Barack The Obamanable Snow Man

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“Everybody’s crazy except me.”

   Alex Jones is a Conservative radio host and conspiracy theory , tin foil hat wearing wing nut wacko. Whether he actually believes the nonsense he peddles , or if it’s just an act , no one knows but Jones himself. Millions tune in weekly to listen to him rant about the New World Order , the Illuminati , Barack Obama , or any theory he happens to make up. They also buy loads of crap he sells on his two websites , Info Wars , and Prison Planet , proving that suckers will buy anything , no matter how dubious it may be.

He’s been among the leading wing nuts to claim that the moon landings were faked , that 9/11 was an inside job , and that Sandy Hook was a false flag to grab guns by the government  , and lock up patriotic Americans in Fema camps , though not a single gun was ever grabbed.

He has also produced a ton of laughable documentaries  and books exposing the evils of Barack Obama , George Bush , NASA , and other nonsense that his  followers adore him for.

His previous book , I Was A Chalupacabrabama For The CIA was a best seller among the conspiracy theory , Obama-paranoia crowd. Recently Jones came up with a new theory that he wrote about in a new book which is also about Barack Obama.

He has made appearances on Coast To Coast , Piers Morgan , and the BBC’s Sunday Politics. Recently he agreed to an interview with Megan Kelly on The Kelly File about his latest theory.

Megan : “Welcome , Alex. I don’t believe you’ve ever been on the show before.”

Alex : “No , Megan , this is the first time , and I’m thrilled to be here.”

Megan : “Your new book is titled Barack The Obamanable Snow Man. I read the first two chapters – it isn’t very long , only four chapters – but in the book you claim the president is , or was involved with some kind of weird experimentation with the CIA.”

Alex : “That’s right.”

Megan : “For those who haven’t  read the book , explain what it’s about.”

Alex : “It’s about Barack Obama , his connection to the CIA , and how he became the Obamanable Snow Man.”

Megan : “The Obamanable Snow Man? What does that mean? Are you saying that he’s actually a Yeti?”

Alex : “That’s right. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Megan : “But , according to your last book – which I also read , all of it by the way – he’s already a Chalupacabrabama. I have to say , this sounds just as nuts as some of Victoria Jackson’s claims.”

Alex : “Listen , Megan. Don’t ever compare my books to Victoria Jackson’s books. Victoria Jackson is worse than David Icke. That chick is wacked. Certifiably insane. A total nut job. A lunatic. She belongs in the nut house in a padded room wearing a straight jacket with David Icke. And anyone who believes Obama’s mole is the Anti-Christ and its name is Julio , also belongs in the nut house in a padded room wearing a straight jacket with Victoria Jackson , and David Icke. When she called Obama a communist – which he is – she was believable. But now that she has made up every idiotic theory she can think of , she’s just become so laughable it’s pathetic. It’s nothing more than a pathetic attempt to sell sensationalist garbage to idiots. I’m surprised the National Enquirer or one of those other cheap rags , hasn’t asked her to write for them. Please don’t ever compare my books to hers. My books are not only believable , but well-researched , and totally  factual.”

Megan : “Whatever you say , Alex. But how can president Obama be both a Chalupa … whatever , and a Yeti? And why would the CIA want to turn him into one in the first place?”

Alex : “Because they know that their army of Chalupacabrabama’s would be easier to control if Obama were a beast like them , so they made him into a Yeti. I know what you’re thinking , he’s already a Chalupacabrabama , so why bother? Well , Megan. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s possible for him to be both. We’re talking about the CIA here , and the current president of the United States. Two of the most powerful entities in the world. You see , When Barack Obama – otherwise known as Barry Soetero – was twenty , or thereabouts , he was involved in a Darpa  teleportation program known as Project Pegasus. He teleported to Mars as part of his training program to prepare him for his American dictatorship. And now he’s the president of the United States , and we have no freedom. No freedom of speech , and no freedom of the press. No one can criticize the government , or gays , or atheists without the liberal PC thought police cracking down on them. Christians are being persecuted at an alarming rate. They’re telling kids they can’t pray in schools ; they can’t mention the name of Jesus or God in public without being told to shut up , or being threatened with jail. Everyone is being forced into slavery with Obama Care , and same-sex marriage. Obama’s taking our guns away from us. ISIS and other terrorist organizations supported by the CIA have camps and training facilities all over the United States. Everything’s going to hell in a hand basket , Megan , and Obama and liberals are to blame. It’s time for all patriots to rise up and take back this nation!”

Megan : “Everything you just said , makes absolutely no sense.”

Alex : “Well I -“

Megan : “Hold on. And it has nothing to do with my last question. How can president Obama be both a Chalupa whatsit and a Yeti?”

Alex : It has everything to do with what I said , Megan. The CIA made him – Barack Obama – what he is today , a Chalupacabrabama with an appetite for chalupas – even Michelle Obama and their two kids have a huge appetite for chalupas , they’re always at Taco Bell scarfing down tons of chalupas , because Obama does , it’s in his blood if you know what I mean  – and a Yeti , by injecting Obama Sr. with Chupacabra blood , and then him – Obama Jr. – with the blood of a Yeti. Understand now?”

Megan : “No. It still doesn’t make sense.”

Alex : “Maybe it would if you would clean out your ears. You know , get a cotton swab or something and dig around in there real good. You might come up with something. They’re probably so full of wax , you’re having trouble understanding what I’m saying.”

Megan : “My hearing is just fine , thank you. And I’m understanding you just fine. You’re just not making any sense. The last thing you said bears no connection to your rant about the liberal PC thought police.”

Alex : “The part about the ear wax?”

Megan : “No. What you said about the CIA turning the two Obama’s into a Chalupa whatsit and a Yeti.”

Alex : “Of course it does. You see , because Barack Obama is a both Chalupacabrabama and the Obamanable Snow Man , thanks to his buddies in the CIA , it won’t be long until he locks up every gun loving American patriot in Fema camps all across America , lops off their heads with the millions of guillotines they’ve got stored on trains and in warehouses , and then his army of Chalupacabrabama’s  – when they’re not munching on chalupas – will feast on their brains and corpses.  And it’s all because of Barack The Obamanable Snow Man.”

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