Posted in Stupid Conservative memes

Stupid Conservative Memes #74 Liberal Logic 101 Edition

1/ This is not your country. You gave up the right to call it your country by claiming the confederate flag is your heritage.

2/ Slavery and treason are not my heritage. If slavery and treason are your heritage , then you have no right to call yourself American or a patriot. Get the f**k out of my country!

3/ I stand with Palestine and its right to co exist peacefully with Israel.

4/ I have no blind respect for law enforcement when they abuse authority and human rights.

5/ Trump , the Republican party , and right wing mainstream media , are dividing and destroying America. They’ve been doing so for decades.

6/ Regardless of where one stands on abortion , if one considers them self pro life , and feel that abortion is murder , and want to ban it , but feel that gun violence is a way of life and nothing can be done about it , that person is most likely a conservative whose nose is permanently lodged in the president’s rear end. Pro life conservatives are anything but pro life. They’re frauds. They cry crocodile tears at the idea of an aborted fetus , but shed no real tears at the sight of children slaughtered by an AR-15. If ‘pro life’ conservatives were actually pro life , they would be fighting for the right of every American to have decent health care , they would offer more than thoughts and prayers when children and teenagers are slaughtered in public schools , they would be concerned that our government has billions every year for our so called allies , but nothing for our own citizens.

7/ I stand with the LGBT community for their right not to be discriminated against. Conservatives do not. F**k your ‘sin’ bulls**t.

8/ I don’t put my faith and trust in religion. I put my faith and trust in human beings who have compassion for those who deserve it , not the wealthy. Our only hope is each other , not religion.

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Posted in Donald Trump, satire/humor

President Trump : “The Obama’s Have A Border Wall. Why Can’t I?”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/12/31/trump-claims-theres-foot-wall-around-obamas-dc-home-neighbors-say-theres-not/

 

 

Since his 2016 campaign , president Trump has repeated the ridiculous narrative that the southern border is wide open for illegal immigrants to waltz through unchecked , that 99.9 % of them are rapists and murderers , that Democrats in general support open borders , rampant crime and drugs by illegal immigrants and gangs , and that we need a gargantuan wall that Mexico will somehow pay for.

Conservative pundits on Fox News have been all too eager to repeat this narrative , because they know their audiences are extremely gullible and will believe whatever they’re told. And during the mid-term elections they were told repeatedly that the migrant caravan was coming to steal their jobs , kill them , and eat their children.

Last Tuesday night , the president gave his address on the current state of immigration and border security , from the Oval office , which drew an estimated 35 to 40 million viewers.

After the address , the president tweeted his frustration with lack of border security , taking shots at the Democrats , but praising the Obama’s for building a wall around their property :

The Obama’s have a border wall. Why can’t I? I’ve seen it. It’s a great , big , huge , humongous , tremendous , beautiful wall , about fifty feet high , the size of Mount Everest. It’s so big even Rosie O’Donnell can’t climb it , and she’s huge! It’s totally necessary for their safety and privacy. I want one just like it in my backyard , and America needs one like it . And despite what the loser Democrats and the fake media says , everyone supports my wall , and they do work. Just ask the Obama’s. And Mexico will pay for it!

 

Posted in Jeanine Pirro, satire/humor

Fox News Insider’s Jeanine Pirro : Too Dumb And Crazy To Know She’s Insane

http://insider.foxnews.com/2018/10/14/judge-jeanine-pirro-rips-democrats-media-over-anti-trump-antics

Jeanine Pirro , mainstream media’s dumbest and craziest host.

The crazy never ends with Jeanine Pirro.

For more than seven years the host of Justice With Judge Jeanine has made a reputation for herself as the most controversial commentator at Fox News. Each week her adoring fans tune in to watch their favorite host say something crazy , because they now she’s bat crap insane. And since her lips are permanently glued to the president’s rear end , she never fails to satisfy their appetite for crazy.

During a 2016 rant , she made the ridiculous claim that America had united behind former president Obama , and urged Democrats and Liberals to do the same with Trump. Yeah , that’s not going to happen.

