Posted in Jeanine Pirro, satire/humor

Jeanine Pirro Goes Nuts On C-SPAN!

www.mediamatters.org/jeanine-pirro/jeanine-pirro-went-c-span-it-didnt-go-well

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Pirro’s Marco Rubio impression.

 

This past September Jeanine Pirro appeared on CSPAN, and as you probably already know, it did not go well.

The Fox News host, and former circuit court judge, has a record of making controversial statements. Whether she believes the outrageous things she says, is anyone’s guess, but they certainly are good for ratings, and her fans have responded with making Justice With Judge Jeanine, one of the highest rated on the network.

In March of this year Pirro found herself in hot water after posing the following statement:       

“Think about it. Omar wears a hijab, which according to the Quran tells women to cover up so that they won’t get molested. Is her adherence to this Islamic doctrine indicative of Sharia law, which in itself is antithetical to the Constitution?”

It earned her a condemnation and a short suspension from the network, but a few weeks later she was back to her favorite shenanigans, attacking her favorite Demon rats, and kissing the president’s rear end.

If Justice With Judge Jeanine was any indication of her appearance on C-SPAN, then viewers certainly got their money’s worth. Not to be disappointed, viewers tuned into C-SPAN’s Washington Journal to see a visibly distraught Pirro in contrast to her usual arrogant self. One caller mocked her for her suspension, while another berated her for her anti – immigrant rhetoric, as well her alleged rhetoric which may have contributed to the shooting in El Paso, Texas over the summer:

“And I think this thing about Trump making America great again. Trump is making America hate again, and it’s this hatred of races. I hear it all the time when I see, talk to Republicans and they say, ‘I went down to Texas and there are all these Mexicans speaking Spanish.’ Well, I got news for you. Those weren’t Mexicans, those were Americans. That guy that went down to El Paso to shoot Mexicans, he shot a bunch of Americans. and I’m really tired of this anti immigrant, this anti- people with- Brown- skin rhetoric coming out of Fox News and people like you, and coming from our president. It’s demeaning, it’s beneath the office. It’s beneath you. You used to be a judge. You should know better. It’s time that that stopped.”

Pirro responded by losing her chill, insisting she was not bigoted:

Pirro losing her chill.

“Look, you know what? I refuse to accept your recitation of the facts. You are dead wrong. The problem in this country is not the color of anyone, and don’t you dare accuse me of any kind of issue related to color.”

Through much of the hour, viewers saw a nervous Jeanine Pirro , constantly sipping water like Marco Rubio. However, when she was chewed out by the caller from Texas, Pirro’s smug and arrogant self returned with a vengeance.

According to witnesses, Pirro remained upset after the call had been completed. One particular witness, who asked to remain nameless, said she attempted to compliment Pirro on her Fox News show, and that was when the fireworks began.

“All I did was try to congratulate her on the success of her show, and her new book, and she went absolutely freaking nuts!” the witness told the Journal. “It’s not like I’m a big fan of hers. I’m not. I’ve seen the show a few times. I think she’s got a loose screw somewhere in that head of hers, which prevents her from seeing things like normal people do. Some people may think she’s smart, which anyone can argue is debatable. But I happen to know from personal experience, that she’s nuttier than a squirrel turd.

“It happened right after the call that got her so upset. The interview had just been completed, and Jeanine was just sitting there quietly by herself, so I had just brought her a cup of fresh water, and was about to compliment her on the new book. There was so much tension in the air that I thought I might try and lighten the mood by saying something nice.

“Congratulations on your -” I started to say as I handed her the cup. She looked up at me with a crazy look in her eyes. She seemed to be in some kind of trance, but her lips were moving as if she was trying to speak but couldn’t get the words out. Drool was forming at one corner of her mouth.

“She continued staring at me with that crazy expression, and then for a moment she shook violently, making loud chomping noises with her teeth, and all at once her expression changed from blank stare to that of a screaming banshee. I’d heard rumors that she had spent some time in a mental institution, and I wondered if her weird behavior might be related to some mental issue.

“All at once she shot up from her seat, smacking the cup of water from my hand, nearly giving me a heart attack.

” ‘I’ve had all I’m going to take, and I’m not taking anymore of this bulls**t!’ she screamed. ‘Nobody calls me a racist and gets away with it! Nobody accuses me of hating immigrants! Do you hear me?!

