGA Chump : “Well , not all of them are good people. Most of them do want to come here to rape and kill us , and eat our kids , like Obama tried to do.”

“Obama tried to do?”

MAGA Chump : “According to Victoria Jackson , Oblamo tried to eat Americas kids. She wrote all about it in a book called , To Serve Obama. I always knew he was evil , but I never suspected he wanted to eat our kids. He is a Marxist , and that’s what Marxists do.”

“Isn’t that racist?”

MAGA Chump : “Of course it’s racist. He only wanted to eat white kids.”

No , I mean calling illegal immigrants rapists and murderers.”

MAGA Chump :“It’s just common sense. If we don’t stop them from coming here  , they’ll not only steal our jobs , but rape us and kill us , and eat our kids like Obama tried to do.” 

“You said that already. What about Trump’s neglect of Puerto Rico after the hurricane?”

MAGA Chump : “Puerto Rico isn’t in the United States. How’s it racist?”

“It’s a part of US territory , so it is in the United States.”

MAGA Chump : “You pathetic libtards don’t know anything.”

“What about the judge , Gonzalo Curiel , during a law suit by people who claim to have been defrauded by Trump University? Trump said he would not be impartial because he was a Mexican.”

MAGA Chump : “He is a Mexican. How is that racist?”

“Actually , he’s Mexican American.”

MAGA Chump : “Mexican , American. What difference does it make? Still not racist.”

“How about the time he was sued for violating the Fair Housing Act , by refusing to rent to black applicants?”

MAGA Chump : “How do you know? Were you there?”

“Were you?”

MAGA Chump : “No , I wasn’t.”

“It’s well documented.”

MAGA Chump : “Yeah , I’ll bet it is.”

“After the Unite The Right riot in Charlottesville , Virginia , he praised Neo Nazis as fine people , which David Duke and other Nazis nearly creamed themselves over.”

MAGA Chump : “He said there were fine people on both sides. But that was only half true. There are no fine people among Antifa and Black Lives Matter. They’re all terrorists and thugs , which he later acknowledged when he condemned both sides.”

“What about the Neo Nazis and the white nationalists who want to kill Jews and Muslims? They’re fine people? They’re clearly a much greater threat than Antifa. According to the last report by the ADL , 98% of the domestic murders in the US in 2018 , were committed by right wing terrorists. 78% by white identity extremists. Should we profile , and deport them?”

MAGA Chump : “What about Antifa? Why don’t we deport Antifa? They’re terrorists.”

“Not even close. They have engaged in some violence , but it’s laughable to call them terrorists , since they haven’t killed anyone.”

MAGA Chump : “You’re wrong! They have killed people! They’re the real terrorists. They were the ones who did the violence at the Unite The Right rally. They had clubs and guns , and they were beating up , and shooting people all over the place.”

“So , it was Antifa that ran over and killed a counter protester?”

MAGA Chump : “That’s right. The guy who ran over that girl , what’s her name , was an anti Trump protester. I read it in the Gateway Pundit.”

“Actually , it was James Fields , a Trump loving MAGA Chump , and a member of Van Guard America , a white supremacist group.”

MAGA Chump : “You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a leftist , deep state Obama supporter. I read it at American Thinker , one of the most reliable news sites on the internet , and one of Rush Limbaugh’s favorite , thoughtful blogs. They said the whole thing was set up orchestrated by Soros , Obummer and The Deep State , in Obummer’s war room in Washington , to make president Trump , and his supporters look like racists.”

“So , a racist apology website that routinely publishes conspiracy garbage , is a reliable source?”

MAGA Chump : “Everything’s racist to you libtards! Questioning the birth certificate of a Marxist , Kenyan Muslim is racist. Banning Muslim terrorists is racist. Telling the truth about Mexicans is racist. Criticizing a judge is racist. Not renting to certain people , is racist. Condemning Nazis , and Antifa , is racist. Is there anything you libtards don’t find racist?”

“Calling a cop stupid for arresting a black man on his own property. Telling the truth about Katrina. Attending an African American church. And saying , if I had a son , he would look like Trayvon Martin.”

MAGA Chump : “All examples of racism!”

“To racists.”

“Libtard!”

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Ted Nugent Admits To Soiling Himself To Avoid The Draft

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Ted Nugent , aka , SpongeTed Squishy Pants

For years , conservative hero , and musician , Ted Nugent , who once described himself as a black guitar player from Detroit , has been depicted by many of his critics as a living parody due to an interview he once gave to High Times magazine, in which he recounted how he was able to avoid a physical for the draft. In that interview , he described in great detail , how he had gone for weeks without bathing and using the bathroom prior to his physical exam.

Nugent has previously claimed that he made up the story with High Times , just to screw with them. But in a recent interview with The Dallas Free Press , he admitted that the story was basically true , just not the way he described it to the Times.

“Sure , I pooped my pants ,” he said. “Everybody poops their pants sometime in their life. Just so happens I pooped mine before my physical exam , and I’ve pooped them a few times since. But it wasn’t because I was a coward like the dishonest , Ted hating liberal punks tell it. Far from it. I was a hard working , sh*t kicking , mother f**king , black guitar slayer from Detroit.

