Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

How Barack Obama Ruined America And Was the Worst President Ever – Part 4

If you talk to liberals on a daily basis like I do , you will quickly realize how stupid they are. They believe the stupidest things : God isn’t real , global warming is real , the birth certificate is also real , Trump is not making America great again , and Barack Obama was the greatest president who ever lived.

This shows you how clueless liberals are. They live in their own universe. There is no hope for them.

If the following list doesn’t convince you how stupid liberals are , and that Barack Obama was the worst president who ever lived , then you’ve obviously been brainwashed by the lame stream liberal media , and there is also no hope for you.

Selfie Gate : There were many shocking scandals during Obama’s reign of tyranny , some of the worst being , having critics of his excessive vacations and golf outings , permanently silenced. But this scandal is probably his most heinous. When Obama took a selfie with the Boston Red Sox first baseman David ‘Big Pappy’ Ortiz , it was proof that he hated white people and was planning on starting a race war. When that war will be carried out , God only knows. But God knows Big Pappy will be there to fight by his – Obama’s – side. Which was the purpose for the selfie , to recruit Pappy as his general in the war.

Skeet Gate : Here’s one scandal that had me genuinely confused when I heard about it. A 2013 photo of Obama shooting a shot-gun!? Could it be? Was it true? Was the forty-fourth president of the United States a real man who liked to shoot guns like a real American , or a sissy-boy , mom jeans wearing wimp who wilted like a pansy at the sight of a gun?

On closer inspection of the photo , I noticed he was indeed wearing mom jeans , and came to the conclusion that it was fake , a cheap photo shop to make Obama look a real man , not a mom jeans wearing , weak kneed sissy-boy who wilted like a pansy at the sight of a gun , like he really was.

Mars Gate : Obama traveled to the red planet in his youth ,via a DARPA program , where he learned to be a tyrannical America hating , mom jeans wearing dictator.

Baseball Gate : Another failed attempt to make Obama look like a man , instead of the mom jeans wearing , sissy-boy pansy he really was , and is.

Jogging Gate : This one confirmed what conservatives had always suspected , that Obama — and Biden – was always gay. Why else would two grown men run on the White House lawn? For exercise? No , most likely they were having an affair and they didn’t want Michelle – who is really a man – to find out. When they finished their jogging , or whatever they were really doing , they both put their mom jeans back on.

And those are five more ways Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever.

Advertisements
Posted in John Hawkins

How Barack Obama Ruined America And Was The Worst President Ever … Part 3

Conservative sleuth John Hawkins continues his exclusive.

If you dislike Barack Obama as much as I do , then you know for a fact he was the worst American president , from his Marxist policies like Obama care , to giving away free stuff like Obama phones , and other free goodies to keep people on the Democratic plantation.

You can argue until you’re blue in the face , but you will never convince a liberal that he is a commie , Marxist , gay Muslim , and the worst president ever. Because they’re commie , Marxist , gay Muslims themselves.

The following are five more ways Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever.

1) Tee Gate : This scandal is closely linked to Golf Gate , because it demonstrates just how insensitive Obama is , having the audacity of hope to golf while America was in an economic s**t hole and everyone but liberals were living in the poorhouse. They were literally all crammed into homeless shelters , forced to watch Obama on big screen TVs reading from from a teleprompter telling everyone just how great the economy was.

In 2009 Obama deliberately missed a shot just to rub it in the faces of conservatives. It was his Marxist way of saying conservatives are stupid enough to believe the economy is in great shape.

2) Sunny Gate : In 2013 , Sunny Obama , the Obama dog ( who is also a Marxist like her parents ) attempted to kill little Ashtyn Gardner , a guest at the annual White House Christmas party. The Looney liberal media tried to spin it as an accident , but conservatives know what it was really all about. Her parents were conservatives and didn’t like Obama. He knew this and ordered Sunny to push her into the tree.

3) Bike Gate : Almost as bad as golfing were all the times that Obama went bike riding. Looney liberals think these were just harmless outings with his family , showing how ordinary he was. But Obama was anything but ordinary. They were actually covers for what they really were. Obama was smuggling drugs to Mexican drug cartels through thousands of bicycles.