” ‘Excuse me? Are you speaking to me?!’ I asked her.

” ‘Yes, I’m speaking to you!’ she mocked me in a girly voice. Then she grabbed me by the hair and shook me as if I were a rag doll or something. ‘Do you hear me?!’ she screamed again. ‘I’m sick of you leftists playing the race card, and I’m putting a stop to it right now!’

“I screamed in pain, thinking, Jesus Christ, is this woman trying to kill me or what?

” ‘What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything to you! Let me go!’

“I attempted to dislodge her hold on my hair, but her grip was like a vise. ‘Shut your little pie hole, b***h! I’ll teach you to call me a racist!’

” ‘I didn’t call you a racist! You’re crazy!’

” ‘You want crazy!’ she screamed. ‘I’ll give you crazy!’

Still gripping my hair, she proceeded to lift me up like I was made of straw or something. and slammed me painfully onto the table. Immediately her hands went from my hair to my throat.

“From the moment I handed her the cup, to the moment she threw me onto the table, it all occurred in less than a minute and a half.

Oh God, I thought, I am going to die! She is going to kill me. She’s crazier than a bed bug in June! I tried to dislodge her grip, but again it was like a vise. I could barely breath. Her face was like the face of a mad woman, someone possessed; her eyes were wild and bugged out, her teeth chomping, and saliva foamed at the corners of her mouth.

“I managed to get out a strangled yelp, and as I did so I turned my head and saw one of the camera operators behind his camera filming the whole encounter! I lifted a hand pleading for his help, and as I did so, I heard someone shout, ‘What the hell is going on here?!’ and someone grabbed her from behind and dragged her off me.

“It was Steve Scully, the host of Washington Journal. He struggled with her, trying to calm her down, but she wasn’t having it. She was like a woman possessed, or maybe she had been bitten by a rabid dog sometime before the interview, who knows? I just knew it was a relief to have her off me.

“She kicked and screamed at Steve, who was attempting to get the situation under control. One moment she was attempting to strangle me, and the next she had him on the table attempting to strangle him, screaming like a wild animal as her talons closed in on his throat.

” ‘Somebody call security!’ he shouted.

“Security arrived almost immediately. They were both young muscular types, but even they were no match for Jeanine. When they attempted to lay their hands on her, she managed to throw them on the table, one on top of the other, while the four of us, Steve, the cameramen, and myself, watched helplessly as she attempted to strangle the one on top.

“She threw the second guard on the table with enough force that the one underneath uttered a painful ooooohhfff knocking the wind out of him.

“It wasn’t long before the police arrived, maybe a few minutes, but it felt a lot longer because the poor guards just could not get her under control. The guard on top had to struggle with a crazy woman who had the strength of two men, attempting to strangle him with her claws because she was either possessed or rabid, while the poor guy underneath struggled to get both of them off him, and was having no luck whatsoever.

“It took three big cops to pull Jeanine off the two guards, and even they had to struggle to do so. Her hair was disheveled, and her face was streaked with sweat and make up. They had to put her in cuffs, kicking and screaming the whole time how unfair it was that leftists were always accusing her of being a racist.

“Two men in whites coats struggled to restrain her in a straight jacket, and gave her a dose of Thorazine. As they wheeled her out on a gurney, she cried out, ‘I’m sorry, ma! Please tell them I’m a good girl. I’ll behave myself. Really I will! Don’t let them say bad things about me!’

“I would have felt sorry for her had she not tried to kill me. I had dark bruises on my neck for weeks afterward. I wanted to sue her sorry a** for the pain, discomfort and the humiliation, not to mention the doctor bill, but I couldn’t afford an attorney.

“However, the company that owned C-SPAN, did attempt to sue her not only on my behalf but also on the behalf of the security guards she had assaulted. But Jeanine settled out of court, and it will be months before I see any compensation, if any.

“It’s clear that Jeanine is bat crap crazy, and has some sort of mental issue, which had obviously been set off by the last caller. Apparently, she was also not too bright. She had no idea that the entire incident had been filmed, her assault on me, the two guards, and the host, Steve Scully. The rumors I’d heard of her visits to the psych ward, turned out to be true. She was not only bat crap crazy, but too dumb to know just how bat crap crazy she is, and I’m not going to waste my time feeling sympathy for the crazy b***h.     

Author:

I'm a left leaning dude with an attitude.

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