“You see , I had it good. I was becoming a living legend , like Jimi Hendricks , only whiter , and there was no f**king way I was giving up my guitar to go off to a foreign land to squat and sh*t in fox holes. I mean , just the thought of giving up my sweet , precious guitar , scared the sh*t out of me. And I mean that , literally. Every time I thought I would never play my guitar again , which was every day , I would go in my pants. Piss , poop , the whole sh*t. Sometimes I would go three or four times a day , and I was so depressed that I was munching down on nothing but junk food , cookies , chips , sausage , pizza , hot dogs. You name , if it had no nutritional value , I wolfed it down , and the more depressed I became , and the more I pooped. I could feel it oozing down my legs , and building up in my shorts and drawers. My pants were yellow from all the piss , and got so crusted up from all the poop , that I could barely walk in them. And my hair was all matted with piss and poop. I was a walking , talking , six foot three , hunk of human cesspool. I carried a God awful cloud of stink around me , like the Peanuts character , Pig Pen. Probably looked like him , too.

“So , I go in for my physical , and the rubes in uniform couldn’t believe how bad a human being could smell. I had a cloud of flies buzzing around my pants , and this huge sh*t eating on my face. With my scraggly beard , and poop matted hair , I must have looked like a walking corpse , and smelled like one , too. They were laughing and making fun of me , and I wanted to cry , but all I could do was laugh along with them. I knew I had the rubes beat.

“Then one of the rubes tells me to take off my pants and pee in a cup , and when I did , a couple of hunks of poop fall on the floor , and the rube almost gags on the smell , and I’m still grinning my sh*t eating grin , and he goes , ‘ Oh my God! What’s wrong with you , boy?! Put those pants back on and get the f**k out of here!’

“So I did. I went home , cleaned myself up , ate a good meal , and a few days later I got a 4 F in the mail , explaining that I was unfit for service due to excessive uncleanliness. And that’s the real story I told the Times how I really soiled my pants.”

Meghan McCain Heckled By Pervert On The View

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-view-goes-off-the-rails-on-racist-republicans-im-john-mccains-daughter

Drama Queen , Meghan McCain at The View.

Meghan McCain joined The View in September 2017. She was a former Fox News contributor , and a co host of Outnumbered. She was also an MSNBC contributor , and in 2009 was a brief contributor for the online news source , The Daily Beast.

Since joining The View , she has had several embarrassing disagreements bordering on meltdowns with her co hosts , such as the time she defended the president for pulling out of the Iran Deal , in which she also accused certain co hosts of supporting terrorism.

Other disagreements bordering on meltdowns , include , insisting that the GOP is not racist ; that law abiding gun owners are unfairly demonized after mass shootings ( during a discussion on the Tree Of Life shooting ) , and telling guest Tara Setmayer , ‘Please stop saying that , please stop saying that ‘, when she called Trump’s base a cult for believing everything he says.

She has a reputation as an airhead among both liberals and some conservatives. Wing nut conservatives , such as Laura Ingraham , with whom she’s had an on again off again feud , view her as a fake Republican because she’s not extreme enough for their liking , as she supports same sex marriage , and birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Her books include , Dirty Sexy Politics , America , You Sexy Bitch : A Love Letter To America ( co written with Ian Black ) , Rush Limbaugh Can Kiss My Big Fat Ass , Katie Pavlich : An Airhead Wrapped In A Bimbo , Laura Ingraham : Hitler Reincarnated , and soon to be published , Don’t Call Me An Airhead : Katie Pavlich Is The Real Airhead.

On a recent episode of The View , Meghan and co host Sunny Hostin got into a disagreement over Trump’s border wall , when things quickly took an odd turn. It started out as a peaceful enough discussion , but then quickly derailed off into Crazy Town.

They started off the show talking about Trump’s obsession with The Wall , and whether it was racist or not to support it. Sunny wanted to know why Republicans don’t have the guts to call out his racism over his obsession with border security.

“But , Sunny ,” Abby Huntsman said , “according to the polls , forty two percent of the country support the president’s wall. Does that make them all racist?”

“It depends on how you look at it ,” Sunny answered. “It’s not necessarily racist or bigoted to want adequate border security. We have it now , and we had it when Obama was president. This ridiculous notion that he was soft on border security , that he was allowing illegal immigrants to waltz across the southern border unchecked and unvetted , I think that’s kind of a racist attitude in itself. We have a security system that’s not perfect , but it works , and it takes time to properly process these people. But , what is racist , is when you have a network like Fox News , including the president of the United States , that constantly fear mongers and spreads lies about them , that they’re criminals and terrorists. That is racist.”

Meghan stood up. ‘Oh … my … God ,” she said. “I can’t believe it. Are you calling me a racist?”

“Relax , Meghan , nobody is calling you a -” Whoopie tried to say , but Meghan cut her off.

