I Saw Barack Obama Blowing Santa Claus

  Conservatives have known for some time that Barack Obama is gay , despite the fact that he is married to Michelle Obama.  Some believe it’s a cover to hide the obvious fact that he’s gay. Others believe that Michelle Obama is really a man , a transgender , thus proving that her – or his , whether you believe she’s a man or a woman – husband is really gay. I tend to believe the latter. To me and many Americans , it’s common knowledge and irrefutable. Just as it’s common knowledge that he is a Muslim and a communist. The evidence that he is gay , is overwhelming , as you will see in the following story.

   The loony liberals and progressives can deny it all they want , but we know the truth about this evilest of men , who – according to American patriot , Ted Nugent – weaseled his way into the White House.

   Since his first term , Obama has shamelessly given his support to the militant Nazi LGBT movement , which is nothing but a front for the communist party of America. And more recently , has defended the supreme court’s shameful ruling on same-sex marriage , which in the opinion of the majority of Americans , is a Obamanation. Patriotic Americans across this great nation are getting fed up with the actions of this out of control tyrant , who has hijacked the constitution , and the freedoms of all true Americans who oppose his lawless , dictatorial executive orders.

   Recently , I reported a story on Obama’s plan to assassinate Santa Claus. Apparently , that attempt has been averted! He would not dare to murder Kris Kringle , now that it’s obvious what the motive behind the plot was all about : to cover up  his affair with the Big Man In Red.

   Not long ago I received an email from an anonymous source in the White House. The author of the email was willing to offer an account of the alleged affair. The email reads as follows :

   To Obama Journal ,

   It has come to my attention that the president is having an affair with Santa Claus. I received this information from another source in the White House , which I cannot reveal , for fear they may be assassinated , just as the president planned to assassinate Kris Kringle. I’m sending this email in hopes that you can help me get the word out , and prove to the world just how evil this man really is.  Since the press is controlled by communists , who are covering up his criminal actions , it is up to us educate the masses about this evil tyrant , who truly is worse than Hitler. And if we don’t do something now , the communists , the liberals , and the atheists , who have been waging a relentless war on Christmas for years , will succeed in destroying not only Christmas , but everything else. We must not let this happen.

   According to my source , last year when Santa visited the White House on Christmas Eve , to pass out toys and goodies to the president and his family , they noticed something strange. As the president shook his hand , he planted a kiss on one of his cheeks. They knew right then and there that something was going on between the two. Later that night , after the Obama’s went to bed , my source hid in a closet in the room. About three hours passed before Obama was seen entering the room. He headed straight for the cookies and the eggnog  that the girls had left for Santa. He gobbled everything up as if he were starving to death , and the eggnog dribbled down his chin and onto the floor. It was disgusting. Cookie crumbs and eggnog were all over his face. Then he threw back his head and laughed like the evil tyrant that we all know he is , just like he does when he thinks he’s got all of us fooled.

Who does he think he is , eating Santa’s cookies and drinking his eggnog?! Santa’s going to be pissed when he finds out what Obama has done. It would serve him right if Santa left him a lump of coal in his stocking. I wouldn’t blame him one bit.

But imagine my surprise when I heard what happened next. When Santa arrived  , he didn’t leave the president a lump of coal for his rudeness , like he should have. Instead  , he gave him a blow job! I was not surprised by this behavior. But  I was certainly shocked that they would do it right there in the open , when anyone could walk in at any moment , especially Sasha and Malia. What kind of impression would that leave if either of them walked in and found their father getting blown by old Saint Nick? I shudder to think of it. And how would Michelle react if she had walked in on them? Would it have upset her? Probably not , considering that she’s most likely a man herself. Or would she join them? I find the latter even more disturbing.

  Many Conservatives , such as myself , have always suspected him of being gay – look at Mrs. Obama , she looks more like a man than a woman , it’s undeniable – and this eyewitness account proves without a doubt that he really is gay!

   Thank God no one walked in , especially the girls , but something even more shocking happened next. The two dogs , Bo and Sunny came prancing into the room , and wanted to join them for a foursome! Can you imagine that!? How disgusting! Of course , they didn’t let the dogs join in. That would have been really disgusting. I have always known that he is a gay , communist Muslim , but if he turned out to be a lover of bestiality , that would have been the last straw.

