Posted in Donald Trump, MAGA Chumps, satire/humor

Conversation With A Typical MAGA Chump

MAGA Chumps  , the most persecuted people in America.

If you’re a liberal or a progressive who has a relative or a friend who is a MAGA hat wearing Chump , you’ve no doubt been frustrated when trying to have a conversation with them having anything to do with politics. It could be about his bigotry , or his s**tty economic policies , the conversation will often turn to blind support for a man who is more a cult figure than a president.

MAGA Chump :“You libtards keep saying Trump’s a racist. I don’t see it. Where’s the evidence?”

“He is a Birther.”

MAGA Chump : “How is that racist?!”

You have to ask? If you can’t figure it out , well … “

MAGA Chump : “A typical libtard response. You libtards really have no clue , do you? Trump never said Oboingo was born in Kenya. He was just asking to see the Kenyan , Muslim , Marxist’s birth certificate , so we could be sure he was qualified to be president. Doesn’t make him a racist.”

“He showed his birth certificate. In fact , he showed the short and long forms.”

MAGA Chump : “They were fakes. Alex Jones proved they were fakes! You libturds love to call anyone who doesn’t agree with you , racist.”

“Whatever. There’s his Muslim ban.”

MAGA Chump : “Hardly racist , since Mooslims aren’t a race. He’s just trying to protect us from the Mooslim radicals who want to come here and kill us all  , and then convert us all to Islam.”

“He called illegal immigrants criminals. Rapists and murderers.”

MAGA Chump : “More libtard lies! He said some were rapists and murderers. Not all.”

He said he said he assumed some of them were good people.”

MAGA Chump : “Well , not all of them are good people. Most of them do want to come here to rape and kill us , and eat our kids , like Obama tried to do.”

“Obama tried to do?”

MAGA Chump : “According to Victoria Jackson , Oblamo tried to eat Americas kids. She wrote all about it in a book called , To Serve Obama. I always knew he was evil , but I never suspected he wanted to eat our kids. He is a Marxist , and that’s what Marxists do.”

“Isn’t that racist?”

MAGA Chump : “Of course it’s racist. He only wanted to eat white kids.”

No , I mean calling illegal immigrants rapists and murderers.”

MAGA Chump :“It’s just common sense. If we don’t stop them from coming here  , they’ll not only steal our jobs , but rape us and kill us , and eat our kids like Obama tried to do.” 

“You said that already. What about Trump’s neglect of Puerto Rico after the hurricane?”

MAGA Chump : “Puerto Rico isn’t in the United States. How’s it racist?”

“It’s a part of US territory , so it is in the United States.”

MAGA Chump : “You pathetic libtards don’t know anything.”

“What about the judge , Gonzalo Curiel , during a law suit by people who claim to have been defrauded by Trump University? Trump said he would not be impartial because he was a Mexican.”

MAGA Chump : “He is a Mexican. How is that racist?”

“Actually , he’s Mexican American.”

MAGA Chump : “Mexican , American. What difference does it make? Still not racist.”

“How about the time he was sued for violating the Fair Housing Act , by refusing to rent to black applicants?”

MAGA Chump : “How do you know? Were you there?”

“Were you?”

MAGA Chump : “No , I wasn’t.”

“It’s well documented.”

MAGA Chump : “Yeah , I’ll bet it is.”

“After the Unite The Right riot in Charlottesville , Virginia , he praised Neo Nazis as fine people , which David Duke and other Nazis nearly creamed themselves over.”

MAGA Chump : “He said there were fine people on both sides. But that was only half true. There are no fine people among Antifa and Black Lives Matter. They’re all terrorists and thugs , which he later acknowledged when he condemned both sides.”

“What about the Neo Nazis and the white nationalists who want to kill Jews and Muslims? They’re fine people? They’re clearly a much greater threat than Antifa. According to the last report by the ADL , 98% of the domestic murders in the US in 2018 , were committed by right wing terrorists. 78% by white identity extremists. Should we profile , and deport them?”

MAGA Chump : “What about Antifa? Why don’t we deport Antifa? They’re terrorists.”

“Not even close. They have engaged in some violence , but it’s laughable to call them terrorists , since they haven’t killed anyone.”

MAGA Chump : “You’re wrong! They have killed people! They’re the real terrorists. They were the ones who did the violence at the Unite The Right rally. They had clubs and guns , and they were beating up , and shooting people all over the place.”

