Posted in Alex Jones, Ann-Marie Murrell, Morgan Brittany, satire, Victoria Jackson

To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids!

Alex Jones’s ‘how did I get stuck with these kooks , crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes?’ face.

From the Alex Jones radio show June 9 , 2017 – 

“Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. I’m Alex Jones , your host for the number one show in Texas , America , and around the world. I bring you the truth , and nothing but the truth , the truth that the main stream communist liberal news media won’t bring you because it’s controlled by George Soros , the biggest communist liberal in the world.

“I have three kooks on today’s show. One’s been here once or twice before. She’s even more of a  kook than the other two. She’s also crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake. She’s written several wacked out books about Barack Obama , including Obama And His Evil Twin Julio Want To Sacrifice Your Kids With Planned Parenthood , and Obama And His Evil Twin Julio The Mole Want To Kill My Granny With Obama Care. Like I said , she’s a real kook , crackpot , a wacko , and a fruitcake.  

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Smart , intelligent Conservative women , Victoria , Ann-Marie , and Morgan trying to convince Alex Jones that Obama still wants to eat their kids.

“My other two guests are Ann-Marie Murrell , and Morgan Brittany. I’m not sure if they’ve been here before or not , but they’ve also written some wacked out books about Obama , because besides being known as kooks , they’re also crackpots , wackos , and fruitcakes. Those books include , The Truth About B. O. And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , and I Was Attacked By B.O. Zombies That Tried To Eat My Brain , the latter which the three of them wrote together. And in case you’re wondering , ladies and gentlemen , those are not the titles of books about zombies with Body odor. Their latest book is  , To Serve Obama Again , A Sequel : Obama Still Wants To Eat Your Kids! has got to be the kookiest one yet. But I’m sure their next book will be even more kooky.    

“Welcome to the show , ladies.”

Ann-Marie : “Thanks for inviting us , Alex.”

Morgan : “I’m pretty sure we haven’t been here before.”

Alex : “Whatever.”

Victoria : “Did you invite us here just to make fun us , Alex?”

Alex : “You said it , not me. Let’s talk about the new book. Why would -“

Victoria : “Did you read it?”

Alex : “Why would I want to do that?”

Victoria : “Oh , I don’t know , maybe to know what it’s about.”

Alex : “I don’t have to read it to know it’s a piece of  – I mean something only a kook would write – in this case , three kooks – and something only a kook – or in this case , plural , kooks , your fans – would be interested in reading. The title itself tells me it’s got to be the kookiest book ever written. Why would -“

Victoria : “Gee , thanks for the great review , Alex.”

Alex : “You’re welcome. Now why would -“

Victoria : So , you still don’t believe his mole is the anti-Christ?”

Alex : “Of course not , it’s insane.”

Morgan : “You don’t believe Obama zombies tried to eat our brains?”

Alex : “How can they eat something that isn’t there to begin with?”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he still wants to kill my granny with Obama Care?”

Alex : “Obama Care doesn’t exist anymore!”

Victoria : “You don’t believe Julio helped him steal the elections , and that I cried and I cried when it happened?”

Ann-Marie : “Yeah , and all kinds of other stuff!”

Morgan : Yeah , like Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead?”

Alex : “ACORN , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead may have been involved , but to claim Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck were involved , only a genuinely crazy person would believe that.”

Victoria : “You don’t believe he’s still taking too many vacations?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Morgan : “Or that he’s still playing too much golf?”

Alex : “Why should I care about his vacations or golfing , he’s -“

Ann-Marie : “And you don’t believe he still wants to steal everyone’s guns?”

Victoria : “Or that he shredded a copy of the constitution and used the shavings as a salad topping?”

Alex : “What does any of this have to do with -“

Victoria : “You don’t believe he went to Mars to train for his tyrannical dictatorship of America , or that he’s a cross dressing lizard queen from planet Zork?”

Morgan : “And tried to infect us all with Ebola?”

Alex : “Alright , hold on. Just hold on! What does any of this have to do with the book?”

Victoria : “It has everything to do with it , Alex. If you don’t believe any of these facts , then you don’t believe he still wants to eat your kids.”

Ann-Marie : “And all kinds of other stuff!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in John Hawkins, satire

Ridiculous Things Liberals Believe Are Real ( Or Why Liberals Are Loons ) … Part 1

aviary-photo_131293155154534512Liberals. Can’t live with them , can’t live without them. If we could , we wouldn’t be able to make fun of them. And God knows I love to make fun of liberals , because they’re so loony , but they haven’t got a clue as to how loony they are. To prove just how loony liberals really are , I’ve made another one my brilliant lists. Here are the first ten.

