Posted in satire/humor

Barack’s Magic Pen

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Barack and his magic pen , the republicans’ worst nightmare.

March 16 , 2012 , president Obama signed , National Defense  Resources  And Preparedness executive order 13603. It was an updated version that had been around for decades , originally signed by Franklin Roosevelt  under the Defense Production Act of 1950 , and has been amended by nearly every president since then.

Obama hating , Tea Party , gun loving patriots  , went totally bonkers , claiming the president had signed his own executive order that would give him absolute tyrannical authority over everyone and everything in the United States. That is , basically affirming what they had always known since 2009 : that he was a communist dictator , shredding the constitution with his unlawful executive orders with his magic pen. It made no difference that the same policies outlined had been in effect since 1939 , with  executive order 8248.

Victoria Jackson is a conservative writer , best known for her appearance on Saturday Night Live in the late eighties , and early nineties. She’s also a Tea Party , Obama hating , gun loving patriot. She’s written several questionable books exposing the presidents Muslim , Anti-Christ background.

Her previous books , To Serve Obama , and The Mole That Is Not Really A Mole In The White House , were critically acclaimed by much of the conservative media , especially Fox News which promoted both extensively. In her new book , Barack’s Magic Pen , she informs her readers of the many executive orders that clearly proves he’s a lawless tyrant , has just been published by WND books.

On a recent segment on The Kelly File she talked about the new book.

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Megan Kelly can’t believe how crazy Victoria Jackson is as she talks about her latest book , ‘Barack’s Magic Pen’ , on The Kelly File.

 “In your new book , you claim the president is a dictator for issuing executive orders.”

“That’s right.”

“But every president has issued executive orders. Wouldn’t that make every single president a dictator?”

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Jackson hawking her new book to her Twitter followers.

Victoria : “It’s true that every president has issued executive orders , but Obama has issued more executive orders than all presidents combined. And that’s what makes him a dictator , because he’s acting without congress. He’s basically telling them that the constitution means nothing to him , and with his magic pen he can do whatever the hell he pleases , because he’s a socialist Marxist communist , gay Muslim , and you know how they all hate America.”

“Actually , he’s issued less than any other president.”

“Not according to my sources. In his first three years in the White House he signed 923 executive orders.”

“That would mean it would now be well over a thousand.”

“That’s right. I don’t know the exact amount , but that’s about right.”

Megan : “But , as of today , September 30 , he’s signed a total of 221.”

“No , that’s not right Kelly. I don’t know where you’re getting your information , but whoever told you that is lying to you.”

“Nobody told me anything. I found it on the archives.gov/federal register website. They keep complete records by each president. There are some other sites that also keep track of them.”

“Only a fool would believe that he would put the actual amount out in the open for everyone to see. Obviously his communist handlers who are pulling the strings in the White House , pulled that number out of their rear ends , just to deceive everyone into believing that he’s the best president we’ve ever had.”

Megan : “Alright. If you’re sources are more reliable , would you care to name a few?”

“Patriot Update , World Net Daily , Western Journalism , God Like productions. They’re all credible sources. A lot more reliable than any communist liberal source , that’s for sure.”

“But according to sources like Snopes and Fact Check , they are not reliable sources.”

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read or see on the internet , Megan. Snopes and Fact Check are owned by liberals and heavily funded  by George Soros , who  is a Obama supporter and a known communist. That’s a known fact.

“Wow. You are a very strange person.”

“I may be strange , but Obama’s a communist Muslim , and I’m going to tell as many people as I can. He’s got so many people – especially his brain-dead followers – fooled into believing that he’s their savior and messiah. Us Tea Party , Gun loving American patriots need to get him out of the White House before he stages a coup and declares himself King and Emperor , just like Rush Limbaugh warned us he would do.

“We haven’t got much time left.”

Posted in Ann-Marie Murrell

My Obama / OCD Connection

Aviary Photo_131082683759991514Anne-Marie Murrell is a typical Tea Party Republican. Like most  Obama hating Conservatives she lives in an alternate version of reality where the Muslims have taken over , and the president is a communist who has a deep-seated hatred of white people and America.  Facts have little meaning in this alternate universe. Misinformation , propaganda , and out right lies are the norm.

She is a columnist for PolitiChicks , Town Hall  and Patriot Update.  Bemoaning the evils of  liberalism , and Obama – healthcare reform ,  liberty , social justice and equality  – and how it is destroying good old fashioned ‘Traditional Conservative American Values’ – racism , denying  equal rights to women , gays and Muslims – is a constant , typical theme throughout her articles.

As a child she claims to have suffered from the onset of OCD , not long after the death of her father , and that she often felt strange. She became a democrat in high school. But after 9/11 , she became disillusioned with the party , believing that the attack was somehow the fault of leftist liberal policies because Democrats were basically useless , or some such vague notion , and that she felt safe under the stalwart leadership of George Bush , despite the fact that America had just been attacked by  the worlds worst terrorist , and America had  been less safe under his presidency.

She still suffers from OCD , but like many of todays conservatives who have a problem discerning fantasy from reality , it can now be termed as Obsessive Cognitive Dissonance.

She’s written several books , including What Women Really Want , with her fellow PolitiChicks co-hosts. Her last book , Evil Eyes : How Obummer Is Destroying America By Shredding The Constitution , And All Kinds Of Other Stuff … was a bestseller. Her newest book , My Obama / OCD Connection , will be released this Fall by WND publications.

Glen Beck invited her to his show on the Blaze network to talk about the new book.

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Ann-Marie Murrell hawking her new book – My Obama /OCD Connection – with Glen Beck.

“It’s basically about my OCD connection with the democratic party ,” she said. “When I was  a little girl  I developed OCD ,  after my father died in a car accident. Everything became a repetitive ritual. Every time I sneezed , picked my nose  , coughed , burped or made a stinky , I felt compelled to say excuse me , or bless me. I drove my sister crazy. We shared a room back then. I was always making stinkies more than anything else , because every night I had milk with dinner , and milk gave me excessive gas. But I didn’t find out that milk was the culprit until I was much older. She always had to open a window , or turn on the fan. I remember how the room stank after a stinky attack. It wasn’t pleasant. It not only drove my sister crazy , but I had the strangest feeling that my stuffed animals didn’t like it either. My family thought I was strange because I was always making burpies and stinkies. Even when I wasn’t making burpies and stinkies , I was constantly saying bless me or excuse me. Even I thought I was strange. Sometimes I felt like there was no hope for me. It went on for years.

