Posted in satire/humor

I Was A Chalupacabrabama For The CIA

  Alex Jones (2)Alex Jones is a conservative radio talk show host out of Austin , Texas. In addition to his radio show , he also runs  the websites , Info Wars , and Prison Planet. Typical of many conservatives , he is a liberal and a Obama hater , who believes that the president and liberals are part of a vast , global conspiracy of elitists working together to bring about  a New World Order.

He is a snake oil salesman who sells questionable products. He also peddles conspiracy theories. He  has a knack for taking  everyday – often tragic – events , and constructing elaborate conspiracies  around them , usually with  the typical theme being  guns. Events like the Sandy Hook shooting ,  the Aurora Colorado theatre shooting , and the Boston Marathon bombing , were nothing more than fake , staged events , according to Jones , by Obama and the evil communist progressives to grab guns , or to gain support for extreme anti-gun legislation , even though no guns were grabbed , and no extreme gun laws have since been passed.

Whether he believes the nonsense he peddles , is anyone’s guess , although he has thousands of gullible sheep who actually do believe that every word that comes out of his mouth is the ultimate truth , be it global warming , chem trails , the Oklahoma City bombing , or 9/11 – all government conspiracies , according to Jones – and to prove that a sucker is born every minute , they have made him millions buying his merchandise.

He’s the producer of many laughable  films , including The Obama Deception , The Obama Deception Part 2 : The Mask Comes Off Again , Martial Law 9/11 : Rise Of The Police State , and America Destroyed By Design. He’s also written several equally laughable books , 9/11 The Descent Into Tyranny , by Progressive Press , and The Answer To 1984 Is 1776 , by the Disinformation Company.

His new book , which is even more laughable than the previous two , I Was A Chalupacabrabama For The CIA , is also published by the Disinformation Company , and will be released sometime this Fall.

Jones has appeared many times on Coast To Coast with Art Bell , and George Noory. Recently , Noory invited him back to discuss the latest book.

George : “It’s nice to have you back again , Alex.”

Alex : “Thank you for having me on again , George , I appreciate it.”

George : “I haven’t read the book yet Alex  , but my producer gave me a copy , and I’m looking forward to reading it in the next few days.  I have skimmed through some of it though , and all I can say is , wow , this is some  weird stuff. I had no idea that you believed in monsters and UFOs and all that stuff – both of which are in the book , by the way – and especially chupacabras.”

Alex : “Yeah , I’ve believed in monsters and UFOs ever since I was a kid growing up in Rockwall , Texas. I did a great deal of reading. I preferred to read rather than playing outside with other kids from the neighborhood. I didn’t have many friends in those days. So I read a lot of the science fiction magazines like Amazing Stories , Fantasy And Science Fiction , and Galaxy magazine , some of which were available at the local library.”

George : “For those of our listeners who have yet to read the book , explain what it’s about. Just what the heck is a chalupacabrabama?”

Alex : “You know what a chalupa is , don’t you?”

George : “Uh … yes. It’s a type of tostada sold at Taco Bell restaurants , topped with all kinds of good stuff like cheese , meat , chicken , lettuce and sour cream. Quite delicious , I might add.”

Alex : “That’s right. Not the delicious part though. And do you know what a chupacabra is?”

George : “A supposedly mythical creature that haunts parts of the American south -west , and South America , sucking the blood from livestock.”

Alex : “And you know what a Barack Obama is , don’t you?”

George : “Of course. Everyone knows who he is. The forty-fourth president of the United States.”

Alex : “Well , put them all together and you have a chalupacabrabama.”

George : “I don’t get it.”

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The average listener of the Alex Jones Show.

Alex : “As most of your listeners probably know by now , Barack Obama – then more commonly know as Barry Soetero – was involved in a top-secret Darpa program in the late seventies involving time travel and teleportation to Mars. What was known as project Pegasus. But what they don’t know is that in nineteen fifty-nine – just before he met Ann Dunham – Obama Sr. was the first to be recruited by the CIA to participate in a time travel and genetics project , called Operation Chupacabrabama. According to my source in the Pentagon , the purpose of the project was to create a  half human , half chupacabra hybrid. You see the CIA wanted to create such a creature that could be used to enslave us all , and then eat us all after we’ve all been incarcerated in Fema camps designed to look like Wal-Mart stores.”

George : “You don’t really believe that , do you?”

Alex : “Why not? It makes perfect sense to me.”

George : “Alright , whatever. Now let me see if I can get this straight. Barack Obama Sr. was a willing participant  in a government program that – “

Alex : ” I wouldn’t exactly say willing , but Yes , that’s about right.”

George : “That had to do with turning people into chupacabras?”

Alex : “Not exactly , but that’s about right.”

George : “But how exactly did they do it?”