1) Liberals think they know everything. Liberals pride themselves on knowledge , but when it comes to actual knowledge , liberals don’t really know anything. All they really are is know-nothings who believe they’re better than everyone else. Conservatives are actually more intelligent , and know a lot more than your average liberal. It’s a known fact. Studies have proved it.

2) Liberals believe Bert And Ernie are a real gay couple. Liberals believe the Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie are a gay couple.

3) Liberals believe the moon is made of green cheese. Everyone knows the moon is a natural satellite of Earth. That is , everyone but liberals. They actually believe it to consist of some type of cheese , Munster , Cheddar , or Limburger , or any number of varieties.

4) Liberals believe in global warming. They believe the Earth is growing warmer , despite all of the evidence to the contrary. The Earth is actually getting colder.

5) Liberals believe evolution is real. Like global warming , there is no evidence to support this theory. All existing species today were created by God six thousand years ago. It says so in the Bible. What’s more believable? A scientific theory that can’t be proven , or God , who can be proven?

6) Liberals believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. One of the more ridiculous beliefs among liberals is that of a tentacled deity made entirely of pasta. Adherents to this belief refer to themselves as Pastafarians.

7) Liberals believe in the Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy , but not Santa Claus. These two fairy tales are fine for children , but grown adults who believe in them , are just as ridiculous as the Pastafarians.

8) Liberals believe in the Cookie Monster. Another Sesame seed Street character liberals believe is based on a real person.

9) Liberals believe rocks make great pets. 

10) Liberals believe atheism can be proven. 

And there you have it. The first ten reasons liberals are loons because they believe in the most ridiculous nonsense.

Posted in Glen Beck, Pat Gray, satire, Stu Burguiere, Tomi Lahren

What Barack Obama Really Wants : Obama Wants To Eat Your Guns

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Tomi warning her audience that Obama is a dangerous Muslim who will take everyone’s guns away and eat them , because he’s also a communist , and communists like to eat guns , among other things.

If you’ve been following social media this past year , then chances are you are familiar with Tomi Lahren. Tomi is a Conservative wing nut commentator employed by Glen Beck at his network The Blaze. She is best known for her loud and opinionated , fact free rants , sparking controversy as she did recently with her ridiculous and laughable criticism of president Obama as being soft on radical Muslim terrorists ; her equally ridiculous criticisms of Black Lives Matter , referring to them as a violent and racist movement worse than the KKK , and her bigoted rhetoric that all Muslims are basically terrorists. 

Like all Conservative wing nuts , she’s certain that the only racism in American is racism against white people , who have been victimized by the Black Lives Matter movement ,  that they are working hand in hand with the Muslim Brotherhood to overthrow the United States government ; that the Clinton’s have left a long trail of dead political enemies ; that Barack Obama is a Muslim responsible for dividing America , has an anti-police ideology – he supposedly incited the violence that caused the deaths of the Dallas police officers – and wants to steal guns from law-abiding citizens. None of this has literally happened.

In her first book , White People : The New Victims Of Racism In The Age Of Obama , Tomi claimed that white people are being systematically beaten , lynched and burned alive by members of the Black Lives Matter movement , because they are now the new KKK and hate white people. In her latest book , What Barack Obama Really Wants : Obama Wants To Eat Your Guns , she claims Obama not only wants to , but will definitely steal everyone’s guns before he leaves office , and he will eat them too. 

She made another recent appearance on the Glen Beck Radio Show to inform Glen and his audience that Obama , whom she often refers to as Barry , was planning  something so big in the coming weeks that would prove to Conservatives and liberals alike just how evil he really is.

Glen : “In your new book , you claim Obama is planning a big event that will take everyone by surprise.” 

Tomi : “That’s right , Glen. Though not everyone will be that surprised. Most people who know the truth about Barry , suspect he will do something , they just don’t agree on what that something is. Some believed he would suspend the elections , even though it didn’t happen. Some still believe he will declare martial law before president Trump’s inauguration , declaring himself king and emperor , and then round-up law-abiding  patriots and their guns and throw them in prison camps. Conservatives , that is. Not guns. He has other plans for everyone’s guns.”

Glen : “What do you think  he has planned?”

Tomi : “For their guns?”

Rachel : “In general.”

Tomi : “What do you mean? What’s in general?”

Glen : ” I mean , his overall plan. What does he plan to do?”