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Obama Made Me Do It : How My Dog And I Became Obama Bots

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Former McCain supporter reveals how she and her dog became Obama bots.

Loony liberals love to complain that conservatives blame everything on Obama , but that simply is not the case. Everything bad that happens in America is indeed Barack Obama’s fault , and I’ll tell you why. Obama is a known communist , a Muslim , believes in global warming , Darwin’s theory of evolution , does not believe in God , and is a gay sympathizer. Anyone who is a communist , a Muslim , believes in global warming , Darwin’s theory of evolution , does not believe in God , or is gay , or a gay sympathizer , is evil , and cursed by God. It’s a simple fact.

The following story is a perfect example of how evil this tyrannical dictator is. From shredding the constitution , to his blatant support of the Nazi like LGBT movement , this man – I can’t even bring myself to think of him as a man – has sunk to a new low.

Speaking at a tea party meeting last month , Lamie Buttz revealed how she and her dog became Obama bots.

“I’ve been a conservative my entire life ,” she said to a room full of Tea Party patriots. Many of them carried signs that said , Go back to Kenya , Obummer , we don’t want you here! Others read , We don’t want a Muslim witch doctor in the white house! Go practice your voodoo magic  in Kenya!

“My parents raised me to be a conservative ,” she continued. “From the time I was three they taught me that Conservatives were good people , and that liberals and communists were evil , and that the Illuminati – the secret society of evil , wealthy families and bankers – were plotting to over throw the United States government , and install a New World Order , and that they were preparing for the coming of the Anti – Christ. Both my parents were members of the John Birch Society , an organization dedicated to ridding America of the communist scourge. I attended meetings with them , where I learned how the communists were infiltrating our society at every level. Public schools , private schools , churches , teachers and workers unions , the media , and state and local government. I even went door to door  with them , and by myself when I got older , warning my neighbors and everyone I knew , that the communists wanted to take everything we love  away from us. Most of them thought I was crazy ; I can’t really say I blamed them. I often repeated what my parents instructed me to say , even though I really didn’t understand much of it , and I have to admit , at the time , it didn’t really make a whole lot of sense.

    “At the time , I really didn’t understand who the Anti – Christ was. All I really knew was what my parents told me , and what I read in the bible. That he was evil , the son of the devil , and that he would come in the End Times , and enslave all of mankind. But when Obama became president , it all became clear. I began to understand who this man was. He was the Anti – Christ foretold in the Book of Revelations!”

She paused as someone shouted ,  ‘Obammie the commie! Send him back to Kenya!’ There were shouts of ‘Amen!’ , and applause.

She continued : “There was no doubt in my mind who or what he really was. During his first term , he began acting like a tyrant , just like the bible predicted he would. He began persecuting Christians , by not allowing them to pray in public places , and not letting our kids pray in school. He aligned himself with the LGBT movement , who are closely associated with the Nazi and Communist Parties Of America , and he began running drugs and weapons to Muslim terrorists , and the drug cartels in Mexico. But , I digress. You , my fellow patriots , and gun loving Americans , have invited me here to tell you my story of how Obama turned me into a zombie for the leftist , communist cause. And that’s what I’m going to do.

“It was during his first term. There were already reports that he was involved in illegal activities , from shredding the Constitution – I’ve heard reports that he delighted in shredding copies of it in the Oval office – to his excessive amounts of executive orders. The liberal  communist press has been covering up for him like they always do , but we knew he was guilty of practically everything under the sun. From endorsing the militant Nazi LGBT movement , to allowing his Muslim buddies to teach their Godless religion to our kids in public and private schools!

She paused and the crowd booed loudly , amid shouts of , ‘Commie liberal , go back to Kenya! and ‘Keep your Muslim witch doctor hands off our kids , and out of our schools!