During a December 2017 broadcast of her show , she metaphorically donned a Hitler uniform while going off on an authoritarian rant against top DOJ and FBI officials , calling for them to be ‘taken out in cuffs ‘ for daring to investigate the current sitting president.

In September she complained about Obama having the audacity to criticize president Trump. ‘How dare you , ‘ she complained. ‘This man is the president of the United States , someone we put in office , and he is to be respected.’

Apparently , Jeanine showed Obama the same respect and never criticized him once.

Last summer , she ranted about the Obama’s teaming with Netflix , during which rant , she lost her mind and was dragged off to the funny farm , but unfortunately , it was only for a short visit.

Shortly after returning to Fox News , she went off on yet another rant , calling the Democratic party Demon rats for attempting to smear an innocent president who could do no wrong. Again , she was dragged off to the funny farm , but once again it wasn’t long enough , as some had previously noted.

On a recent episode of Justice With Judge Jeanine , the former judge took another detour from reality. According to an unnamed witness who described it , ‘it was a wild ride on the crazy train which judge Jeanine has taken many times in her years at Fox News.’

“Jeanine had just finished her opening statement , which was full of bulls**t as usual ,” she told the Journal. “Nothing new , nothing original. Just a bunch of stringed together s**tty talking points , basically the same s**t she tweeted the night before.”

The Demon rats have proven how uncivil they are by confronting Republicans , criticizing president Trump ( how dare they , we never criticized Obama ) , and protesting. The mob mentality is all they know. From Eric Holder’s ‘they go low , we kick ’em’, to clawing at the doors of the Supreme Court , it’s time to set the rat traps again and show the Demon rats they’re too dumb to know they’re losing.

“The insanity started after her opening statement , and as usual , she was angry. Angry that anyone would dare criticize or oppose president Trump , and it always infuriated her. During the break , the make up girl , a teenage intern , had to apply a thin layer of skin tone to her face , because Jeanine would sweat so profusely under the bright lights when she was upset , causing her make up to run.

” ‘Just who the hell do they think they are?!’ Jeanine said to no one in particular. She was absolutely fuming.

The make up girl apparently thought Jeanine was talking to her.

” ‘Excuse me , Ma’am , were you talking to me?’

” ‘No , I wasn’t talking to you. Just do your job.’

” ‘Yes , ma’am ,’ said the girl.

” ‘Two minutes , judge ,’ the director said from the control booth.

“Everyone at Fox referred to Jeanine as judge , judge Jeanine , your honor , or your highness. She insisted on it. Her ego was that inflated. And since almost everyone was terrified of her , no one dared argue with her. If you failed to address her as such , there was hell to pay. You had two options. Lose your job , or grovel at her feet – literally , she insisted on that , too – while begging her forgiveness. And since no one wanted to lose their job , they chose to grovel at her feet. I’d seen it happen to a few employees who were foolish enough not to address her by one of her chosen titles , and it was thoroughly humiliating to witness.

“Jeanine was the most popular news commentator at Fox , easily beating out Hannity and Carlson in the ratings on any given day , both of whom were the networks most popular male commentators. But Jeanine was The most popular commentator , not because she had any integrity as a reporter – she didn’t , she completely lacked any integrity whatsoever – but because she was so crazy she could always be counted on to do or say something completely outrageous. And she always delivered. She was non stop ratings gold for the network.

“She was also president Trump’s pet favorite , and it was no mystery why. Jeanine always took the opportunity to kiss his a** , which was also no mystery , since her nose was forever , thoroughly and permanently lodged up his rectum like a cork that has been jammed all the way inside a Champaign bottle. And damned if anyone was going to dislodge it!

“The producers of her show were well aware of this and took the opportunity to issue a memo to all employees not to upset the b****h queen – not their words , but what many of us called her behind her back. Some of us also referred to her as Sniff Queen Jeanine , or The Sniff Queen.

“What the producers should have done , was fire her after her previous behavior.