“When I was a teenager , I joined the Democratic party. They had something I already had in my life : organization and repetition. And they threw the best parties. I can’t tell you how many parties I went to. Literally hundreds. Sometimes I would get so blind stinking drunk , I would make a complete fool of myself. One night at a Halloween party at a friend’s house – this was in college , not high school –  I got smashed , and woke up in a Big Bird costume. Someone had come dressed as Big Bird from Sesame Street , and I guess they thought it would be funny to dress me in it while I was passed out.

“I believed the Democratic party was all about the people , defending America , and all kinds of other stuff. But like everyone else who’s ever joined the party , I was lied to. Liberals don’t care about people at all. All they care about is making America weaker through foreign policies , and other liberal policies , so they can turn it into a dictatorship , because they’re communists. That’s why the overwhelming majority of college professors are liberals. Their plan is to infiltrate every institution in America , and they know that universities and schools are a great place to indoctrinate as many young people as they can. It’s all part of the communist manifesto. Weaken America from within. And when they’ve succeeded in doing that , it’s easier to infiltrate other institutions , such as the media , and state and federal government.

“Democrats and liberals align themselves with the Communist Party Of America , the LGBT community , Nazis , and Muslims , because they’re all driven by authoritarianism. Communists , gays , Nazis , and Muslims want to take over America and turn it into a communist , Nazi , gay Muslim dictatorship. Which is what Obama is currently trying to do. Because it’s obvious to any patriotic gun loving American that he’s a socialist communist , Nazi , gay Muslim dictator , and he’s doing everything thing he can to take our freedoms and our guns away from us.

“When 9/11 happened , my life change for the better. That was the day I left the democratic party and became a republican. The day the towers fell , I suddenly realized that the democratic party was basically useless , good for nothing , incapable of taking care of the poor like they were always bragging about , and totally incapable of defending America. When I heard president Bush’s bullhorn speech , like millions of other Americans , I was moved to tears. Like a true leader he kept America together. He let  those responsible know that they would be brought to justice. We needed a president with back bone , a president who was capable of hunting down those terrorists and making them pay. And George Bush was that president. He made us feel proud to be Americans , and he made us feel safe.

“When Obama was elected , I couldn’t believe how many people could be so blind and ignorant. It was obvious from the start of his campaign that he was lying and using propaganda to fool the gullible Democrats and liberals into voting for him. And like the true idiots they are , they fell for it , hook , line and sinker. They oohed and awwed at his  every word  like they were hypnotized or something. Even today , they’re still blinded by their ignorance. They believe everything he says , like he’s incapable of telling a lie , and when he is caught lying , the liberal media becomes outraged and accuses Conservatives of lying.

“They not only believe what he says , but they believe that he’s kept America safe the last six years. Obama has never kept us safe. He has made America weaker with his foreign policy , with gun control , and immigration. He’s allowing ISIS and other terrorists to cross the border because he supports Muslim terrorists. He believes he can continue thumbing his nose at Congress and the law with his executive orders and his disrespect and shredding of the Constitution , until one day , very soon , according to the experts , before he leaves office , his loyal , brainwashed followers will declare him King and Emperor Obama , declare martial law , take our guns away  and enslave all of us in concentration camps that Fema has set up all over America.”

Posted in Ann-Marie Murrell

How Obummer Is Destroying America By Shredding The Constitution , And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , Because He’s A Socialist Communist , Nazi Tyrant , Gay Muslim Dictator , And The Anti-Christ

Some people will believe anything about Barack Obama , no matter how ridiculous or bizarre it is. Reality is often suspended , and fantasy becomes the norm. It’s not enough that he may be a socialist , a communist , a Nazi , or a secret Muslim , supporting Muslim terrorists. Something else must be involved to explain why they believe he is so evil.

The most common belief about Obama – other than the obvious fact that he is a communist , gay , a Nazi tyrant , and a Muslim terrorist – is that he is the Anti-Christ.  According to the average Obama hating Christian fundamentalist – or the average Obama hating conservative – the proof is in the pudding. In other words ,  without citing any specific details , they will often launch into a rant quoting  biblical passages supposedly proving that Obama is the Anti-Christ , or  they will simply tell you that he is guilty of persecuting Christians , siding with Islam , and  supporting Muslim terrorists , all without evidence. Those asking for  any type of documentation ,  are often accused of being Obama drones , and therefore not capable of thinking for themselves. If they were capable of thinking on their own , they would clearly see the tons of evidence beneath their very noses.

 Not too long ago , Victoria Jackson believed that Obama was the Anti-Christ. That is , until one fateful day she attended a secret meeting and learned from a fellow Obama hating conservative that the real Anti-Christ was none other than the suspicious , evil mole beside his nose.  She’s a conservative blogger , and co-host of PolitiChicks , a talk show that some have compared to The View , only much more   entertaining – or annoying if you happen to be a liberal – since the latter is more than enough to put both conservatives and liberals into a deep catatonic state. She’s also written a couple of  books criticizing the policies of Barack Obama. In her previous book , The Mole That Is Not Really A Mole In The White House , she claimed that Obama’s mole is actually his conjoined twin , and is in fact the Anti-Christ , and that it is influencing him and his failed policies through mind control , out sold any of her other books , and excerpts were featured in the National Enquirer.

A few of her fellow PolitiChick hosts have criticized her latest book as ridiculous sensationalism. “Which is probably why they were so eager to print it ,” said Ann- Marie Murrell in an interview with Fox News’ Megan Kelly. “It’s pure junk , like most of what they run as news.”

Ann-Marie , a former actress – most notably for her role in the eighties series , Sledge Hammer – and recent gun loving convert , has written her own books about Obama. Her most recent , Evil EyesHow Obummer Is Destroying America By Shredding The Constitution , And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , Because He’s A Socialist Communist , Nazi Tyrant , Gay Muslim Dictator ,  And The AntiChrist , received critical praise from fellow gun loving , Obama hating patriots such as practically everyone at Fox News , Ted Nugent , and Rush Limbaugh.

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Ann-Marie Murrell on Fox News , discussing her new book – Evil Eyes : How Obummer Is Destroying America By Shredding The Constitution , And All Kinds Of Other Stuff , Because He’s A Socialist Communist , Nazi Tyrant , Gay Muslim Dictator , And The Anti-Christ – with Megan Kelly.