4) Teleprompter Gate : Obama was rumored to be a Harvard law graduate , but was actually so inept he couldn’t speak without a teleprompter. Whenever he would attempt to do so , he would fart nervously and blame it on one of the family dogs. Usually , Bo would get most of the blame.

5) Umbrella Gate : He also couldn’t use an umbrella if his life depended on it. Whenever he would attempt to do so , he would fumble with it for several minutes and eventually always manage to close it around his head , snagging his ears in the process.

And there you have it once again. Five more reasons Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

How Barack Obama Ruined America And Was The Worst President Ever – Part 2

Conservative sleuth John Hawkins.

Liberals will never admit that Barack Obama was the worst president America ever had , or that he ruined it. To them he was the second coming of Christ who could do no wrong. What they never realized was that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing , but conservatives were onto him from the start.

The following are five more ways Obama ruined America and demeaned the office of the presidency.

1) Birther Gate : He wouldn’t admit his birth certificate was fake. 

2) Phone/Pen Gate : He said I have a phone and a pen , and I’ll use them. And did he ever. No other president made more phone calls and signed more executive orders.

3) Golf Gate : No other president played more golf than Obama did. It was one of the worst things he could have done as president. It demonstrated his uncanny ability to hang out playing golf with celebrities like Tiger Woods , Jack Nicklaus , and Stephen King , while simultaneously destroying America , and murdering his critics who complained about his golfing. A remarkable feat that the liberal media never covered. 

4) Vacation Gate : No other president took more vacations than Obama did. Most of these vacations were taken at places like Martha’s Vineyards , where the Obama’s often threw extravagant sex orgies with other liberal elites (  they’re all perverts ) at tax payer expense. He also murdered anyone who complained about his vacations. 

5) Gun Gate : He took everyone’s guns away , and had anyone murdered who complained about him taking everyone’s guns away.

And there you have it again. Five more ways Obama ruined America and was the worst president ever. 

 

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

What Liberals Believe ( Liberals Are Still Loons )

Aviary Photo_131334701123727680
Conservative sleuth , John Hawkins , sniffing out them evil , treasonous , America hating liberals.

 

Since the election of Donald Trump , liberals have gotten even crazier than they’ve ever been , and it’s all Barack Obama’s fault , because he was  jealous that Hillary Clinton lost , even though he rigged it with the help of ACORN , Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal aliens , and the walking dead , yes , the real walking dead , just as he rigged the last two elections with the same characters.

1) Liberals believe Trump will play more golf than Obama did. The truth is , all Obama did was play golf while the world went to hell.

2) Liberals believe Trump will sign more executive orders. The truth is , all Obama did was sign executive orders while the world went to hell. When he wasn’t signing executive orders , he was playing golf , and when he wasn’t playing golf , he was signing executive orders.

3) Liberals believe Trump is a racist because he wanted to build a wall to keep out those murderous , drug dealing illegal immigrants. But it’s really liberals who are racist because they want them to come here and collect welfare , food stamps , and do jobs “no American would want to do.”

4) Liberals believe Trump hates Muslims because his immigration ban will prevent them from coming here and murdering us in our sleep. 

5) Liberals believe ACORN doesn’t exist anymore. But the truth is , ACORN is still trying to rig the voting system for Democrats. They tried it in 2016 , and will most likely try it again in 2020.

6) Liberals don’t believe Obama spied on Trump. The truth is , Obama trained his dogs , Sonny and Bo to infiltrate Trump Towers to tap the phones. Those dogs are clever. They are also communists like Obama.

7) Liberals don’t believe Obama is on a permanent vacation. The truth is , ever since Obama entered the White House in 2009 , he has been on a permanent vacation. According to an unknown source , he was even planning to write a book called My Endless vacation In The White House.

8) Liberals are so delusional , they believe evolution and global warming are real. Even though there is no evidence for either , but refuse to believe in God even though there is a mountain of evidence. 

9) Liberals believe Obama is no longer playing golf. Even though he had banned all golf courses by executive order , for his personal use.

10) Liberals believe Conservatives hated Obama because he is black. Which proves they are the racists. Conservatives don’t like Obama because he was really born in Kenya. 