Alex : “What they did was take the DNA – the blood of a chupacabra – and inject it into Barack Obama Sr..”

George : “So these creatures actually do exist?”

Alex : “According to my source , yes.”

George : “Have you ever seen one?”

Alex : “No , I haven’t.”

George : “Then how do you know they exist?”

Alex : “I don’t. But my source says they do , and that’s good enough for me.”

George : “Alright. Anyway , you said he wasn’t exactly a willing subject.”

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Barack Obama I , as a chalupacabrabama for the CIA.

Alex : “That’s right. If they had told him the truth of what they were really up to , he would have said no. So what they did was tell him that it was some kind of new powerful pheromone that would attract women , and being young and naïve – he was  twenty-three at the time – he was dumb enough to believe it. Then a few weeks later , they extracted some of his blood – again telling him that they were developing a new pheromone to attract the opposite sex , and they needed a sample of his blood to do so – and again he was dumb enough to believe it. But what they were really planning to do was use it to create an army of hybrids that would be used to enslave all of us patriotic gun loving Americans , and eat all of us after they’ve taken all of our guns away so we can’t fight back. Some people actually believe that Obama’s private army are nothing more than communist youth that have been brainwashed into believing they are part of some noble cause to help out in times of disaster , but they’re really an army of hungry chalupacabrabamas.”

George : “And where is this army?”

Alex : “That’s a good question. Unfortunately , one I can’t answer.”

George : “So Barack Obama Sr. was the first human /chupacabra hybrid?”

Alex : “Not exactly , but that’s about right.”

George : “I’m confused. What do chalupas have to do with all of this?”

Alex : “Well , you see , time travel was also a part of the project. They used it  so they could travel forward in time to observe Barry to see if he would transform into a chupacabra , at different times in his life. But of course , he never did. On most  of these excursions they took Barack Sr.. By then , they had told him that Barry was just a relative of his , not his son , and he believed that too.  On one particular trip , right after Barry had been elected , he – Barack Obama Sr. , not Barry – bought a chalupa at a Taco Bell , and became addicted to them. He wolfed down hundreds of them in less than a month , which is about how long it took to complete their trips to the future. But Barry never once transformed into a chupacabra. I guess he was just being cautious and only did it in private. However , something strange was definitely going on with Barack Obama Sr.. Whenever he became hungry , thick hair would appear all over his body , so much that he would look like cousin It from the Adams family , and he would repeat over and over , ‘must have chalupas.’ Apparently , his unusual craving for chalupas had somehow reacted with the chupacabra blood to create a monster with an insatiable appetite for chalupas. But he never became violent or anything. All he cared about was devouring chalupas.”

George : “Wow. The whole thing sounds so incredibly unbelievable. It reminds me of the stories of David Icke , with his human alien lizard hybrids that supposedly rule the world through a matrix.”

New Frame
Jones explaining why he’s sane and David Icke should be avoided like the plague , on Coast To Coast with George Noory.

Alex : “David Icke is a fruit cake. I wouldn’t believe anything that crackpot has to say. Guys like him belong in a straight jacket and in an institution for the mentally insane.”

George : “Well , to be honest , that’s where some people say you belong , Alex. Not that I agree with them. I’m just saying.”

Alex : “Listen George. There’s a huge difference between myself and people like David Icke. I’m one hundred percent sane. This guy is one hundred percent wacko. He believes – he actually believes , for God sake! – that the global elite are all alien lizards from the planet Zork , for God sake! Even Jesse Ventura – who is a good friend of mine – says he’s a wacko. I mean , come on! Only a moron would believe something so ridiculous. Anybody in their right mind knows that they’re really socialist communist , Nazi , gay Muslims  , who will very soon sick their armies of hungry chalupacabrabamas on us patriotic gun loving Americans.”

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Posted in satire/humor

Obama The Duck

 Long before Barack Obama was even elected president , xenophobes , and racists  perceived  him as the Bogey Man , due to the rhetoric and propaganda pushed by Republicans. They believed all kinds of nonsense about him that wasn’t true.  He was a foreigner , a socialist , a communist , gay , a gay Muslim  , an alien , even the Anti-Christ. They are all ridiculous and childish reasons to be afraid of someone. That is , unless you’re living in a fantasy world where reality has no basis in fact , which is where many of today’s Conservatives don’t seem to mind living.

Since the moment Obama set foot in the White House , Republicans in congress and their supporters , have deliberately set out to discredit him. They have done everything they can to smear his name and reputation. They have used fear of a black man with a Muslim name – Hussein – in the White House , because they would rather have a white man as president. If he walks like a duck , talks like a duck , he must be a duck. In other words , he has a Muslim name , so he must be a socialist communist , Nazi , racist , gay Muslim duck.