“Now , don’t get me wrong ,” she continued. “I love Victoria. She’s a smart lady.  Almost everything she has to say , makes a lot of sense , especially when it comes to Obama. But to suggest that his mole is the Anti-Christ , is insane. It’s something a crazy person would say. I would expect something like that coming from a stupid liberal or a progressive , since God knows , as well as any conservative , how nuts  they all are simply because they’re communists.”

“But you have no problem believing that the president is the Anti-Christ?”

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Evil eyes , a sure sign that Obama is the Anti-Christ , according to Ann-Marie Murrell.

“Why should I? I mean … look. If you need proof , just look at his eyes for example. They’re evil. He has the devil’s eyes. He’s able to hypnotize you with a single stare. Some people have told me they’ve actually seen them glow. I haven’t myself , but I have often felt strange when seeing him on television , as if he knew I was watching him and he was trying to hypnotize me.

“Speaking of Obama’s eyes , I have a brand new song that Victoria wrote. She wanted me to share it with your viewers. It’s sung to the tune of Rudolph. It’s called Obammie The Lying Commie. It goes like this :

“Obama the socialist commie has a pair of evil eyes ,

and if you ever saw them you would even say they lie ,

all of the other commies never even question why ,

they are so glad to serve him , and be his slaves for life ,

then one commie holiday Carl Marx came to say ,

‘Barry with your glowing eyes so bright ,

won’t you tell more lies tonight?’

Then how the Libs did love him ,

as they shouted out his praise ,

‘Barack Hussein Obama ,

we want to be your mindless slaves!’

“It’s not just his eyes that give him away. Look at what he’s doing with Islam. He always sides with Muslims , and supports Muslim terrorists not only in the middle east , but here in America. He has given Muslim terrorists jobs in the White House. You want proof? Watch Dana Loesch’s video Jobs For Jihadis.

“He’s always appointing Czars to the White House staff , and we know what Czars are – communists. He’s letting Muslim terrorists and ISIS  waltz straight across the borders. They have bases in Mexico and Texas. Any time now they will start attacking our schools , and steal our children so they can recruit them , and turn them into gay soldiers and sex slaves.

“The most obvious evidence  that he’s the Anti-Christ is his blatant support for same-sex marriage. This is in violation of the constitution , of the first amendment , the separation of church and state. By doing this , he has , along with the supreme court , spit in the face of God and every decent Christian , believing he can change the definition of marriage. And the reason for doing so is because he’s gay himself. Gays love to stick together. We know how evil and un-American they are. Scott Lively said so in his book , Pink Swastika. We know there is , in fact , a Nazi-gay connection. They want to destroy America.  It’s all laid out in the book. He’s behaving just like the Anti-Christ , not to mention  a socialist communist , Nazi tyrant , gay Muslim dictator , and an atheist. He’s doing everything that the Bible says the Anti-Christ will do in the End Times , by destroying America from within , by shredding the constitution , stealing our guns , Obamacare , and all kinds of other stuff.”

Posted in satire

Barack Obama : Cross Dressing Lizard Queen From Planet Zork

People have  lived in fear of Barack Obama long before he became president. Most of these are irrational fears. To some he is a foreigner , a socialist , a communist , a Nazi , gay , a Muslim.  Anyone with a little common sense would find all of these fears highly questionable , but there are a great number of Americans who are convinced without a doubt that he is at least one of the above. Others are convinced that he is a combination of them all.

Others have exhibited an unnatural fear  , a fear often bordering on paranoia. They are convinced that Obama is part of a vast , centuries long conspiracy to get him into the White House , and that he will suspend all of their freedoms and take their guns.

Then there are those people who suffer from a fear that transcends any semblance of reality. To them , Obama is the Anti-Christ foretold in the book of Revelations , or an alien visitor from another world or dimension.  Some have even written books , attempting to validate these bizarre theories. There is no reaching these people , no convincing them of their insanity. They live in their own fantasy world , convinced they are completely sane.

David Icke is one of many who lives in this fantasy world , and he has convinced countless thousands of others to join him there. David subscribes to several bizarre conspiracy theories. Among his claims : the world is not really what it appears to be. We are living in a matrix created by an alien race – in other words , what we perceive to be reality is nothing more than a hologram – the ruling elite are the descendants of the royal bloodline of a shape shifting reptilian race – which he calls the Anunnaki – from a time rift in the Draconian star system ; members of this ruling elite have been involved in world-wide conspiracies for centuries , including satanic ritual abuse and murder of children ; the moon is a hollow sphere that was put into orbit around the earth millions of years ago by this alien race , and they have been watching over humanity from the interior where they have been living for thousands of years.

Even those who subscribe to some of their own wild theories – among them , Jessie Ventura – have dismissed him as a total loon. He’s written several books on the subject , including Children Of The Matrix , Tales From The Time Loop , and The Perception Deception. His newest and latest book , Gork From Zork : The Truth About Barack Obama : Cross Dressing Lizard Queen From Planet Zork , is a tell all that exposes the true origins of Barack Obama. He had previously written a book about Obama’s role in the global conspiracy , but this book , he claims , will be the one that shatters the confidence that most Americans have in the president. So far , the confidence of those Americans has yet to be shattered.

David has been featured on Coast To Coast with George Noory many times over the years. Not long ago , George invited him back to talk about the new book.

David Icke discussing his new book - Gork From Zork : The Truth About Barack Obama , Cross Dressing Lizard Queen From Planet Zork
David Icke discussing his new book – Gork From Zork : The Truth About Barack Obama , Cross Dressing Lizard Queen From Planet Zork – on Coast To Coast with George Noory.

“The new book is about Barack Obama’s true role in the global conspiracy to deceive the human race ,” he said. “His Draconian name is Baracus Obamacus – it means ‘cross dresser’ – Gork is just one of several nick names –  and he is from a long line of gay Draconian kings , or I should say , queens. It completely blows the lid off everything you ever thought you knew about the president , and this world we live in. We know for a fact that he is a foreigner in the true sense of the word , but most people  that know this to be true , believe that he is from Kenya. But as a matter of fact , he is actually from Zork , a planet in the Draconian star system. The Draconians are a race of advanced , intelligent reptilian humanoids who have been here for millions of years. They are our masters , they created the human race , and this world we live in , which is nothing more than an illusion , a hologram so to speak , an illusion that we see as our own perception of reality. It’s a common illusion , that includes trees , flowers , grass , a sky above us and the ground below us. It also includes insects , and animals , and people just like us.”