And there you have it , ten reasons why liberals are still loons.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

More Reasons Not To Trust A Liberal ( Or Why I Still Hate Liberals ) Part 3

John Hawkins , Rightwing News
John Hawkins , Rightwing News

Liberals have completely lost their minds. It’s a fact. Studies have proved it. But I don’t need any studies  to prove just how insane and crazy they are. This list speaks for itself.

Liberals have not only gone off the deep end , but they’ve completely destroyed America. That’s also a fact , and studies have proved it.  The economy is in shambles because of Obama , liberals , and Democrats. Religion is under attack because of Obama , liberals , and Democrats. And America is less safe because of Obama , liberals , and Democrats. It’s a fact.

1) Liberals believe that Obama won the elections fair and square. But the truth is he stole the elections with  help from ACORN , Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead , the real walking dead , which Obama raised from graveyards all over America.
Liberals will quickly ridicule anyone who mentions this fact. But anyone who has read Victoria Jackson’s book , How Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , ACORN , The Homeless , Illegal Immigrants , And The Walking Dead Helped Obama The Weasel Weasel His Way Into The White House , knows that this is a real possibility. Julio , Obama’s twin , may have also been involved.

2) Liberals believe the moon landings were faked. There is no proof that the moon landings were faked. Most of them are Alex Jones fanatics , and will often cite his videos as evidence. Liberals are so gullible.

3) Liberals didn’t believe The Muslim Brotherhood were rapping with Obama in the WH.  But it’s a known fact. They produced several videos together , which were all featured on YouTube , and MTV.

4) They don’t believe the LGBT are forcing everyone to be gay , just like the Nazis did. Liberals believe the nonsense that Hitler was neither a prancing fairy , nor  a socialist liberal. Scott Lively proved them wrong in his book , Pink Swastika.

5) They don’t believe Obama will still take our guns away. Liberals think just because Obama’s no longer in the White House , he can’t take them. But he will still find a way.

6) They don’t believe Obama still wants to eat their kids.  Just like he will eventually take their guns , he will eventually eat their kids. He may bake them in an oven , he may boil them in a stew , when he’s eaten our guns , he will eat their kids too. 

7) They still don’t believe Obama is the Anti-Christ. 

8) They don’t believe Obama is a psychopath because he played too much golf , and took too many vacations. Only psychopaths take vacations and play too much golf at the expense of tax payers , as the Obama’s did for eight years.

9) They don’t believe Obama planted bombs with Bill Ayers and The Weather Underground in the late sixties and early seventies. Sarah Palin was right.

10) They don’t believe ISIS has camps all over America. According to Jihad Watch , ISIS set up camp in Mexico and merged with the Mexican drug cartels. Now they have camps in all fifty states. 

And there you have it. Ten more reasons why I still hate liberals and wouldn’t shake hands with one , since all liberals are gay , and I have no desire to be one of them.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire/humor

More Reasons Not To Trust A Liberal ( Or Why I Still Hate Liberals ) , Part 2

aviary-photo_131293155154534512
John Hawkins , Rightwing News.

Even though Obama is no longer in the White House , I will continue making fun of liberals. So , here is my continuing list of Why I Still Hate Liberals …

1) They don’t believe Obama is persecuting Christians. Ever since Obama became president , Christians and Conservatives have been under attack. They’ve been attacked  in the streets all over America by liberal mobs angry at the fact that Conservatives and Christians are wishing them Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. Liberals are such wimps.

2) They believe Ted Nugent is a draft dodging pants pooper. Ted is a real American patriot , because he hunts  , and hates liberals , not because he dodged the draft by pooping his drawers.

3) They’re slobs. When liberals eat , they can’t help but act like the slobs they are. It’s in their nature. It’s in their genes. Liberals are born to be slobs. They have no qualms about belching and farting around others , and at the dinner table. Liberals are such pigs.

4) If Jesus were black or Muslim , they would gladly believe in him. When Megan Kelly claimed Jesus was white , liberals had a fit , proving how racist they are. They can’t stand the fact that Jesus is white and will always be white.

5) They don’t believe in Santa Claus. Again , liberals would believe in Kris Kringle if he were black , but he’s also white , and American , whether they believe it or not. It’s just a fact.