“I was watching one of my favorite shows , Real Housewives Of Something Or Other , and really getting into it , and hoping and praying to the good lord to see a cat fight between Kim and Kyle Richards , because I really couldn’t stand the two bitches. But before he could make it happen , it was interrupted by Obummer’s speech on Libya and Daffy Qadhafi. I cursed and threw my beer against the wall , spooking my dog , Roger Rabbit – I called him that because he looked more like a rabbit than a dog , with his big floppy ears  –  who quickly lapped it up. I wanted to change the channel. I even went so far as to pick up the remote , but it felt like something was stopping me. It felt like something was compelling me from changing the channel. My eyes were glued to the set ; I couldn’t look away. It was like I was hypnotized. The camera cut to a close up of Obummer’s face. The mole beside his nose looked larger than usual ; it was creeping me out. In the back of my mind , I could hear a voice saying over and over , it’s just a mole.  Finally , I shook my head and looked away. Roger had just finished lapping up the spilled beer and was now staring at the TV with a blank , dazed stare.

“Roger , what’s the matter , boy?” I said. He never looked at me , just stared at the TV with that dazed expression. I thought maybe he was getting a buzz on from the beer. But then I realized it must be the TV , because when I turned back to the screen , they were still showing a close up of Obummer’s face – and his eyes were glowing! And in my mind I heard a voice that said , ‘You will not look away! You will do what I say! I am your lord and god , your one and only master!’

The crowd gasped , mesmerized by every word.

“At first I thought the mole , that creepy mole , was speaking to me , and I shuddered. But no , it was Obama himself! He was hypnotizing me to do his bidding!”

The crowd gasped again.

“I was becoming what I feared most , ever since he became president , a mindless Obama bot!”

The crowd gasped a third time.

“That mindless hoard of Obama drones that can’t think for themselves , but do everything that Obummer tells them to do. In a moment , I couldn’t remember what happened next. I was told by friends that for two years Roger and I were walking , talking ghouls for Obama , just like those flesh eating zombies in that TV show –  except for the flesh eating part. Eventually , some of my friends became so concerned for our sanity that they staged an intervention , and succeeded in exorcizing the Obama demon from our souls , and  we were once again , decent , God fearing , patriotic gun loving Americans , fighting Obama and his scourge of walking , talking , drooling communist zombies. And that’s how we became Obama bots , but thank God he delivered us from that evil!”

Was Obama’s Momma A Space Alien?

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Not long after Barack Obama’s first election into the White House , the birther movement was born. Claims that he was a foreigner , born in Kenya and therefore not eligible for the presidency. They immediately demanded to see his birth certificate as proof of his citizenship , and when it was eventually produced , they insisted it was genuine , even though it was quickly proven to be a fake , a cheap photo shopped forgery. The most compelling case of forgery came from Alex Jones on his radio program , Info Wars.

Whether you believe in the birther claim or not , the question is now irrelevant. Now , according to Mr. Jones , there is more compelling evidence revealing the true origins of Barack Obama. On his radio program , yesterday , Mr. Jones made a startling claim :

“Ladies and gentleman , and fellow patriotic gun loving Americans , I have more compelling evidence that Barack Obama is not what he seems , that he is more than just a foreigner. I have hard evidence that suggests he may be an alien from another world! Yes , that’s right , ladies and gentlemen , and fellow patriotic gun loving Americans. Last week , I came into contact with an individual in the pentagon who wishes to remain anonymous. This individual told me that he knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who had an encounter with a dark-skinned alien in the Nevada desert , fifty – four years ago , who claimed to be Barack Obama’s mother. This woman had glowing evil eyes that were hypnotic to say the least , according to this someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew someone – did I get that right? – who had this eerie encounter. Also , according to this someone who knew someone who knew – oh crap! This is confusing – she said she was pregnant with Barack Obama. Yes , ladies and gentlemen and fellow patriotic gun loving Americans. You heard that right. She was pregnant with the most evil dictator  in the history of the world – worse than Hitler , worse than Mussolini , and worse than Pol Pot – the man who the Illuminati – those evil Rothschild’s , the Bilderbergs  , the trilateral commission , the world banks , maybe even the Muslim Brotherhood , and all those other secret commie groups who were involved – undoubtedly recruited to be the savior of the world , the communist world , that is. Because that’s what it will soon be , overrun with commies and pinkos , who will round up all of us patriotic gun loving Americans , and throw us all in Fema camps. I don’t know about you ladies and gentlemen and fellow patriotic gun loving Americans , but I think this is big news , perhaps the biggest news in these modern times.