George Noory : “Are you saying that everyone around us is also a part of that illusion? Wouldn’t that mean that we ourselves are just an illusion?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“Then what are you trying say?”

“I’m saying that to me , you are an illusion , and to you , I am an illusion. But to ourselves we are very real. In other words , you are a figment of my imagination and I am a figment of your imagination.”

Noory : “That doesn’t make any sense. In other words , we’re just talking to ourselves. Or not really talking at all , since neither of us really exist.”

“I know , because everything is an illusion. We don’t know what is real and what isn’t real.”

“Are you for real?”

“Ah … that’s a good question. To myself I am real , but to you I am an illusion , and to me you are -”

Noory : “We covered that already. Let’s talk about the new book. In it , you claim that Barack Obama is a lizard queen from outer space. I can sort of get behind the idea of an intelligent alien race , but to suggest that the president is a gay  alien cross dressing queen , seems preposterous. Where did you come up with this notion?”

Gork from Zork. Barack Obama's true appearance , according to David Icke.
Gork from Zork. Barack Obama’s true appearance , according to David Icke.

 “It’s not a notion. It’s a fact. There are many people around the world that know for a fact that Barack Obama is actually gay , so I see nothing wrong with depicting him as a gay reptilian. It fits in very nicely with the whole socialist , communist , Nazi , Muslim thing , because it’s also a known fact that gays are really totalitarians , and want to take all of our freedoms away. They’ve been doing it since Obama was first elected. And they will stop at nothing until they have succeeded.”

“Whatever. And what makes  you think that he is really a gay reptilian cross dressing queen?”

“Well , I have actual photos and videos that people have sent to me from around the world.”

“Can you produce some of these photos and videos?”

“Unfortunately , at this time , I am unable to do so. But I can tell you this. If you watch Obama very carefully and very closely on television , you may notice very subtle and very odd changes to his appearance. Sometimes changes will occur with the eyes ; they may become slit like , or glow , giving him the ability to hypnotize others to do his bidding , which I believe is how he has managed to deceive his followers and supporters , through mass telepathy. Other  changes may occur in the mouth revealing a forked tongue consistent with that of a reptile  , revealing his true inner nature  as a lying snake. At times he may shift completely to his true form , and you may sometimes notice that he may be wearing a dress , or a pink ribbon on his scaly head.

“Ted Nugent was wrong when he said the president weasled his way into the White House. He lied his way into the White House with that evil , lying reptilian tongue , and very soon the satanic , Illuminati , New World Order will be complete , and we will all be eaten in one big barbeque by our gay , communist , Nazi , Muslim , reptilian masters.”

Posted in satire

I was Mooned By Barack Obama In A UFO

It was reported by some local and international news outlets that Barack Obama has been seen flying around the Washington D.C. area in a small , one man UFO.  Apparently  a number of citizens in the area called in the sightings to local authorities , as well as other local news  and radio stations. These odd sightings have been witnessed by citizens who swear they were not  intoxicated or high on drugs.

Most credible major news sources have dismissed the reports as ridiculous and laughable , but Fox news , its affiliates , and many conservative outlets have reported the sightings as fact , and have gone so far as to interrupt regular programming to cover the so-called events.

“One such sighting was witnessed by Ophelia Strunk , and her group , LAUGH , The Ladies Association of UFO Groups Of Henryetta , Oklahoma. Ophelia was leading her group on a tour of the D.C. area where a number of famous sightings have taken place in the past. Ophelia has claimed to witness many strange events , including ghost sightings , hauntings , and demonic possession. She also claims to have been abducted by fairies when she was a teenager ,  and more recently , saw Elvis  inside an alien craft , who told her that he had been living on Venus since faking his death in 1977.

Ophelia was interviewed by Megan Kelly on the Kelly File , which airs week nights on the Fox News channel.

“I was guiding my group on a tour of Washington D.C. that night , as I do every year , when I saw the strangest thing I’ve ever seen ,” she said. “I’ve seen strange things in my years as a member of LAUGH , but this was the strangest thing ever. I’ve seen ghosts of famous celebrities , was kidnapped by fairies who took me to help them save their kingdom from an evil ogre , visited haunted houses , was once possessed by the spirit of  Janis Joplin , who made me sing Try A Little Harder  for a high school talent contest – I sounded just like her too – and once I even saw Elvis in a UFO , who told me that he’s been living on Venus in a luxury resort for the wealthy.

“Some people think I’m crazy when I tell these stories , especially the Elvis and Janis Joplin stories. I know they sound crazy , but I’m not crazy. If they had happened to someone else , I would probably think they were crazy too. But I’m not. Anyway , we were at the Washington Monument , not far from the White House , when I saw it. We all saw it. There was a flash of light in the sky , and I looked up just in time to see something streak by not very far over head.

” ‘What was that?’ one of the ladies said , looking up.

” ‘Probably a shooting star ,’ I said.

“A few seconds later , there was another flash of light. One of the ladies looked up and screamed. ‘Oh my God! Look! An Unidentified Flying Obama!’

Unidentified Flying Obama in his one man UFO over Washington D.C.
Unidentified Flying Obama in his one man UFO over Washington D.C.
“It was the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen ,” said Ophelia Strunk. “I was so freaked out , I couldn’t help but faint.”

“We all looked up and sure enough , there was the face of Barack Obama staring down at us! He was in a small , compact saucer-shaped machine. The interior was lit up with a greenish glow.  It was so small that he was all scrunched up inside of it. He looked comfortable though. And he was smiling. It looked more like an evil grin , and his eyes were glowing , also green. Unidentified Flying Obama was written on the side in bold letters. It hovered there silently , perhaps thirty to forty feet directly above us for about two minutes.

“I can’t tell you just how freaked out we were.  Some of the ladies looked like they were about to faint. I felt like fainting myself. I was barely holding onto my sanity. Any moment  I knew I might pass out from fright if I didn’t get away from it. But I didn’t want Obama to think I was a coward by running away. I would probably never hear the end of it when I told my husband , and friends at work.

 “Seeing Obama’s face in a UFO is scary enough , but it’s nothing compared to what  happened next. Before it left , it did a complete one-eighty , and Obama pulled down his pants and mooned us! Then , just before it flew away in a streak of light , it turned back to face us , and he was laughing!

