Washington D.C. – During a White House press conference today , president Obama announced that all golf courses across America will be banned from public use.
Since the release of Agenda 21 , the United Nations non binding plan for sustainable development , Conservatives from Glen Beck to Alex Jones have predicted that the government would take control of every aspect of their lives , forcing everyone to live in Hobbit homes , and even ban golf courses and cars.
Today , one of those predictions has apparently become reality.
Speaking to a crowd of excited reporters , president Obama said ,”During the last eight years I’ve been involved in nearly every conspiracy theory imaginable , and not by my own choice. I’ve been accused of hating and wanting to destroy this great country so I can hand over its remnants to either my communist mentors , or my Muslim homies whom I have openly invited into the White House. I’ve also been accused of not caring about terrorism and spending too much time on the golf course.
“As of today ,” he continued , “with the signing of my latest executive order , all golf courses in the United States will be banned to the public. This order will take effect immediately. Anyone caught on a golf course with a club in their hand will be arrested and fined. By complaining that I do nothing but play golf , my critics are to blame for this. If they had spent less time complaining about a dictatorship , instead of doing their jobs , this would not have happened. Well , now they have something to actually complain about. From now on , only I can use a public golf course.”
On his radio and television show on the Blaze Network , a tearful Glen Beck told his audience , “I always knew this was coming. I predicted this years ago. I knew that Barack Obama would be the one to do it , because he’s a golf glutton. He can’t get enough of it. Mark Levin said it best. He’s a junkie. He’s a golf junkie. He won’t be happy until he personally owns everything in America.
“Ladies and gentlemen , our homes are next. Before we know it , we will all be living in Hobbit holes in the Shire with Elija Wood and the rest of the cast from the Lord Of The Rings.”