“So , it was Antifa that ran over and killed a counter protester?”

MAGA Chump : “That’s right. The guy who ran over that girl , what’s her name , was an anti Trump protester. I read it in the Gateway Pundit.”

“Actually , it was James Fields , a Trump loving MAGA Chump , and a member of Van Guard America , a white supremacist group.”

MAGA Chump : “You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a leftist , deep state Obama supporter. I read it at American Thinker , one of the most reliable news sites on the internet , and one of Rush Limbaugh’s favorite , thoughtful blogs. They said the whole thing was set up orchestrated by Soros , Obummer and The Deep State , in Obummer’s war room in Washington , to make president Trump , and his supporters look like racists.”

“So , a racist apology website that routinely publishes conspiracy garbage , is a reliable source?”

MAGA Chump : “Everything’s racist to you libtards! Questioning the birth certificate of a Marxist , Kenyan Muslim is racist. Banning Muslim terrorists is racist. Telling the truth about Mexicans is racist. Criticizing a judge is racist. Not renting to certain people , is racist. Condemning Nazis , and Antifa , is racist. Is there anything you libtards don’t find racist?”

“Calling a cop stupid for arresting a black man on his own property. Telling the truth about Katrina. Attending an African American church. And saying , if I had a son , he would look like Trayvon Martin.”

MAGA Chump : “All examples of racism!”

“To racists.”

“Libtard!”

Posted in satire/humor, Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent Admits To Soiling Himself To Avoid The Draft

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Ted Nugent , aka , SpongeTed Squishy Pants

For years , conservative hero , and musician , Ted Nugent , who once described himself as a black guitar player from Detroit , has been depicted by many of his critics as a living parody due to an interview he once gave to High Times magazine, in which he recounted how he was able to avoid a physical for the draft. In that interview , he described in great detail , how he had gone for weeks without bathing and using the bathroom prior to his physical exam.

Nugent has previously claimed that he made up the story with High Times , just to screw with them. But in a recent interview with The Dallas Free Press , he admitted that the story was basically true , just not the way he described it to the Times.

“Sure , I pooped my pants ,” he said. “Everybody poops their pants sometime in their life. Just so happens I pooped mine before my physical exam , and I’ve pooped them a few times since. But it wasn’t because I was a coward like the dishonest , Ted hating liberal punks tell it. Far from it. I was a hard working , sh*t kicking , mother f**king , black guitar slayer from Detroit.

“You see , I had it good. I was becoming a living legend , like Jimi Hendricks , only whiter , and there was no f**king way I was giving up my guitar to go off to a foreign land to squat and sh*t in fox holes. I mean , just the thought of giving up my sweet , precious guitar , scared the sh*t out of me. And I mean that , literally. Every time I thought I would never play my guitar again , which was every day , I would go in my pants. Piss , poop , the whole sh*t. Sometimes I would go three or four times a day , and I was so depressed that I was munching down on nothing but junk food , cookies , chips , sausage , pizza , hot dogs. You name , if it had no nutritional value , I wolfed it down , and the more depressed I became , and the more I pooped. I could feel it oozing down my legs , and building up in my shorts and drawers. My pants were yellow from all the piss , and got so crusted up from all the poop , that I could barely walk in them. And my hair was all matted with piss and poop. I was a walking , talking , six foot three , hunk of human cesspool. I carried a God awful cloud of stink around me , like the Peanuts character , Pig Pen. Probably looked like him , too.

“So , I go in for my physical , and the rubes in uniform couldn’t believe how bad a human being could smell. I had a cloud of flies buzzing around my pants , and this huge sh*t eating grin on my face. With my scraggly beard , and poop matted hair , I must have looked like a walking corpse , and smelled like one , too. They were laughing and making fun of me , and I wanted to cry , but all I could do was laugh along with them. I knew I had the rubes beat.

“Then one of the rubes tells me to take off my pants and pee in a cup , and when I did , a couple of hunks of poop fall on the floor , and the rube almost gags on the smell , and I’m still grinning my sh*t eating grin , and he goes , ‘ Oh my God! What’s wrong with you , boy?! Put those pants back on and get the f**k out of here!’

“So I did. I went home , cleaned myself up , ate a good meal , and a few days later I got a 4 F in the mail , explaining that I was unfit for service due to excessive uncleanliness. And that’s the real story I told the Times how I really soiled my pants.”