I Was A Chalupacabrabama For The CIA

  Alex Jones (2)Alex Jones is a conservative radio talk show host out of Austin , Texas. In addition to his radio show , he also runs  the websites , Info Wars , and Prison Planet. Typical of many conservatives , he is a liberal and a Obama hater , who believes that the president and liberals are part of a vast , global conspiracy of elitists working together to bring about  a New World Order.

He is a snake oil salesman who sells questionable products. He also peddles conspiracy theories. He  has a knack for taking  everyday – often tragic – events , and constructing elaborate conspiracies  around them , usually with  the typical theme being  guns. Events like the Sandy Hook shooting ,  the Aurora Colorado theatre shooting , and the Boston Marathon bombing , were nothing more than fake , staged events , according to Jones , by Obama and the evil communist progressives to grab guns , or to gain support for extreme anti-gun legislation , even though no guns were grabbed , and no extreme gun laws have since been passed.

Whether he believes the nonsense he peddles , is anyone’s guess , although he has thousands of gullible sheep who actually do believe that every word that comes out of his mouth is the ultimate truth , be it global warming , chem trails , the Oklahoma City bombing , or 9/11 – all government conspiracies , according to Jones – and to prove that a sucker is born every minute , they have made him millions buying his merchandise.

He’s the producer of many laughable  films , including The Obama Deception , The Obama Deception Part 2 : The Mask Comes Off Again , Martial Law 9/11 : Rise Of The Police State , and America Destroyed By Design. He’s also written several equally laughable books , 9/11 The Descent Into Tyranny , by Progressive Press , and The Answer To 1984 Is 1776 , by the Disinformation Company.

His new book , which is even more laughable than the previous two , I Was A Chalupacabrabama For The CIA , is also published by the Disinformation Company , and will be released sometime this Fall.

Jones has appeared many times on Coast To Coast with Art Bell , and George Noory. Recently , Noory invited him back to discuss the latest book.

George : “It’s nice to have you back again , Alex.”

Alex : “Thank you for having me on again , George , I appreciate it.”

George : “I haven’t read the book yet Alex  , but my producer gave me a copy , and I’m looking forward to reading it in the next few days.  I have skimmed through some of it though , and all I can say is , wow , this is some  weird stuff. I had no idea that you believed in monsters and UFOs and all that stuff – both of which are in the book , by the way – and especially chupacabras.”

Alex : “Yeah , I’ve believed in monsters and UFOs ever since I was a kid growing up in Rockwall , Texas. I did a great deal of reading. I preferred to read rather than playing outside with other kids from the neighborhood. I didn’t have many friends in those days. So I read a lot of the science fiction magazines like Amazing Stories , Fantasy And Science Fiction , and Galaxy magazine , some of which were available at the local library.”

George : “For those of our listeners who have yet to read the book , explain what it’s about. Just what the heck is a chalupacabrabama?”

Alex : “You know what a chalupa is , don’t you?”

George : “Uh … yes. It’s a type of tostada sold at Taco Bell restaurants , topped with all kinds of good stuff like cheese , meat , chicken , lettuce and sour cream. Quite delicious , I might add.”

Alex : “That’s right. Not the delicious part though. And do you know what a chupacabra is?”

George : “A supposedly mythical creature that haunts parts of the American south -west , and South America , sucking the blood from livestock.”

Alex : “And you know what a Barack Obama is , don’t you?”

George : “Of course. Everyone knows who he is. The forty-fourth president of the United States.”

Alex : “Well , put them all together and you have a chalupacabrabama.”

George : “I don’t get it.”

features_signs
The average listener of the Alex Jones Show.

Alex : “As most of your listeners probably know by now , Barack Obama – then more commonly know as Barry Soetero – was involved in a top-secret Darpa program in the late seventies involving time travel and teleportation to Mars. What was known as project Pegasus. But what they don’t know is that in nineteen fifty-nine – just before he met Ann Dunham – Obama Sr. was the first to be recruited by the CIA to participate in a time travel and genetics project , called Operation Chupacabrabama. According to my source in the Pentagon , the purpose of the project was to create a  half human , half chupacabra hybrid. You see the CIA wanted to create such a creature that could be used to enslave us all , and then eat us all after we’ve all been incarcerated in Fema camps designed to look like Wal-Mart stores.”