“Am I a racist because I support strong border security?”

“Meghan , calm down.”

“Is everyone who supports Trump’s border wall , racist? I don’t think so! I believe I can speak for Abby also , when I say that this makes me very uncomfortable.”

“Meghan , please shut up ,” Whoopie said.

“I will not shut up. I am not a racist! I am John McCain’s daughter!” She said , clenching her teeth and stomping a foot.

Whoopie , who had been sitting next to Meghan , stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “Right now you’re acting like a God damn drama queen , so shut the f**k up.”

There was a smattering of nervous laughter from the audience.

“Please don’t touch me!”

“Oh … my … God , ‘ Joy muttered , shaking her head.

That was crazy enough , since Meghan has always had the reputation of being not just an egghead , but a bit of a drama queen. But what happened next , was even crazier. And it didn’t come from Meghan or any of the other hosts. It came from someone in the audience.

“I am not a drama queen ,” Meghan insisted.

We know ,” Whoopie said. “You’re John McCain’s daughter. Now , please -“

“Cat fight!” someone yelled from the audience. Again , there was nervous laughter. Stunned , everyone turned toward the audience.

“What the f**k?” Meghan said. Shielding her eyes from the studio lights , she looked out into the audience. “Who said that?”

After a moment of awkward silence , in which it was clear the perp was not about reveal himself , she said , “It was not a cat fight. It was just a simple misunderstanding.”

“Take it off!”

“Listen , creep! This is not a strip club. We’re having an important political discussion here. If you want to see a cat fight , or a lap dance , go visit the strip club on the corner.”

Whether it had been a discussion was debatable. It had really been more of a Meghan Meltdown , an all too common occurrence at The View.

“Take it off!” the creep yelled again , and there was more nervous laughter from the audience.

“Alright , that’s it , a**hole!” Meghan yelled back. “No one is taking their clothes off for your perverted pleasure , you creep , especially me!”

“Take it off!”

Frustrated , Meghan turn toward her co hosts and said , “Is anyone going to do anything about this pervert?” But none of them were able to answer her at the moment. They were all too busy laughing hysterically.

Meghan was crushed. These were friends of hers , who had never laughed at her before , no matter how ridiculous she was behaving.

She couldn’t take the humiliation. Not only were they laughing at her. The View had millions of viewers. Many of them were probably laughing at her as well.

She burst out crying and ran back stage.

After Meghan ran crying back stage , security confronted the audience and quickly flushed out the heckler. He was the perfect example of someone who was destined to live out his early adulthood without getting laid : thick , greasy hair , an over abundance of acne , and a set of discolored buck teeth that any respectable rodent would envy. They chased him around the studio , while someone thought it might be amusing to play Yakety Sax over the studio system PA , the Benny Hill theme song , where the entire cast is chasing him around while the credits roll. The audience participated in the fun , providing the laugh track to the wackiness of the situation. The kid managed to avoid the guards for at least twenty minutes , repeatedly taunting them to catch him , but at last he began to tire , and they were able to get their hands on him and haul him out of the studio , all the while encouraging Meghan McCain to do a strip tease.

After the episode aired , Whoopie told news sources that they had not been laughing at Meghan so much as they had been laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

Pampers Diaper Spokesman Of The Year: Charlie Kirk

https://freebeacon.com/men-of-the-year/2018-man-year-charlie-kirk/

Charlie Kirk , 25 , is the founder of Turning Point USA , or Toilet Paper USA ( as some have referred to it ) , the conservative organization that seeks to fight liberal bias on college campuses , more often than not , by making s**t up , and playing the victim.

The organization is well known for it’s protests on college campuses across America , falsely targeting left wing students and professors as Marxists and placing them on watch lists.

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In 2017 , diaper wearing members participated in a protest on the campus of Kent State University. The purpose of the protest was to prove that liberals are the real crybabies and snowflakes. How that makes any sense , is anyone’s guess. The protest back fired and the group was torched mercilessly on social media.

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The group’s former president and campus coordinator , Kaitlin Bennett , seemed to be the only one who had enough sense to be embarrassed by the whole debacle , and subsequently resigned. These days she spends much of her time embarrassing herself on twitter with asinine tweets , insulting anyone whom she perceives as left wing , and showing up at left wing protests just to intimidate liberals with her AR-10.

Unlike Bennett , and others at TPUSA , Kirk has continued to wear diapers , believing it to be the best way to own the libs. He has even written a book about his diaper wearing adventures , Wear A Diaper , Own A Lib : How I Own Liberals Everyday By Wearing Pampers Pure Brand And Other Diapers.

Kirk owned the libs in spectacular fashion at last year’s Politicon event when his pants fell down during a heated debate with the Young Turk’s Hasan Piker , revealing his favorite choice of diapers – Pampers.

Procter & Gamble , which owns the brand , among many other products , chose Kirk to be its new spokesman for 2019 , replacing last year’s spokesperson , Chrissy Teigen.