” ‘Who the hell do they think they are!?’ Jeanine said again , this time pounding a fist on her desk , startling the girl. ‘Do they think they can criticize and bad mouth the greatest president who ever lived , and get away with it? I’ll give those Demon rats something to b***h about!’

“The intern looked slightly amused. ‘Demon rats? What’s a Demon rat?’

” ‘A Democrat ,’ Jeanine said , looking at the girl as if she were an idiot.

” ‘A Demon rat is a Democrat who criticizes the president?’

” ‘That’s right.’

” ‘Well , that doesn’t sound very nice. If you ask me , it sounds immature and creepy.’

” ‘Excuse me?’ Jeanine said. ‘Did I ask for your opinion?’

” ‘No , ma’am.’

” ‘Then I’ll thank you shut your pie hole and keep your opinions to yourself. We’ll all be a lot happier.’

” ‘Yes , ma’am.’

” ‘One minute , your heinie , uh , uh , um , I mean your highness ,’ the director stammered from the control booth. You could hear the nervousness in his voice. He knew he had screwed up and knew he would soon be groveling at Jeanine’s feet if he wanted to keep his job. But Jeanine appeared not to notice.

“Jeanine appeared not to notice , but the intern sure did. She struggled not to laugh as she finished applying the tone to Jeanine’s face.

” ‘What the hell is so funny?!’

” ‘Nothing’s funny ,’ the girl said.

” ‘Wipe that grin from your pie hole , little girl , or so help me God I’ll wipe it off for you!’

“When Jeanine told her to wipe the grin from her pie hole , all hell broke loose. The girl could no longer suppress her laughter. She burst out laughing.

” ‘Pie hole! Heinie!’ the girl nearly screamed , laughing even harder. ‘Oh God! Oh Jesus! Oh Mary! Oh Joseph! Jesus , Mary , Joseph f***king Christ!

” ‘Heinie and pie hole are funny to you?’

” ‘Yes!’ the girl said , laughing uncontrollably. She was now laughing so hard she was doubled over , clutching her stomach with both hands.

” ‘Somebody make it stop!’ the girl cried. ‘Oh God , somebody make it stop! It hurts! I can’t stop laughing!’

” ‘Shut up , you little b***h!’ Jeanine said and lunged at the girl.

“As Jeanine launched herself at the girl , the studio door flew open and the director rushed in.

” ‘Jesus Christ!’ he said , ‘not again!’

“He had been the director both previous times Jeanine had boarded the crazy train , and he clearly didn’t know how to handle the situation.

” ‘For God sake , break it up you two , we’re back in ten seconds ,’ he said , glancing at his watch.

“Jeanine and the girl ignored him. Jeanine had the girl pinned under her and was slapping her in the face repeatedly.

” ‘Who’s laughing now , little girl?!’

” ‘Get off me , crazy b***h!’ the girl cried. ‘Help! Somebody get this crazy bitch off me! She’s lost her f**king mind!’

“No one dared pull Jeanine off her. We all knew we would get the same treatment she was giving the girl. And for good measure we would have to grovel for forgiveness at her feet.

“Instead of cutting off the cameras as he should have done , the director attempted to pull the two apart , and that was a mistake. It was a mistake because he put his hands on Jeanine , attempting to pull her away from the girl , and no one put their hands on Jeanine. Especially a man . She was the Fox News queen and president Trump’s favorite a** kisser , and she better be treated like royalty.

“The second the director laid hands on Jeanine , she growled like a wild animal , and stopped slapping the girl.

” ‘How dare you touch me!’ she said , and flipped him over her shoulder with ease , as if he were nothing more than a rag doll. She seemed either possessed with super human strength , or was high on Trump’s farts. The latter seemed more likely.

“The director flew across the studio a good ten feet or more , and landed on his back with a painful thud. He lay still a moment , groaning , and then struggled to his feet , gripping his back with both hands as he stumbled back to the control booth , where he was told to keep filming after the break.