 “Several of the ladies screamed , including myself. It was so terrifying  that I wanted to scratch my eyes out , but it wouldn’t do any good , because the image would be forever burned in my memory. Instead , I did the only thing I could do. I fainted.

“I’ve always thought Obama has a scary looking face , but to see it and his hairy butt that close up , and in a UFO  , is even scarier.”

Posted in satire/gun nuts

Hands Off My Guns Obummer!

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Since the very first election of Barack Obama , a large  number of Americans suddenly became extremely paranoid. They are terrified that the government is going to take not only their freedom , but their guns , imprison them in soviet style detention camps , and create a communist utopia in America. And it’s all because Obama was elected president. They have convinced themselves that he is a foreigner , a communist , gay , a Muslim , a dictator , and a terrorist , who’s only interest is to destroy America from within.

Their evidence  – that he is over reaching his authority with an excessive amount of executive orders , his support of same-sex marriage , and especially his support of sensible gun control – has been debatable to the reasonably well-informed , but his critics and haters are not convinced , even when presented with evidence to the contrary.  They are certain that all of these actions  will lead to the ultimate moral and social decline and destruction of America.

The NRA and many of its supporters have resisted any and all attempts by the Obama administration at gun safety regulations. They believe any regulation to be an infringement on their right to bear arms. To them it is nothing but a sinister plot to disarm true patriotic Americans. Their answer to gun violence  is prayer , less regulations and more guns , thus making America a more dangerous place to live , but in their minds making it safer.

One of these  paranoid Americans is Dana Leosch. Dana is the host of her own syndicated show on the Blaze network , a conservative blogger , a   staunch supporter of the NRA , and a patriotic gun loving American. Dana is the author of Hands Off My Guns! Defeating The Plot To Disarm America. It received critical acclaim from conservative media , but less than favorable reviews from the liberal media. Her new book , a sequel , Keep Your Communist Leftist Liberal Hands Off My Guns! Defeating The Communist Leftist Liberal Plot To Disarm America , Because Gun Control Is The Ultimate Communist Leftist Liberal War On Women , was released this past summer , receiving mixed reviews.

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Dana Leosch talking about her new book – ‘Keep Your Communist Leftist Liberal Hands Off My Guns! Defeating The Communist Leftist Liberal Plot To Disarm America , Because Gun Control Is The Ultimate Communist Leftist Liberal War On Women’ – with Megan Kelly.

  “I am so sick and tired of the leftist libs complaining that anti-abortion and anti- birth control are republican conservative wars on women ,” she said during a recent interview with Fox News’s Megan Kelly.  “Nothing could be further from the truth. Liberals are well-know for lying. That’s all they do. Facts mean nothing to them. They just make stuff up to suit their agenda , which is to lie and deceive as much as possible.

“We know for a fact that the only wars that are being waged are those by the libs. They have waged a war on Christmas now for years. You can’t say Merry Christmas in public these days , or believe that Jesus is white , without offending liberals. Now you have to say Happy Holidays , and believe Jesus is black. As a Christian , that offends me. I have a right to say Merry Christmas if I choose to , and believe that Jesus is white.  That’s a war. A real war. Another liberal war is the war on Christianity. God was removed from schools back in the sixties , and replaced with communist liberalism. Today it’s Islam. It’s being taught in schools all over America , and no one’s doing anything about it. That’s another real war , a war for the minds of our kids.

“Another aspect of the liberal war on Christianity , is their assault on religious freedom. Recently the supreme court ruled that same-sex marriage is now legal in all fifty states , and whether we like it or not , we have to go along with it , we have to accept it. Libs and gays won’t be satisfied until they’ve forced every Christian in America to accept it as not only normal behavior , but  to force their special rights on all of us. We know they want special rights , not equal rights. We know they want to force everyone and especially our kids into accepting homosexuality as an alternative life style , which is exactly what they’re doing right now in public and private schools. They also want to force Christian business owners to violate their religious beliefs and bake cakes for homosexual weddings. They’re acting like Nazis. Just like Hitler did , and just like Hitler , they will stop at nothing until they’ve rounded up every last Christian who opposes the new law , and throw them all into prison.

“The ultimate liberal war on freedom , is gun control. It’s not only a war on all Americans who own guns , but a very real war on women. But libs won’t tell you that. They would have you believe that women who own guns are more likely to be targeted for rape , and that their own guns are more likely to be used against them. They also want you to believe that all gun violence in America is the result of republican extremism , with close ties to racist hate groups , but that’s another liberal lie. We know for a fact that almost all of the mass shootings of the last decade have been inspired by leftist liberal radicals. The Aurora theatre shooter , James Holmes , was a liberal , as was Gabby Gifford’s shooter , Jared Loughner.

“Also we know for a fact that the Obama administration has always used these tragic shootings as an excuse to legislate new laws to further restrict gun rights. Because we know that Obama’s ultimate goal is to take over America with his communist dictatorship , and the way he will do this is through gun control when he has at last succeeded in taking our guns away , and thrown all of us patriotic gun loving Americans into Fema camps.”

Posted in satire

Victoria Jackson Discovers Obama’s Mole Is Really His Conjoined Evil Twin

President Obama has been called every name under the sun – a socialist , a communist , a Nazi , gay , a gay Muslim , a terrorist , the Anti-Christ , and even an alien. To reasonable people , all of them are an exaggeration  and a bit of a stretch , but to some , most of these are appropriate names to describe the character and politics of Barack Obama.

But if he were truly a communist , a Nazi , or a terrorist , would any of these be enough to explain his behavior? Or is there something much more sinister behind it?

According to Victoria Jackson , there is indeed something  much more sinister to Barack Obama than meets the eye.

Victoria , a conservative blogger , actress , and talk show host , has recorded two videos , and written two books exposing Barack Obama. Her second , and latest book , The Mole That Is Not Really A Mole In The White House : Obama’s Mole Not Really A Mole But His Evil Conjoined Twin , has received mixed reviews from conservative media since its publication last Spring.  The liberal media has laughingly dismissed it as something out of the National Enquirer.

Sean Hannity recently invited her to his show to discuss the book. Fox News , which has had a history of bashing and criticizing everything the president does or says , endorsed and promoted her last book , To Serve Obama , and were all too eager to  promote  the new one.

