“So now they’re against ICE! You know what ICE is? I’ll tell you what it is, in case all the liberal pukes out there who can’t wait to call in to tell me how smart they are. Well, they’re wrong! It doesn’t mean what they think it means. I’ll tell you what it means. It stands for Ice Cream Enthusiasts. That’s right, all you liberal morons! Spell it out: Ice… Cream… Enthusiasts. It’s all the people in America who love ice cream. That’s right, ice cream. The radical left aren’t satisfied with eliminating detention centers. Now they want to ban ice cream and those who enjoy it. Ice cream for God sake! Can you believe it? What’s wrong with these people, these radical socialists, these communist Democrats?! It’s the insanity of the radical left I tell you! That’s what it is. They’re insane. They hate everything that America stands for: freedom, apple pie, the flag, the national anthem, the right to trash that flag hating, Nike shoe wearing little pansy, Colin Kaepernick, and the liberal media. Will they ban all of those next? The answer is a big, fat yes! I knew this day was coming ladies and gentlemen.
“There are two things we can do with these radical leftist Democrats who want to ban ice cream. We can round them all up and ship them off to Cuba, where they’ll be very happy living in a socialist economy, or we can ship them off to Venezuela where they can riot in the streets till their hearts are content. Nobody is touching my ice cream, God damn it! Hear that all you liberal morons? Hear that, Colin Kaepernick? There’s another idiotic cause you can kneel for, depriving Americans of their ice cream, because apparently it’s now as racist as these detention centers. Venezuela! Venezuela! Venezuela! That’s right, I said it! Tell me I’m wrong!”
When told by his producer that the radical left was actually proposing eliminating ICE, Immigration And Customs Enforcement, Levin expressed relief and replied that he hadn’t eaten lunch yet, and that his mother had packed a pint of Chunky Monkey, his favorite.