“We chose Charlie as the new spokesman of our brand , because he’s the perfect example why adults like him should be wearing diapers ,” Ariel Schmaltz , a representative for P&G told the Journal. “He’s not afraid to admit that he wears diapers , specifically Pampers , even when the libs make fun of him. It takes guts to admit you wear diapers , and not adult diapers , and for that we’re grateful. We hope to have a long and fruitful relationship with Charlie for years to come.”

Kirk stands to make 2.5 million from his endorsement , which will include commercial ads on national television , and appearances on national radio to promote his new book.

When reached for comment , Kirk told the Journal :

“I’m proud to wear Pampers. I think they’re the best brand on the market. They’re soft , and plush , and water proof. There’s no other brand like them on the market , and believe me , I’ve tried other brands. I especially like their special limited print editions. The cars and argyle designs are fine , but personally I prefer the giraffe design because they remind me of my favorite pair of jammies I had when I was a little boy. In fact , I’m wearing them now. I usually wear a size seven because they’re more comfy , and don’t chafe my delicate little bottom , and I like the fact that they’re made without harsh chemicals , which is also great for my delicate little bottom.

“My father wore Pampers , and my mother wore Pampers. It’s a tradition I’m proud to carry on , and I will continue wearing them for as long as P&G allows me to be their spokesman.

“I know that libs think it’s funny for a grown man to be wearing diapers to own them , but they can laugh all they want. The fact is , whether libs want to admit it or not , I am owning them. And I’m also laughing – all the way to bank!”

#charlie-kirk, #kaitlin-bennett, #pampers, #procter-gamble, #tpusa

President Trump : “The Obama’s Have A Border Wall. Why Can’t I?”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/12/31/trump-claims-theres-foot-wall-around-obamas-dc-home-neighbors-say-theres-not/

 

 

Since his 2016 campaign , president Trump has repeated the ridiculous narrative that the southern border is wide open for illegal immigrants to waltz through unchecked , that 99.9 % of them are rapists and murderers , that Democrats in general support open borders , rampant crime and drugs by illegal immigrants and gangs , and that we need a gargantuan wall that Mexico will somehow pay for.

Conservative pundits on Fox News have been all too eager to repeat this narrative , because they know their audiences are extremely gullible and will believe whatever they’re told. And during the mid-term elections they were told repeatedly that the migrant caravan was coming to steal their jobs , kill them , and eat their children.

Last Tuesday night , the president gave his address on the current state of immigration and border security , from the Oval office , which drew an estimated 35 to 40 million viewers.

After the address , the president tweeted his frustration with lack of border security , taking shots at the Democrats , but praising the Obama’s for building a wall around their property :

The Obama’s have a border wall. Why can’t I? I’ve seen it. It’s a great , big , huge , humongous , tremendous , beautiful wall , about fifty feet high , the size of Mount Everest. It’s so big even Rosie O’Donnell can’t climb it , and she’s huge! It’s totally necessary for their safety and privacy. I want one just like it in my backyard , and America needs one like it . And despite what the loser Democrats and the fake media says , everyone supports my wall , and they do work. Just ask the Obama’s. And Mexico will pay for it!

 

#border-security, #democrats, #donald-trump, #fake-news, #immigration, #rosie-odonnell, #the-wall

Fox News Insider’s Jeanine Pirro : Too Dumb And Crazy To Know She’s Insane

http://insider.foxnews.com/2018/10/14/judge-jeanine-pirro-rips-democrats-media-over-anti-trump-antics

Jeanine Pirro , mainstream media’s dumbest and craziest host.

The crazy never ends with Jeanine Pirro.

For more than seven years the host of Justice With Judge Jeanine has made a reputation for herself as the most controversial commentator at Fox News. Each week her adoring fans tune in to watch their favorite host say something crazy , because they now she’s bat crap insane. And since her lips are permanently glued to the president’s rear end , she never fails to satisfy their appetite for crazy.

During a 2016 rant , she made the ridiculous claim that America had united behind former president Obama , and urged Democrats and Liberals to do the same with Trump. Yeah , that’s not going to happen.

During a December 2017 broadcast of her show , she metaphorically donned a Hitler uniform while going off on an authoritarian rant against top DOJ and FBI officials , calling for them to be ‘taken out in cuffs ‘ for daring to investigate the current sitting president.

In September she complained about Obama having the audacity to criticize president Trump. ‘How dare you , ‘ she complained. ‘This man is the president of the United States , someone we put in office , and he is to be respected.’

Apparently , Jeanine showed Obama the same respect and never criticized him once.

Last summer , she ranted about the Obama’s teaming with Netflix , during which rant , she lost her mind and was dragged off to the funny farm , but unfortunately , it was only for a short visit.

Shortly after returning to Fox News , she went off on yet another rant , calling the Democratic party Demon rats for attempting to smear an innocent president who could do no wrong. Again , she was dragged off to the funny farm , but once again it wasn’t long enough , as some had previously noted.

On a recent episode of Justice With Judge Jeanine , the former judge took another detour from reality. According to an unnamed witness who described it , ‘it was a wild ride on the crazy train which judge Jeanine has taken many times in her years at Fox News.’