6) They have warts. Liberals are ugly , which is why only they have warts.

7) They love to eat children. It’s a fact that liberals will eat anything , even kids. In fact , liberals will gladly eat their own kids if they had nothing else to eat.

8) They’re sex maniacs. When liberals aren’t eating kids , babies , puppies , and everything else , they’re sex maniacs. They’re either masturbating relentlessly or humping each other like wild animals. liberals are so nasty.

9) They’re serial killers. Everyone knows liberals are serial killers. Want proof? See #7.

10) They believe Wheaties really are the breakfast of champions. You read that right. Liberals really are that stupid.

And there you have it , more reasons why I still hate liberals and wouldn’t touch one even if they converted to Christianity , which is not very likely , since liberals hate Christians.

Posted in John Hawkins

More Reasons Not To Trust A Liberal ( Or Why I Hate Still Hate Liberals ) Part 1

Conservative sleuth , John Hawkins , sniffing out them evil , treasonous liberals.

There are so many reasons not to trust liberals. They’re morons , they’re idiots , they’re fascists  , they’re communists , they hate America , and are destroying it without realizing it because they’re too dumb to realize how dumb they are. So , I’ve come up with another list of more reasons not to trust a liberal , and why I hate them. Here are the first ten.

1) They don’t believe Obama is a Muslim Manchurian candidate It was clear from the start that Obama was a Muslim terrorist put into the White House by his pals in the Muslim brotherhood , who have themselves infiltrated the White House.  

2) They don’t believe Obama is a Marxist communist. Both of his parents were communists. Frank Marshall Davis was also a communist , as is Bill Ayers. So , just by the fact that he was associated with communists makes him a communist , and most likely helped them plant explosives and kill people when he was a kid.

3) They refuse to believe he is worse than Hitler. Obama is more like Hitler than liberals will admit. The fact that he issued executive orders with his magic pen and more of them than any other president , definitely makes him a dictator.

4) They don’t believe he’s a racist and a bigot. Obama proved himself to be an anti-white racist when he sympathized with known cracker haters Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown.  Trayvon Martin was a teenage thug who refused to comply with George Zimmerman , and Brown was a maniacal thug who beat up a white cop. Obama also criticized James Crowley for arresting his friend Henry Louis Gates. 

5) They don’t believe Michelle Obama is really a transsexual. Any fool can see that Michelle Obama has had a sex change operation. Her shoulders are athletic and muscular , and some people who are close to her have sworn that she has a prominent bulge in her pants. 

6) They don’t believe Obama is gay. Look at Michelle Obama. No more proof is necessary. 

7) They don’t believe white people are the new victim of racism. Ever since the Obama’s took over the White House , they have divided America , and have demonized white people.

8) They don’t believe feminists are Nazis. All feminists are Nazis like Obama and want to imprison all Conservatives in Fema camps , also like Obama does.

9) They refuse to believe Obama’s birth certificate was faked. Was his birth certificate a fake? We may never know since his records have been permanently sealed.

10) They refuse to believe that it really was Obama’s fault that Track Palin abused his girlfriend. Everything is Obama’s fault. There’s no disputing that fact. 

And those are the first ten reasons why I hate liberals and wouldn’t trust one to pick my nose for me even if I was a paralysed  invalid.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire

Ridiculous Things Liberals Believe Are Real ( Or Why Liberals Are Loons ) … Part 1

aviary-photo_131293155154534512Liberals. Can’t live with them , can’t live without them. If we could , we wouldn’t be able to make fun of them. And God knows I love to make fun of liberals , because they’re so loony , but they haven’t got a clue as to how loony they are. To prove just how loony liberals really are , I’ve made another one my brilliant lists. Here are the first ten.

1) Liberals think they know everything. Liberals pride themselves on knowledge , but when it comes to actual knowledge , liberals don’t really know anything. All they really are is know-nothings who believe they’re better than everyone else. Conservatives are actually more intelligent , and know a lot more than your average liberal. It’s a known fact. Studies have proved it.

2) Liberals believe Bert And Ernie are a real gay couple. Liberals believe the Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie are a gay couple.