“As the director sailed across the studio , the girl managed to push Jeanine off her and was attempting to get away. But Jeanine was too quick. She yanked the girl back by the hair , managing to rip out a fistful.

” ‘Where do yo think you’re going?!’ There was a tearing sound like someone splitting open their pants , and the girl squealed , clutching at her head.

” ‘You ripped out my hair!

“There was an angry , red bald spot on the back of her head. For a moment the two stared at each other , stunned , like deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Jeanine glanced at the fistful of hair as if she couldn’t believe what she had done.

” ‘I’ll kill you!’ the girl screamed.

” ‘Not if I kill you first!’

“The two lunged at each other , flailing away like toddlers in a preschool brawl. ” ‘I’ll scratch your eyes out!’ the girl screamed.

” ‘Not if I scratch yours out first!’

“For nearly a minute they continued to flail blindly as they cursed each other with one vulgar name after another. Then finally Jeanine managed once again to latch onto the girl’s hair with her well manicured claws and proceeded to tear loose another handful. The girl screamed and lunged at Jeanine. The two rolled around the floor screaming and cursing and tearing each others hair out.

“It wasn’t long before security arrived. As they attempted to calm the two down and pull them off each other , Jeanine punched one guard in the face and flipped the other , just as she had flipped the poor director , who was now cowering in the control booth.

“The unfortunate guard also went flying , this time I was certain a good twenty feet. He too landed on his back , with an ‘ooofff!’ and lay still , as the guard Jeanine punched , struggled to calm her down. But Jeanine wasn’t having it. She kicked and punched at him weakly , at last beginning to tire herself out.

“The girl was lying on the floor , exhausted. She had a black eye , a bloody nose , and chunks of her hair were missing. Someone helped her up , and escorted her out of the studio.

“Jeanine was still struggling weakly with the guard , who had at last managed to restrain her in cuffs. She looked worse than the girl. She had much more hair missing from her scalp , and her face was streaked grotesquely with make up. She looked like the Zuni fetish doll in the Trilogy Of Terror movie.

” ‘How dare you hand cuff me!’ she screeched at the guard. ‘You’ll lose your job for this. Release me now damn it , or so help me God when I become the next attorney general , I’ll see to it that you never get another job!’

“She was under the delusion that she would be the next attorney general , but apparently was not aware that Jeff Sessions had already been replaced.

“The guard ignored her. He didn’t care if she was the queen of the network or the president’s favorite. And since he was not a Fox News employee , he would never have to grovel at her feet like the rest of us.

“Most of the brawl had been caught on camera. What had not been filmed , were the assaults on the director , the two security guards , her arrest for multiple counts of assault , and the orderlies who restrained her , shot her full of Thorazine and dragged her off to the local funny farm for a third straight visit. But like the previous visits , she was gone only a couple of days.

“Like most of her critics , the producers of her show knew she was crazy , and they took advantage of that craziness by allowing her to continue making a fool of herself every week. They also knew she was making the network look foolish , but they couldn’t care less as long as it was good for the ratings. And it was ratings gold.

“The brawl with the intern was used as a separate segment , titled , Justice With Judge Jeanine : Judge Jeanine Assaulted By Violent Leftist. The premise of the segment was that Jeanine would be interviewing a college social justice warrior about Trump’s border wall , when the leftist suddenly goes berserk and attacks her , because as Fox viewers are brainwashed to believe , all leftists are intolerant to those who disagree with them , and each one constitutes a violent mob.

“But since there had only been the brawl between the intern and Jeanine , they filmed a fake interview with a look-alike to play the crazed liberal. It aired during her show a couple of weeks later , and it became the highest rated program on the network. Millions tuned in to watch Jeanine make a complete fool of herself.

“The week after it aired , the network’s two most insufferable commentators , Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham , ran constant clips of it , with the ridiculous heading : Judge Jeanine Owns Crazy College Lib , creaming themselves with satisfaction after each airing.

“The producers of her show knew she would never have come up with such a brilliant idea on her own , because they knew she was too dumb and crazy to realize how insane she is.”