“Jeanine had just finished her opening statement , which was full of bulls**t as usual ,” she told the Journal. “Nothing new , nothing original. Just a bunch of stringed together s**tty talking points , basically the same s**t she tweeted the night before.”

The Demon rats have proven how uncivil they are by confronting Republicans , criticizing president Trump ( how dare they , we never criticized Obama ) , and protesting. The mob mentality is all they know. From Eric Holder’s ‘they go low , we kick ’em’, to clawing at the doors of the Supreme Court , it’s time to set the rat traps again and show the Demon rats they’re too dumb to know they’re losing.

“The insanity started after her opening statement , and as usual , she was angry. Angry that anyone would dare criticize or oppose president Trump , and it always infuriated her. During the break , the make up girl , a teenage intern , had to apply a thin layer of skin tone to her face , because Jeanine would sweat so profusely under the bright lights when she was upset , causing her make up to run.

” ‘Just who the hell do they think they are?!’ Jeanine said to no one in particular. She was absolutely fuming.

The make up girl apparently thought Jeanine was talking to her.

” ‘Excuse me , Ma’am , were you talking to me?’

” ‘No , I wasn’t talking to you. Just do your job.’

” ‘Yes , ma’am ,’ said the girl.

” ‘Two minutes , judge ,’ the director said from the control booth.

“Everyone at Fox referred to Jeanine as judge , judge Jeanine , your honor , or your highness. She insisted on it. Her ego was that inflated. And since almost everyone was terrified of her , no one dared argue with her. If you failed to address her as such , there was hell to pay. You had two options. Lose your job , or grovel at her feet – literally , she insisted on that , too – while begging her forgiveness. And since no one wanted to lose their job , they chose to grovel at her feet. I’d seen it happen to a few employees who were foolish enough not to address her by one of her chosen titles , and it was thoroughly humiliating to witness.

“Jeanine was the most popular news commentator at Fox , easily beating out Hannity and Carlson in the ratings on any given day , both of whom were the networks most popular male commentators. But Jeanine was The most popular commentator , not because she had any integrity as a reporter – she didn’t , she completely lacked any integrity whatsoever – but because she was so crazy she could always be counted on to do or say something completely outrageous. And she always delivered. She was non stop ratings gold for the network.

“She was also president Trump’s pet favorite , and it was no mystery why. Jeanine always took the opportunity to kiss his a** , which was also no mystery , since her nose was forever , thoroughly and permanently lodged up his rectum like a cork that has been jammed all the way inside a Champaign bottle. And damned if anyone was going to dislodge it!

“The producers of her show were well aware of this and took the opportunity to issue a memo to all employees not to upset the b****h queen – not their words , but what many of us called her behind her back. Some of us also referred to her as Sniff Queen Jeanine , or The Sniff Queen.

“What the producers should have done , was fire her after her previous behavior.

” ‘Who the hell do they think they are!?’ Jeanine said again , this time pounding a fist on her desk , startling the girl. ‘Do they think they can criticize and bad mouth the greatest president who ever lived , and get away with it? I’ll give those Demon rats something to b***h about!’

“The intern looked slightly amused. ‘Demon rats? What’s a Demon rat?’

” ‘A Democrat ,’ Jeanine said , looking at the girl as if she were an idiot.

” ‘A Demon rat is a Democrat who criticizes the president?’

” ‘That’s right.’

” ‘Well , that doesn’t sound very nice. If you ask me , it sounds immature and creepy.’

” ‘Excuse me?’ Jeanine said. ‘Did I ask for your opinion?’

” ‘No , ma’am.’

” ‘Then I’ll thank you shut your pie hole and keep your opinions to yourself. We’ll all be a lot happier.’

” ‘Yes , ma’am.’

” ‘One minute , your heinie , uh , uh , um , I mean your highness ,’ the director stammered from the control booth. You could hear the nervousness in his voice. He knew he had screwed up and knew he would soon be groveling at Jeanine’s feet if he wanted to keep his job. But Jeanine appeared not to notice.

“Jeanine appeared not to notice , but the intern sure did. She struggled not to laugh as she finished applying the tone to Jeanine’s face.

” ‘What the hell is so funny?!’

” ‘Nothing’s funny ,’ the girl said.

” ‘Wipe that grin from your pie hole , little girl , or so help me God I’ll wipe it off for you!’

“When Jeanine told her to wipe the grin from her pie hole , all hell broke loose. The girl could no longer suppress her laughter. She burst out laughing.

” ‘Pie hole! Heinie!’ the girl nearly screamed , laughing even harder. ‘Oh God! Oh Jesus! Oh Mary! Oh Joseph! Jesus , Mary , Joseph f***king Christ!

” ‘Heinie and pie hole are funny to you?’

” ‘Yes!’ the girl said , laughing uncontrollably. She was now laughing so hard she was doubled over , clutching her stomach with both hands.

” ‘Somebody make it stop!’ the girl cried. ‘Oh God , somebody make it stop! It hurts! I can’t stop laughing!’