3) Liberals believe the moon is made of green cheese. Everyone knows the moon is a natural satellite of Earth. That is , everyone but liberals. They actually believe it to consist of some type of cheese , Munster , Cheddar , or Limburger , or any number of varieties.

4) Liberals believe in global warming. They believe the Earth is growing warmer , despite all of the evidence to the contrary. The Earth is actually getting colder.

5) Liberals believe evolution is real. Like global warming , there is no evidence to support this theory. All existing species today were created by God six thousand years ago. It says so in the Bible. What’s more believable? A scientific theory that can’t be proven , or God , who can be proven?

6) Liberals believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. One of the more ridiculous beliefs among liberals is that of a tentacled deity made entirely of pasta. Adherents to this belief refer to themselves as Pastafarians.

7) Liberals believe in the Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy , but not Santa Claus. These two fairy tales are fine for children , but grown adults who believe in them , are just as ridiculous as the Pastafarians.

8) Liberals believe in the Cookie Monster. Another Sesame seed Street character liberals believe is based on a real person.

9) Liberals believe rocks make great pets. 

10) Liberals believe atheism can be proven. 

And there you have it. The first ten reasons liberals are loons because they believe in the most ridiculous nonsense.

Posted in John Hawkins

Twenty Reasons To Despise Barack Obama … Part 2

aviary-photo_131183778303370941There are more reasons to dislike Barack Obama than I can count. It would take me years to list them all , but for the sake of this article I will choose the twenty most despicable ones I can think of.

  1. He’s anti-Christmas : Since the Obama’s entered the White House , they have shown their disdain for Christmas. No one is allowed to say Merry Christmas in the White House , the Christmas tree has been banned , and everyone must say Happy Holidays in public to please the Dictator In Chief.
  2. He’s a Muslim jihadi : It’s no secret that Barack Obama is a Muslim , and that he favors his Muslim brothers over Americans , and that he has a friendly to Muslim jihadis mentality. It’s clear that his goal is to allow them to cross the borders and set up camps all across America. It’s just a matter of time before they kill us all , turn our kids into gay Muslim jihadis and set up a caliphate.
  3. Allowed four Americans to die in Benghazi : Four brave Americans were murdered by friends and relatives of Obama , supposedly over a video. Conservatives who have been paying attention , know that it had nothing to do with a video. The real reason they were left to die was because Obama was running weapons , flowers , candy , and love letters to his radical Muslim buddies in Syria , and Ambassador Stevens was aware of this , so Obama had him and the other three killed to keep them from talking.
  4. He loves Marxism : His parents read Mein Kampf, and Karl Marx to him as two of his favorite bed time stories. This is most likely where he learned to love Marxism , and Nazism , and couldn’t wait to be president so he could practice both ideologies.
  5. Has taken an unprecedented amount of vacations : It seems that ever since Obama has been in the White House , he has managed to get very little work done , and has taken one extravagant and lavish vacation after another , all at the tax payers’ expense. Liberals often claim that Bush took more vacations. The truth is , Bush worked more , and vacationed less often. The Obama’s have vacationed a hundred times more often. It’s a proven fact.
  6. Plays way too much golf : Another past time that Obama has a habit of spending too much time at , and always when the world is falling to pieces.
  7. Was recruited by Bill Ayers and company as a member of the Weather Underground : During the 2008 elections Sarah Palin accused Barack Obama of paling around with terrorists. She was correct , as well-informed Conservatives suspected. He lied about not being closely associated with Ayers. It’s clear that Ayers recruited him to help them plant bombs and kill people during the Vietnam era.
  8. Will outlaw guns any day now : It’s just a matter of time before he uses his mighty pen once again and decides that the second amendment is no longer valid. Then every patriotic , law-abiding gun owner will be tossed into Fema/Wal-Mart stores where they will save less , and live like slaves.
  9. Is bringing millions of Muslims across the borders : Most Americans know that Obama is allowing his Muslim buddies to cross our borders unchecked , and that very soon they will take over America , and install a caliphate. They already have sharia law and no go zones in every state.
  10. Stole the elections : Every well-informed American knows that Barack Obama got into the White House by having ACORN , Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead – real dead people – steal the elections for him. That’s a known fact.