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Jackson promoting her book , The Mole That Is Not Really A Mole In The White House , on Hannity

“Everyone I know who hates Barack Obama believes he is evil because of his communist upbringing ,” she said. “I use to believe it myself. After all , he’s always been good friends with Bill Ayers , and Saul Alinsky , and they are both known radical communists , and were involved in all kinds of terrorist activities. And Reverend Wright was a radical communist too. So it’s no surprise that Obama is a communist and a terrorist – not to mention , a socialist , a Nazi , and a gay Muslim. And anyone who knows anything about communism , knows that they want to take over America , and the world , and make everyone their slaves.

“For a long time , I too believed his mentors inspired him to become an evil dictator. But then , one day , a few years ago , I attended a meeting at the Longworth Building , in Washington , where I learned the truth about Barack Obama. I’ve always known he is a radical Muslim communist since his first run for president. But something I learned at that meeting was more shocking and even more disgusting  than anything I ever knew about him.

“At the meeting , a couple of FBI agents , John and Steve , showed me facts and proof , and evidence including names and pictures , that prove without a shadow of a doubt that the communist Muslims have completely taken over our government and every institution in America. I saw so much evidence and facts and proof on display , more proof than anyone would ever need to impeach the communist , gay Muslim in the White House , and his entire administration. But , unfortunately , it won’t happen , because the communist liberal press will never report the evidence. They will simply cover it up like they always have when someone has evidence against Obama.

“All of the evidence they showed me was shocking enough , but not as shocking as what I learned later. I was just about to leave the meeting  when I met  someone who shared with me his theory of why he thinks Obama is so evil.   I’ve never told this to anyone until I wrote the book. He said that while it has much to do with how he was brought up ,  it doesn’t explain everything.  He told me that something much more sinister and much more evil is behind Barack Obama , something that most people would probably consider insane.

“He said it was Barack Obama’s mole. You know , that  freaky thing beside his nose? I know it doesn’t make any sense. That is , until you consider the fact that the mole is actually his evil conjoined twin , which he called Julio. But wait , that’s not all of it. The mole that is actually his evil conjoined twin , is really the Anti-Christ!

“At first I thought the guy was just pulling my leg or something ; he said it with such a straight face. I thought he would suddenly burst out laughing and admit that it was nothing more than a joke. But I realized he was dead serious. He could see that I was skeptical , so he told me to watch Obama closely , and his mole even closer. He said that if you watched it close enough , it would give itself away by moving ever so slightly. He said it’s controlling Obama through mental telepathy , and that he in turn is controlling us through telepathy , and that Obama is as much a slave of it as we are of him.

“So I watched Obama every time he was on television. And I watched his mole even closer. For a while , I really didn’t notice anything odd about it ; it seemed like just an ordinary , creepy looking mole. Then , just as I was  getting tired of looking at it , and starting to feel like a fool , it suddenly moved! Yes , it actually moved. Not only did it move , but I could see tiny eyes and a mouth on it! It was also wearing a tiny hat , and it was laughing!

“I thought Oh my God , this is disgusting! Moles are creepy enough as they are , but this was beyond disgusting. I felt the urge to barf , but nothing would come but a dry heave. I remember having nightmares for weeks about that disgusting thing.  And soon after that I wrote the book , hoping to convince as many people as possible that Barack Obama’s mole really is the Anti-Christ.

“I don’t care if the communist liberal press thinks I’m crazy. They can laugh all they want. I know for a fact that I’m not crazy. I know for a fact that Barack Obama’s mole is indeed the Anti-Christ , and that very soon  they will complete their socialist , communist , Nazi , gay Muslim , satanic take over of America , take all of our guns away , and throw all of us patriotic gun loving Americans into Fema camps.”

Posted in satire

Obama Shreds Constitution , Uses Shavings As A Salad Topping

As the democratic presidential debates are scheduled to begin this Fall ,  the Obama’s are looking forward to serving a  special dinner in honor of the candidates. It is a dinner that is held every four years at the White House. But this  dinner will be particularly special  , as the Obama’s will shred several copies of the constitution and use the shavings as a salad topping. The president has been accused of shredding the constitution multiple times during his presidency , but this will be the only occasion that this has literally been done.

As the Obama’s announced their plan to shred the constitution  in  a statement to the press , the reactions from their critics were , as usual , predictable.

Fox News interrupted its regular programming to run a twenty-four hour special  condemning the Obama’s. Guest commentators included Sarah Palin , Rush Limbaugh ,  and  many others.

“Who does Obama think he is?” Sarah Palin said indignantly. “For six years we have watched this tyrant demonstrate his hatred of freedom and liberty by shredding the constitution with his executive orders , his support of the LGBT gay Gestapo , persecuting Christians , his support of Muslim terrorists by sending them flowers and assorted goodies in drones , giving Al Qaeda terrorists jobs in the White House , and allowing them to teach their Godless Muslim religion in our public and private schools. And now this! Shredding the constitution to feed it to his communist liberal friends in a salad , for Pete sake! Isn’t Thousand Island dressing – or any number of dressings for that matter – good enough for them? What about Wyler’s seasoned salt? That’s what I prefer on my salad. Certainly not the constitution. What will they do with it next? Substitute it for sugar in Sasha and Malia’s cereal , for God sake? That’s a fine example to set for your kids. This is just one more example of how the Obama’s hate America and everything it stands for!”

Rush Limbaugh said ,”It knew this day was coming folks. I made this prediction just last month. I predicted that the Obama administration was coming for our freedom and our guns. And I was right. This is it! This so-called dinner party is just the beginning of the end. The Obama Youth Brigade will be called out , along with his other army , the Black Panther Youth Of America Thugs , and the pillaging , the rioting and the race war will begin.”

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Glen Beck lamenting the demise of America for the umpteenth time on his radio show.

Glen Beck gave an impassioned speech on his radio show , moving not only himself to tears , but his co-hosts , Pat and Stu , and his entire audience of listeners. Many of them called in to cry along with him.

“I’m sorry for the tears , ladies and gentlemen , and patriotic gun loving Americans ,” he said , pausing to blow his nose. “I normally don’t cry at all. But today is a special occasion for tears. I just love my country so much that it breaks my heart to see it destroyed on a daily basis by this socialist Marxist communist , Nazi , gay Muslim administration.