There have been many  examples of Republican fear mongering. Death panels in the Affordable Care Act , more affectionately known as Obama Care among Conservatives :

July 16 , 2009 , Former lieutenant governor of New York , Betsy McCaughey claimed that section 1233 of the Affordable Care Act would give bureaucrats the right to decide who would live and who would die among the elderly and the disabled. It was repeated by the likes of Sean Hannity , Laura Ingraham , Rush Limbaugh , and Glen Beck.

July 24th , in a New York Post article , she claimed presidential advisor , Ezekiel Emanuel , said the elderly and disabled are not entitled to health care.

August 7th , on her Facebook page , Sarah Palin used the term “death panel” , in a post on the Affordable Care Act ,  which was quickly picked up and spread around the internet , and by others in the conservative media.

At the 2013 Values Voters summit in Washington , Ben Carson claimed that the Affordable Care Act was the worst thing in America since slavery , that it had more to do with control than health care.

Race baiting …

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Obama the Marxist socialist communist , Nazi , white culture hating racist , America hating , gay Muslim duck. Quack.

July 28 , 2009 ,  on his Fox News show , Glen Beck referred to the president as a white culture hating racist. Apparently , to Glen , it didn’t matter that his mother , Ann Dunham , was also white. He hates white people , so by Glen’s logic , he hated his mother , and therefore must be a racist duck.

Michelle Bachman’s 2010 Western Conservative Summit speech , complaining that Obama had turned America into a nation of slaves.

July 9 , 2010 , Glen beck whining about the New Black Panthers as Obama’s army of thugs. And in November of 2014 , lamenting that Obama’s executive action on immigration would most likely lead to a race war.

In a Fox interview , Palin accused the president of pining to return to the days when America was divided by different economic classes and skin color.

February 26 , 2012 , Trayvon Martin was fatally shot by George Zimmerman. Supposedly Zimmerman shot him in self-defense , after Martin discovered that Zimmerman had been following him. An altercation ensued , with Martin ending up dead. The Conservative media was quick and eager to jump to Zimmerman’s defense , portraying Martin as a thug ,  that he had gotten what he deserved.  Zimmerman was eventually charged with manslaughter , but was acquitted after trial. Soon after the acquittal , Obama in his remarks about the case , said that ‘it could have been him’ at that age , and expressing concern that these types of events happen all too often. The conservative media , in predictable fashion , went bonkers , accusing the president of race baiting , for daring to compare himself with Martin , while conveniently ignoring that those who defend and condone the murder of a black teenager wearing a hoodie , and reportedly armed only with a bag of skittles while committing no crime , are the true race baiters.

The Birther nonsense :

During the 2008 democratic primaries , speculations of Obama’s place of birth surfaced. It was quickly spread by every Conservative media outlet. Later that year Obama released his official birth certificate. In April , 2011 , he released a copy of his original certificate of live birth. Racists , bigots , and conspiracy fanatics , were convinced they were fakes.

August 2009 , Orly Taitz revealed a fake Kenya birth certificate. She was hoping to convince racists , bigots , and conspiracy freaks that it was genuine.

General fear mongering , some of which has crossed the border of idiocy , and into the realm of lunacy :

  • Obama is a Muslim loving terrorist , who sides with Islam. He loves them so much that he’s actually executed quite a few to prove it. Some intellectuals like Sarah Palin , and Rush Limbaugh have even suggested that he has droned them with flowers , candy , and other goodies.
  • He’s works For the Muslim Brotherhood , and has aided them by giving them jobs in the White House ( see Dana Leosch’s video , Jobs For Jihadis ).
  • He’s arming ISIS – while simultaneously bombing them ( see first paragraph ). Go figure.
  • He hates America. According to Victoria Jackson , in her book Barack’s Magic Pen , she claims he is destroying the country  by “shredding” – with his magic pen – the constitution with his unlawful executive actions , despite the fact that every president has issued executive actions. If that makes him a dictator  , he’s certainly not the first American tyrant.
  • He hates Christians. He’s persecuting them by supporting same -sex marriage , which proves he himself is gay , and which also proves – according to Victoria Jackson – that he’s a Muslim , since Muslim’s obviously endorse homosexuality.
  • He is disarming America. Paranoid gun loving fanatics like Ted Nugent ,  Jan Morgan , and their millions of cohorts , have bemoaned the absurdity of Obama coming for their guns since the moment  he took office. Jan wrote a book about her displeasure with Obama The Gun Grabber , How Obummer And Liberals Are Destroying The Second Amendment God Given Rights of Patriotic Gun Loving Americans. So far he has yet to confiscate a single fire arm.
  • Jade Helm. He’s invading Texas as a prelude to martial law. As a prelude to gun confiscation. As a prelude to throwing patriotic , paranoid gun loving fanatics into friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart stores that have been converted into Fema prison camps. As a prelude to taking over America and turning it into a third world communist dictatorship. Well , Jade Helm has since passed. Patriotic gun loving fanatics have not been rounded up , nor have their guns been taken away.
  • He’s destroying the economy. Well , not exactly. Anyone who seriously believes this , is living in denial. All one has to do is some fact checking to see that the economy has improved. Job numbers are five times higher than they were under the entire Bush economy , and unemployment is at least 5.6 %. But , its common knowledge among the average Obama hating conservative that facts have a liberal bias , and Obummer and the liberals have actually wrecked the economy beyond all repair.
  • Benghazi was a cover up , a scandal. Obama deliberately left four Americans to die , because he’s a Muslim who loves his Muslim brothers more than he loves America. Numerous investigations have said otherwise. And yet republicans continue to waste taxes with endless investigations that have proved nothing.
  • He’s the Anti-Christ. This is one of the most ridiculous claims , right up there with ‘he’s a Muslim’. According to Victoria Jackson in her book , The Mole That Is Not Really A Mole In The White House , Barack and his evil conjoined twin , Julio , plan to over throw America just before he leaves office.
  • He wants to eat Americas kids. Another ridiculous claim by Victoria Jackson , supported by her book , To Serve Obama.