” ‘Shut up , you little b***h!’ Jeanine said and lunged at the girl.

“As Jeanine launched herself at the girl , the studio door flew open and the director rushed in.

” ‘Jesus Christ!’ he said , ‘not again!’

“He had been the director both previous times Jeanine had boarded the crazy train , and he clearly didn’t know how to handle the situation.

” ‘For God sake , break it up you two , we’re back in ten seconds ,’ he said , glancing at his watch.

“Jeanine and the girl ignored him. Jeanine had the girl pinned under her and was slapping her in the face repeatedly.

” ‘Who’s laughing now , little girl?!’

” ‘Get off me , crazy b***h!’ the girl cried. ‘Help! Somebody get this crazy bitch off me! She’s lost her f**king mind!’

“No one dared pull Jeanine off her. We all knew we would get the same treatment she was giving the girl. And for good measure we would have to grovel for forgiveness at her feet.

“Instead of cutting off the cameras as he should have done , the director attempted to pull the two apart , and that was a mistake. It was a mistake because he put his hands on Jeanine , attempting to pull her away from the girl , and no one put their hands on Jeanine. Especially a man . She was the Fox News queen and president Trump’s favorite a** kisser , and she better be treated like royalty.

“The second the director laid hands on Jeanine , she growled like a wild animal , and stopped slapping the girl.

” ‘How dare you touch me!’ she said , and flipped him over her shoulder with ease , as if he were nothing more than a rag doll. She seemed either possessed with super human strength , or was high on Trump’s farts. The latter seemed more likely.

“The director flew across the studio a good ten feet or more , and landed on his back with a painful thud. He lay still a moment , groaning , and then struggled to his feet , gripping his back with both hands as he stumbled back to the control booth , where he was told to keep filming after the break.

“As the director sailed across the studio , the girl managed to push Jeanine off her and was attempting to get away. But Jeanine was too quick. She yanked the girl back by the hair , managing to rip out a fistful.

” ‘Where do yo think you’re going?!’ There was a tearing sound like someone splitting open their pants , and the girl squealed , clutching at her head.

” ‘You ripped out my hair!

“There was an angry , red bald spot on the back of her head. For a moment the two stared at each other , stunned , like deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Jeanine glanced at the fistful of hair as if she couldn’t believe what she had done.

” ‘I’ll kill you!’ the girl screamed.

” ‘Not if I kill you first!’

“The two lunged at each other , flailing away like toddlers in a preschool brawl. ” ‘I’ll scratch your eyes out!’ the girl screamed.

” ‘Not if I scratch yours out first!’

“For nearly a minute they continued to flail blindly as they cursed each other with one vulgar name after another. Then finally Jeanine managed once again to latch onto the girl’s hair with her well manicured claws and proceeded to tear loose another handful. The girl screamed and lunged at Jeanine. The two rolled around the floor screaming and cursing and tearing each others hair out.

“It wasn’t long before security arrived. As they attempted to calm the two down and pull them off each other , Jeanine punched one guard in the face and flipped the other , just as she had flipped the poor director , who was now cowering in the control booth.

“The unfortunate guard also went flying , this time I was certain a good twenty feet. He too landed on his back , with an ‘ooofff!’ and lay still , as the guard Jeanine punched , struggled to calm her down. But Jeanine wasn’t having it. She kicked and punched at him weakly , at last beginning to tire herself out.

“The girl was lying on the floor , exhausted. She had a black eye , a bloody nose , and chunks of her hair were missing. Someone helped her up , and escorted her out of the studio.

“Jeanine was still struggling weakly with the guard , who had at last managed to restrain her in cuffs. She looked worse than the girl. She had much more hair missing from her scalp , and her face was streaked grotesquely with make up. She looked like the Zuni fetish doll in the Trilogy Of Terror movie.

” ‘How dare you hand cuff me!’ she screeched at the guard. ‘You’ll lose your job for this. Release me now damn it , or so help me God when I become the next attorney general , I’ll see to it that you never get another job!’

“She was under the delusion that she would be the next attorney general , but apparently was not aware that Jeff Sessions had already been replaced.

“The guard ignored her. He didn’t care if she was the queen of the network or the president’s favorite. And since he was not a Fox News employee , he would never have to grovel at her feet like the rest of us.

“Most of the brawl had been caught on camera. What had not been filmed , were the assaults on the director , the two security guards , her arrest for multiple counts of assault , and the orderlies who restrained her , shot her full of Thorazine and dragged her off to the local funny farm for a third straight visit. But like the previous visits , she was gone only a couple of days.

“Like most of her critics , the producers of her show knew she was crazy , and they took advantage of that craziness by allowing her to continue making a fool of herself every week. They also knew she was making the network look foolish , but they couldn’t care less as long as it was good for the ratings. And it was ratings gold.