“Well , there you have it , ladies and gentlemen , and fellow patriotic gun loving Americans. Proof that Barack Obama’s mother was not Ann Dunham , as the liberal communist media would have you believe , but an honest to God space alien. Please join me next week , right here on Info Wars , and hear the interview straight from the horse’s mouth. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Will the lame stream media pick up this story and run with it? Probably not , as we all know that the media is controlled by the leftist liberals and communists , not to mention the LGBT community , otherwise known as the gay Gestapo of America , and those evil atheist scum.

“After the interview , I will gather all the facts and begin working on a sequel to The Obama Deception. I already have a tentative title for the video. The Obama Deception Part Two : The Mask Comes Off Again : Barack Obama , Evil Overlord Invader From Planet Gork. I look forward to producing this informative video and getting it out to you ladies and gentlemen and fellow patriotic , gun loving Americans.”

How Obama The Grinch Stole Christmas

   This week Fox News uncovered a secret plot by the president to assassinate Santa Claus , and then nuke the North Pole to cover it up. This is just one of many scandals that have plagued the White House since Obama took office six years ago.

“This confirms what we’ve known all along ,” said Megan Kelly , who once insisted that Santa is white. “The communist , liberal , atheist plot to undermine , and ultimately destroy Christmas for Christians all over America! They’ve been at it for years because they’re jealous that we have something real to believe in and they don’t. This is their final nail on the coffin , and Christmas will be destroyed forever! Oh God , I think I’m going to faint!”

Fox did not reveal its source for fear it would be ridiculed and harassed by the communist , liberal press , and be accused of making it up. The Liberal press has a long history of accusing Fox and other conservative news outlets of distorting the truth , which is , of course , pure nonsense. But they confirmed that the report is indeed genuine and there is absolutely no reason to doubt its authenticity.

When Sarah Palin heard of the plot , she vowed not to let the communist , liberal , atheists destroy Christmas , and urged her constituents to join her in letting the White House , and Obama know that they would not get away with it without a fight. The following is her statement to the press.

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“How sick and depraved do you have to be to do something like this? Pretty damn sick , in my opinion! This president will stop at nothing to destroy America and the constitution of the United States! First the commie liberals cry about people saying Merry Christmas , and now they’re going for an all out assault not only on Christianity , and the constitution , but Christmas as well!

“When Santa has been assassinated by this evil regime , who will bring toys to all the good conservative boys and girls of America? Barack Obama? Is that why he wants to murder Kris Kringle? Because he’s not satisfied with being King Obama , the Tyrant of the entire world? Now he apparently wants to be Santa as well? So he can steal all of the toys and goodies for himself? Well , we can’t have a black president , and a black Santa! No siree! It’s just not right! I urge all patriotic , freedom loving Americans in the Tea and Republican parties to join me on a march to the White House. Please no guns! I know a lot of you folks love your guns , but we can’t do this with violence , it must be done through non violence. We must show the world that we are peace-loving Americans and not the crazy gun nuts the lefty liberals like to portray us.”

    Rush Limbaugh was apparently moved to tears by Palin’s speech. The following day , on his syndicated radio program , Mr. Limbaugh valiantly offered ( after a long tirade against Obama , in which he called him every name possible , and rightly so ) to be the next Santa Claus , so that all the good conservative boys and girls would not have to suffer because of the president and his selfish , evil plot.

    “I actually cried like a baby ,” Mr. Limbaugh  said in an interview later that day , with Megan Kelly. “I had this vision of all the good boys and girls with no toys to play with , or junk to eat on Christmas morning , and I just … I just lost … I just … oh God , I think I need a tissue. Will somebody please get me a tissue?”

    Mr. Limbaugh also vowed to join the march on the White House , and urged his listeners to do the same.

   With patriotic Americans like Palin , Limbaugh , and their legions of followers , the plot to murder Santa may back fire on the president and his evil minions , now that it is public knowledge. Let us pray to God that it will.