The Republicans  and their allies in the conservative media will continue to use fear and misinformation as a means to persuade their supporters to vote against their own interests as long as Obama is in the White House. To those who wish to deny fact and truth , and instead choose to live in fantasy land , Obama will always be a socialist Marxist communist , Nazi , white culture hating racist , America hating , gay Muslim duck. Quack.

Posted in satire/humor

Bye Bye America Died … That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried

November 4 , 2008 Barack Obama was initially elected forty-fourth president of the United States.  Conservatives all over America lost their minds , and the Tea Party was officially born.  The prevailing consensus was that he was a foreigner , a communist socialist , gay , and a Muslim , therefore not fit to be president. They were paranoid that he would destroy America and take their guns away. He was a liberal democrat , after all , which according to the average  Fox viewing conservative ,  is  equivalent to communism. It certainly wasn’t the color of his skin.

In a 2007 concert , Ted Nugent called the president a POS , and advised him to suck on his machine gun. He referred to Hillary Clinton as a toxic c**t , and invited her to take a ride on the same weapon.

In a 2012 twitter rant , he complained to his followers that those who voted for Obama were nothing more than pimps , whores and welfare queens.  In a related tweet , he also referred to them as sub humans for wanting others to pay for their birth control , abortions , Obama Care , Obama phones , and all the other free stuff that liberals love to get at the expense of true patriotic , Obama hating conservatives. It’s ironic , considering that he obviously didn’t mind his taxes being used to pay for two wars , under George Bush , that the majority of Americans didn’t  want.

In 2012 he lamented that he would either be dead or in jail if Obama was reelected. But to the disappointment of liberals , progressives – and even some conservatives –  uncle Ted remains alive and free , thus proving that republicans have a problem with keeping promises , something they’ve always accused Obama of being guilty of.

Uncle Ted wasn’t the only conservative who lost his mind when Obama became president. Victoria Jackson not only lost her mind , but she cried  , fearing that America was doomed for voting for an obvious communist , and a Muslim. When Obama was reelected , she went into a fit of hysterics and has been bawling her eyes out ever since  , because this time America had  actually “died.” Apparently , Obama had done exactly what his communist mentors and buddies had taught him to do :  destroy America  the second time around – apparently he had failed miserably to destroy  it during his first term ( after all , he is the worst president in American history ) – by shredding the constitution with executive action , and all kinds of other stuff.

She’s the author of several ridiculous books  about Obama , including Barack’s Magic Pen. Her latest , Bye Bye America Died … That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried. It’s also the name of her new video.

Once again , Americas favorite dingbat appeared on The Kelly File with Megan Kelly , shamelessly hawking her new book.

Megan : “Welcome back , Victoria.”

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Victoria Jackson shamelessly hawking her new book , Bye Bye America Died … That Was The Day That I Cried And I Cried , on The Kelly File with Megan Kelly.

Victoria : “Thank you for having me.”

Megan : “You’re not going to cry , are you?”

Victoria : “I don’t know. It depends.”

Megan : “Depends on what?”

Victoria : “If I can control myself. You see , it’s been very hard not to cry since Obama’s been reelected.”

Megan : “Why is that?”

Victoria : “Because he’s a communist , and he’s destroying America. I’ve been crying almost non stop. As a matter of fact , when I was writing the book  I could barely see what I was doing , because my eyes were so watery from all the tears and I just kept crying and crying , and the water poured from my eyes like a rusty faucet that doesn’t want to shut off ,  and I almost drowned in my own tears because I -“

Megan : “OK , I think we get the picture , Victoria. You’re very sad. Let’s talk about the new book.”