“Very soon , life as we know it will cease to exist. We are living in the last days as foretold in the book of Revelations. The Anti-Christ , Barack Obama , and his satanic minions plan to  shred the constitution of the United States , serve it in a salad to  the evil liberal democrats  , declare martial law , take our guns away , and throw us all into Fema camps. Never mind that I once said I could find no evidence for their existence. That doesn’t really matter right now.

“Are you afraid , ladies and gentlemen , and patriotic gun loving Americans? If you’re not , well , you should be. If you think this is a joke , well , it’s not. The America that you and I love with all of our God-fearing hearts , will be taken away from us , and the communist liberal , socialist , Nazi , gay Muslim take over of the United States – that you and I have feared all of our lives , that the John Birch Society has tirelessly warned us of – will finally come to pass. There is no hope for the future , ladies and gentlemen. Please join me in a moment of silence , as we remember America as it once was.”

In a response to the media back lash over the announcement to shred copies of the constitution and use the shavings as a salad topping , Michelle Obama declared that it had been nothing more than a hoax to get a reaction from their conservative critics ,  and like a hungry fish , the lame stream media eagerly took the bait.

Posted in satire

How Obama Derangement Syndrome Turned Me Into A Patriotic Paranoid Gun Loving American

When Barack Obama was elected forty-fourth president of the United States , something strange happened. All over America , conservatives and republicans suddenly realized that something was not right with the new president.

It was not that he was a liberal democrat.

It was not that he was bi-racial , or that he was accused of being a foreigner with a strange name.

It was not that he was accused of being a socialist , a Nazi , a Marxist communist  , gay ,  atheist ,  a Muslim , or a Muslim terrorist enabler.

It was none of the above.

It was something much worse. It was a feeling of wrongness , of evil personified.

It was Obama Derangement Syndrome.

Rush Limbaugh explained it this way on a recent broadcast of his syndicated radio show :

 “Loony liberals claim that it is nothing more than fear and hatred of a black man with a foreign name. But that is not the case. Obama Derangement Syndrome is nothing more than the sudden realization that Barack Obama is evil , and wrong for America , and will ultimately take over and destroy not only this great nation , but the entire world. This is inevitable. We know for a fact that he was a student and great admirer of Saul Alinsky , as well as Bill Ayers , both of whom were radical evil communists. And communists have only one goal in mind , and that is to take over the entire world , and enslave all of mankind. And it will happen , ladies and gentlemen. Mark my words. Barack Obama is bidding his time. I believe he is waiting for the very last moment , literally , seconds before the presidency changes hands , and then when we least expect it , he will stage a coup , declare himself King Obama , take all of our guns away and throw all of us who oppose him , into Fema Camps.”

My anonymous source in the White House recently  shared her own unique perspective on Obama Derangement Syndrome.

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What every sane , patriotic gun loving American should be concerned about.

“I was a democrat for most of my life ,” she said. “I voted for Hillary Clinton in 2008.  I wanted to see her win , because I thought it was time for a woman in the White House. With the economy in the toilet due to two wars , failed policies , and countless scandals , I was fed up , as were most Americans. I thought Hillary could change all that. It was time for Bush  to go. We couldn’t take another four years of his shenanigans. Barack Obama came along and promised change for the better , for the good of the country and the economy. He promised to balance the budget , to cut the deficit , and decrease government spending. He was exactly the change that most Americans were looking for. I really believed he was the one who could do it , I believed he was the messiah we were all hoping for. I had friends that believed he was the messiah. But wishful thinking and reality don’t often go hand in hand.

“Like all presidents , he lied to get himself elected. He failed to balance the budget. He failed to decrease both the deficit and government spending , and he  lied about Obama Care when he said you can keep your coverage. He is a pathological liar. He has lied more than all other presidents combined.  Those of us who know the truth about him , know that there is no such thing as Obama Derangement Syndrome. It is simply an invention of the liberal media for those of us who know that he is evil and not to be trusted. It has absolutely nothing to do with the color of his skin , or his name. It does , however , have everything to do with the fact that he is a socialist Marxist communist , a Nazi , an atheist , a gay Muslim , and a Muslim terrorist enabler and sympathizer. And it is for these reasons that he is evil , and just plain wrong for America. And he is doing everything he can to undermine and destroy this once great nation from within. There are several ways he is doing this. He is acting like a dictator with his pen by signing a record-breaking number of executive orders , more than all presidents combined. He deliberately left Americans to die in Benghazi , lied about it , and refused to call it a terrorist attack. He used the IRS to persecute conservatives. He traded Muslim terrorists for a deserter. He continues to financially support Al Qaeda terrorists by sending them flowers , cards , and candy.  He is persecuting Christians with his support of the Nazi LGBT movement , who are in turn , persecuting Christians. He continues to apologize for Americas greatness to its enemies. He is attempting to give nuclear weapons to Iran. He is a gay Muslim , and an atheist. But his greatest crime against America , is shredding copies of the constitution in the Oval office on a daily basis , and laughing while he does it.

“I’ve always considered myself a patriotic American. But I’ve never been much of a gun lover. However , when Barack Obama became president , and I discovered that he was an evil socialist communist , Nazi , gay Muslim , and a Muslim terrorist enabler and sympathizer , I became a republican ,  learned how to use a gun , and I’ve been a patriotic gun loving American ever since.”

Posted in satire

A Candid Conversation With Uncle Ted : How I Learned To Kill And Blow Things Up

Motor-City-MadmanTed Nugent is one of the  most prolific  American rock legends of the twenty-first century , having released  approximately thirty-four records to date ,  and has sold tens of millions  world-wide. He is best known for songs such as Cat Scratch Fever , Wango Tango ,  Stranglehold , and Free For All. Sometimes referred to as the Motor City Madman he is also an avid hunter , a spokesman for the Outdoor cable channel , a board member of the NRA , and an outspoken critic of the Democratic party.

During a 2007 concert , he once suggested that Barack Obama , Nancy Pelosi , and Hillary Clinton have a foursome with his machine gun. Needless to say , none of them took him up on his offer.

Recently , I spoke with Ted about a couple of  his favorite hobbies … hunting – which includes killing  and blowing things up – and his obsession with Megan Kelly.

“Has hunting always been your favorite hobby?”