“The brawl with the intern was used as a separate segment , titled , Justice With Judge Jeanine : Judge Jeanine Assaulted By Violent Leftist. The premise of the segment was that Jeanine would be interviewing a college social justice warrior about Trump’s border wall , when the leftist suddenly goes berserk and attacks her , because as Fox viewers are brainwashed to believe , all leftists are intolerant to those who disagree with them , and each one constitutes a violent mob.

“But since there had only been the brawl between the intern and Jeanine , they filmed a fake interview with a look-alike to play the crazed liberal. It aired during her show a couple of weeks later , and it became the highest rated program on the network. Millions tuned in to watch Jeanine make a complete fool of herself.

“The week after it aired , the network’s two most insufferable commentators , Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham , ran constant clips of it , with the ridiculous heading : Judge Jeanine Owns Crazy College Lib , creaming themselves with satisfaction after each airing.

“The producers of her show knew she would never have come up with such a brilliant idea on her own , because they knew she was too dumb and crazy to realize how insane she is.

Laura Ingraham Suffers Breakdown Over Lamestream Media Criticism Of Melania Trump

http://insider.foxnews.com/2018/12/14/laura-ingraham-media-bashing-melania-trump-michelle-obama-could-do-no-wrong

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Laura Ingraham , smug , punk a** b***h

Conservatives often say liberals are the real snowflakes , who melt over the slightest politically correct offense. But on last Thursdays Ingraham Angle , Laura Ingraham , went into full melt down mode over CNN’s criticism of First Lady Melania Trump’s interview with Sean Hannity. According to anonymous witnesses at Fox News , some of their commentators are the most sensitive snowflakes in mainstream media.

In an earlier interview with Sean Hannity , Melania Trump criticized comedians , politicians , journalists , and Hollywood elites for using her family name to advance themselves.

“Let’s face it , Sean ,” she said. “No other first lady has been bullied more than me , and no other president has been hated more than my husband.”

CNN and other media commentators referred to the comments as a ‘meltdown’ by the first lady.

“You could tell Laura Ingraham was offended by CNN’s criticism of Melania Trump ,” an anonymous female witness told the Journal.

“I’ve never liked Laura. To me , she’s nothing more than an elitist snob , and most of the men , with the exception of Shepard Smith , and possibly Juan Williams , are nothing more than male chauvanist , elitist pricks , like Tucker Carlson , always whining about elitist liberal pricks. How’s that for irony?

“Like a lot of conservatives , because Laura’s conservative , she believes she’s superior to most people , especially liberals , which I believe is the reason for that smug attitude , like she believes it’s beneath her dignity to talk to anyone else , and I always felt the urge to punch her in the face. I’m not normally a confrontational person , but when pushed , I can be quite a handful. I once had a run in with Laura on the set. I won’t go into so many details , but it had to do with a disagreement we had about a certain subject.

” ‘You think you’re right , don’t you , huh girly?’ she said with that hateful smug look. ‘Right , huh , girly? Right? Right? What’s the matter , girly? Cat got your tongue?’

“She was obviously trying to egg me into some sort of confrontation , or a fight , but I wasn’t taking the bait.

” ‘You keep telling yourself that , Missy. Someday you’ll realize you were full of s**t ,’ she said before walking away.

“I never wanted to punch her in the face more than I did at that moment.

“Laura can’t stand it when people disagree with her. She always has to be right. To be a member of the Laura Ingraham fan club , you have to worship Trump and the Republican party , and defend them at every opportunity , and hate Obama , Democrats , and liberals , and bash them whenever convenient. And if you fail to do either one , she considered you her sworn enemy.

“Speaking to her co host , Howard Kurtz , Laura said , ‘I have to agree with her , Howard. No other first lady , I believe , has endured so much hatred as Melania Trump. Not even Michelle Obama. I mean , it’s appalling to me that the mainstream liberal media won’t admit it. Fox News is the only one pointing this stuff out.’ 

“You keep telling yourself that , you smug a** b***h ,” I thought to myself.

“Kurtz agreed. ‘Because she’s a first lady , who for the first time in eight years , who looks like a woman , they mock her accent , her clothes , her feet , her hair and the fact that she used to be a nude model. Despite that , she’s impeccable , flawless. She’s never once said she wasn’t proud of her country , that white folks were the real problem , or that slaves built the White House. Nothing is off limits to them. They hate her no matter what she says or does.’

“Not much of a difference from the way Moochelle was treated by conservatives , huh , Howie?

“Kurtz could on occasion be a smug a** b***h himself , but he wasn’t as infuriating as Ingraham was , and I never felt the urge to punch him in the face. But this time , the urge was overwhelming. He had just referred to Michelle Obama as a man , and that infuriated me. To me , Michelle Obama was more of a woman than Melania Trump could ever be. She had never melted down over the slightest criticism , and never disgraced herself or her position as first lady by posing nude in men’s magazines.

” ‘In contrast , Michelle Obama could do nothing right ,’ Ingraham said.

“Again I wanted to punch the smugness from her face.

” ‘She not only hated her country , had a problem with white people , and the White House , but she also looked masculine , and she often wore men’s clothing.’

“You lying , punk , smug a*** b***h , ” I thought.