George : “You don’t really believe that , do you?”

Alex : “Why not? It makes perfect sense to me.”

George : “Alright , whatever. Now let me see if I can get this straight. Barack Obama Sr. was a willing participant  in a government program that – “

Alex : ” I wouldn’t exactly say willing , but Yes , that’s about right.”

George : “That had to do with turning people into chupacabras?”

Alex : “Not exactly , but that’s about right.”

George : “But how exactly did they do it?”

Alex : “What they did was take the DNA – the blood of a chupacabra – and inject it into Barack Obama Sr..”

George : “So these creatures actually do exist?”

Alex : “According to my source , yes.”

George : “Have you ever seen one?”

Alex : “No , I haven’t.”

George : “Then how do you know they exist?”

Alex : “I don’t. But my source says they do , and that’s good enough for me.”

George : “Alright. Anyway , you said he wasn’t exactly a willing subject.”

ChupacabraFront2
Barack Obama I , as a chalupacabrabama for the CIA.

Alex : “That’s right. If they had told him the truth of what they were really up to , he would have said no. So what they did was tell him that it was some kind of new powerful pheromone that would attract women , and being young and naïve – he was  twenty-three at the time – he was dumb enough to believe it. Then a few weeks later , they extracted some of his blood – again telling him that they were developing a new pheromone to attract the opposite sex , and they needed a sample of his blood to do so – and again he was dumb enough to believe it. But what they were really planning to do was use it to create an army of hybrids that would be used to enslave all of us patriotic gun loving Americans , and eat all of us after they’ve taken all of our guns away so we can’t fight back. Some people actually believe that Obama’s private army are nothing more than communist youth that have been brainwashed into believing they are part of some noble cause to help out in times of disaster , but they’re really an army of hungry chalupacabrabamas.”

George : “And where is this army?”

Alex : “That’s a good question. Unfortunately , one I can’t answer.”

George : “So Barack Obama Sr. was the first human /chupacabra hybrid?”

Alex : “Not exactly , but that’s about right.”

George : “I’m confused. What do chalupas have to do with all of this?”

Alex : “Well , you see , time travel was also a part of the project. They used it  so they could travel forward in time to observe Barry to see if he would transform into a chupacabra , at different times in his life. But of course , he never did. On most  of these excursions they took Barack Sr.. By then , they had told him that Barry was just a relative of his , not his son , and he believed that too.  On one particular trip , right after Barry had been elected , he – Barack Obama Sr. , not Barry – bought a chalupa at a Taco Bell , and became addicted to them. He wolfed down hundreds of them in less than a month , which is about how long it took to complete their trips to the future. But Barry never once transformed into a chupacabra. I guess he was just being cautious and only did it in private. However , something strange was definitely going on with Barack Obama Sr.. Whenever he became hungry , thick hair would appear all over his body , so much that he would look like cousin It from the Adams family , and he would repeat over and over , ‘must have chalupas.’ Apparently , his unusual craving for chalupas had somehow reacted with the chupacabra blood to create a monster with an insatiable appetite for chalupas. But he never became violent or anything. All he cared about was devouring chalupas.”

George : “Wow. The whole thing sounds so incredibly unbelievable. It reminds me of the stories of David Icke , with his human alien lizard hybrids that supposedly rule the world through a matrix.”

New Frame
Jones explaining why he’s sane and David Icke should be avoided like the plague , on Coast To Coast with George Noory.

Alex : “David Icke is a fruit cake. I wouldn’t believe anything that crackpot has to say. Guys like him belong in a straight jacket and in an institution for the mentally insane.”

George : “Well , to be honest , that’s where some people say you belong , Alex. Not that I agree with them. I’m just saying.”

Alex : “Listen George. There’s a huge difference between myself and people like David Icke. I’m one hundred percent sane. This guy is one hundred percent wacko. He believes – he actually believes , for God sake! – that the global elite are all alien lizards from the planet Zork , for God sake! Even Jesse Ventura – who is a good friend of mine – says he’s a wacko. I mean , come on! Only a moron would believe something so ridiculous. Anybody in their right mind knows that they’re really socialist communist , Nazi , gay Muslims  , who will very soon sick their armies of hungry chalupacabrabamas on us patriotic gun loving Americans.”

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