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Megan Kelly’s reaction to Victoria’s song , Bye Bye America Died.

Victoria : “First I want to play a new song I wrote. It’s called Bye Bye , America Died. It’s sung to the tune of American Pie by Don McLean , and it goes like this.”

With her trusted ukulele she began strumming her new song.

“Bye bye America died and that was the day that I cried and I cried ,

’cause Obama’s in the White House and I’m feeling so sad ,

but instead of getting mad I just cry …

that’s the day America died …

Whaa! whaa! whaa! whaa! whaa! whaa!

Obama’s in the White House and I’m so so sad ,

but instead of getting mad I just cry and I cry ,

 ’cause that’s the day America died … that’s the day America died …

Whaa! whaa! whaa! whaa! whaa! whaa!

Obama’s in the White House and I’m feeling real sad ,

but instead of getting mad I just cry and I cry …

’cause that’s the day America died .. that’s the day America died ..

bye bye America died and that was the day that I cried and I cried ,

Obama’s in the White House and I’m feeling so blue ,

I’m so scared and you should be too ,

’cause that’s the day America died …”

Megan : “Oh lord almighty. That sure was something. What exactly , I won’t say.”

Victoria : ” That’s just the short version. You can get the regular version that’s included with the book. So , buy my new book , everybody! You won’t be disappointed.”

Megan : “Now can we talk about the book?”

Victoria : “Sure Megan. The book is about the death of America. Duh! Because of Obama. What else?”

Megan : “Exactly how is he destroying America?”

Victoria : “Are you blind?! Take a look around you , Megan. There’s a communist and a Muslim in the White House. If that doesn’t scare you , it should. And every one of the democrats in congress are communists , too. Just ask Allen West , he’ll tell you all about it.  It’s just so obvious how many ways this country is being destroyed. The economy for instance. We are much worse off now than we were under George Bush. The deficit has sky rocketed , the national debt is a thousand  times worse , and millions and millions and millions of people are losing their jobs every month. That’s pretty scary. And if that isn’t scary enough ,  he’s also persecuting Christians by mocking God , by supporting same-sex marriage , changing the definition of traditional marriage with the help of his communist buddies in the Supreme Court , and not allowing Him back into our public and private schools , where He belongs. But the scariest thing of all , is that he’s  invited ISIS to cross the border. They’ve got camps all over Texas and Mexico , and they’re spreading all over America , and why isn’t the liberal media saying anything about it? If you don’t believe me , go to Texas , or Mexico and see for yourself. And if that isn’t scary enough , he’s also a gay Muslim , and a Muslim jihadist who sides with his Muslim brothers – or sister/brothers , since they’re all most likely gay , too. Obama has encouraged them  to teach their Godless religion in our schools , and to teach our kids how to be gay Muslims , and nobody’s doing anything about that either. And that is so sad. No one seems to care that this country is going to hell , literally because of Obama and the liberal progressives who’s only concern is turning America into a third world communist hell hole , just like Ann Coulter says they will. But not before they take all of our guns away and throw all of us true patriots into Wal-Mart Fema stores , where we can save more and live better.”

Posted in satire/gun nuts

Hands Off My Guns! How Obama And Liberals Are Destroying The Second Amendment God Given Rights Of Patriotic Gun Loving Americans

On October 1st , Christopher Mercer walked into Umpqua community college in Roseburg Oregon , killing nine students before killing himself.

October 9th , a fight apparently broke out between students at Northern Arizona University. Steven Jones killed one person , and injured three others.

June 17th , Dylan Roof entered Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal church in South Carolina , and opened fire , killing nine people.

July 23 , John Houser stood up in a Lafayette theatre in Louisiana , during a showing of Train Wreak , killing two and injuring nine others with a Hi-Point .40 caliber hand gun. The two killed were Mayci Breax , a student at Louisiana State University , and Jillian Johnson , 33.

These are just a few of the shooting that have occurred this year.

January 8 2011 ,  Jared Loughner pulled out a Glock semi automatic and shot congress woman Gabby Giffords in the head as she spoke to a group of her supporters in a Safeway parking lot in Arizona. Eighteen others were also shot. Six died , including nine-year old Christina Taylor Green.

July 20 , 2012 , James Holmes used multiple firearms to kill twelve people and wound approximately seventy others during a showing of The Dark Knight Rises , at the Century 16 movie theatre in Aurora Colorado.

And of course , who can forget the twenty children and six adults who were fatally shot by Adam Lanza with a Bushmaster rifle , at Sandy Hook Elementary School , in New Town Connecticut on December 14 , 2012?