Tomi : He plans on rounding up all law-abiding patriots , take their guns away , and throw them all in prison camps , because he’s a communist who supports Black Lives Matter because he’s a racist who hates white people , especially guns.”

Glen : “How does he plan on doing that?”

Tomi : “It’s really not that hard to figure out. He hates America , because he’s a communist who supports Black Lives Matter because he’s a racist and hates white people and guns so its inevitable that he will round-up all law-abiding patriots take their guns away and throw them all in prison camps because he hates white people and guns. I believe the only way he can do this is with the support of Black Lives Matter which is a racist terrorist hate group the New Black Panthers which is also a racist terrorist hate group and all of his brain-dead supporters who are also racists and terrorists.”

Glen : “When you say prison camps , do you mean Fema camps? Because there’s really no evidence they exist. They were debunked right here at The Blaze.”

Stu : “Alex Jones has been promoting them for years.”

Pat : “Yeah , that guy is one serious wackadoodle.”

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Glen’s co-hosts arguing whether Pat ( center ) is as crazy as Alex Jones.

Stu : “Yeah. He not only believes in Fema camps , but the New World Order , what ever the hell that is , and the Illuminati conspiracy , whatever the hell that is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also believed in the Tooth Fairy , the Easter Bunny , Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs , Tinkerbell , and Santa Claus.”

Pat : “believe in Santa Claus. He’s a real person. His name is Kris Kringle. Are you saying I’m crazy too?”

Stu : ( Smiling ) “You said it , not me.”

Pat : “So , I’m crazy because I believe in Santa Claus?”

Stu : ( Still smiling ) “No , you’re just crazy. Period.

Pat : “Are you saying you don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore?”

Stu : “Look , I still believe in Santa. I was just pointing out how crazy he is. Alex Jones , that is.”

Pat : “He is crazy. Because he probably does believe in the Tooth Fairy , and the Easter Bunny. The Tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny are fairy tales. But Santa Claus is real. There’s actual proof , evidence that he exists.”

Stu : “There’s no evidence that he exists.”

Pat : “I thought you believed in him.”

Stu : “I do , but not as a real person.”

Pat : So , you do think I’m crazy.”

Glen : ( Raising his voice ) “Back to what Tomi was saying. Do you believe in Fema camps? Because they were debunked here not too long ago.”

Tomi : “I don’t know much about Fema camps , Glen. But I do know that Barry will round-up all law-abiding Conservative gun owners – because he’s a communist and a racist who hates white people – with the help of Black Lives Matter who are a racist terrorist hate group and the Black Panthers who are also a racist terrorist hate group and his brainless zombie supporters who are also a racist terrorist hate group and then he will round-up all their guns and then they will cook them in  a huge bonfire in front of the White House because communists love to eat guns among other things. But they love to eat guns most of all.”

 

Posted in Barack Obama, satire

Republicans Finally Admit They Don’t Like Obama Because He’s Black

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Washington DC – Republicans have been denying for years that their extreme dislike of president Obama has everything to do with his policies and nothing else. But yesterday some Republicans admitted that wasn’t entirely true.

“Of course some of us don’t like president Obama because he’s black ,” Former presidential candidate and governor of Arkansas , Mike Huckabee , told the Washington Post. “But it has nothing to do with race , or his Muslim name. It has everything to do with how he’s destroying America with Obama Care , giving everyone free socialized healthcare , and allowing gays to marry each other and their horses.”

Former presidential candidate and governor of Alaska , Sarah Palin told MSNBC , “Obama’s been complaining for years that people don’t like him because he’s black. And for years we’ve been saying he should go back to Kenya where he was born. He’s the racist.”

On his radio show on The Blaze Network , Glen Beck said , “Barack Obama hasn’t faced any bigotry! We have. Obama has kept black people on his plantation for eight years , giving them welfare , food stamps , Obama phones , photographs , and all kinds of free goodies. There are no white people on his plantation. He’s the real racist.”

During an episode of The O’Reilly Factor earlier this week , Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump  , on a short break from the campaign trail , told Bill O’Reilly it was time to admit the truth about the Republican Party.

“They’re all a bunch of racists ,” Trump admitted. “They may as well be wearing white robes and hoods , it’s so obvious.”

When O’Reilly pointed out Trump’s own involvement in the birther conspiracy , and that he had earlier this year denied knowing who David Duke was , Trump said ,”I never said Obama was born in Kenya , and I still don’t know who David Duke is. They’re the racists , not me.”