” ‘Some people even said she was a man. I mean , everything about her was just the exact opposite of Melania Trump. Her hands and feet looked like they belonged on somebody like Shaquille O’Neal , or Bigfoot. Am I being too unkind? I’m told I’m being rude. Even her butt was too big. OK , let’s leave it at that.’

“Laura’s demeanor suddenly changed. In a matter of a few seconds her attitude went from insufferable smugness , to a mixture of anger and melancholy , but mostly sadness. She looked like she was about to start bawling at any moment. It happened so suddenly I wasn’t sure if it was real or if she was faking it.

” ‘Which is nothing compared to the way Melania is treated by the liberal media ,’ she cried , tears now starting to run down her face , causing her masscara to smear and run as well.

Her voice became more nasal than usual , and she punctuated the end of each sentence with a loud , wet , disgusting sniff , which was even more annoying , as if she were trying to suck the snot back in before it could start dribbling uncontrollably out her nostrils.

” ‘She doesn’t look masculine!’ Sniff! ‘She doesn’t wear men’s clothing!’ Sniff! ‘Her hands and feet aren’t too big!’ Sniff! ‘They don’t look like they belong on Shaquille O’Neal!’ Sniff! ‘Or Bigfoot!’ Sniff! ‘And her butt isn’t too big. ‘ Sniff! ‘But still , Howie , they won’t leave her alone. Why , oh why , Howie , won’t they leave her alone?!’

“She waited for Howie to answer , but when he failed to do so she gave the loudest , most disgusting sniff and started bawling uncontrollably.

“I knew she wasn’t faking it the moment I saw Howie’s reaction. Howie sat there staring at her , not sure how to respond , apparently shaken by her outburst.

“She repeated the question , word for word , the exact way she nearly screamed it at Howie , only this time punctuating each word by pounding on her desk with both fists. The desk shook violently with each blow. When the first blow landed , Howie looked so startled that he jumped almost a foot off his seat. Everyone in the place was staring at her. No one had ever seen her behave this way before. Which wasn’t just unexpected , it was also funny. Hilariously funny.

“She continued to blubber uncontrollably , swaying ever so slightly in her seat , as everyone , including Howie , the camera men , and myself stared at her. She seemed oblivious to everything except her blubbering , which was embarrassing to watch. I always knew Laura was a bit of a snowflake at heart , but this was beyond embarrassing. It was ridiculous.

“Howard finally spoke. ‘Laura , you alright?’

“Laura didn’t answer. She continued to blubber , swaying in her seat , as if she were in a trance or something. Her shoulders heaved with her sobs. Her face was streaked comically with mascarra and tears , and snot bubbled from her nostrils. It was no use trying to suck it back in now.

“She was behaving far worse than my three year old daughter when she didn’t get her way. My daughter could be excused. There was no excuse for Laura behaving this way.

” ‘It’s not fair , Howie ,’ she mumbled. ‘Why won’t they leave her alone?’ She was starting to calm down a bit. ‘Somebody get me a tissue.’

“Nobody wanted to get her a tissue. Howard shoved a box of tissues at her. ‘Laura , snap out of it , ‘ he said. ‘You’re making a fool of yourself.’

“Laura acted as if she hadn’t heard him. She snatched a tissue from the dispenser. She attempted to wipe her nose , but her hand was shaking so badly that she smeared snot all over her face. For a moment she stared at the tissue , then she burst out bawling again.

“From that moment onward , things went from bad to worse for Laura Ingraham , and I can’t say that I felt sorry for her.

“She cried so hard and long after failing to wipe her nose , that she finally fell out of her seat. I knew it was coming. It was inevitable. After all that blubbering , she was bound to hit the floor , and hit it she did , with a solid thump that was so loud that everyone rushed to her side to see if she had injured herself. I thought she might have hit her head on the floor when she fell.

” ‘Laura , are you hurt?’ Howard said. But Laura continued to babble ‘It’s so unfair ,’ over and over again.

“Jesus Christ , ” I said , shaking my head.

” ‘Jesus Christ , ‘ Howard said.

” ‘Jesus Christ ,’ the two camera operators said in unison.

” ‘What the f**k is her problem?’ One of them asked.

“Laura had suffered a breakdown apparently due to her reaction to media criticism of Melania Trump , whom Laura believes is perfect and can do no wrong. Of course , this is just speculation on my part. Other factors may be involved. But that’s what I believe happened. After more than two years of pent up anger , she had finally snapped , and to make matters worse , she had done it during prime time on live TV , making a complete fool of herself. But if I know Laura , she’ll try to spin the situation to her advantage.

“Will the producers cancel her show , or fire her for making a spectacle of herself and the network? One can only hope so. Or , as with Jeanine Pirro , will they be spineless cowards and allow her to continue embarrassing them?

“Whatever happens , Laura Ingraham is an evil b***h , who deserves to be fired.”

#cnn, #fox-news, #howard-kurtz, #humor, #ingraham-angle, #laura-ingraham, #melania-trump, #michelle-obama