Gun control activists call for stricter gun control legislation  that would  prevent assault  weapons from getting into the hands of criminals. Paranoid gun loving fanatics , vehemently oppose such legislation , claiming that criminals will get them anyway , and claiming that any gun control is an infringement of their second amendment rights. It would seem that they care more about their guns than  saving the lives of others from gun violence. After a shooting takes place , in typical fashion , gun fanatics often blame the victims for not being armed , the mentally ill , liberals , or Obama … anyone and everything but the shooter. They repeat the same nonsense that gun free zones attract gun violence , and that more guns are the solution.

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Jan Morgan , paranoid gun nut , and self-described second amendment expert. Her paranoid delusions like all gun nuts include : Obama is literally taking away her right to bear arms through gun control , because , you know , he’s a tyrannical dictator ; Obama is allowing Muslim terrorists to take over America ; and liberals are America hating fascists , socialists , and communists. The mind is a terrible thing to waste , Jan.

Jan Morgan is a typical Tea Party paranoid gun loving patriot. She represents thousands of paranoid gun fanatics all across America who share an unhealthy obsession with firearms , and who view themselves as “true patriots” for their fanatical love of guns , and their intense hatred of liberals , progressives , Barack Obama ,  and anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their radical views on guns. She is a gun range owner and a self professed second amendment expert. Recently she sparked a bit of a controversy when she announced that her  business was Muslim free , vowing to refuse  weapons training to “the next potential Muslim terrorist” , but obviously not too concerned about the possibility of training a non Muslim terrorist. At a 2013 Gun Appreciation Day rally , she proudly – and falsely – pronounced that ninety million gun owners with over three hundred million guns , killed no one the previous year … conveniently ignoring the fact that events like Sandy Hook , and the Aurora Colorado theatre shootings , were carried out by gun owners , whether they were sane or not.

She’s written a book – Hands Off My Guns! How Obama And Liberals Are Destroying The Second Amendment God Given Rights Of Patriotic Gun Loving Americans – bashing liberals and Obama for taking her guns away , even though Obama has shown no indication of coming close to doing so.

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Rachel Maddow reacting to Jan Morgan’s anti – Obama rant.

“My book is a sequel to Dana Leoschs’ book , Hands Off My Guns Obummer!” She told Rachel Maddow.  “Dana asked me recently if I would like to do a sequel to her book , and since she and I are so much alike – we both love our guns , you know , so much that we would rather die than let the communist leftist liberals and Obama get their hands on them – I told her I would be thrilled to help her write a sequel. We both know how important it is to get the word out that the communist liberals and Obama can’t wait to take our guns away. They’re just itching for Obama to use executive action. And since the Oregon State University shooting , we knew the book would be especially important since Obama’s remarks about the shooting were so unbelievably appalling , which obviously is to be expected since he’s a Muslim lover.”

Rachel : “What do you mean , appalling?”

Jan : “When he said the deaths of the students were routine , trivial , as if they meant nothing to him.”

Rachel : “I don’t think that’s what he was talking about , Jan.  Correct me if I’m wrong , but I believe he was saying that every time something like this happens , Americans and especially the media  have become numb to it. We’re used to reporting it because it happens so often , but feel  helpless to do anything about it , or don’t really want to do anything about it , because so many in congress – the majority of them republicans – have been bought off by the NRA and gun manufacturers – and those of us in the media are afraid we’re going to offend gun owners if we speak out , and that’s exactly what happens. Liberals and president Obama call for stricter gun laws , and the NRA and many of their members feel like it’s a personal attack on them , and I don’t think that’s the case.

Jan : “You’re wrong. Obama is the worst president in American history , and he’s proved it ever since he set foot in the White House. The deficit is way up , spending is way up , unemployment is sky high , five times higher than when George Bush was in office , and the national debt is at an all time high. The economy is in a complete shambles. Plus , he has pledged his undying support of Muslim , and gay jihadists , he’s unlawfully persecuting Christians by supporting gay rights , denying Christians their religious freedom not to serve homosexuals. And now he wants to rewrite the second amendment to suit his socialist agenda , which to take guns away from all of us law abiding patriotic Americans , and throw us all into Wal -Mart stores that have been converted into Fema prison camps. What does he expect us to do? Save more and live better at your friendly Wal-Mart Fema store?”

Rachel : “Wow , Jan. I fail to see what most of that has to do with what I previously said , but anyway , those are just your opinions and they are highly debatable.”

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“Whatever , Jan.”

Posted in satire/humor

How To Cure OCD ( Obama Compulsive Disorder ) In Three Easy Steps

Do you have a friend , a relative , or a family member who is a liberal? If you do , chances are  they might be a Obama supporter.

Have you often felt frustrated when trying to reason with them?

Have you often felt as if you were talking to a brick wall?

Have you often felt that debating with them is a lost cause?