 “It’s always been my greatest love , ever since I was a kid. I just love to kill things and blow things up ,” he said with a mischievous grin from his Michigan ranch. “When I was eight  , my parents bought me a pellet gun for Christmas. I remember it was a Daisy Red Ryder. It was the first gun I ever owned. I loved that gun. I thought it was the greatest thing a kid could ever have. It was like my best friend. I loved it so much , I named it Ted Jr.. When I didn’t have anyone to talk to , I would have conversations with it. I carried it with me everywhere I went. I ate with it , I slept with it , and I even shat with it. The only place I wasn’t allowed to take it , was to school. I really wanted to take it to school with me. There was this kid that bullied me almost every day. His name was Timmy Toland. But I called him Timmy The Tank , because he was built like one. He was at least three times my size.  Almost every day he  would steal my lunch , give me wedgies – sometimes even atomic wedgies – rub my face in dirt , and sometimes him and his buddies would bring bags of dog doody to school and take turns rubbing it in my face , and I would have to go to class smelling like crap , while my class mates laughed at me.

“I  wanted  to take that gun to school with me so badly , so I could shoot those bastards eyes’ out.

“My father told me that if I ever threatened to shoot anybody with it , I would get the ass whooping of my life. Which , of course , was inevitable and came all too soon. I always expected I would get the ass whooping of my life , but I didn’t think it would be that soon. You see , my brother Johnny , who was two years younger than me at the time , was jealous that I’d gotten a Red Ryder.  Apparently , he wanted one of his own , so one day , on a weekend , I guess he thought it would be cool to play with it while I was asleep. I remember it was a Saturday morning , just minutes before sunrise. And  I also remember there was one box of pellets left and he used them all.  Well , when I found out what he had done , I totally blew my cool. I mean , I complete lost it. I don’t think I’ve ever been that pissed off at anybody – that is , until fifty-two years later when  I’d learned that Obama the Kenyan communist had somehow weaseled his way into the White House.

“When I confronted him – Johnny , not Obama – he tried to blame it on our older brother , Jeffrey. ‘Why are you blaming me?’ he whined.  ‘How do you know it wasn’t Jeffrey?’

“I knew it wasn’t Jeffrey , because Jeffrey wasn’t jealous of us. John  was always the jealous one. He was always crying and complaining that we always got everything we wanted and he never got anything. Of course , he was full of crap , and I told him so. Then I gave him a Nugent Noogie , what Jeffrey gave to the both of us whenever we annoyed him. Second , I gave him a Smelly Nugent – a butt rub to the face , including an expulsion of methane. And third , I made him suck on the barrel of my Red Ryder , while I pulled the trigger. He cried like a little girl , and shat his pants.

“He immediately went running to our father – smelling like crap – telling him what I had done. And that was when I received the ass whooping of my life. It didn’t matter that the gun wasn’t loaded. My father was pissed and determined to punish and humiliate me. Which is exactly what he did. He bent me over his knee , butt naked , while the whole family watched , and  gave my ass a good whooping with a ping-pong paddle. And it hurt just as much as he promised it would. But of course , it wasn’t the only ass whooping I got. I got plenty more ass whoopings before my twelfth birthday , but none of them hurt quite as much as that first one.

“For that little stunt , my father took Ted Jr. away from me. I wasn’t allowed to touch it for a month. He kept it locked in his gun cabinet , and carried the key in his wallet. And again , it didn’t matter that there wasn’t any pellets to shoot it with.

“When I was ten , my father took Johnny and me hunting with him and Jeffrey , for the first time. By then I had my first shot-gun , a Browning automatic. I named it Ted III. My father loved to kill things and blow things up  too , ever since he was a kid. Like his father did  before him. Which is where he learned to love to kill things and blow things up. Jeffrey also loved to kill things and blow things up. The three of us were real manly men , because we loved to kill things and blow things up. The only one who didn’t love to kill things and blow things up , was Johnny. He was a regular sissy boy. He looked like a sissy girl , he talked like a sissy girl , and he ran like a sissy girl. Everything about him screamed girly boy. Our mother always pampered him. He was a momma’s boy. So it was no surprise he turned out to be such a sissy.

“I loved killing and blowing up small animals with Ted III. On that first hunting expedition , I managed to kill and blow up  a total of four jack rabbits , a weasel , a family of four raccoons – a momma and her kids – a family of four possums – another momma and her kids – twenty-seven tree frogs , seven rats , ten field mice , two wood chucks , and twenty-five birds , including six pigeons , twelve ducks , and three geese. I was a regular killing machine. I out shot both my father and Jeffrey. Neither of them killed or blew anything up. And Johnny , all he did was barf and crap and pee his pants , and cry like a little girl the whole time I was killing and blowing things up. Finally , he ran home screaming to our mother like the little girly boy he was.

“My father never took him hunting again. Which was fine with me. If he had come with us a second time , and crapped and peed himself , and cried like a little girl , I probably would have wound up adding him to the long list of all the animals I had killed and blown up.

“I never had so much fun. I felt so alive. It was exhilarating. I’d killed things  with my Red Ryder , but with those wimpy little pellets , it was impossible to blow them up. Part of the fun of killing something , is blowing it up. I like to see blood and guts and fur flying all over the place. I get off on it. And that’s why hunting has always been my favorite hobby , because it’s so much fun to kill and blow things up that can’t shoot back at you.”

“Recently , you got into a bit of a controversy over some remarks you apparently made about Megan Kelly concerning her criticism of Donald Trump during the republican presidential debate. Do you regret those remarks?”

“Not a chance. Let’s face it. Megan Kelly is a bimbo. It’s no surprise to anyone. Every time she opens her mouth , nothing substantial comes out. She’s just reading from a script or a teleprompter. She has no actual opinions of her own. If she did , I wouldn’t watch her. If she had any brain cells in that empty head , that were capable of a cognitive thought process , it wouldn’t be half as fun. She’s like a blow up doll. Speaking of blow up dolls. I have two. One looks like Ann Coulter  , and the other  looks like Sarah Palin , two of the smartest women I know , because they’re patriotic gun loving Americans like I am.”

“Are you obsessed with Megan Kelly?”

“Not really. I will admit that  I watch her every day ,  and I’m always butt naked when I do , and I’ve always got Ann and Sarah with me , while I’m loading one of my guns. That feeling of cold metal on my junk , as I stroke it , imagining that it’s Megan doing the stroking , while Ann and Sarah watch , is exhilarating , and ecstatic. It’s like hunting and screwing at the same time. It really gets me off. I never fail to blow my nuts. Sometimes even the gun will blow it’s nuts at the same time I do , blasting holes in the walls ,  scaring the crap out of both me and my dogs.”