When you do debate them  do you feel as if you want to blow your brains out from the sheer frustration of having to deal with them?

How you often felt that if you spend too much time in their presence that their stupidty would rub off on you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions , then I would like to tell you about a new program I came up with. It’s specially designed to benefit those who have been brainwashed by Barack Obama and the liberal media.

My younger sister  had been a democrat all of her life , much to the chagrin of my parents , who have always been life long republicans. She voted for Bill Clinton in ’92 and Hillary in  ’08. Like many Clinton supporters , she believed the Clinton’s could do no wrong. When my parents found out that she had voted for Clinton , my Father went ballistic.

My Father is your typical Archie Bunker. He voted for both Nixon and Reagan.  When Watergate broke , he believed Nixon had been set up by the democrats. He believed the same about Reagan after he had been caught selling weapons to Iran. He despises democrats and liberals – liberalcrats as he often calls them – and those who would dare support them. Mother , while a conservative , is much like Edith Bunker , content to sit on the side lines , afraid that if she disagreed dad would humiliate her as he often did with my sister.  And while never quite as extreme in her support of the party , mom certainly has had her moments.

“How could you vote for that jackass?!” dad complained.  “Don’t you know the Clinton’s are communists? Not to mention crooks? Don’t you know about all the people they’ve had murdered? Anyone who would vote for him should have their head examined!”

Instead of engaging him in an argument , my sister would just shake her head like she always did when her and dad disagreed on something , and there was no hope of convincing him otherwise.

When he found out she had voted for Clinton again in ’96 , he said the exact same thing , and again my sister shook her head. After the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke , during the impeachment proceedings , he asked ,”What do you think of the jackass now? Still think he’s a saint?”

My sisters response was ,”I never said he was a saint. He’s a human being. All human beings have their flaws.”

“He’s a communist , and a crook!” dad shot back. “And now we’re finding out what a pervert he is!”

When she voted for Obama in ’08 , again dad blew his top.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” he shouted. “Don’t you know that jackass is a communist?”

“He’s not a communist , dad ,” she told him.

“Oh yeah? His father was a communist , his mother was a communist. His brother was a communist. His grandparents were communists. He was good buddies with Saul Alinsky and Bill Ayers , and both of them were commie pinkos. So , in my book that makes him a communist.”

“Whatever , dad. Believe what you want ,” She told him and walked away.

As a conservative , even I had to admit that our Father could be unreasonable more than occasionally. Even I disagreed with him quite often , especially when it came to politics , but I never dared disagree to his face. However , in this particular case , he was far from unreasonable. Barack Obama was indeed a communist , and after his election it was becoming apparent that he was more than a communist whose goal it was to destroy America from within. We were finding out that he was a Muslim , gay , a Nazi tyrant , and a Muslim terrorist lover.

It was apparent to everyone who knew the truth about him. But some people didn’t want to know the truth. They wanted to believe the lies they were told , because it was easier than believing the truth. And one of those who believed the lies , was my sister. She went to several Obama rallies , mindlessly chanting ‘Obama’ like a hypnotized zombie , like all of his supporters do. She wore lapel pins that said ‘I love Obama’ or some such nonsense. She watched all the liberal news shows , spouting the same liberal nonsense. There were times we argued non stop about politics. No matter how hard dad and I tried to tell her that she had been brainwashed by Obama and liberals , and that they were communists who wanted to take over and destroy America , she wouldn’t listen. She accused us of being brainwashed.

Well , finally it got to the point that I realized I would never convince her otherwise , at least as far as arguing went. She was obviously suffering from OCD , what a friend of mine once referred  to as  Obama Compulsive Disorder. Much like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder , he explained , Obama supporters often feel compelled to repeat absurd nonsense and rituals , much of it pertaining to Barack Obama himself. For example , raising their hands in the air and praising him for saving America from the evil Nazi George Bush , and repeating the same nonsense over and over like a mantra : ‘he’s a better president than  Bush’ ; ‘he saved the economy’ ; ‘he got rid of Osama Bin laden’ ; ‘he reduced the deficit’; ‘he lowered taxes’ ; ‘unemployment is way down’. You get the picture.  So , one day I came up with a program that I developed, and I would like to share it with you if you happen to have friends or relatives who you have written off as hopeless Obama drones.

Politics is a lot like religion. Those who know what they’re talking about , and those who don’t know what they’re talking about. And believe me , most of the time liberals don’t know what they are talking about. In other words , those who refuse to hear truth and fact , and continue to live in their own version of reality. Which is where Obama supporters live 24/7.

There are several different ways to counter this disturbing obsession. Here are the three methods that I came up with for my program. You may discover other methods that work best for you.

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A healthy dose of Fox News will easily counter liberal brainwashing.

Step 1 : The first thing to remember before implementing this particular program , or a similar one of your own , is that Obama Compulsive Disorder is very similar to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Those who suffer from Obama Compulsive Disorder , have been brainwashed or programmed by the lame stream – aka the liberal – media , which is nothing short of a cult , much like any other religion besides Christianity , is a cult. With that in mind , choose your first step. I chose Fox News. The reason I chose Fox News is that it is the most trusted source of news in America , and the most accurate. They never lie. The liberal media has tried repeatedly to discredit them and has failed miserably every time.

 The second thing to remember is that those who are suffering from Obama Compulsive Disorder , are not aware that they are suffering. They may be uncooperative , or become violent. Like all victims who have been programmed by cults , they are not aware of their actions , and cannot be held accountable for their behavior. They should be isolated , away from children and pets , as they may try to eat them. They are communists after all , and we know communists love eating kids and pets. If they absolutely cannot be isolated , they should be put into a straight jacket , which makes a lot of sense , since they are obviously insane for voting for Obama.

 If you cannot get a straight jacket , then rope and a chair will do just fine. Before turning on the television , just make sure you prop their eye lids open with a pair of clothes pins to prevent them from falling asleep. It might also help to  muzzle the subject , as Obama zombies are often loud and will most likely attempt to  bite – they are mindless zombies after all – or repeat insane prayers or phrases such as , ‘Obama is my God’ , ‘Obama is my lord and savior’ ,  ‘Obama is the messiah’ , or ‘Lord Obama , deliver me from this evil!’ … you get the gist.

A) If you choose not to muzzle the subject and they do start reciting prayers to Obama  , counter them with phrases such as , Obama is a communist , Obama is a Muslim , Obama is gay , Obama is a gay Muslim , Obama is a terrorist , Obama hates Christians , Obama hates white people. Keep repeating them as loud and as long as the subject is praying to Obama.

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Glen Beck and his chalk board. Another impeccable source to fight the communist liberal progressive , Muslim , LGBT scourge.

Step 2) Glen Beck. Everyone knows what a colorful character Glen Beck is. Liberals love to laugh at him and ridicule him for his theories about Muslims and communists. But well-informed conservatives knows that Glen Beck is probably the most intelligent person in America , especially when it comes to Obama and politics. Several years back – with the help of his chalk board – he came up with his popular prediction of the Muslim Brotherhoods evil plot to take over the entire middle east , Israel ,  and the entire world , and turn them all into a caliphate. Since then , it has become a reality , but that hasn’t stopped the communist liberal progressives from laughing at him.

He also predicted – again with his chalk board – how the communists – along with the Muslim Brotherhood , and the LGBT , who are Nazis ( see Scott Lively’s book Pink Swastika ) – have been infiltrating every institution in America since Obama was elected president. They have infiltrated local and state governments , the media , Hollywood , and public and private schools , turning our kids  into communists , Muslims and gays. Glen , who used to work for Fox News , was fired because they were obviously pressured by the liberal media to suppress the truth. Not long after that , he started his own network , The Blaze , where he continues to expose the truth – his networks by line , by the way , is Truth Lives Here , so that right there should convince you of his credibility – about Obama , the liberal media , communists , and gays. You can find several videos of Glen Beck and his chalk board at YouTube. I suggest showing as many of these  videos as possible.

If your subject becomes agitated , repeat step 1A.

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Victoria Jackson. When combined with the previous two , what do you get? The Right Stuff.

Step 3 ) Victoria Jackson. What can I say about Victoria Jackson that hasn’t already been said – at least by conservatives? Victoria Jackson is an even more colorful character than Glen Beck. Liberals – and even some conservatives – believe she is even crazier than Glen Beck. Whether you love her or hate her , you have to admit that she certainly is quite an entertainer. She played the typical ditzy blond on Saturday Night Live in the late eighties and early nineties. These days she hosts her own blog , Victoria Jackson.com , and is an occasional host of Politichicks , an online conservative news source. Recently she produced a couple of videos , There’s A Muslim In The White House , and There’s A Communist In The White House. She’s  also written a series of books which may be helpful. Barack’s Magic Pen – which exposes Obama’s tyrannical disregard for the constitution – To Serve Obama – exposing Michelle’s evil plot to cook and serve Americas children to Obama –  and Victoria Jackson Discovers Obama’s Mole Is Really His Conjoined Evil Twin – how Obama’s brother , Julio plans to take over America and turn it into a communist hell hole.

I suggest showing the subject the videos first , and then reading select passages from the aforementioned books. This should be enough to drive any communist liberal progressive crazy enough to drive them back to the right side. And by the right side , I mean The Right Side.

By following these three simple steps , you can help a friend , relative , or a family member overcome Obama Compulsive Disorder , just as I did , and save your family , friends , and relatives from Barack Obama’s evil influence.